The Closer
by AimeeValle1
Summary: Harvey plays for the NY Yankees and is looking for anything but love. Donna is an established Broadway actress, determined to make it on her own. Fate has other plans.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I didn't even know what an AU was until authors like Sarah, Elle, and Maya wrote ones that took me on the most incredible journeys. And out of that, this idea was born. Thank you so much to my usual team, Heather, Steph, and Blue, and to my new additions who have blessed me with their input, Nathalie and Sarah. I hope this brings as much joy to the readers as it does to the author. PLEASE take a moment to leave a review. They mean so much to me.

**Chapter 1 - The Redhead**

Harvey is shaving when he hears his phone go off on the nightstand. He assumes it's Mike texting him the details for tonight. It is his last night in town before he heads to Spring Training in Tampa for the start of yet another season.

Harvey loves his career. Baseball has been a passion he inherited from his father at a young age, and he knows that being a pro is a blessing. But it's also a grind. And that grind is just about to get underway. Again.

He had been drafted by the Yankees out of Harvard when he was 21. He had always been smart, but some of life's hard lessons taught him that being smart wasn't always enough. You need to be tough and driven. And he is both. After three seasons of working his way through the minors, and another five as a middle reliever, he had become the Closer for the New York Yankees last season. And this year, he had his mindset on being the best damn closer the city has ever seen.

Harvey grabs a towel and dries his face as he walks over to check Mike's text.

_**Shithead - Carlyle Hotel. Belemans. 9:00**_

Harvey chuckles and responds.

**Douchebag - At least it's close. You're buying**.

_**You're cheap. You're a goddamn millionaire**__._

**And I plan to stay that way**.

Harvey throws the phone on the bed.

Mike was Harvey's roommate at Harvard freshman year. They were best friends within the first month and have remained close ever since. In fact, Mike is also Harvey's sports agent.

Going out in public could be a real pain in the ass for any professional athlete, but for a Yankee going out in Manhattan, it was a nightmare. But Harvey had promised Mike he would go and he was leaving for six weeks in the morning, so he'd just have to deal. Plus, they were celebrating Mike and Rachel's engagement, and he really liked Rachel. She was way prettier than Mike.

After deciding on a cream sweater and black slacks, Harvey meets his driver Ray in front of his building and heads out to meet Mike.

….

Donna had been working 60 hour weeks preparing for her next production as Roxie Hart in the Broadway production of _Chicago_. She had been on Broadway for 5 years now, but this will be her first lead role and it may be the death of her.

What she should be doing tonight is sleeping, but instead she's changed her outfit three times and is running very late.

"I know, Rach. I know." She calls across the room to her best friend who is currently on speakerphone and waiting out front with a cab. "I'll be down in two minutes. I swear."

Donna decides the dark red, tight-fitting dress is the winner because her time is up.

She promised Rachel she would go out with her tonight to celebrate her engagement to Mike. Why was it that every one of her friends was either gay or in a serious relationship? She seemed to be the only almost 30-year-old who was destined to live her life alone.

Mike was the cutest damn thing Donna had ever laid eyes on and she knew the minute she met him that he was the perfect match for Rachel. Donna had met Rachel at Yale where they both studied the arts. Donna theater. Rachel design. She had made quite a name for herself in the city already and she was only 27.

Rachel had played hard to get with Mike for almost a year. Donna knew it was because she had been leery of the _Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous - _hotshot sports agent at first, but Mike was the most genuine and down to earth guy in the world. It was those cocky, idiotic athletes he represented that you had to watch out for.

How anyone could get paid millions of dollars to play a stupid game was beyond her!

….

Ray drops Harvey off in the back of the hotel where Mike is waiting by the employee entrance. It's not like he couldn't come in the front, but he'd either spend the next hour signing autographs or looking like an asshole for not signing them.

"Hey." Mike greets Harvey with a handshake and a one-armed hug.

"Hey." Harvey pats him on the back. "Where's Rachel?"

"Running late. She picked up a friend."

Mike keeps walking but Harvey stops. "A friend? C'mon Mike, we've talked about this. No trying to set me up."

Mike turns back toward Harvey and laughs out loud. "Set you up?" Mike shakes his and puts his finger to his chin. "Let me see if I can put this in terms a jock like you can understand." He pauses for a second, pretending to think. "She's way out of your league." Mike laughs again and turns away before Harvey can see the playful look in his eyes.

Harvey follows him with a scowl.

They enter the upscale piano bar where the lighting is just dim enough to reduce the chance of Harvey being recognized. Mike had reserved a booth in the back corner that provided bottle service. The two men start on an expensive bottle of scotch and talk baseball while they waited on the women to arrive.

About 30 minutes later Mike's phone buzzes on the table.

"They're here." Mike looks out over the crowded bar to see if he can spot them.

Before Harvey sees Rachel, his breath catches in his throat as a drop-dead gorgeous redhead looks directly at him and smiles. She raises up her hand and waves and as if he's in some kind of trance his hand starts to lift from the table. Then he hears her call out.

"Mike! Mike!"

Harvey drops his hand to his side and wipes the stupid grin off his face before anyone notices. What the hell had gotten into him? He doesn't _wave._

He slides out of the booth to greet Rachel.

"Hello, Gorgeous," he turns on the charm and gets a toothy smile in return.

"Harvey? Is that you? When did you become charming?" She giggles and pecks him on the cheek.

"Donna, this is Harvey-"

"Specter," he finishes her sentence and takes Donna's hand. "Harvey Specter." He flashes her his best smile and fights the urge to kiss her hand and bow like some kind of knight on Game of Thrones.

"Donna Paulsen." She smiles again, this time actually at him, and his breath catches again.

Donna gives Mike a squeeze and kiss on the cheek before the four of them sit back down.

Harvey picks up Rachel's glass and pours her some of the sparkling wine Mike had waiting on ice for her, but when he picks up Donna's she stops him.

"I'll have the scotch as well." She picks up the bottle and pours her own. "If you don't mind sharing." She smirks over her glass.

Harvey just clears his throat and looks over at Mike.

Mike mouths, _out of your league, _and then sips from his own glass with a quiet laugh.

The conversation is easy between the four of them. Mostly focused on Mike and Rachel's plans for their upcoming engagement party, and any early wedding plans they had in mind.

Harvey's had enough of this topic and decides he'd rather hear from the redhead sitting across from him.

"So, Donna, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm an actress," she responds, shifting her attention to Harvey.

"Really? Would I have seen you in anything?" he asks genuinely intrigued.

"That depends. How often do you go to the theater?" Donna smiles and her entire face lights up. Harvey almost shields his eyes.

"Harvey? The theater? That's hilarious." Mike chuckles as he fills their glasses. "Harvey's more of a _sports_ guy, Donna."

Harvey gives Mike an irritated glare. "I've been to the theater!" he scoffs. "In fact, I saw _Ain't too Proud_ on Broadway last year with my dad."

"And from what I remember you went kicking and screaming like an unruly toddler." Mike laughs and Rachel gives him a disapproving look.

"What? It's true?" He shrugs.

Mike and Rachel head out to the dance floor and Harvey and Donna are left to talk without interruption.

Harvey is starting to wonder why he agreed to this evening when Donna reaches for his hand on the table.

His body responds to her touch like a wick to a flame. A buzzing sensation runs right up his arm and sends blood to his groin.

"What do you do, Harvey. Are you a contract lawyer like Mike?"

It takes a moment for Donna's words to sink in. And when they do, Harvey frowns. It had never occurred to him that this woman might not know who he was. And for some reason, the fact irked him.

"A lawyer? No." He shakes his head. "Although I did go to Harvard." _Why the fuck had he felt the need to say that?_

"Impressive," she said raising her eyebrows, but there was humor in her voice. She thought about mentioning Yale but figured she'd let him finish.

"I play baseball," he says flatly. Furrowing his brow at how simple it sounds all of a sudden. "For the Yankees."

"Oh, thank God." Donna sighs.

When Harvey squints his eye, she elaborates.

"I don't know about you, but I've been a little concerned all night that this," she gestures between the two of them, "was some kind of blind date the two of them had tricked us into."

"And now?" Harvey asks trying not to take her comment personally.

"And now, I know it's not." She shrugs. "Rachel knows I would _never_ date a professional athlete."

The expression on Donna's face is one of complete contentment. Like she has no idea that such a comment might be offensive to a professional athlete.

Harvey immediately straightens his spine. But rather than lash out he plays it cool.

"Seems a little _small-minded_ for a Yale grad?"

Donna is surprised by both his candor and his insight. It shows on her face.

"Mike told me you met Rachel there," he states as he sips on his scotch. "Please. Educate me on the pitfalls of professional athletes." Harvey's tone is tad challenging.

"Well, for starters, they make way too much money."

"Big problem." He smirks. "Go on."

"I don't know, they travel all the time, they're obsessed with a game, they sleep around."

Harvey chuckles out loud at that one. "Do they now?" he says in a deep tone leaning forward and raising his eyebrows.

He reaches for Donna's hand and says, "What about actors?" He leans in closer and whispers, "At least I don't spend my life pretending to be someone else."

"Uh!" Donna gasps and pulls her hand from his. "That was rude."

"Make sure you add that to your list." He responds sitting back.

Harvey feels... irritated. He shouldn't be concerned in the least about what this redhead thinks of him. He could have any girl he wants, at any time.

He glances at her out of the corner of his eye. Well, apparently not _any_ girl.

He's determined, all of a sudden, to prove her wrong. To change her mind about athletes. About him.

It's just to prove a point. It doesn't _mean_ anything.

"Let's dance," he says, grabbing her arm and yanking her from the booth.

She goes. Not because she wants to dance with _him, _but because she loves to dance.

The grand piano was stunning and so was the musician playing it. Harvey held out his hand and Donna accepted. Already a bit surprised at his willingness to dance to this music.

He places a hand on her hip, as he holds hers with the other. They begin to sway gracefully.

"He's seventy-three," Harvey says.

"Who?" Donna looks around.

"The pianist. His name is Earl. He's been playing here for twenty-five years."

"You know him?" She tries not to sound impressed, but she is.

"My father is a musician. Earl's been around New York forever, so they've crossed paths."

Harvey gives Donna a little twirl. And she yelps as she bumps into his chest.

"Plus, he's a big Yankee fan." He grins. "Luckily not everyone shares your opinion on athletes."

Donna is so caught off guard by this entire scenario. The dancing. The conversation. That damn smile. For a moment she wonders absently when her feet stopped touching the ground.

"I play," Donna says, surprising herself. She's not sure why she's sharing that with this man she just met.

Harvey leans back a bit to look at her.

"You do?"

His smile makes her feel like a schoolgirl and she looks away.

"Well, then you have to meet Earl. Come on," he says as he leads her over to the piano player.

Earl winks at her sweetly when she walks up with Harvey. As soon as he finishes the song he reaches for Harvey's hand.

"Harvey, my boy. It's about time you bring a pretty young lady in here instead of the old guy you're always hanging out with."

Harvey lets out a belly laugh as he drops Earl's hand. "I'll tell my dad you said hello." Harvey turns to Donna.

"This is Donna. Donna, Earl Rose."

"What a pleasure to meet you. You play so beautifully." Donna wraps his fragile hand with both of hers.

"The pleasure is all mine."

"Donna plays," Harvey interjects with a bit more enthusiasm than he intended.

"Well, is that so?" Earl pats the bench beside him, inviting Donna to join him.

Donna tries to refuse but neither man will have it and rather than make a scene, she sits down.

The two have a quiet conversation before Donna lays her slender fingers on the keys beside Earl's. The two play together as if they'd been doing so for ages and Harvey can't help but be impressed. He's never been one to impress easily, but something about this redhead has him shaking his head in awe.

Donna starts to sing softly with the melody. Not loud enough for anyone but he and Earl to hear and maybe more of a hum than actual singing, but he can tell she has a beautiful voice nonetheless. He watches her intently as her fingers move effortlessly across the keys as she leans into her partner and smiles.

In complete contrast to his usual stoic appearance, Harvey's face breaks into a smile right along with hers, and somewhere deep in his gut, he feels what one could only describe as a flutter. It wasn't uncomfortable, or painful in any way, but it unsettles Harvey more than any injury or illness ever had.

Determined to prove to himself that it was nothing, he wipes the smile from his face and clears his throat.

"I'm just going to grab us another drink," he says to no one in particular and walks to the bar. He scowls to himself as he ponders his behavior. What was it about her that was affecting him so much? She wasn't even his type. He scratches at the back of his neck as he waits for their drinks. _Just because you turned thirty last month doesn't mean you have to lose your damn mind, Specter. _

By the time Harvey gets back to the piano, Donna is thanking Earl and getting up.

"What a pleasure to meet such a fine gentleman," she says as she gives him a kiss on the cheek. "And what an honor to play by your side."

Harvey feels a pang of jealousy at her affection toward his old friend and curses himself for it immediately.

When Donna turns back toward him he lays on the charm and hands her the drink with his signature grin right on point.

"You were fabulous."

Donna's not sure if it's the smile or the compliment but she suddenly feels a little weak in the knees. But she's an actress, of course, and she plays it off perfectly.

"The sign of a true professional is to make those around you look better. And Earl is a true professional." Her smile is radiant and Harvey's grip tightens on his glass when the flutter returns.

They make their way back to the table and rejoin Rachel and Mike. The focus returns to their engagement and upcoming plans. The conversation flows easily between the four of them and before anyone realizes it, it gets late.

"Well, Harvey, as your agent I think it's my job to remind you that you have work tomorrow. I think we better call it a night." Mike raises his hand for the check and their waitress brings it over.

"Let me get this, Mike." Harvey grabs the check. "We came out to celebrate the two of you and seeing as I can't make the engagement party, it's the least I can do."

Something about the way he grabs the check and pulls his card from his wallet causes Donna's hormones to buzz. It's completely unlike her to be turned on by money or stature, but confidence? Confidence is sexy as hell, and Harvey has it in spades. She also acknowledges internally that she's disappointed he won't be at the party.

"Donna, you want to share a cab with Mike and me?" Rachel offers as they head outside.

"That's okay, Rach," she says with a quick squeeze. "I'll get my own."

"I could have Ray give you a ride if you'd like." The words are out of his mouth before he can shove them back in. The three others fall silent and look at him. Mike's eyebrows visibly raised.

What was he thinking? He's not on a god damn date with this woman! He never offers girls rides with Ray unless he's taking them home. To his place. And he certainly wasn't expecting that to happen. Not that he's opposed to the idea…

"Ray?" Donna cuts through his thoughts.

"His driver," Mike responds smirking at Harvey.

"Driver?" Donna doesn't hide the amusement in her tone.

"He's a friend." Harvey feels defensive all of a sudden. "Who… drives me around."

The other three laugh out loud and Harvey waves it off.

"You know with friends like you three, who needs enemies?" He keeps his tone serious but the humor in his eyes gives him away.

Donna lays her hand on his arm and smiles. The contact causing Harvey's earlier butterflies to return with a vengeance.

"It's okay, Harvey. Lots of people have personal drivers. I've just never actually met any of them." She laughs so hard that she accidentally snorts and that gets everyone laughing, including Harvey.

The cab that Mike hailed pulls up to the curb.

"You're sure Donna? You don't want to hop in with us?" Mike double checks, as Rachel climbs in.

"I'm sure, Mike. Good night."

"Good night." He smiles softly. "Harv- thanks again for tonight. I'll be down in a couple of weeks to check up on you." He reaches for his friend's hand and gives it a firm shake.

As the cab pulls away, a couple of young girls, maybe late teens, approach the two of them excitedly.

"OH MY GOD IT _IS _YOU!" one of the girls sequels.

Harvey's spine straightens. He appreciates his fans. He really does. But sometimes he wishes he could just be _normal. _

"We are so sorry to bother you, but could we get a quick photo? Our friends are going to die!" The other girl pleads, looking back and forth between Harvey and Donna.

"I'm sorry," he leans down and whispers in Donna's ear. "This happens all the time."

Just as he's about to smile and say yes, one of the girls hands him her phone. "Do you mind?" she asks, as she and her friend flank Donna while they giggle and jump up and down.

Harvey is literally dumbstruck when the reality sets in. He wasn't the celebrity they were after. _Donna _was.

He doesn't say a word. He snaps a few photos and returns the camera.

As the girls walk away he shoves his hands in his pockets.

Donna tries hard to stifle a laugh by coughing into her hand. His ego took a hit on that one. Despite the urge to laugh, she actually feels a little bad about it. So she doesn't comment.

"Is, Ray is it, nearby?"

"Actually, I texted him earlier to head home. I was planning to walk. It's not too far."

"So, when you offered-."

"I was going to call him back. If you'd said yes, I mean." Harvey's smile is so sheepish. And with his hands still stuffed in his pockets, Donna gets a flash of him as a young boy. Her heart swells.

"Which way are you headed? Maybe we could walk together for a while." Donna matches his shy smile with one of her own. Internally cursing herself for the suggestion.

"Towards Upper Manhattan. You?" he replies.

"Same direction," she lies as she hooks her arm in his.

Harvey's heart hammers in his chest as they start walking down Madison Avenue. All night long she has had him off his game. He doesn't consider himself a _player_, by any means, I mean not compared to Tanner or some of the other guys, but he definitely knew how to get what he wanted from a woman. Without ever giving much in return. He knew how to remain in control. So, why had he felt all night like a passenger on this redhead's ride?

"I really am a big deal," Harvey jokes, breaking the silence. "I swear."

Donna laughs loudly and squeezes his arm with both hands. The taut bicep she feels underneath his coat causing an immediate stir in her belly.

They take a left on 80th so they can walk along Central Park.

"So, Mike mentioned work tomorrow. Do you have a game?" She looks up at him curiously.

"A game?" He smiles. It's actually nice to spend time with someone so removed from baseball. "No. I leave for spring training in the morning." He looks ahead to the park and wonders why the reality of that makes him sad all of a sudden. He'd been looking forward to it.

"What's spring training?" Donna feels a bite from the cold and she tucks her arm a little tighter around his.

"Pre-season workouts and exhibition games," he answers, trying not let the testosterone she just awoke in him show in his tone. "Six weeks in Tampa."

Donna's hands go slack on his arm and she stops walking. Harvey takes one more step and turns back.

She didn't mean to react. She hadn't meant to let go or stop. It just _happened_. Donna quickly pulls herself together and continues walking. But she doesn't touch him any longer.

Confused by her reaction Harvey clenches his jaw as the two walk in silence along the park.

"That's why you won't make the engagement party," Donna surmises and breaks the tense silence. She's furious with herself for responding in such an obvious manner. It was so unlike her. What was it about this man?

"Exactly," Harvey sighs. "I'll be back in mid-March. That's when the real season starts," he answers solemnly. Why does he feel like he'd done something wrong?

Donna just nods. The cold breeze is making her eyes water.

"It's getting late," she says as they come up to the north end of the park. Knowing that he's leaving tomorrow compounded with her promise to herself never to date an athlete, has ignited her flight reflex.

"I should really get home."

Harvey's shoulders drop_. I guess that's that_.

A cab pulls up next to them as soon as Donna hails it. She turns and leans in for a peck on his cheek. Her lips soft and wet on his structured jaw. "It was nice meeting you, Harvey Specter," she whispers in his ear sending chills down his spine.

He wants so badly to ask for her number but his usual confidence has evaporated. Instead, he opens the door for her and simply asks, "Where are you headed?"

"So-Ho," she tells the driver.

Harvey shuts the door and scratches his neck in confusion as the taillights disappear in the distance.

_Same direction my ass. _


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you so much to everyone of you who has liked, retweeted, and especially reviewed this fic. So many "Non AU" people are giving it a try and that means so much to me. I hope you enjoy chapter two just as much. PLEASE LEAVE REVIEWS. Nothing pushes to me write faster than they do. Thank you especially to my Betas/Consultants: Heather, Stephanie, Blue, Nat, and Sarah.**

**Chapter 2: Breaking the Rules**

"Specter. Specter! HARVEY!" Tanner shouts at the pitcher before throwing him the ball.

Harvey snaps his attention back to Tanner and puts his glove up to show he's ready.

"What is up with you?" Tanner shakes his head. "You've been in complete fucking La La Land since we got here." He tosses him the ball.

Harvey doesn't respond. Just receives the baseball casually and throws it back.

"Good talk," Tanner says sarcastically.

Still nothing from Harvey.

"You know why they call the pitcher and catcher the 'Battery' right, Specter?" The question is rhetorical so Tanner continues. "Because they're a unit. They work together like two ends of a battery, Spec. They communicate."

Harvey communicates with his catcher after that. But not with words. He just starts throwing the ball harder and harder with each toss. He continues to back up as well until he reaches a distance of about 300 feet for what is referred to as "Long Toss". Now he can't hear Tanner's whining at all.

Only pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training for the first few days. Workouts are low intensity and only a few hours long. Things don't really pick up until the following week. One of Harvey's favorite things about Spring Training is the warm Florida sun in February. Instead of the 40's and 50's he was facing in New York, he's met with 70's and 80's, and it was always enough to put him in a good mood. Well, up until this year.

"You wanna go shoot some pool? Grab a beer?" Tanner asks, walking out the shower using his towel to dry his hair and leaving the rest of his body exposed.

"Jesus." Harvey, clad only in one himself, throws Tanner another towel. "Cover that shit up, please?"

"My God, you are on your period this week. Forget the fact that I phrased the earlier invite as a question. We are going out for pool and beers. You need to loosen up or I'm going to kill you before the rest of the team arrives."

…..

Donna has been continuing to burn the candle at both ends. She walks into her apartment, kicks off her shoes and walks straight to the bedroom. Without even taking off her coat, she falls face-first onto the bed. Rehearsals had been so demanding with only two weeks until opening night, that she felt like all she did was work and sleep. Work and sleep.

Rachel and Mike's party was this Saturday night and she was looking forward to having some drinks and laughs with her friends. The minute she lets her mind wander there, he works his way back into her thoughts. It had only been a few days, but she felt like he'd been haunting her for far longer. When Rachel had asked her the following day what she thought of Harvey, she had played it off. He was cute, but not her type.

You know my rule about dating athletes. Especially professional ones, Rach. Not interested.

Well, she may not have been interested, but she couldn't get him off her mind. Every time she let her mind relax from a task, he'd seep his way in. His smile. His eyes. His smell.

"Oh for Christ's sake!" Donna says to the empty room. She catapults herself up off the bed and makes the impromptu decision that a hot bath is just what she needs to wash this man from her existence.

Minutes later she lowers herself into the steaming tub full of bath salts. With candles lit, a glass of wine, and soft jazz on her portable speaker, she is in heaven. Nothing is better to soothe her aching body, and mind, than this.

As the heat from the water slowly penetrates her skin, she feels the tension in her muscles subside. And with each sip of wine, her mind relaxes as well. With her eyes closed, she starts to drift in and out of consciousness. She's not falling asleep, exactly, but into an almost meditative state.

She feels her body swaying to the soft music, weightless in the water. She's… dancing. Smiling. Laughing. She takes in a deep breath but instead of the aroma of her bath salts, it's an intoxicating blend of sandalwood and scotch. One hand pressed firmly against a taut chest and the other dwarfed by a hard, bulging bicep. Her eyes flutter upward and she meets his gaze, falls deeply into his eyes. As the vision of Harvey she's conjured up lowers his head to kiss her, her hand slides between her legs.

It's the second time in three days she's washed him away like this.

…

Harvey has already kicked Tanner's ass twice in billiards and they are both on their third beer.

"So, you gonna tell me what's going on?" Tanner smirks over his bottle. "You may as well just spill it, Harv. I'm not gonna let up."

Harvey shakes his head and knocks back the remainder of his beer. He knows if he tells Tanner, he will never hear the goddamn end of it. He also knows that if he doesn't, he will incessantly harass him. And if he's being honest with himself, he actually wants to say it out loud. He's starting to think that keeping it all in is only making it worse. Like shaking a bottle of soda and watching all the pressure build.

"Donna. Her name is Donna." Harvey sighs.

The look on Tanner's face makes Harvey want to crawl into his empty beer bottle. Instead, he raises his hand to the bartender for another. He's going to need it. Good thing he doesn't report until 11:00 tomorrow.

Tanner's face goes through the entire gamut of expressions as he apparently struggles with a response. Complete and utter shock, to fighting back a laugh, to furrowed brows, and ending on a cleared throat with a head shake. Followed by a big pull on his beer and another shake of the head.

Harvey expects a smart ass remark. He's braced for it. But when Tanner responds with a sincere and fair question he's impressed.

"What about your rule?"

"I know." Harvey sighs again.

"No distractions."

"I know," Harvey repeats with a little more conviction.

"Sex only during the season," Tanner continues as if maybe Harvey forgot his own mantra.

"Fuck, Travis, I know!"

"Okay, okay." Tanner puts his hands up as a shield. "Don't yell at me, man. I'm on your side."

Tanner motions for another beer and scoots his chair closer to Harvey's.

"Tell me about her."

Tanner had always been a pain in Harvey's ass. They were rivals in college and basically hated each other. But in the minor leagues, when things got rough, they had learned to count on each other. They had become teammates and even friends. Generally speaking, though, Tanner was a dick and Harvey would never have dreamed of confiding in him like this. But he could see his friend was being sincere. And Harvey didn't have many options.

"I met her the night before we flew out." Harvey looks past his friend at nothing in particular.

Tanner is shocked to hear he's only known her a few days but he stays silent.

"Mike and Rachel invited her to join us for drinks. We were celebrating their engagement because I can't make the party this weekend."

"Were they setting the two of you up? I mean, Mike knows about your rule." Tanner tilts his head.

"No," Harvey answers right away. "No, I don't think so." Only this time it's less convincing. "Rachel knew that Donna had some rule about dating athletes. And Mike knew about my… Son of a bitch!"

Tanner chuckles and takes a drink of his beer.

"I think you've been had, my friend." Tanner grins.

Harvey sits there with his mouth open as the wheels are spinning in his mind. Mike is getting married. He's always told Harvey he needed a woman in his life. He just turned 30 and Mike wouldn't shut up about it. Everything about that night reeks of a setup. Right down to Mike's challenge, she's out of your league.

Harvey shakes his head in silence. "Well, I'll be goddamned," he finally says. "I'm going to beat the shit out of him."

"Are you? Sounds like maybe he was right about you and this Donna? I've known you for a long time, Harv. And I've never seen you turned inside out over a woman." He takes another swig from his beer. "You didn't really tell me about her. You sure she's not just after your money or your name?"

Harvey chokes on the beer he was just about to swallow. "Now that I can assure you is not the case." He grins as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. "She didn't even know who I was." He laughs again and shakes his head at the memory. "Never even heard of me."

Tanner sees a sparkle in Harvey's eye he's sure was never there before. So he encourages him to continue.

"She wasn't swooning and drooling over the great Harvey Specter? Yet, you were interested? This I've got to hear."

"She's an actress," Harvey says, enjoying this conversation more than he should be. "On Broadway. And she plays piano and has a beautiful voice."

Tanner is using all his self-control to hold back the grin that's threatening to split his face. Luckily Harvey isn't really looking at him so he doesn't pick up on it.

"She's witty and smart. She's not afraid to speak her mind, you know?" Harvey looks up from his hands and sees the expression on his teammate's face. He sits up straight and takes a long drink of his beer.

"Anyway." He clears his throat. "She's thrown me off my game a bit."

"No kidding?" Tanner laughs. "You get her number? Why don't you just call her?"

"I didn't ask. Honestly. She probably would have turned me down." Instead of frowning at that revelation, he grins.

"When's that party?"

"Saturday night. Why?"

"Is she going to be there?" Tanner questions.

"I'm pretty sure. Yeah."

"Then so are you." Tanner downs the last of his beer.

"What?" Harvey croaks. "I can't!"

"You can. And you will. Listen, Specter. You just talked about a woman for ten minutes and didn't say a single word about her looks. You're going to that party."

"Just because I didn't mention her looks doesn't mean—"

"Is she attractive?"

Harvey swallows a sudden lump forming in his throat. He nods once and finishes his beer in one swig. "Very," he croaks.

"Look, Harvey." Tanner rarely uses Harvey's given name. Specter, Harv, any number of derogatory terms, but rarely Harvey. He clasps his hands together and leans closer to his friend.

"I've known you for how long? Ten - Eleven years? I've never heard you compliment anything about a woman except her looks. Don't try to tell me that doesn't mean anything.

Harvey feels a wave of something in his stomach. Suddenly he's wishing he had just kept his mouth shut like he usually does. It's not that he disagrees with what Tanner is saying, it's the fact that he may be right.

…

Donna is blaring her "Favorites" playlist as she gets ready for the engagement party. She is feeling pretty fabulous today because the tech rehearsal for the show went off without a hitch last night and the town is buzzing with excitement for opening night on Friday. She has had nothing but positive feedback from everyone about her portrayal of Roxie and she's hardly even nervous for the sold out run.

Her text notification goes off in the middle of Miss Independent.

Rachel: Hey. Trying not to stress about tonight but sometimes Mike is such a… MAN! Ugh.

Donna: ROFL. I wouldn't know, but I can imagine.

Rachel: How did your rehearsal go? I am so excited that you can make it tonight!

Donna: It was perfect. I can't believe we open in less than a week. Me too! Getting ready rn.

Rachel: YAY! See you soon. XOXO

Donna: Can't wait!

There is only one thing that's been threatening to put a damper on Donna's mood. She scrolls back up the text strand with Rachel and stares at the photo, from Saturday night, Rachel had sent her. Despite her efforts to not let the picture affect her as it had the hundred other times she'd pulled it up this week, it makes her stomach flip flop. Again.

She has a sparkle in her eye and a smile that spreads from ear to ear. She looks… happy. That's not the problem. The problem is the person taking up the rest of her screen.

Damn that Harvey Specter. She really needed to move on. She'd probably never even see him again. And even if she did, maybe at the wedding, not that she'd been thinking about it, he probably wouldn't even remember her.

Just as before, she lets her finger hover over the trash can icon in the corner. She really shouldn't keep it. It's not doing her any favors. But, she does look damn good… maybe she'll just crop him out. Later.

…

Harvey is clad in his best Tom Ford as he takes a selfie in front of the private plane he chartered for the night.

Harvey: Too late to RSVP?

He shoots the text off to Mike with a shit-eating grin on his face. He hopes to surprise Donna, but he figured he should probably give the host a heads up.

Just the thought of surprising Donna makes his palms sweat. He had almost backed out. Used early morning practice as an excuse. But Tanner was all over him like white on rice and if he's honest, he's excited.

Luckily he's not lacking in confidence. He's always been a cocky type of guy and being a pro player with dashing good looks doesn't hurt. Otherwise, he might be letting doubt creep in about whether she'll even be happy to see him. Or the realization that she's probably coming with a date. Yeah, good thing stuff like that doesn't bother him.

He feels his phone buzz in his pocket as they're about to lift off.

Mike: No shit! How'd you manage that? You didn't get cut, right? You realize without you, I can't afford this party.

Harvey: Very funny. I decided I couldn't miss it. Of all people, Tanner convinced me. In the air now, see you soon.

Mike reads Harvey's response and shakes his head with a grin.

Mike: Hey, Babe. Guess who's coming tonight after all? Everything is going according to plan.

He adds a devil emoji and sends it off to Rachel. Tonight is going to be even better than he thought.

…

As Donna steps out onto the rooftop at Salon de Ning she is literally breathless. The view of downtown is stunning on its own but the beautiful combination of fairy lights and flames from the fire pits have the entire rooftop glowing.

She's hardly had a chance to take everything in before she spots Rachel coming toward her.

"Holy Shit, Donna!" Rachel says, checking out the tight black floor-length gown. "You look incredible!"

Donna blushes at her friend's overreaction as they exchange kisses on the cheek.

"Look who's talking," Donna says, spinning Rachel around. The nude gown shimmers and sparkles with every single light surrounding her.

Rachel takes Donna by the arm and quickly grabs two glasses of champagne from the nearest tray.

"A toast," she says, handing Donna a glass. "To seizing the moment!" Rachel smiles at her best friend. Knowing that Donna has no clue of the real meaning behind her toast. She's probably thinking she's referring to the upcoming wedding. Or even Donna's big opening night. Rachel has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep her excitement at bay.

"To seizing the moment!" Donna echoes and both ladies drink.

On the far side of the patio, Harvey is struggling to find air. The moment she stepped out from the elevator his heart rate became erratic. Though he is watching her from a distance, he can feel her presence. The heat, the energy, the need.

A sense of relief washes over him as the two girls giggle and drink. No sign of a date. The tension between his shoulder blades loosens slightly, but his nerves are still on hyper-drive. He downs a double shot of Macallan in one go and makes his way across the rooftop.

…..

Donna is standing in the corner looking out at the skyline when the energy around her shifts. She can't put a finger on it exactly, but she senses… sandalwood and whiskey. She knows he's there before she can see him, before he speaks.

"Miss me?" he whispers in her ear.

He doesn't touch her, which only makes her long for it even more. He just hovers right behind her. Close enough that she can feel the heat emanating from his body. She closes her eyes. She's pinned. The railing is right in front of her and if she turns, his face will be mere inches from hers. She can't have that. So she responds, without making a move, matching his sultry tone.

"Couldn't stay away?" She tsks. "I get that a lot."

It's a bald-faced lie, of course. She is stunned by his presence. Her legs are wobbly and her heart is racing, but using her best acting skills, she does her damnedest to appear unaffected, bored even.

It's not the reaction Harvey was expecting. He had planned to catch her off guard and gain the upper hand. Instead, her words shake his confidence and self-doubt seeps in. But, something about her breathing catches his attention. It's hurried. Uneven. She's nervous.

A slow smirk spreads across his face as he reaches up to tuck a few loose strands of hair behind her ear. He leans into her now so his front is pressed lightly against her rear.

Her entire body shudders.

"I'll take that as a yes." His voice is a touch deeper than normal and there's a hoarseness to it that makes Donna woozy.

"I see you two found each other!" Mike says, slapping Harvey on the back and causing him to jump away from Donna like a kid caught in the cookie jar.

Busted.

Harvey coughs into his hand and then clenches his jaw tightly enough to nearly break his molars.

Mike grins from ear to ear as he looks back and forth between the two. Donna looking a little flushed and Harvey a little bothered. Mike decides a good tease is in order.

"Donna, you remember that corporate lawyer, Stephen, I told you about? He's here. C'mon. I'll introduce you." Mike sees the look that flashes in Harvey's eyes, but he keeps a perfectly straight face. Mike holds his arm out to Donna and she takes it.

She has no interest in this Stephen, but some space between her and Harvey sounds like a fabulous idea.

Harvey can't figure Mike out. He stands, sipping another scotch. He was sure that Mike's intention was to hook him up with Donna, and now when he's ready to make a move, he introduces her to some English douche-bag? Harvey can tell the guy's a slimeball without even saying two words to him. The haircut, the annoying accent, the way keeps laying his hand on Donna's arm while he laughs. Harvey just wants to pick him up and throw him over the ledge.

"You know if you wanted to drink alone at the bar, you didn't have to charter a plane and come all the way to back New York." Rachel smiles as she joins him.

"Just getting tired," Harvey deflects. "I'm glad I came though." He gives Rachel a half-hearted smile. "It's not too late to ditch the kid and marry a real man." He winks and makes Rachel giggle.

"He's only a year younger than you, Harvey."

"Yeah, but men in their thirties are so much more mature," he teases as he takes another sip of his drink and takes a look at his watch.

"I thought maybe you had your eyes set on someone else." Rachel lifts her eyebrows and motions her head across the patio.

He doesn't need to follow her gaze to know who she means, but he does anyway. Donna is sitting on the outdoor sofa now practically in Stephen's lap. The sight makes his blood run hot.

"Hmph." A sound resembling a grunt comes from Harvey's throat as he looks away.

Rachel fights to maintain her self-control at seeing the expression on Harvey's face. Mike's idea to stir up some jealousy could backfire if they aren't careful.

"She asked about you," Rachel says nonchalantly while sipping her champagne.

Harvey's head snaps back in Rachel's direction. "What was that?" he asks.

"Donna. She said she had a nice time last weekend, and she asked me about you." Not a total lie. Rachel knows she had a nice time and she wanted to ask about him.

Harvey wants to ask for details, but he also knows this may be a trap. Women are sneaky. So he nods instead and takes another sip of the scotch that he's about finished. He has to be in the weightroom early tomorrow and he will regret it immensely if this drink isn't his last.

"I had a nice time, too."

He surprises both of them by setting his glass down, walking straight over to Donna and Stephen.

"Excuse me," he says in his manliest voice, chest slightly puffed out. "I'm Har—"

"Harvey Specter!" Stephen stands up and shakes the outstretched hand. "Holy shit!" Stephen just stands there and gawks at Harvey for a moment until it gets awkward for everyone.

"Sorry," Stephen snaps out of it. "Sorry. Really. I mean I knew you were a client of Mike's but I didn't expect… I'm a huge fan. Seriously." Stephen can't seem to figure out what to do with himself as he moves around nervously. "The strikeout record last year. That perfect inning you threw in the Division Series. I mean, you're the best. Listen to me, I sound like a fucking kid."

Mike is practically pissing himself just a few feet away. He knew Stephen was a die-hard fan, and he couldn't have written this better himself.

"Yeah, well…," Harvey says when Stephen just keeps standing there. "As you know, I'm in the middle of training and I have to catch my flight back soon, so do you mind if I steal Donna away?"

"Oh no, of course not." Stephen is eager to please and drops Donna like a hot potato. "It was a real pleasure meeting you, Mr. Specter." Stephen reaches his hand out again but when Harvey just nods, he walks away.

Donna watched the entire scene unfold in front of her eyes, but she had no idea what to make of it. A full-grown man who had seemed classy and sophisticated just two minutes prior was reduced to a babbling school girl at the sight of Harvey Specter. She can't decide if she is impressed or disgusted.

"Shall we?" He extends a hand down to her and as she looks at him, really looks at him, and she decides. It's definitely impressed.

The two walk over and stand near the railing away from the crowd. There's a heat lamp hovering over them and illuminating an orange glow.

"I'm not sure what to say about what I just witnessed back there," Donna says with a little laugh.

Harvey shrugs his shoulder. "I tried to tell you. I'm a big deal." He flashes her that charming smile that sends tingles from her spine to all her extremities.

"Tell me about it. I know you're a pitcher. I think I understand that much. But, what else can you tell me?"

"That's what you want to talk about? Baseball?" He raises a brow.

"Not baseball, exactly." She takes her gaze off the city lights and looks into his eyes. "You."

Harvey stares back at her and absently licks his lips. It doesn't go unnoticed.

"Okay," he starts, his voice husky. He clears his throat. "I'm what is called A Closer. That means it's my job to get the last three outs of the game."

Donna nods. "So, baseball is nine innings, right? You always pitch the last one?"

"Well, not always. Only if we're ahead. Or tied, sometimes. And the game has to be close. Within three runs." He clasps his hands together to keep from touching her like he desperately wants too.

"Why is that? It seems like they would need you when the team's losing? She shrugs and looks for an answer.

"As a pitcher, I can't bring us ahead when we're down. That's on the offense. My job is to hold the lead when we have it. Shut the other team down. It's called a Save."

"I see." Donna nods. "Sounds like a lot of pressure."

"It is," he responds honestly. "But I thrive on it. I want to be the best Closer New York has ever had." He's not sure why he just shared that with her. It was a personal goal and he's never said it out loud to anyone.

"Enough about me," he says, wanting to change the subject. "What's your next role?"

Donna's face lights up as she tells him about her lead role as Roxie in Chicago. He can see how proud and excited she is and it fills him with a sense of pride himself. He has no clue what right he has to feel proud, but it's there nonetheless.

"Chicago!" he says excitedly. "That's my dad's favorite show. I told you he's a sax player, right?"

"You said he was a musician," Donna answers. "The sax is my favorite though. I love Jazz! It's one of the big reasons I'm so excited for this role."

The air between them is palpable. The smiles, the energy, the excitement. Anyone watching them could see it.

"You're a Jazz fan? That's crazy. Maybe I could take you to see my dad play sometime?" The minute the words are out of his mouth he wants to pull them back from the air.

A silence falls between them for the first time since they started talking.

"When's the show open?" Harvey tries desperately to redirect the conversation.

Donna doesn't respond right away because she is still trying to process his previous suggestion. She was truly touched by the offer but she could see immediately that he regretted it.

"Friday," she says as she looks back out over the city and away from his gaze.

The mood has shifted. From crackling chemistry to awkward silence. They both know it.

"I have to go." Harvey exhales.

Again their evening is cut way too short.

Donna turns to face him and puts on a brave smile. When can I see you again? Is what she wants to say.

"It was great seeing you again, Harvey," she offers instead.

"You too, Donna." Harvey smiles softly.

Donna steps closer and places both her hands on his firm chest. She looks into his eyes with her lids heavy.

Harvey's eyes shift down to her lips as he licks his for the second time. Donna extends on to her tippy toes.

"You were right, Harvey." She places a soft kiss on his cheek. "I did miss you."


	3. Chapter3

**AN: All of you out there in the world's best fandom having been making this dream a reality for me and I couldn't be having more fun. PLEASE KEEP REVIEWING/TWEETING/DM-ING It's gasoline on the fire for me. Huge thanks to Heather, Steph, Blue, Nat, and Sarah for giving me the best advice and support.**

**Chapter 3: Break a Leg**

When Harvey arrives at Tampa International, it's almost 2:00 am. Ray doesn't come with him to Spring Training so he has to get an Uber, which he hates. On the drive, he takes out his phone and pulls up the contact info Donna had given him before he left the party.

_He headed to the rooftop elevator after saying his goodbyes. He had to get to the airport and he was already running late. As soon as he pushed the button for the elevator he realized he hadn't asked Donna for her number._

_He turned back toward the party and scanned for her. He spotted her with Rachel and walked over to wear the girls were chatting. _

"_Hey," He said a little awkwardly. "I… uh, forgot to get your number. Ask for, I mean."_

_Rachel smiles as she looks back and forth from Harvey to Donna and back to Harvey. He feels like he's in junior high._

"_Oh." Donna blushed a bit. "Here, give me your phone."_

_He handed it over without question and after a few quick clicks she handed it back. "There you go."_

He considers texting her even though he knows it's way too late. He can't stop thinking about her. He'd deny it outright, if anyone asked, but in the safety of his own mind, he knows it's true.

He opens his photo app and takes a long look at the picture Mike had sent him from the night at Beleman's. He had sent it to him with some smart-ass caption.

He had no idea how many times he had gone back to look at it. To analyze not only the two people in it, but also the way the photo made him _feel_. She was beautiful. That was obvious. Her smile was infectious in a way that you couldn't possibly look at it without breaking into one of your own. Her auburn hair. Flawless skin. But what truly haunted him were her eyes. The color, an ever-changing swirl of green and brown and gold. But more than that, it was the light that shone through them. It was as if someone had bottled up all that was good and beautiful in the world and then sprinkled it in her eyes. Like a sorceress wielding her magic, and he was simply under her spell.

Harvey chuckles to himself as he looks out the window and tries to remember the last time he had been this hung up on a girl. To actually have to stop himself from texting a girl _too soon?_ High school, maybe? Oh wait, there was no texting back then, he smiles. I guess the answer is never. Harvey has a sinking suspicion that Donna Paulsen is going to be his _first_ in a whole plethora of ways.

He opens another app on his phone and does a little research. He has an idea. You could even call it a _plan. _And first thing tomorrow, he will set this plan in motion.

…

When Donna gets home from the engagement party, the first thing she does is kick off the ridiculous heels she had been wearing. I mean, they were fabulous, and did amazing things for her calves, but they hurt like hell, and she was grateful to be rid of them.

As she washes her face and changes into pajamas, she checks her phone at least three times. She tells herself, of course, that it's just habit and not the expectation of having a message. Certainly not from _him_. I mean, she knew he had basically hopped directly onto a flight and probably couldn't use his phone. Not that he would have texted her, even if he wasn't on a plane. They had only said goodbye a couple of hours ago. The last thing she would ever do is sit around and obsess about when he would reach out to her. She had never pined after a guy and she certainly wasn't going to do it now.

As she climbs into bed and turns on _Dateline_ reruns, she silently curses herself for doing every single one of those things. At least she's relieved that she had given Harvey her number, but didn't think to ask for his. Now she had no choice but to wait for him to reach out first.

Thank God! Because she's pretty certain, she'd be texting him right now.

…

"Okay, Specter. Spill it. Was it worth the trip?" Tanner takes a seat on the floor of the weight room next to Harvey and begins to stretch.

Harvey had been the first guy in the gym and more than fifteen minutes earlier than the 6:00 am report time. He was trying to function on about three hours sleep and he knew he'd need to hit the recumbent bike and break a sweat before lifting.

"Yes." Harvey keeps his face stoic, completely aware that his brief response will annoy his friend.

"Good."

Travis smirks internally. Two can play at this game. He knows that while Harvey is trying to give the impression that he doesn't want to provide a play by play of his evening, he's actually hoping Tanner will press him for details. So, he doesn't.

Over the next several hours, both men keep busy with their training routines and while Harvey tells himself he's relieved that Tanner has seemingly dropped the subject, he can't help but notice a slight disappointment. As the two men head to the locker room, Harvey can't stop himself from bringing it back up.

"So, she's the lead in Chicago. It's opening this weekend." He keeps his voice casual.

"I'm sorry?" Tanner scrunches up his face. "Am I supposed to know who you're talking about?" he teases.

"Christ. You really want to make this hard on me don't you?" Harvey laughs as he gets undressed.

"Honestly? Yes. Yes, I do." Tanner follows Harvey toward the team showers. "But seeing as I'm not a shallow prick like you, I'll ease up. Tell me all about Debbie and your night of passion."

Harvey turns on the shower and immediately splashes Tanner with the cold water flowing from the showerhead.

"It's DONNA. And you know it!" He blocks the playful punches his catcher throws at him and then turns the handle to the left. Harvey waits for the water to heat up before stepping under the stream.

"And there was no _night of passion_ unless you count a kiss on the cheek and a few suggestive whispers."

The two men carry on a completely normal conversation while showering right next to each other like only a pair of true teammates can do. Harvey tells him all about the evening and his talk with Donna. He lets Tanner in on his plan before toweling off, getting dressed, and heading back to his apartment to call his dad.

Harvey's family life is complicated. His relationship with his mother is basically non-existent, and according to a girl he dated in college, it's the reason why he will never have _a real relationship with any woman, ever._

Harvey's relationship with his dad, however, is one he treasures. He doesn't spend as much time with him as he'd like. With his dad living in Boston and Harvey being in New York, often too much time passes between their talks or visits. Harvey knows it's usually his fault and he's fairly certain he's owed his dad a return call for over a week.

"Harvey? Son! You actually called! Hold on, I think my angina is acting up."

"Very funny, Dad." Harvey grins. Something about just hearing his dad's voice makes his heart swell. "You're not going to believe this, but I'm actually calling to see if you're available this Friday night?"

"To come to Florida? Games don't start until next week, right?" It's easy to hear the confusion in Gordon's voice.

"Not Florida, Dad. New York." Harvey runs his free hand through his hair suddenly nervous and second-guessing this idea.

"New York?"

"To see _Chicago_, on Broadway, with me. It's opening night, and… I know you love it." Harvey winces at how unlike him this invitation sounds and he holds his breath waiting for a response.

"Am I being punked, or whatever it's called?" Gordon looks around his apartment fully expecting a camera crew to appear out of thin air.

"No, Dad. You're not being punked. I just happened to get a couple of great seats, with backstage access, actually, and I couldn't think of anyone who'd enjoy it more than you." Harvey's statement is one hundred percent true. It's not the whole truth, but it's true nonetheless.

"Well, Harvey, of course, I'd love to go. You know how I feel about that show, not to mention just spending a night with my number one son, but I have to believe there is more to this story. Don't you have to be at practice?"

"It's actually our last night off for a while," he answers the outright question but doesn't touch the implied one. "I'm going to book you a flight. Okay, Dad? And Ray will pick us both up at JFK. The show starts at 8:00."

"Harvey, I can book my own flight. Or maybe I'll just take—"

"Dad. Please, I got it okay?" Harvey stops pacing and sits on the couch. A little relief setting in. "And I don't have to be back in Tampa until Sunday evening so we can stay the night at my condo."

Gordon can tell his son is holding something back but he doesn't push him. He has a feeling he will put the pieces together soon enough.

"Ok, Harv. That sounds great." Gordon can't help but smile. He misses his boy. "I'll see you Friday."

After disconnecting the call, Harvey exhales deeply. He had pulled some serious strings to get these tickets and if the Yankees make the playoffs this year, he was sure he'd be returning the favor with some seats behind home plate or a private interview.

He pulls up Donna's contact info on his phone and hovers his thumb over the _send message _for a good minute or two.

H: _**Hey. **_

The second he sends it he regrets it. What a stupid thing—

D: _**Hey?**_

Her quick response brings butterflies to his stomach. Seeing the question mark he realizes suddenly that she may not know it's him.

H: _**I figured you were probably missing me again. **_

He smiles. Proud of his own flirting.

D: _**Who is this?**_

Harvey's face drops and so does his stomach. He's not sure how to respond to that even though the answer is quite simple.

D: _**Lol. I'm joking, Harvey. **_

Harvey laughs out loud with a mixture of relief and actual humor at her tease.

H: _**I knew that. Well, now you have my number so make sure to put it in your phone. It must be hard to keep all the guys straight. **_

D: _**True. It's Harvey S. Right? Last initials help. **_

H: _**Funny. **_

D: _**How was your practice this morning? Were you exhausted?**_

H: _**It wasn't too bad. It was just weights and arm training stuff. I was fine. How's the show coming? Ready for the big day? **_

D: _**Just about. I can't believe it's only 5 days away! **_

H: _**Maybe I could come see it? When I'm back in New York? **_

D: _**I'm sure you're going to be just a little busy. Doesn't your season have you traveling all over the place? **_

H: _**It does get crazy when the season starts, but we have a day off here and there. And I'd love to see you on stage. **_

Donna doesn't respond right away and Harvey worries maybe he's pushing too hard. He sees the bubbles pop up and clenches his jaw.

D: _**I'd love that, Harvey. Really. **_

And exhale….

…

Donna wakes up on Friday morning with a _this is the first day of the rest of my life _kind of feeling.

To say she's filled with nervous energy would be a gross understatement. She is positively buzzing.

Rachel is coming over and bringing breakfast and Donna decides before she arrives that Mimosas are in order. One or two won't kill her. In fact, it's probably exactly what she needs.

The girls eat and talk and laugh out loud. Rachel couldn't be more excited for her friend and it shows on her face and in her endless smiling.

"Donna, I just can't believe it's really happening." Rachel's eyes fill up. "I always knew your name would be in lights, but… "

Donna wraps her best friend in a bear hug as her own eyes begin to well.

"I know, Rach. I know. It's crazy!"

Her whole life Donna had never been one to take risks, at least since her dad had lost everything and she had to live through the consequences. But when she was on stage, she felt free. It was the only place she wasn't afraid to leap without a net. And now, after all these years, her blind faith is paying off and everything she'd ever wanted is coming true.

As the morning continues the girls shift their conversation to a walk down memory lane. Rachel brings up some of Donna's college stage performances, sending them both into a tizzy of giggles.

The whole time they are talking Donna wants to bring up Harvey. They had been texting each other a few times a day all week and Donna is trying really hard not to get caught up in it.

Finally, she decides that _not _saying something is turning it into a bigger deal than just _saying_ something.

"So, Harvey and I have been texting each other." Donna bites on the inside of her cheek to keep a nervous grin from spreading.

Rachel drops the fashion magazine she was looking at on the coffee table and turns to Donna.

"I'm sorry. What?"

"What?" Donna tries to play it off. "What's the big deal?"

"You have been texting with Harvey Specter, and you're just _now_ telling me?" Rachel's voice rises in volume with each word she spits out. "I cannot believe it! Mike is gonna SHIT!"

"Why? Oh my God, Rachel, seriously. You're making me regret telling you."

"You were considering NOT telling me?" Rachel shrieks as she jumps off the couch and tries to grab Donna's phone from the counter.

"What are you doing?" Donna gasps as she yanks her phone away just in time.

"Hand it over, Red. I have got to see what the two of you have been up to."

"You will do no such thing!" Donna chuckles. "Would you just calm down and tell me why you're making such a huge thing out of this."

"For a number of reasons, Donna. Don't play dumb with me. How about for starters, your rule?"

"My rule is about being in a relationship. _This_ isn't a relationship."

"Uh-huh," Rachel says. "Okay… How about the fact that Harvey doesn't even do…" She waves her hands around in search of the right word, "_this."_ She drops her hands to her sides. "And, I'm willing to bet you that he doesn't _text_ with girls either. Not unless it's for a booty call."

Donna puts her hand to her chest and opens her mouth in offense. "Well, I can assure you _this_ is not _that_!"

"Exactly my point, Donna! Oh my God," Rachel says again as she steps closer to Donna. "Harvey _fucking _Specter is into you!"

"Okay, enough champagne for you, Missy." Donna picks up the glass on the coffee table. "You have clearly lost your mind."

…

About thirty minutes later, when Rachel heads home to let Donna get ready for her big night, she calls Mike before catching a cab.

"Harvey and Donna have been texting each other since the party!" she practically screams into the phone.

"Seriously?" Mike chokes on the sandwich he just took a bite of. "That doesn't sound like Harvey," he mumbles, swiping at his chin.

"I'll bet you $100 that he shows up tonight. I just know he's going to!"

"No way, Babe. He can't skip out on camp two weekends in a row. Plus, that would be way too loud. Harvey doesn't do anything obvious."

"Then put your money where your mouth is, Honey. $100."

"You're on!"

…

When Donna arrives at the theater, she is greeted almost immediately by Benjamin.

"Donna." He smiles with a nod.

Benjamin is the lead stagehand for the theater company and also kind of an _assistant _to Donna. Even though he is an _all business all the time_ type of guy, Donna knows she's his favorite. And she _loves _to drive him nuts.

"It's the big day Benjamin! Can you believe it?" She wraps him in a big bear hug and squeals excitedly. The more Benjamin tries to squirm out of her embrace, the tighter she squeezes.

"Okay, okay. I just ironed this shirt." He says as he prys himself free. He acts annoyed but Donna knows that deep, _deep_ down he loves the attention and it makes her even more giddy.

"Everything is laid out for you in your dressing room. Makeup is in…" he glances at his watch, "forty-five and hair right after. You need anything at all, just text me." Despite his efforts, a small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.

Donna leans in and kisses him on the cheek.

"Marry me?" she asks in a sweet voice.

Benjamin simply blushes at her playful proposal trying to play off how much he wishes she meant it.

When Donna walks into her dressing room, her breath catches in her throat. She literally stops in her tracks and brings her hands to her mouth. Her eyes well up at the sight in front of her. There are at least eight bouquets of flowers in all shapes, sizes, and colors filling nearly every surface in her room. The first one is a large arrangement of Gerbera Daisies and she knows without looking at the card that they are from her dad. As she walks through her dressing room, turned green room, she picks up and reads each card. Her mom, Rachel and Mike, her director, and one from Benjamin that makes her tear up. Everyone single one of them wishing her well on her big night.

She is already feeling overwhelmed with emotion when she turns to find the most magnificent display of them all sitting right on her dressing table.

An enormous bouquet of what looks like 5 dozen roses. A mixture of white and pink that literally stops her heart. Despite her best efforts, she immediately hopes they are from Harvey. She had tried all day, unsuccessfully, to stop wishing and hoping he'd be here tonight. She knew he couldn't get away from baseball, and he had called her this afternoon to wish her luck. But as she stands gaping at the most beautiful flowers she has ever laid eyes on, she feels the tug on her heart stronger than ever.

She reaches for the small envelope and slides the card out.

_**White roses are white**_

_**and pink ones are pink.**_

_**My first try at romance,**_

_**what do you think?**_

Donna chokes out a laugh through the emotion building in her throat. It's written in his own handwriting which gets her hopes up even more. How could he have written it by hand and had it delivered from Florida? I mean, it's possible, but maybe he's actually in town.

She sees there is something written on the back, as well.

_**Break a leg! **_

_**-H.S.**_

Donna looks back up at the arrangement in front of her and plops herself down into the chair, suddenly too shaky to stand. She knows this is the biggest night of her life, but it's not the show that has her heart racing. She has it bad for this guy, and she prays to God, she doesn't live to regret it.

At a young age Donna had learned to protect herself. She had been let down more than once by the people she loved the most. It's why she set rules and played her cards close to her chest. So why was this baseball player making her want to forget all that and throw caution to the wind?

…..

Harvey had changed his shirt four times before finally deciding on the black long sleeve button down he had put on in the first place. Investing this much time and thought into his _outfit _is another first he can blame on Donna.

Everything with his and Gordon's travel arrangements went off without a hitch and Ray was waiting for them at the curb when they exited the terminal.

"Mr. Specter." He nods and takes Harvey's overnight bag. "Mr. Specter," he says again as he smiles at Gordon who shakes his head when Ray reaches for it.

"I can handle my own bag, Ray." Gordon smiles. He still hasn't adjusted to his son's celebrity status after all this time.

"When's the last time you saw a show on Broadway, Dad?" Harvey makes conversation once they're on the road. "Was it last summer when we saw _Ain't Too Proud?"_

"Yes. But a few months before we saw that, I saw _Merchant of Venice_ and it was fabulous!" Gordon's eyes perk up as he's talking. "I wasn't really expecting to love it the way I did, but I was blown away by the performance of one of the actresses. In fact, I was so excited when I realized she's actually the lead in this production of Chicago!"

Harvey's eyes widen as he turns to his father and attempts to swallow the cotton balls that just formed in his mouth.

"Donna Paulsen?" Harvey croaks, completely unable to hide his utter shock.

"You know her?" Gordon matches his son's surprise.

"Well, yes. I mean, she's a friend of Rachel's, you know Mike's fiancée?" Harvey bites on the inside of his cheek. Now that Donna has become the topic of conversation, he's afraid he'll get another bad case of diarrhea of the mouth like he had with Tanner.

"Incredible!" Gordon shakes his head in disbelief. "Well, you're in for a real treat. She lights up the stage like no one I've ever seen."

"I bet," Harvey says before he can stop himself.

"You've met her then, I take it?"

"A couple of times, yes."

Slowly, as Gordon takes in his son's body language, all of the pieces of the puzzle start to slide into place.

Harvey glances at his dad from the corner of his eye as the conversation takes an awkward halt.

"What?" Harvey finally says, trying not to sound too defensive.

"Nothing." Gordon smirks.

"What, Dad? You've always had a crappy poker face. I could beat you by the time I was six. Just spit it out."

"You're dating Donna Paulsen, aren't you?" Gordon cannot contain the humor in his voice. Without even looking at his father, Harvey can _hear _the smile on his face. His dad is enjoying this way too much.

"No. I am not."

Gordon is surprised by Harvey's answer. He was sure he was reading his son correctly.

"But I'd like to be." Harvey exhales as he looks out the window.

And just like that. Gordon is beaming once again. This night is going to be even better than he was expecting.

…

The first thing Harvey lays eyes on when he climbs from the back seat of the Lexus, is a giant poster of Donna plastered on the wall outside the theater. She's wearing what looks to him like black lingerie fitted tightly to her body with lace covering her chest and arms. He swallows thickly at the enormous image of her cleavage and the response in his groin is immediate. He clears his throat.

Gordon has to bite his tongue at the sight of his son blushing. He fights the strong urge to make a comment knowing he may never get another invitation from Harvey if he does.

They aren't out of the car for more than a few seconds before the cameras start flashing.

"Mr. Specter!"

"Mr. Specter!"

"Harvey. Harvey!"

Harvey wraps his arm around his dad's shoulder and smiles at the cameras flashing in every direction. He gives them a minute or two to do their jobs and then he turns and walks into the lobby, ushering Gordon to walk in front of him.

As Harvey enters the lobby of the Ambassador Theatre he heads straight for the nearest bar with Gordon following close behind. His nerves are beginning to hum, and he could really use something strong to calm them down.

He orders a scotch for himself and a beer for his dad and they lean against a nearby wall and enjoy the people watching. You get all kinds in New York City, even at an event like this, and the two men start an old game where they take turns making up names and backstories about the people around them. It's something Gordon had done with Harvey since he was young to pass the time at some of his jazz gigs. They had never grown tired of it.

"That's Chuck." Gordon points in the direction of a short bald man. "He's socially awkward and has a beagle named Snoopy." Both men laugh at his cheesy joke.

"There's Mike!" Gordon points.

"Hey, it's my turn," Harvey complains.

"No, I mean, there's Mike. Ross."

Harvey turns to see Mike and Rachel approaching with the biggest shit-eating grins he has ever seen. He curses himself for not considering that they'd be here. What an idiot.

"What a surprise!" Mike practically shouts as he nears the men. "Harvey Specter at the theatre! What could possibly have brought you here tonight, of all nights?"

"Hilarious." Harvey smirks as Mike comes in for a one-armed man hug.

"You just cost me one hundred dollars you pansy-ass," Mike whispers before turning toward Harvey's dad.

"Gordon." Mike smiles and reaches for his hand. "So good to see my favorite sax player. You remember, Rachel? My fiancée."

"Of course I do. Rachel." He smiles and kisses her hand. "I'm still trying to figure out how a gorgeous girl like you ended up with a fully grown twelve-year-old like Mike, here."

"If you figure it out, let me know." Mike laughs.

"It's great to see you again, too, Gordon." Rachel smiles. "Mike keeps promising me he's going to take me to see you play but it hasn't happened yet." She looks at her fiancé.

"So Harvey," Mike changes the subject. "I'm guessing you must be here to support Donna? I heard the two of you have been keeping in touch."

That comment earns Mike an elbow to the ribs from his fiancée.

"Have you now?" Harvey smirks, more pleased than put off by Mike's comment.

The lights in the lobby dim and then brighten to let everyone know that it's time to head to their seats.

"Where are you two sitting?" Rachel asks. "We're in the Mezzanine."

"We're down here. In the Orchestra section." Harvey answers, purposefully vague.

"Front row!" his dad adds with a grin. "You know this is Harvey Specter, right?" He gestures to his son, wanting to join in on the ribbing Harvey is getting.

"Front row?" Mike's eyes go wide. "Can't wait to hear how you pulled that one off."

…..

The action on stage captivates the entire audience from the second the first note plays. Harvey has been to the theatre a handful of times, but he has never been this close. He finds Donna onstage before she speaks her first line and it takes the breath from his lungs. He's not sure if it's the blond wig, the sexy makeup, or the get-up she has on, but the combination hits him right in the groin.

Harvey is impressed with her immediately. The way she commands the attention of every person in the theatre. The graceful way she moves across the stage. The delivery of her character is spot on. He believes she is Roxie Hart one hundred percent.

But it's when she opens her mouth to sing, that he finds himself holding his breath. Afraid to exhale for fear it will generate noise that will distract his ears from the beautiful sound of her voice.

As he watches her perform on stage in front of a completely mesmerized crowd, he remembers what Mike had said that first night at Beleman's. _She's out of your league._ For once, he thinks, Mike may actually be right.

…

Donna doesn't see him right away. With the lights as bright as they are, it's very difficult to see into the seats. Not to mention, she's a little busy when she's out there. She first catches sight of him when she's standing just off stage, awaiting her next cue. He's wearing a black collared shirt and what looks like dark gray slacks. His eyes are fixed on the stage and Donna gets so caught up in watching him, in the emotions that well up inside her because he actually came, she nearly misses her cue.

…

The crowd shoots to their feet in thunderous applause! A standing ovation that goes on and on for what feels like an hour. The actors and actresses come out one at a time for their curtain calls and the audience continues to roar. When Donna finally appears for her final bow the entire theatre erupts. He can see the tears in her eyes from where he is standing. The smile on her face lights up the stage more than the thousands of lights had done. As Harvey gazes on her from below he sees her drop her chin and look down to the front row. He feels his heart pound as her eyes come to rest on his. As though he is in some kind of dream, the shouting and cheering surrounding him fade away, as do the people on stage beside her and those to his right and left. Their eyes lock in what he can only describe as an embrace. Neither moves for several beats until suddenly he's snapped back into reality with a slap on the back from his dad, and all the hoots and hollers fill his ears once more.

The two men make their way to the stage door where security is admitting people with the proper credentials. He finds their names on the list and they get through without incident and make their way up the stairs with all the other VIPs.

They send everyone into a large room filled with wine, champagne, and all kinds of food. A few of the cast members are already there socializing but Harvey doesn't see Donna.

"What did you think?" Mike asks, placing a hand on Harvey's shoulder. "Did I tell you, or did I tell you?"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. Out of my league." Harvey laughs. "She was amazing!" Harvey's eyes wander the room.

"She'll be out in a few minutes. Rachel went to help her get changed."

"That was an unbelievable show." Gordon turns to Mike. "I think this is the third time I've seen Chicago and it was the most impressive cast by far."

Mike and Harvey agree and the three of them grab a drink and a few appetizers and talk while waiting for Donna to make her entrance. It's no secret when she finally appears because the whole room breaks into applause.

Donna walks in with her natural red curls hanging loosely over her shoulders. She's wearing a sexy navy dress that shows all her best features including a cut low at the chest. Harvey loses his footing and bumps into his dad.

"You alright there, Son?" Gordon chuckles.

Donna makes her way over to them accompanied by Rachel but is stopped by every person in her path for a hug or a quick selfie.

Mike is the first to step up and wrap her in a hug. "Hot damn! You were something up there, Donna!" He gives her a squeeze. "You nailed it! Simple as that."

"Thank you, Mike." She blushes.

Harvey swallows as she turns to face him. Suddenly fearing he's forgotten how to speak.

"Harvey," she bails him out. "What a pleasant surprise." She lifts up on her toes slightly as she places a soft kiss, landing past his cheek and just under his ear lobe. "The flowers were beautiful," she whispers quietly before pulling away.

Harvey can still feel her lips pressed to his neck. Her breath in his ear caused goosebumps to run down his spine.

"Donna Paulsen." She holds out her hand to Gordon as Mike clears his throat.

"Oh." Harvey snaps his head toward his dad. "Donna, this is my dad, Gordon Specter. Donna Paulsen."

Gordon takes Donna's hand and kisses the back of it lightly. "I'm a big fan, Ms. Paulsen. What an honor to meet you." He looks up to her eyes and smiles softly. "You were breathtaking tonight."

Donna is touched by his words and moved by something in his eyes. "Wow," Donna gasps. "What a gentleman you are!"

"You really were." Harvey finally comments. "Just… spectacular."

The four of them spend the next thirty minutes or so talking, drinking, and eating. Donna is pulled away for an interview and some autographs here and there but she seems to find her way back to them every time.

Worrying that they may never get a moment alone, Harvey is relieved when his dad excuses himself to use the restroom and Mike and Rachel get caught up with some mutual friends.

"You really were something up there, Donna. Breathtaking was the perfect word." His eyes gaze into hers to prove he means it.

"You don't look too bad yourself, Specter." She winks. "And I meant what I said, the flowers, the note, it meant more to me than you know." She looks down at her feet as if contemplating her next words. "I'm really glad you came, Harvey. I was hoping you would."

"Good," he says softly.

"Good," she repeats.

"So, I don't have to be back until tomorrow. Any chance for a nightcap?" He looks around the crowded room and leans in to whisper. "Just the two of us?"

"I thought you'd never ask." She looks into his eyes with a desire he swears wasn't there before. "Just let me grab my things."

Harvey turns around to find his dad. Apparently, he's ditching him for a few hours. He finds him talking with the group where Mike and Rachel were.

"Dad. I'm going to have Ray take you to my condo, okay? I'm going to spend a little time with Donna. Alone. I hope you don't—"

"Harvey. It's fine. I'll be fine. I'm happy for you, Son. She's one hell of a catch. I can tell already."

Harvey gives a quick head nod to Mike and makes his way down the hall he saw Donna take. After passing a few doors, he finds one with her name on it and knocks lightly three times.

"Come in." He hears faintly through the door.

Harvey opens the door to her dressing room and is met with what looks like a thousand flowers.

"Woah!" He chuckles. "Guess my flowers in the dressing room idea was really original, huh?"

"Your flowers were perfect, Harvey. I mean it." Donna steps closer to him and it's as if they both realize at once that they are alone.

Harvey takes a step toward her that has them basically toe to toe. Their eyes find each other and seem to communicate more than any words could.

Donna's eyes shift from his, ever so briefly, down to his lips and it's all the invitation he needs. He takes one final stride, his leg between hers as he places his hand lightly on her cheek. His thumb grazes her softly as he looks into her eyes with more intensity than either can bear.

As Donna's eyes flutter closed she moves her face closer, just an inch or two, and he leans in to meet her. Harvey lays his mouth gently over hers, his bottom lip fitting snugly between hers. He holds her there, slowly applying more pressure with his lips as each second ticks by. He slides his hand further around to the back of her neck, as she places her hands on his chest and pushes lightly against him to feel his strength. He pulls back to look at her face and her eyes blink open to find his before she moves back in for more.

Harvey groans into her mouth this time as he uses his tongue to part her lips and easily slides it inside. He moves his hands slowly down her back and grips her tightly just below the waist, pulling her into him as their bodies press firmly against each other. Donna's arms wrap around his neck and she runs her hands through his hair.

He had been afraid of this. That she would feel this good. Her lips this soft. Her body this small in his grip. He had been afraid that she would feel even better than she had in every dream he'd had this week.

But as he deepens the kiss, he lets go of the fear. Let's himself fall freely in a way he has never done with anyone. Ever.

AN: Thank you so much for following this story and trusting me to do our favorite couple justice. Call this a warning or a promise (depending on your preferences) but the next chapter will be an angsty one. It's not all sunshine and roses for these two idiots. They will be tested.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So this chapter took on a life of its own and turned out to be way longer than planned. Don't expect the upcoming ones to be 8K! PLEASE continue to review and tweet encouraging words because writing is scary and we are always our own worst critics. Had to battle some self-doubt with this to my girls (Heather, Steph, Blue, Nat, and Sarah) for always knowing what to say and how to help.

**Chapter 4: Reality Check**

There is a saying, "_Time flies when you're having fun." _But to Donna it feels more like, "_Time flies when you're busy as hell." _

It's been three weeks since opening night, three weeks since her career was launched into hyperdrive, and three weeks since Harvey Specter rocked her world with not just one, but two mind-numbing kisses that may have caused permanent nerve damage. She won't know for sure until she kisses him again. And since they haven't seen each other since that night, that task has proven quite difficult.

It's not that they haven't _wanted _to get together, it's just been physically, and logistically, impossible. Harvey started his Spring Training games and hasn't been able to fly back to New York. Donna has been working constantly, performing as many as eight shows every six days and sleeping all day on her one day off.

They had been talking a lot though. Harvey calls her almost every day. Usually in the morning while they are both having coffee or breakfast, Harvey on his way out and Donna just waking up. She gets in late most nights and he likes to be _lights out_ by eleven. They had been texting too, which she must admit she has thoroughly enjoyed. Their flirting through text messages has steadily picked up heat and she often catches herself blushing or grinning at her phone like a teenager.

But she misses him, nonetheless. They've tried Facetime once or twice, but for some reason, they'd both felt a little awkward, and it wasn't the same as being face to face, at all. She finds herself thinking of him the moment she wakes, and usually, he's the last image that passes through her mind before drifting off to sleep at night.

Some nights when she was lying in bed trying to fall asleep, she worried that she was in too deep already. How could that be? She'd only seen the man three times for goodness sake. They've only kissed, and she'd done _more than that_ with plenty of other men over her adult life. So why the anxiety? Why the fear? She knew why of course. For starters, she had broken her rule. She had let herself get involved with an athlete and it brought back memories that made her stomach turn. Secondly, she thought about him way too often. The kiss they had shared in her dressing room, followed by the drinks and quiet conversation over their nightcap, and another kiss in front of her building that had made her want to invite him in, had all swept her up into what felt like a fantasy world that she was dying to find her way back to.

Luckily, she was either too busy or too tired to spend much time overanalyzing, and before she knew it, another week had passed. Harvey would be returning to New York in a couple days, and she would find out just what she had gotten herself into.

…

As Harvey is packing up the things he brought with him to Florida, he has one thing on his mind. Seeing Donna. He's been trying to rationalize this _need_ he seems to have for her as something physical more than psychological. Like he's just _really _attracted to her and _really_ horny because he hasn't had sex in a while.

The past few weeks have dragged on for what felt like months. Part of it was the life of a high end closer at Spring Training. They barely used him on the mound, _saving_ him for the games that counted. But he still had to sit through every inning of every game, knowing he was basically a high paid spectator. The other part, however, was missing Donna. The evening they had spent together after her show had really affected him. He tells himself it was the undeniable spark between them when his lips touched hers, but he knows it's more than that. He misses _her_. Her smile. Her laugh. The way her mouth curves just a little when she's impressed with him but doesn't want to show it.

As he zips up his bag and does one last sweep of his temporary apartment, he stops in the bathroom doorway and looks at the shower. His mind drifts to all the fantasies of her he had let himself indulge in while in there. He smiles as he turns out the lights and walks out. He has every intention of making each one of those fantasies a reality. And the sooner the better.

Harvey catches an Uber to the airport and texts Donna on his way.

_**H: Finally on my way. **_

_**D: Yay! Mike is picking you up, right? **_

_**H: Yeah. I told him Ray could do it but he insisted. He's really missed me.**_

_**D: So have I. **_

Harvey's stomach flutters as his signature smile spreads across his face.

_**H: I wish I could see you tonight.**_

_**D: Me too, but we agreed that tomorrow makes a lot more sense. **_

_**H: I know. I'll pick you up at 10:00 for breakfast?**_

_**D: Can't wait.**_

Harvey tucks his phone back in his jacket and smirks. If she thinks he's really going to wait until tomorrow, she doesn't know him at all.

…

Harvey exits the United terminal at LaGuardia and spots Mike's new SUV right away. He had described the black Lincoln Navigator to him over the phone.

"It's nice," Harvey says as Mike rounds the back on the vehicle to open the back hatch.

"Thanks." Mike smiles as he wraps his friend in a hug. "It feels like I'm driving a tank, but I needed something new, and Rachel and I plan to start trying right after the wedding, so—"

"So, SUV it is?" Harvey laughs.

"Exactly."

The two friends talk on the way into Manhattan, mostly about baseball.

"Let's grab a drink or two before I take you home," Mike suggests as they get close.

"I can't."

"What do you mean, you can't? You've got plans at 10:30 on Monday night?" Mike looks at Harvey quickly before turning his eyes back to the road.

"Not exactly." Harvey is purposefully vague though he knows Mike won't back down.

"You're going to see Donna, aren't you? Rachel told me to the two of you talk almost every day, but good Lord! You've really got it bad, Specter." Mike clicks his tongue and shakes his head.

"Don't even start Mike. I know this was your plan all along. You basically set the two of us up."

"Doesn't mean I thought it'd actually work!" Mike busts out laughing. "I mean, I've known you for what, a decade? Longer, shit. And I have _never_ seen you go out of your way to make time for a girl." He glances at Harvey again but he's looking out the window. "First, the party, then the show, and now this?"

Mike presses his lips together to keep from laughing again. Knowing full well he's pushing his luck.

"Seriously, Harvey. You really do like her, right? Because Rachel protects her like she bore her from her own womb and if you fuck with her—"

"I wouldn't!" Harvey's head snaps back to face Mike. His voice, more than a little irritated. "I won't."

"Okay…" Mike backpedals a bit. "Good. Just, good."

As they pull up to Harvey's place, Mike tries to smooth things over.

"Look, Harvey. I'm happy for you, I am. Donna is an amazing woman and you are one of the best people I know. I care about both of you, and I just don't want to see anyone get hurt."

"And you think I do?" Harvey huffs.

"No. Of course not. But the season starts the day after tomorrow, and I know how busy you'll be. How focused you get. And with Donna and Chicago. It's just… a lot," Mike explains as he pulls up to the curb.

"I know, Mike. I know. I appreciate it. Thanks for the ride. Lunch before Opening Day, right?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

Harvey grabs his bags from the back of the car and waves to Mike as he drives off. He's exhausted. The team played their last exhibition game this afternoon and then he had rushed to pack and catch his flight. Nothing could keep him from kicking off his shoes and falling face-first onto the bed he has missed dearly. Nothing but Donna, that is.

He pulls on a pair of dark blue jeans and a gray sweater, brushes his teeth and hair, and texts Ray that he's ready.

…

Donna is sitting in the chair in her dressing room taking off her makeup and wondering where she will find the energy to even walk outside and catch a cab. Monday nights have proven to be the toughest. With shows every night but Wednesday, and four over the weekend, it catches up with her the most on Monday. At least on Tuesdays, she can fantasize about spending the next day in bed watching Netflix.

She loves it though. She smiles in the mirror. It has been even better than she dreamed it could be. Exhausting? Yes. Physically and emotionally draining? For sure. Stressful and scary as hell? You bet. But more rewarding and fulfilling than anything she had ever done? Hell, yes! The reviews of her had all been positive. One of New York's toughest critics was even quoted saying, "Donna Paulsen is the most authentic Roxie Broadway has seen in a decade!" That one made her cry.

She is happy to see her own face in the mirror again, and it's the thought of breakfast with Harvey Specter that finally gets her to push herself up and out of her chair.

"Time for some much-needed beauty sleep," she says to the empty room as she grabs her bag and heads out.

Donna says goodbye to Benjamin and the few straggling cast members behind stage. She pulls her coat tightly around her body, covering the cozy but not too flattering jeans and oversized sweatshirt she's wearing home tonight. She is more than grateful that not every night requires her to doll herself up to impress or entertain others. When a woman has finished a long day at work, she should be able to throw on something comfy.

She pushes open the door to the back side of the theater and walks toward the curb with her head down, looking through some messages on her phone. She smiles widely as she presses on one from Harvey that says he arrived home safely.

Just as she's about to respond to him a voice has her picking her head up.

"Excuse me. Are you Donna Paulsen? I'm a huge fan."

Donna stops in her tracks and gasps, placing her hand to her heart. She can hardly register the identity of the gorgeous man in front of her as he leans there against the black Lexus, a smirk on his face, and flowers in his hand.

"Harvey?" she chokes.

"Oh good. You remember me." He grins and pushes himself off the car.

He takes two strides toward her but hesitates when Donna doesn't move.

"Donna?"

She's not sure why but she's overcome with emotion which seems to have halted all her normal bodily functions. Movement. Speech. Breathing. She hadn't fully admitted it to herself, but deep down she had been terrified. Terrified that she had fallen too fast and too hard for this world-famous heartthrob that had waltzed into her life without warning. She had been so nervous that when he returned, the spark between them may have proven to be one-sided. That he'd have lost interest or simply grown bored. Somehow this small gesture, a ride home and some fresh flowers, meant more than a fancy date or a diamond necklace.

She takes the remaining strides and answers his question with action instead of words, wrapping her arms around his neck and laying her head on his shoulder.

She can tell her response surprises him as his body initially stiffens but after a beat or two his arms wrap around her waist and she feels him lay his head on top of hers.

The embrace is interrupted by a voice from behind Harvey.

"Excuse me, Mr. Specter?" Ray says softly.

When Harvey turns to look at his driver, Ray gestures toward the corner to his right. It only takes Harvey a glance in that direction to understand what Ray is telling him.

"Hey!" he yells dropping his arms from Donna and turning away from her. "Hey!" Harvey yells again when no one responds or surfaces.

"I think he's gone, Sir," Ray says in a resigned voice.

"Shit." Harvey runs his hand through his hair.

"What?" Donna finally asks, her pitch higher than usual. "Something dangerous?" She grabs Harvey's arm.

"Not some_thing, _some_one. _And not dangerous, just annoying," Harvey says walking her to the car. "I have a feeling we may be plastered on the internet tomorrow." Harvey sighs as he shuts Donna's door.

Donna gives Ray her address and she and Harvey sit quietly in the back seat for a few minutes. The interruption to their reunion knocked them both off balance.

"I'm sorry," they say in unison as they turn toward each other at the same time.

"You're sorry?" Harvey asks with his eyebrows raised. "What do you have to be sorry for? I'm sure it was some idiot following me. Do you normally have people snapping your picture back there?"

"No." Donna shakes her. "But if you hadn't stopped by to see me…"

"Donna." He puts his hand on top of hers, "This happens to me everywhere I go. It's basically par for the course, especially during the season." He squeezes her hand lightly so she looks at him. "I feel terrible that your picture might go viral tomorrow because of me."

She smiles at the tenderness in his voice and she knows he means it.

"There are worse things than being pegged as Harvey Specter's new arm candy." She tries to lighten the mood. "I hear you're a pretty big deal."

That gets a chuckle from Harvey and he instantly relaxes. _Arm candy,_ he smirks.

Conversation flows easily between the two of them the rest of the way to Donna's apartment.

"Can I walk you up?" Harvey asks as they pull up to the curb. His tone is more sheepish than he'd generally use. "I know you're exhausted and probably just dying to get to bed."

She's dying to get to bed alright. With him. "I am tired, there's no denying that, but I'd love it if you came in for a bit? Maybe just a quick drink?"

Harvey's finger twitches on his thigh. He wants to come inside. But not just in the way she means. "I'd love to." His voice suddenly hoarse as he pulls on his pant leg to ease the tightness in his crotch.

…

About twenty minutes later Harvey is pouring Donna a glass of wine as she comes out of her bedroom in satin pajama pants and the same oversized sweatshirt.

"You said get comfortable, so I took it to heart. What you see is what you get, Specter," Donna says as she strides in and does a mock twirl for him.

Harvey's mouth goes dry at the sight of her. How is it that she gets more and more beautiful every damn time he lays eyes on her. She literally takes his breath away, even in her loungewear. Especially in her loungewear.

He clears his throat as he rounds the kitchen island to join her. He hands her the glass and sits down next to her on the couch. Far enough away that he can turn toward her with one knee bent and up on the couch. Close enough that their legs touch lightly as she sits cross-legged in front of him.

"So," she smiles over her wine, "tell me what's in store for you and your team this week. We talked about my shows but not much about baseball."

"That's because you hate baseball." Harvey laughs.

"Uh!" she cries and slaps his leg. "I do not _hate_ baseball. I dislike athletes, and only male ones. Female athletes are amazing."

Harvey sips on his wine and smiles over his glass. "So, you dislike me then? You realize I'm a male athlete, right? Like, for a living?"

"Well, some exceptions have to be made from time to time. Jury is still out on this one." Donna winks.

Harvey explains that his season opens on Thursday night. They are hosting the Baltimore Orioles for four games, then the Tampa Bay Rays come into town for three. After that, they head on their first road trip to play in Boston and then Toronto.

As he's talking he notices that Donna seems to be stretching her feet, even wincing a bit from time to time.

"Do they hurt?"

"What?" she asks, having no idea that she's even messing with them.

"Your feet? Do they hurt?" he clarifies.

"Oh." Donna blushes a bit sensing his next question. "They get sore. It's really unfair what I ask of them you know."

"Here." Harvey scoots back and gestures for her to stretch out her legs. "If I'm going to bore you to death with baseball talk, the least I can do is massage your feet while I do it."

Donna hesitates for a moment, but her feet _are_ killing her, and if he massages half as well as he kisses, she can't afford to miss out. She leans back a bit and places her right leg in Harvey's lap.

Harvey reaches down and takes her slender foot in both hands as he begins to slowly kneed his thumbs into the bottom of her foot. Donna lays her head back and closes her eyes with a soft moan that brings back Harvey's tight crotch issue from earlier.

"Oh my God, that feels amazing," she says more to herself than to him. "Go, on," she prods. "You were telling me about the teams in your division and why that's important."

Harvey can hear what Donna is saying but he can't really remember the answer. Who were the teams in his division again? What sport was he talking about? All he can think about is the buzzing in his ears and the blood flow to his nether region.

"Haaarvey?" Donna sing-songs.

"Right." He shakes his head. "Umm. Right." He tries to scoot his body back a little further so Donna's heel isn't so close to his groin.

"So the four teams we open up against are all in our division which makes the wins twice as important." _Baseball, baseball, baseball. _He repeats internally trying to calm his raging hormones.

Harvey successfully manages to keep his mind off sex for a few minutes as he gives Donna a rundown of the projections for this year and their chance at making the playoffs. It's not until he reaches for his wine several minutes later that he realizes she has fallen asleep.

He laughs quietly but his shaking almost wakes her so he stops and tries to hold his breath. Donna stirs but turns on her side and falls back into a deep sleep.

Harvey considers trying to carry her to bed but the temptation to join her there would be far too strong. So he grabs the throw blanket off the back of the couch and lays it over her as he gently slides up.

"Goodnight, Beautiful." He places a light kiss on the top of her head and sees himself out.

…...

Harvey wakes up the following morning to a call from Mike.

"What?" Harvey grumbles into his cell.

"Have you seen them?"

Harvey is still half asleep but the awake half of him knows exactly what his friend is referring too.

"Fuck." He rubs a hand over his face. "No. But I knew they'd be there. Bad?" He swings his legs off the side of the bed. He won't be getting back to sleep now.

"You've had much worse." There is no humor in Mike's tone. "It's dark, you can't really see Donna that well, but they do correctly identify her in the captions."

"Fuck," Harvey says again. His vocabulary, limited, without caffeine. He walks into his kitchen to start the coffee. "Anything nasty or damaging?"

"No, not really. Just cheesy _budding romance _crap."

"Thank Christ," Harvey sighs. "Her career is taking off. I'd hate to…" _get in the way. _

"Hate to what?" Mike asks when the line goes silent.

"Nothing. It's … nothing."

….

At 10:00 am sharp Harvey pulls up in front of Donna's building in a metallic gray Aston Martin DB11. He figures if she hates sports, she probably isn't into cars either, but it makes him feel cool, so there's that.

He's just about to text her when she walks out of her building. She's wearing a dark-colored dress, green maybe, that is dancing just above the knee in the March breeze. She hugs her creamed colored coat around her as she scans the street for him.

Harvey rolls down the window and calls out to her.

"Hey, Red! Looking for a ride?"

Donna spots him and shock registers on her face before a sly smile spreads on her lips.

"Caught her off guard. Point Specter," Harvey says to his reflection in the rearview mirror.

He jumps out as Donna comes across the street and he gives her a peck on the cheek.

"Sleep well?" he teases.

Donna laughs as he opens the passenger door for her. "Yes, actually. Once I moved to the bed, that is."

The two of them head to breakfast in the flashy sports car listening to Gordon's Jazz on the high tech sound system. Harvey tells Donna all about the Gotham Car Club he's in and explains how cars are another common ground he shares with his dad. He asks Donna casually about her dad, but when she shifts in her seat and changes the subject, he doesn't push. God knows that, other than his dad, family isn't his favorite topic either.

He's nervous about bringing up the photos posted online but luckily she broaches the subject first. Apparently Rachel had called her to make sure she knew and they'd talked it out. Donna laughs it off as _any publicity is good publicity _but Harvey isn't convinced she means it. Even though he's only known her a couple of months, he's starting to pick up on her subtle cues. He is a poker player after all. He may be used to having his photo plastered everywhere and his personal life exposed to the masses, but Donna deserves better than that. She rarely even posted on her Instagram account, and when she did it was usually puppy memes. Not that he had been stalking her or anything.

Over breakfast, they get on the subject of college and start trading stories about Mike and Rachel. Harvey tells Donna about the time Mike got arrested for under-aged drinking even though he was twenty-three. He had lost his license and the cops said there was no way he was a day over 18.

Donna shares a story about Rachel and how she had joined a bunch of sorority girls at a party who turned out the lights of the pool and then jumped in naked. Some guys stole all their clothes and then turned the lights back on.

The two of them laugh so hard there are actual tears shed.

They both talk more about work and what their schedules would be like over the next month. Donna mentions that her dad lives in Toronto and is a big fan of the sports teams there. She adds that he would probably love to come to a game.

Harvey takes note that things must not be all bad between them.

Donna explains that her only night off of work is Wednesday and that she is really looking forward to seeing one of his games as soon as it works out.

After breakfast, they take the car out for a drive to Staten Island. Other than the times where they remain quiet to enjoy the smooth sounds of jazz coming from the speakers, they never run short on conversation. Everything between them feels so natural. Like they are old friends who had just found their way back to each other.

When they finally return to Donna's, they are about thirty minutes behind schedule and she is going to have to rush to get to work.

"So, lunch on Thursday?" Harvey asks before she gets out. They had already agreed that he wouldn't be coming to the show tonight and with Opening Day for him tomorrow, it would be a busy day.

"Already looking forward to it." Donna smiles. Harvey pulls the car into a metered spot and jumps out. He knows she's in a hurry but he needs another kiss.

As she climbs out of the sports car, Harvey closes the door behind her and pins her against it.

"I can't believe we've spent almost six hours together since I got back and I haven't done this yet."

His mouth is on hers in a flash. Hot and hungry, he consumes her in such a possessive way she finds herself trying to grip the car for support. When her hands find nothing there to hold on to, she opts for gripping him instead. Donna's hands come away from the car and up to the nape of his neck. As Harvey's hand presses firmly along the sides of her body, starting at her ribs and gliding down to her waist, Donna's fingers slide upward into the short hairs on the back of his head. Her thumbs caressing lightly behind his earlobes.

Harvey moans against her mouth as he pushes his groin against her and she can feel how aroused he is already. His tongue works its way skillfully through her mouth with such ease and control, she wonders absently how she ever lived before this. Without this.

He drags his mouth from hers with a look in his eyes, bordering on dangerous.

"You better go," he says in a husky tone that makes her skin tingle. He leans his forehead against hers and closes his eyes as if containing himself is causing physical pain.

"You sure you can't come over tonight?" Her voice is so sexy and suggestive his dick twitches in his pants and his breath catches.

"God, Donna. Don't tempt me." He pushes off the car to create some much-needed space between them. "I have a pre-game routine that I can't break. Not even for… _this," _he says gesturing between them. "But I can promise you I've never been more tempted."

He takes Donna's hand as they jog across the street.

"Good luck tomorrow!" Donna smiles sweetly. "Hope you get your first _save._"

Harvey raises his eyebrows and nods with approval. "Very good! You've been listening after all."

"You must have taught me that _before_ I fell asleep." She laughs as she walks away and leaves him on the curb.

…

When Harvey steps into the clubhouse it feels more like coming home than his condo had after weeks in Tampa. For the next eight to nine months this will be his home. This is where he will spend countless hours a week. Preparing. Reflecting. He takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

He heads to the corner where his locker has been since he was called up five years ago. His brand new pinstriped uniform hangs, pressed and pristine, with his number 42 glistening on the back. The Yankees have a long-standing tradition that they do not display their last names on the uniform the way most of the MLB teams do. In Harvey's opinion, it just makes the number that much more special. He chose his number in honor of Jackie Robinson, of course. He was one the greatest to ever play the game and coincidentally the uncle of one of his father's band members.

He sits down on the stool in front of his locker and starts unpacking the few things he will keep there for the season. A picture of him with his dad and his little brother Marcus. Harvey was only about 12 in the photo and all three of them were wearing Yankee Jerseys. Considering he grew up in Boston, it didn't make them very popular with the neighbors. The photo reminds him to keep things in perspective. Some things are more important than baseball. He also puts up a proverb that he found while he was in college. It's become a mantra of sorts over the years.

"**I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday."**

He hangs it in his locker every season as a reminder that life is a journey. On the field and off. He knows he's not quite the pitcher, or the man, he wants to be. Not yet.

Last he pulls out the baseball from his first save in the major leagues. He's been told he's crazy for not having it locked away somewhere, considering it's worth thousands and more with each save he collects, but it's not about the monetary value to him. It's another reminder. That with hard work comes success. No one would ever beat him because he hadn't worked hard enough.

As he starts to get undressed, he thinks about the meal he had just shared with Mike. They had started a tradition of having lunch together on Opening Day their first year at Harvard. They had continued the tradition through the minor leagues and on into the majors. Mike had never missed it. Not even when it meant taking a bus to Connecticut in college or flying out of state when they opened on the road. He was blessed to have a friend like Mike. And the fact that he also served as his agent was the icing on the cake.

The thought of icing had him licking his lips and suddenly thinking of Donna. The temptation to show up at her place last night had been powerful, but he knew if he had, his body would surely have been spent today. And he had a job to do.

As his teammates started to file in, there were lots of high fives, back slaps, and chest bumps all around. The music started pumping as the guys were getting their _game faces_ on. It was Opening Day. And other than the playoffs, it was the biggest day of the year.

…

Donna could hardly stand the nervous jitters thrumming through her body. She couldn't believe she had successfully pulled this off. She had spoken to the director a week in advance about getting tonight's show off. She had gone on and on about having something really important to do and that if he couldn't swing it she would totally understand. He had finally asked with a laugh if she was finished after five minutes of rambling. He told her she was one of the hardest workers he had ever seen, and there was a reason they had understudies.

Now that she's on her way to the stadium to meet Mike and Rachel, she is a bundle of nerves. She had only told them yesterday she was coming because she wasn't sure she could trust Mike to keep her secret. In fact, she wouldn't even have told him at all, if she hadn't needed his guidance on where to go and when to be there.

When the cab drops her off, she heads to the marked Will Call area where she finds the two of them dressed to the nines in Yankee gear. She looks down at her jeans and sweater and frowns.

"We got you covered." Rachel greets her with a smile and puts a navy colored Yankee hat right on Donna's head.

Mike is wearing an actual team jersey and Donna notices the number right away.

"Did Harvey let you borrow that?"

"Borrow what?" Mike's wrinkles his nose. "Oh, the jersey?" He cracks up. "No, Donna. Anyone can buy his jersey. Most of them will even add '**Specter**' to the back, even though his own jersey doesn't have it."

"Really?" She raises her eyebrows. Donna has a feeling she's going to learn a lot tonight.

As the trio walks into the stadium Donna is amazed by the size of it. "How many people does this place fit? Do this many fans actually come to the games?"

Rachel smiles sweetly at Donna. "The stadium holds about fifty-five thousand, right Mike?"

He just nods as he shows his credentials to a guard who lets them pass.

"And they sell out most games, Donna. So, yes, this many people come. Just wait until you see the place when it's full of crazy fans." Rachel lays her hand on Donna's shoulder. She knows her friend has a big reality check in store.

Mike leads them down a long hallway covered in championship banners and trophy case after trophy case. Then finally arrive at a locked door with an engraved placard on it.

'**SPECTER'**

Mike takes out a key and opens the door for them. Donna enters the luxury suite and gasps out loud. The vast room is set up with food, wine, and champagne on ice. The entire space is open with an incredible view of the entire stadium. There are flat-screen TVs, leather sofas, a full bar, and a gorgeous balcony where you can watch the action live.

"My God!" Donna spins around to take it all in. "I think my concept of going to a baseball game was just a tad outdated."

"It's not like this for everyone." Mike chuckles. "There are still plenty of cheap seats out there if you want to walk on peanut shells and get drenched in warm beer."

"Oh, no." Donna plops on to the leather couch and laughs. "This works."

As much as Donna is genuinely impressed by the suite, there is a different kind of emotion stirring in her gut. She _understood _that Harvey was a really good player. And she _knew _he was famous to some degree and wealthy, of course. But _this_? This was taking things to a whole new level. And she wasn't quite sure how she fit into it.

"It's insane, right?" Rachel comments as she hands Donna a glass of wine. "Come out on the balcony, I want to show you something."

Donna gets up and follows Rachel outside the glass doors. She never would have thought a baseball field could be described as beautiful, but there it was. Stunning in its own right, and once again she was impressed.

"You see that area out there?" Rachel points out toward Donna's two o'clock. "It's called the Bullpen. It's where the pitchers warm up. Harvey will be out there throwing pitches to the catcher if the coach plans to bring him into the game."

"Okay, yeah. Harvey explained this to me. In order for him to come in, they have to have a lead in the last inning. Right?" Donna glances at Rachel for confirmation. "Then he comes in and _closes_ the game. They call it a _save._"

"Impressive!" Rachel slaps Donna's arm playfully. "You've got the basic idea down. Sometimes they seem to change all that, but I don't always get it. Mike says there are exceptions to every rule." Rachel shrugs.

"Anyway," she continues, "Harvey will run onto the field from the Bullpen over there so we have to make sure we are paying attention."

Over the next hour the sun sets and casts an orange glow over the field as thousands upon thousands of fans make their way into the stadium. Donna begins to notice, person after person, wearing Harvey's jersey. Mike was right and many of them say **SPECTER** across the back. It's just surreal for her to think that all these people are wearing _his_ number. They are die-hard fans of the man who was rubbing _her_ feet, in _her_ apartment just two nights ago. How is this even real?

The suite also fills with strangers all talking baseball and other sports, making Donna feel like a fish out of water. Just as she resigns herself to be a complete wallflower a familiar face walks in. Gordon.

Donna heads over to him immediately. So relieved to have someone new to talk to.

"Gordon!"

He turns at the sound of her voice and the surprise that flashes there is quickly replaced with a soft smile. If she hadn't been so good at reading people, she would have missed it altogether.

"Donna Paulsen! Wow! This night just gets better and better." He ignores her outstretched hand and brings her in for a hug. "Aren't you due on stage in an hour?" he asks, his expression one of genuine confusion.

"I… got the night off," Donna responds with just a hint of awkwardness.

Gordon tilts his head slightly and nods. "That's great."

A young man next to Gordon clears his throat less than subtly.

"Oh. I'm sorry." Gordon turns to him. "Donna, this is Marcus, Harvey's younger brother. Marcus, Donna. Harvey's…"

"Friend," Donna finishes for him, seeing he's not sure how to. "Nice to meet you, Marcus." She says as she shakes the younger man's hand. She almost adds, _Harvey didn't mention having a brother, _but she decides against it.

"_Friend_, is it?" Marcus smirks and Donna immediately sees the resemblance. "I thought I could count all of Harvey's friends on one hand? And not a single one of them looks anything like you."

Gordon gives his son a quick jab to the ribs and walks Donna out onto the balcony.

By the time the game starts, at 7:05 pm on the dot, the stadium is roaring and bursting at the seams. The Yankees take an early lead with a two-run homerun and the entire place goes ballistic.

Donna is pleasantly surprised at what a great time she is having. It could be the obvious connection she has with Gordon, or the fact that she's on her third glass of wine, or maybe, just maybe, she actually _likes _baseball after all.

The Yankees were up on the Orioles 4-0 in the seventh inning when Donna taps on Mike's shoulder.

"So, it's almost the end, right? And we are winning? So Harvey will pitch?"

Mike smiles. He noticed she just used the pronoun _we. _"Not unless Baltimore scores," he explains. "The game has to be within three runs. If they are winning by four or more, it's not a save opportunity and Harvey won't pitch."

Donna pouts a bit as her bottom lip rolls out.

"Then I'm going to cheer for them to get a point."

"A run," Mike corrects, but Donna is walking back out to the balcony.

Donna gets her wish when the Orioles hit a three-run shot in the top of the eighth inning, bringing the score within one.

"Donna! Donna!" Rachel shrieks. "There he is! He's up! In the Pen"

Donna runs over next to Rachel and looks out toward the area she had pointed out. She can't see him too clearly due to the distance, but she can tell it's his number. Mike walks over and nudges her and then points to the enormous screen in center field.

Donna sucks in a sharp breath that turns the heads of both her friends. It strikes her as funny that she is caught off guard at the sight of him in a baseball hat, all things considered. But the hat is just the beginning. The way his uniform snugs his broad shoulders and bulging biceps literally makes her knees go weak.

"You okay, there?" Mike teases. "You need a moment alone?"

"Shut up, Mike!" Rachel defends her friend. "You're just jealous."

The Yankees hold the lead, but don't score in the bottom of the inning. So when the ninth inning starts the score is still 4-3.

Donna, Mike, and Rachel, along with Gordon and Marcus line the railing on the balcony as the door built into the wall in right-center field opens and Harvey emerges.

The intensity of the entire stadium is palpable. The pounding music accompanied by the screams and cheers of the crowd make Donna's ears ring. The guitar solo that blares through the speakers is one she recognizes immediately as _Thunderstruck_ by ACDC. As Harvey breaks into a full sprint the crowd bellows out "Thunder!" along with the piercing whine of the guitar. "THUNDER!"

Donna is awestruck. She has never witnessed this type of energy coming from so many people at the same time. Thousands of people all coming together as one united entity.

All for _him. _For Harvey.

That stirring in her stomach comes back in full force. The feeling that maybe all this was more than she could handle. She works in show business, and she understands fame. But this is a completely different world than the one she knows and old voices that she had buried long ago, surface. Whispering in her ear that she could never be enough for him.

The next few minutes pass in a blurry haze. Harvey fires pitch after pitch and the crowd roars louder and louder with each swing and miss. Three players come to the plate, and three players are sent back to the dugout. One by one, Harvey mows them down and the fans can't get enough.

The Yankees win. Harvey gets his first save. Everyone in the suite is cheering, smiling, high fiving. Donna should be jumping up and down with excitement, but instead she feels a little sick.

"Donna?" Rachel puts her hand on Donna's shoulder. "Hey, are you okay? He did it! He was amazing!"

Donna offers a weak smile. He had been amazing. This entire night had been like a dream. Too good to be true, in fact. And it terrified her.

Over the next fifteen to twenty minutes the suite emptied out. It was a Thursday night after all, and people had to work in the morning. Gordon and Marcus said their goodbyes and told Donna they'd hoped to see her again soon. Marcus made a crack about coming to family dinner at the Specter's and Donna knew exactly what he was implying. Gordon made her promise that she would come see one of his gigs, now that they had seen her show and Harvey's game.

Donna isn't really sure what is supposed to happen next. Does Harvey come up here when he's done? Does she go down to the field? Should she just leave and talk to him tomorrow? She hasn't been able to shake the weird sense of doubt that has been haunting her all night. The reality of Harvey's fame and stature somehow feels like a heavy load she's not strong enough to carry. The more she learns about him, the more she sees the life he lives, the less she feels like she belongs.

"I think I'm going to head home," Donna says to both Mike and Rachel at once.

"What?" Mike says incredulously. "Head home? Don't you want to see Harvey?"

"Oh, I don't know. I'm sure he's busy with reporters and stuff. I can wait to see him tomorrow."

"Donna, I'm sure Harvey will be excited you came. Let's just head out to the back tunnel and meet him there."

Donna isn't sure she is ready to see Harvey but she agrees with a silent nod anyway, doing her best to push down the insecurities she hates so much.

_What happened to the girl who told him she was relieved they hadn't been set up? Where was the confident actress that could send an entire theatre to their feet in roaring applause? How she had fallen so hard, so fast, that she was doubting herself in ways she had vowed never to do again?_

By the time they get down to the player tunnel, it's packed along both sides with avid fans. Donna notices as she follows Rachel that more than half the jerseys people are wearing are number 42. She swallows thickly as she notices that although there are a few kids,and a handful of middle-aged adults, almost every fan who is wearing his jersey is a girl between the ages of maybe 16 and 26. The reality of that fact does nothing for her anxiety.

As they stand off to the side and wait, Mike tries to call Harvey. When he gets his voicemail, he tells the girls he's going to go around the other way to find him.

A few players exit the stadium after Mike leaves. The fans cheer and call out to them as they stop and sign autographs and even take a selfie or two.

Donna and Rachel start talking about this and that's when there is a sudden uproar amongst the fans.

Donna starts to pick up on what everyone is yelling.

"Harvey!"

"Harvey!"

"Mr. Specter!"

She can't really see over the hundreds of people so she walks a few steps away from Rachel and up a small grass berm to get a better view. It only takes a moment for her to regret it.

Harvey is clad in black slacks and a maroon button-down dress shirt. As he walks through the screaming fans they are reaching for him, grabbing his arms, calling his name. His eyes sparkle with pride as he flashes his perfect smile at every single one of them. He looks so happy. In his element.

Young girl after young girl run their hands down his chest or along his arms. He stops to sign autographs and to take selfies with them. A group of four girls who don't look older than twenty, push their way through the weak barrier and wrap their arms around him.

She can see him laughing as the girls scream declarations of love and snap photo after photo of themselves, and each other, in his arms.

Donna's mouth has gone completely dry. Her eyes, hazy. _This is his reality._ Whatever she thought they had, it wasn't real. Maybe he'd enjoy her company for a while, but _this _was the life he was accustomed to.

Her heart breaks as she watches him and feels him slipping away. Just then, one of the girls, a gorgeous blonde, grabs Harvey by the neck and pulls him into a sloppy kiss.

"Donna." Mike jolts her from her trance as he grabs her shoulder. She spins around to look at him, eyes wide and breathing in spurts.

"Donna?" he says again, concerned by the look on her face.

"I'm leaving Mike. Please let me go."

Mike doesn't even realize he is holding on to her arm. "Donna, what happened?" Mike looks down from the berm and sees security pulling a group of young girls from Harvey. When he turns back to Donna, she's already walking away so he jogs to catch her.

"Donna. Donna!" he calls after her. "Donna, stop, please!"

Donna turns around to face Mike with tears streaming down her face. She doesn't say anything, she just glares.

"Hey." He reaches for her arm but she crosses them in front of her. "Donna, they're just fans. You can't let them bother you. It doesn't mean—"

"Don't finish that sentence, Mike Ross. Don't you dare tell me what it does or doesn't _mean." _Donna wipes at her face, furious with herself for being so emotional.

"I can't do… _this! _That's why I had that damn rule in the first place," she continues.

Mike tries to interject but she holds up her hand to silence him.

"I just… _can't."_

Donna leaves Mike standing there in the dark parking lot, hands stuffed in his pockets, wondering what the hell he's going to tell his best friend.


	5. Chapter5

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has supported me with amazing reviews and tweets. This story is so much more fun to write knowing you are enjoying it and waiting for updates. Thank you to Heather, Steph, Blue, Nat, and Sarah for being there to help at all hours.

This chapter is dedicated to my dear friend Kinga (@DarveyGirl). Thanks for giving this AU a shot for me. Hope this chapter is right up your angst alley. Never doubt how much you and your friendship mean to me. LOVE YOU!

Chapter 5: The Past

Harvey eventually makes his way through all the fans and finds Mike and Rachel waiting for him. The smile he is sporting fades slightly as he senses something is off.

"Up high Mother-Flecker," he says, assuming he's imagining it and raising his hand in the air.

"You didn't get my text?" Mike says, leaving Harvey hanging.

"Text? No. My phone's off."

He starts to unzip his bag to look for it when Mike reaches to stop him.

"Donna came." Mike sighs.

"Really?" Harvey's face lights up as he scans the area. "Where is she?"

"Gone, Harvey," Rachel speaks up. "She left."

"Okay, you two are giving me a really bad vibe. What the hell I'd going on?" He glares at them both.

Mike takes in a deep breath and lets it out with a whoosh.

"I think she was overwhelmed," Rachel jumps in when she can see Mike is at a loss.

"Overwhelmed? With what?" Harvey starts to push his way past them. "I'm going over to her place."

"Harvey." Mike stops him with a hand to his chest. "Maybe you should just give her some time."

"Time? What the fuck does that mean? Did I do something to upset her?" His voice escalates as he throws his hands up in frustration.

"Just... calm down, Harvey." Mike attempts a reassuring tone, although he knows no one likes to be told to calm down.

Harvey drops his bag and tilts his head toward his friend.

"What happened?" His voice is thick.

"She wanted to surprise you. She asked her director for the night off like a week ago."

Harvey clenches his jaw and attempts to swallow the lump forming there, as a sick feeling rises up in his gut. He is moved at Mike's words, but he knows this is not going to end well.

Mike wrings his hands in front of himself. He hates to be the one to tell Harvey all this and he can already see the emotion building in his friend's eyes. He is well aware that Harvey holds his cards close to his chest. The only time he had ever seen him break down was back in college when Harvey told him about his mother, and how he felt responsible for blowing up his entire family.

"Hey, Rach? Can you give us a minute? I'll meet you at the car?"

Rachel nods to Mike and gives Harvey's arm a light squeeze, but he doesn't look up.

"Rachel and I met her at the gate and took her up to the suite. She was pretty awestruck by everything. Rachel gave her the rundown on the bullpen and where she could look for you."

Mike pauses, more for his own benefit than Harvey's.

"She seemed to be having a great time. She hung out with your dad and Marcus."

"Marcus? Christ." Harvey furrows his brow. He can only imagine what embarrassing things he may have said.

"Then it was like something just, flipped. Like a switch." Mike twists his mouth in thought. "When the game ended she seemed… off."

"And she just left?" Harvey's voice has a slight crack that doesn't get past Mike.

"No." Mike takes another breath. "She came out here with us. We couldn't get to you with all the fans. I tried to go around, to let you know she was here, but it was chaos." Mike looks down at his feet and back up to Harvey.

"She saw that girl kiss you, Harvey. I think it really freaked her out."

"She... what? That… I… didn't she see me push her off of me? Security dragged her off for Christ's sake!" Harvey runs both his hands through his hair, still damp from his shower. "She can't possibly think…"

Mike reaches for his friend but drops his arm before making contact.

"Fuck!" Harvey spits out as he slaps his hands back down to his sides. Neither of the men speak for the next minute or so. Harvey just rubs his mouth with his hand as his mind searches for a solution.

"I'm going over there." He picks up his bag.

"Harvey…"

"No, Mike. I'm going."

Harvey climbs into the back of the Lexus, leaving Mike standing there.

"Take me to Donna's, Ray."

……

Harvey gets within ten feet of Donna's door before the doubt creeps in. What the hell is he going to say? He doesn't do emotions. He's never been good at explaining how he feels. He could show her with his body. He's always been good at that. But something tells him that's not the right hand to play.

He continues walking until he's right in front of her door. He stares at the numbered plates, 206, as he wipes his now sweaty hands on his pants. A familiar voice in his head urges him to run. He doesn't need her. He doesn't need this. If she doesn't want what he has to offer then so be it.

But he doesn't move. His feet are glued to the floor. This ache in his chest is suffocating him and he just wants it to stop. He knocks briskly three times just to the right of the brass numbers.

In general, Harvey is in incredible shape with a heart rate that sits less than 40 bpm. Currently, it's at least three times that.

He's not sure how long he's been standing there. Ten seconds? Ten minutes? He doesn't hear the slightest indication that anyone is coming. She has to be home. He glances at his watch and sees it's after 11:00 pm.

"Donna!" He calls through the door as he knocks again.

This time he hears movement inside. He holds his breath but the door doesn't open. He feels her presence. She's there.

He lays his hand flat on the door.

"Donna?" He waits.

"Harvey, what are you doing here?" Her voice is faint but he can still hear the pain in it.

"Donna." He rests his forehead on the door unable to resist the need to be closer to her. "Open the door."

She doesn't respond. The door remains shut, but he knows she's there. Just on the other side.

"Please?"

When he hears the click of the bolt, he pulls his head from the door and steps back. The door swings open slowly and reveals a puffy-faced Donna in her pajamas. Her eyes are on the floor and she doesn't look up.

"Hey," he whispers. He fights the urge to reach up and touch her cheek. It kills him that he's not sure he has the right. "Can I come in? Can we just… talk?"

Donna walks away from the door letting it fall open, indicating her unspoken response.

Harvey follows her in and shuts the door behind him. Donna sits in the chair opposite the couch and Harvey takes it as a sign she doesn't want to be that close to him. It feels like a knife in his side.

He sits across from her and just watches the flames dancing in the fireplace. He has no idea how to do this.

"I didn't want that girl to kiss me. I pushed her off the second I got my bearings." His gaze doesn't leave the fire, but from the corner of his eye, he can see her flinch and cross her arms in front of her chest. Shit, maybe not the best way to start.

"Listen, Donna. I don't really know what to say, because I have no idea what even happened." Harvey just stares at his hands because looking at her hurts too much. "I just know you're mad at me and I —"

"I'm not mad at you."

The sound of her voice snaps his eyes up and their gazes lock on one another. Initially, he is hit with a wave of relief, but the distance in her eyes immediately sobers him.

"Then what is it?" He almost wants to take the question back the moment he verbalizes it, not sure he's prepared to hear her answer.

"It's complicated." She looks away. "It wasn't just that girl kissing you, or the hundreds of girls screaming your name, or the thousands of fans worshipping your every move, it was all of that, it was everything."

"I don't understand." Harvey scoots forward on the couch just to get a few inches closer to her. He can hardly control the need to reach for her hand.

"Of course you don't! Because you're you!" She lets out a huff. "Harvey Specter, The Best Closer in New York." Her voice is cold and condescending.

That hits him like a slap in the face and his own walls instinctively shoot up.

"Wow. Okay, then." He slaps his hands on his knees and gets up from the couch. He doesn't try to hide the bitterness in his tone.

"I didn't mean to say it like that, Harvey!" Her eyes fill with tears but she doesn't get up. "It's just that you don't know what I've been through."

"Because you won't tell me!" His voice cracks as he raises his hands and lets them drop. His gut is wrenching. His eyes welling up.

"I just can't go through it again. It's why I made that damn rule!" Her own voice is wavering now as she looks away from him and down to her lap. "I never should have let it get this far."

Another jab to the ribs and Harvey clenches his jaw and bites back the urge to say something hurtful. Yeah? Well, I wish we'd never met.

Instead, he stalks toward her door. He's heard enough.

"Harvey, wait!"

He stops and turns to face her.

"You know what, Donna? My past wasn't all sunshine and roses either. You don't have a monopoly on pain."

He looks at her, standing just feet from him, tears staining her cheeks. And as hurtful as her words had been, he just wants to hold her.

"I'm sorry." She lets out a sob. "I don't know how to do this."

He moves toward her but she steps back and puts her hand up to stop him. Her actions hurt him more fiercely than anything she had said.

"I need some time," she whispers. "Some space to sort through... everything. Can you give me that?"

Harvey's bites down on his back teeth and balls his fists at his side. Afraid that if he speaks he'll lose control. He gives her a curt nod and shows himself out.

……

The minute the door clicks shut, Donna collapses to the floor. She drops her face into her hands and gives in to the tears. She welcomes the pounding headache because it distracts her from the pain in her chest.

As much as she fought it, she wanted him to show up. Needed him to. And when he did, she had shut him out.

Donna picks herself up from the floor and makes her way to the bedroom. She has worked for years to bury this part of herself. The part that doubts, and worries, and wallows. One thing that had drawn her to acting was the opportunity to put on a mask and become someone else.

She is strong. She has overcome enough disappointment and pain in her life to prove that. She knows she is kind and witty and fun.

She holds a washcloth under the hot water from the tap in her bathroom and wipes her face. With a deep breath, she just holds the towel there to let the heat seep into her skin. As she pulls it away and sees her reflection in the mirror, she regains her balance.

She cares about Harvey. Much more than she intended to, and far more than she's comfortable with. She knows she hurt him tonight. He had done nothing to deserve her rejection other than be too much of everything she ever wanted.

Her instinct to run when something feels too good is rooted in relationships from her past and she never should have allowed a man like him to get this close. For either of their sakes. As she climbs into bed and pulls the comforter up to her chin, she lets her mind wander over their brief time together.

The first moment Donna laid eyes on him, he had his hand in the air in an awkward wave and he flashed that incredible smile. Her first defense mechanism was activated instantly. Confident indifference. It was her forte. But somehow between the dancing, the piano, and the walk along the park, he'd found a crack in her wall and she'd been grateful for it.

The engagement party was when she'd really faltered. The feel of his breath on her neck. His husky voice whispering in her ear. He stirred a desire deep in her loins that she couldn't deny.

By the time he sent the roses and the adorable poem, Donna was too far gone to recover. She was head over heels for him, and the scariest part is that she had let herself believe it could be something.

That was before he had kissed her. Donna feels a hum between her legs as she closes her eyes and goes back to the moment she first felt his lips on hers. His tongue in her mouth. His hands on her body. She squeezes her eyes tightly shut as new tears threaten to fall.

She is in love with him.

The gravity of it settles on her like a ton of bricks and she clutches the sheets at her side to brace herself. There is something about him that just draws her in. The soft way he looks at her, the way her body responds to his touch, the sound of his voice when he says her name. If only she was brave enough to let go. Let go of the past, of her fear.

Donna had told him she needed time. Maybe, if he was willing to give it to her, she could find the courage to let him in. To truly open herself up to the love that had planted its roots inside her.

In the safety of her own room, as she gives in to sleep, she admits to herself that she wants that more than anything.

……..

Harvey's mood couldn't be more of a one-eighty from yesterday. He went to bed pissed, woke up angry, and now he's walking into the clubhouse spitting bullets.

He's intimidating enough on a good day. Standing six feet tall and a solid one hundred ninety-five pounds of pure muscle, but when he's in a mood, watch the fuck out.

"Harv." Tanner nods as Harvey sits on the stool in front of his locker.

"Hmph,." Harvey grunts.

"Fastball was crack-a-lackin' last night," Tanner says as he unties his tennis shoes. He knows when Harvey's got a rod up his ass, and though he usually enjoys pushing his buttons, it's game day and they need him focused.

Harvey doesn't even bother to grunt this time. He just takes his shirt off and throws it into his locker.

Tanner's almost positive that Harvey's redhead was here last night. He spotted a gorgeous ginger talking with Mike when he walked to his car. He really wants to ask if there's trouble in paradise. But he knows Harvey won't hesitate to punch him in the face. Wouldn't be the first time.

"How's the arm?" he asks instead.

"Fine." Harvey pulls on his jersey and begins methodically buttoning it up.

"Anything you want to talk —"

"No." Harvey marches into the training room.

…..

The Yankees win again but they don't use Harvey. Thanks to a couple of late-inning home runs they handle the Orioles 8-2 and improve to a 2-0 record.

Mike had texted Harvey before the game that he had some business stuff to discuss with him and that he would drive him home. After they had a couple of beers.

Harvey wanted to say he wasn't interested. But the idea of going home and drinking alone two nights in a row, was depressing.

They walk into the upscale bar where Mike knows he will always have a corner booth waiting and they won't be disturbed.

"I didn't really get a chance to tell you last night, you looked great out there. Dominant, in fact." Mike breaks the ice with a stroke of his friend's ego. It'd been known to help.

The waiter drops off two glasses of scotch and hurries away.

"Thanks." Harvey takes a sip on the amber liquid and relishes the burn in his throat.

Mike follows suit as he hesitates with how to broach the subject.

"She doesn't want to see me anymore." Harvey takes another drink of his scotch. He knows Mike took him out to find out what happened and he'd rather just cut the small talk and get it over with.

"Did she say why?" Mike can hear the pain in his friend's voice but he tries to keep the conversation going.

Harvey just stares at his drink. His emotions are all over the place. One minute he wants to pick up the glass and hurl it at the wall and the next he wants to cover his face with his hands and just, let it all out. He purses his lips as her words run through his mind.

You don't know what I've been through.

I just can't go through it again.

I never should have let it get this far.

"Not really. Sounded like someone hurt her in the past. And for some reason, she thinks I'll do the same."

"Permission to speak freely?" The lawyer in Mike comes out.

Harvey just shrugs, nods, and sips his scotch.

"You've never really been good at long term relationships. Ever consider she might have a point?"

Harvey sighs and looks Mike in the eyes. "Yes. Every time I stop being pissed off for more than two seconds."

Mike respects his honesty but senses it's not that simple.

"What are you going to do?" He swirls the alcohol around in his glass.

"She asked me to give her some time. Space. To figure things out."

"And?" Mike raises his eyebrows. "Do you think she's worth it?"

Harvey finishes his scotch in one last gulp.

He tilts his head at Mike, "You know the answer to that."

"Oh, I do. I just wanted to make sure you knew." Mike chuckles.

"What would I do without you?" Harvey deadpans.

……

Despite being exhausted, Donna had agreed to meet Rachel for coffee. She's going to be performing in 4 shows in the next 36 hours and she has to be at the theatre before noon. She's emotionally and physically drained and barely hanging on by a thread. Which is exactly why she's meeting her best friend for coffee.

Rachel is already sitting at the counter in the coffee shop they deemed theirs when they moved to New York after Yale. The minute she sees Donna, she hops off the stool and wraps her in a tight embrace. Great. Donna's eyes are already stinging.

"Hey," Rachel says softly. "Thanks for saying yes."

"Thanks for not taking no for an answer." Donna pecks her cheek.

"Let's start with the easy stuff," Rachel says as the waitress puts down two coffees.

"How are you feeling? Physically, I mean. All these shows must take so much out of you."

"You know," Donna starts as she sips her coffee, wishing she had some vanilla, "I'm doing okay with that. All those years of yoga and dance prepared me well." Donna is about to say except for my feet, but that makes her think about Harvey, and she takes another drink instead.

"And emotionally?" Rachel treads carefully.

Donna tilts her head at her friend and sighs. "Emotionally, I'm a wreck." Just saying it out loud makes her eyes fill up.

"Oh, Donna." Rachel lays her hand on Donna's. "I can't help but feel like this is all my fault."

"Your fault?" Donna's voice raises in pitch as she sits back in her chair. "Why on earth would it be your… Rachel Elizabeth Zane!"

Rachel puts her hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh.

"You planned this! You knew about my rule and you still set me up?" Donna is whisper-shouting now, with an incredulous look on her face.

"I set you up because of your rule, Donna," Rachel replies. "You never gave me any good reason for it and Mike and I thought you and Harvey were per—-"

"You AND Mike? He was in on this?" Donna turns from her friend and shakes her head. You can practically see the wheels spinning in her mind.

"Did Harvey know? That this whole thing was some kind of plan?" Donna feels like a pawn all of a sudden and her voice starts escalating.

"No, no," Rachel reassures her, feeling terrible about the direction this is going. "Harvey was in the dark. Same as you, Donna. I swear."

Donna lets out the breath she was holding and gives her friend a curt nod.

"I am sorry, really." Rachel squeezes Donna's hand. "But you have to admit … we weren't wrong. The air between the two of you was crackling from the moment you sat down in that booth."

Donna closes her eyes at the memory. "Actually, it was from the moment I laid eyes on him."

Donna spends the next few minutes telling Rachel about what transpired in her apartment after the game on Thursday night. She doesn't go into detail about what happened in her past, but Rachel slowly puts the pieces together. Donna explains how she asked Harvey for time, but that he seemed really upset when he left, so she's afraid she may have ruined things between them. Tears were shed by both of them.

"Listen, Donna," Rachel says quietly when Donna is finished. "I know this is as cliche as it gets, but if he can't give you time to work through what you're feeling, he doesn't deserve you."

"I'm not sure that's fair, Rach." Donna wipes her cheek with her napkin. "He has been nothing but wonderful to me, and just because I have old wounds that haven't healed, doesn't mean he's a bad guy for not waiting around."

"Maybe not a bad guy," Rachel gets up to hug her friend, "but an idiot."

……

The Yankees suffered their first loss on Saturday night 3-0, which didn't help Harvey's foul mood. He drank one too many glasses of scotch alone in his apartment afterward and went to sleep on his couch.

When he woke on Sunday morning he had the headache he deserved. With a day game starting at 1 pm, as was the case on most Sundays, he had to be at the field in an hour. A hot shower, a cup of coffee, and four scrambled eggs later, it was still pounding.

He hadn't heard from Donna since Thursday night and it was driving him mad. He had almost texted her three hundred eighty-seven times and almost called twice. Space. He kept telling himself. She'd asked for space.

……

Harvey enters the game in the bottom of the ninth inning with a measly 1-0 lead. Their starting pitcher had thrown eight flawless innings and it was up to Harvey to close the door on the game and on the series.

He had been a bit wild in his warm-up and his focus was all over the place. Things didn't improve when he nailed the first batter he faced right in the ribs.

"Motherfucker!" he grumbles into his glove, as he uses the spike on his cleat to kick at the dirt next to the mound. He needs to get his shit together before he blows this game.

He strikes out the next batter but the runner on first steals second on a pitch in the dirt that got away from Tanner. So if Harvey gives up even a single, the run will most likely score and tie the game.

Tanner calls Time and jogs out to the mound to talk to Harvey.

They both cover their mouths with their gloves to hide the conversation from the cameras.

"Hey. You good?" Tanner says as he lays his hand on Harvey's shoulder.

"Good? No. I'm crap. I'm all over the damn place."

"Harv, look at me." He waits for Harvey to make eye contact. If it hadn't been for their years of history, his glare would have had Tanner turning away. "You own these guys. You hear me? They can't touch you. Just throw strikes, Harvey. You got this."

The umpire starts walking toward them which is the universal meeting's over signal, so Tanner gives Harvey a slap on the rear and jogs back to the plate.

Harvey regains his focus and gets the next batter to hit a weak ground ball to first for the second out, but the runner moves to third base.

Ok, Specter. Keep it together. One more out. Harvey kicks at the dirt some more and spits to the side as he stares down the batter.

His first pitch is high and he curses himself for it. Falling behind in the count can be a dangerous thing. If he throws a wild pitch here, the game will be tied.

His next pitch is a ball in the dirt. Tanner makes a great block to keep it in front of him and the runner on third stays put.

Harvey takes a slow deep breath. You've got this. He repeats Tanner's words in his mind.

His next pitch is a fastball that catches way too much of the plate and is driven high and deep in centerfield. The outfielder goes back, back, back to the wall… and makes the catch.

Game over. Yankees win. Harvey is doubled over with both hands on his knees. He never even turned around to watch the flight of the ball. Off the bat, he was sure it was gone. It's only the cheers of the crowd and Tanner running to him that tell him differently.

He exhales the breath he was holding.

It's in the shower about thirty minutes later he makes a decision. He can't stay in this place he's in with Donna. It's just not healthy. He needs to either move forward or backward. And the answer is obvious.

The minute he gets changed, he heads straight to The Ambassador Theatre.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This chapter didn't go exactly as I had planned. These two idiots have a way of taking over and writing the fic for me. Thank you again for all the amazing feedback. Reading your tweets and reviews is my FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK. So please keep them coming! Thanks again to my wonderful betas and advisers (lol) Heather, Steph, Blue, Nat, and Sarah. Love you guys.**

**Chapter 6: Baby Steps**

When Harvey hears the box office attendant say "sold out", he drops his head and mutters something about being an idiot. He looks around in front of the theatre fully expecting to find scalpers holding signs saying _Need Tickets?, _but apparently Broadway isn't Yankee Stadium.

He considers just waiting out back for her to leave after the show, but that's not what he came for. He came to _see _her. To watch her perform with all that confidence and talent that he found so enthralling the first time he had come.

He walks up to a small group of couples on the sidewalk.

"Excuse me," he interrupts their conversation. "Anyone happen to have an extra ticket?"

"No, sorry," one of the women answers him.

"Hey!" the guy next to her practically shouts. "You're Harvey Specter. Guys! That's Harvey Specter!"

Harvey motions with his hands for the man to quiet down as he scans the area. "Woah, keep it down. I'm just trying to get a ticket to see the show. I'm not looking to get mobbed out here."

"Shit! I'll give you mine if you give me an autograph," one of the other men says, which quickly earns him a slap on the arm from the girl next to him.

"You will do no such thing!" she scoffs at him.

"Wait, wait, wait," one of the girls says excitedly. "I know why you want a ticket! You and that actress have a _thing._ I saw the pictures on TMZ!"

"How romantic!" another one swoons.

"So, you'll give me your ticket then?" Harvey flashes his signature smile to hide his irritation.

"We paid $150 for these seats!" the autograph guy responds.

"How about this. I'll give you $500 for both your seats." He gestures to him and his date. "Plus an autograph." The man's eyebrows shoot up as he looks at his date.

"I guess." She shrugs her shoulders. "But we're going shopping," she adds.

Harvey takes the cash from his wallet, signs their Playbill, and heads inside. He's grateful that at least with two tickets he can put an empty seat between himself and the rest of that group.

…

When Donna spots him, she almost misses her line. She's in the middle of the third scene and out of the corner of her eye, she sees him. Harvey. In the audience. His eyes locked on her in an unwavering stare. She loses her breath and almost her footing with it. The lapse is quick, and the average member of the audience would never have noticed, but her director had.

"Donna, are you okay? You looked like you had a miniature stroke out there."

"I'm fine. I'm sorry. I just got… distracted for a second," she says, still flustered from Harvey's unexpected presence.

The rest of the night she makes sure not to look in his direction again. The last thing she needs is to stumble or miss a cue. But when the show is over and she takes her final bow, she lets her eyes drift to his seat and she finds it empty. The disappointment it brings is sobering. She lets the tears come and plays them off as happy ones.

Once she is changed and out of her wig and makeup she pulls her phone from her bag. She sees that she has a text message and she hates herself for the tangible response her body has. She wants it to be him so badly, she puts the phone down on the counter without checking. She shakes her hands in front of her as she paces. She's equal parts sure that is from him and also not from him.

_If it is from him… what will it say? I mean, he DID show up so that's good, right? But he didn't STAY so that's probably bad._

She snatches up the phone and clicks the bubble.

_**H: I had to see you. I hope you're not mad. You were amazing.**_

Her eyes fill with tears so quickly she can hardly read the last couple words. She plops down in her chair. She must read his message twenty times through her glassy eyes before finally putting it down to grab a tissue.

After a deep breath or two, she picks up her phone,

_**D: I'm glad you came.**_

She is tempted to write more. _I miss you. _Delete, delete, delete. _I'm sorry_. Delete, delete, delete. She decides that for tonight, this was enough. If she was going to make this work, it was going to require baby steps. And this was step one. She hits _send._

…

Harvey wakes around 3:00 am sweaty and hard. It takes him several moments to get his bearings.

His eyes flutter and he tries to regulate his breathing. He sits up against his headboard and takes a long drink from the water bottle on his nightstand. His heart is pounding and there is pressure in his lower abdomen. One or two quick strokes would finish him for sure.

She had been in his bed. In the dream. Naked and underneath him. It had felt so real he was having a difficult time coming down from it.

He closes his eyes and drifts back.

_He heard a knock on his door. It was so soft, he wasn't even sure there was someone there. When he opened it, it was her. Donna._

_She was crying and apologizing and he had just wrapped her in his arms and kissed her. The kiss went from tender and loving to passionate and desperate, and before he could comprehend what was happening they were shedding their clothes and moving toward his bed._

_She was so beautiful. Perfect. Her skin soft and flawless. Her hair falling in loose curls around her flushed face. Her breathing heavy and staggered. Donna was lying on her back as he just took in the sight of her. She was gripping the sheets and arching her hips toward him in a wordless plea for contact. But he'd waited. He wanted her need and longing for him to be unbearable. _

_He held out as long as he could, but the moment she groaned his name and bit on her lower lip he lost his control. He lowered his body closer to hers and ran his hand along the outside of her breast. His thumb barely touched her nipple as he caressed her reverently. The more she moved and moaned under him, the more weight he eased onto her. _

_It was so real. So intense he could still feel her beneath him._

Harvey opens his eyes and downs the rest of his water as he gazes at the tented sheet covering his body.

He attempts to swallow the lump in his throat. If ever he had wanted to fall back asleep and resume a dream, this was the time. The tightness in his crotch is quite literally painful. But the torment is not all physical. He feels spent emotionally as well. It's as though he had everything he wanted just snatched from his grasp and it left him feeling empty.

He considers just turning the rest of the dream into a fantasy and trying to bring some kind of release. But the dream had been too perfect to turn it into that. So he lays back down, pulls up the covers and tries to think of anything but Donna.

…

When Harvey wakes in the morning he still feels… pent up. Generally, when he feels tense the best medicine is a good hard run, so he throws on some sweats and a hoodie, grabs his headphones and hits the pavement.

It's early and the sky is still a pale shade of pink. Harvey loves to run outside, but he only does it once in a while for fear of being noticed. As long as it's early and he keeps his hood on, he's usually safe.

Once he gets his blood pumping along with the beat of his playlist, he falls into a steady rhythm. It's become second nature lately, when he allows his mind to relax, it drifts directly to Donna. If he's focused on something, like a workout, or a poker game, he can keep himself from thinking of her. But when his mind is clear, and left to its own devices, forget about it. She's always there.

The dream he had last night hadn't been the first one she was the star of, but it had been the most vivid. He's guessing because he'd gone to her show and seen her in person.

_I'm glad you came._

That's all she had said. He didn't really know what to make of it. He was glad she was glad, but he'd hoped for _more_. He had hoped she'd give him some indication of when he could see her again. He would be leaving on Thursday for a week and he really wanted to see her before then.

Harvey had never in his life been the one to pursue a girl. Even at a young age the girls had flocked to him. He could even remember two girls in middle school getting into a fist fight at lunch over which one of them he liked more. He hadn't really thought much of either of them if he was being honest. Although the fight was kinda hot, especially at 14.

All through high school and college he had been a star athlete and a strong student. When it came to dances or parties, he could have his pick of any girl he wanted. So the idea of putting himself out there for a relationship, the thought of taking a risk and being rejected, that was very new. And he wasn't a fan.

But he really wanted to see Donna. There was just something about her that was unlike any woman he had ever met. And in his gut, he knew she felt the same way. So if he could gamble at cards, or take a chance by throwing a changeup in a three-ball count, why couldn't he do it now? Donna was way more important than losing a hand or giving up a hit.

That's when he made up his mind. He was going to ask her out for a drink before he left town. What's the worst that could happen?

_She could say no…_

…

It's Monday, and Donna knocks her phone off the nightstand when she tries to mute her alarm. God, she hates Mondays. She lays there in denial for another fifteen minutes before finally rolling out of bed and getting in the shower.

It's not until she's sipping her coffee that she starts wondering where she put her phone. As she wanders around aimlessly looking in the usual spots, she remembers it falling on the floor by her bed. When she picks it up and heads to the couch, she notices her text message indicator has the number four next to it. As she lowers herself onto the sofa, she clicks on it and nearly spills coffee on her new white couch. All four messages are from Harvey.

_**H: I was thinking maybe we could grab a drink tomorrow night?**_

_**H: I have a day game and I know you said Tuesday is your night off.**_

_**H: I'm heading out of town on Thursday.**_

_**H: Just a drink. If you want?**_

Each message was about two minutes apart and the last one had been sent an hour ago. Her stomach swarms with butterflies as a warm sensation spreads from her heart out to all her extremities. God, she could not believe the way this man affected her. She covers her mouth as she thinks about the fact that he's been waiting an hour to hear her response.

She wants to say yes, of course. She misses him terribly, but she knows she's not ready to explain her behavior. Not yet. And Lord knows she is completely terrified that once she does she'll probably scare him off with her needy behavior and low self-esteem. No guy out there finds self-pity sexy. Especially not a guy like Harvey. He'd been attracted to her confidence. Her wit. Donna Paulsen, the kick-ass actress who didn't need anyone. But that wasn't really her, and what would happen when he found that out.

Donna stares at her phone for what feels like forever. She reminds herself of her talk with Rachel. Of the way, he has treated her since day one. The way he keeps showing up even when it's not expected. She reminds herself of her realization in the middle of the night.

She deserves to be happy. And if any man is worth the risk. It's this one.

_**D: A drink sounds perfect. What time should I be ready?**_

…

The Yankees get their fourth win on Monday night when they beat the Tampa Bay Rays, 5-3. Harvey pitched a perfect inning, striking out two of the three batters that he faced. He had felt great on the mound and even agreed to a drink with Tanner after the game.

"To another win and save number three." Tanner raises his beer and clinks it with Harvey's.

"You were great behind the plate tonight, Trav. Really, you called a great game back there."

"You must be in a good mood," he jokes. "I think I can count all the compliments you've given me on one hand."

"Come on." Harvey raises his brow. "I'm not that bad am I?"

"Worse," Tanner says with a smirk before raising his beer to his lips.

The two talk baseball and Tanner's family. He married his high school sweetheart about two years ago and they have a son who's just learning to walk.

"Scottie wants to start trying for number two! Can you believe that? Shit, one is hard enough."

Harvey just laughs as he finishes his beer, but something in his gut twists and the beer tastes a bit sour.

When Tanner married Scottie, he hadn't been the least bit jealous. He and Travis had both been called up to the Majors around the same time and Harvey had been enjoying the life of a celebrity. He had his share of beautiful women, but there were never any strings attached. And after what had happened with his parents, marriage was not on the table.

But when Tanner had his son, and Harvey had been at their place for a barbecue, he'd felt a twinge of… _something_. Tanner had always been the immature one. When they were rivals in college, Harvey always looked down on Tanner's _Playboy _mentality. Harvey was pre-law and took his education seriously, when all he ever heard about Tanner was that he loved to party. Now here he was, single and unattached, and Tanner was a family man. A dad. It just felt _weird. _And now with Mike getting married and talking about kids...

"How are things with Red?" Tanner asks when he notices his friend is lost in thought.

"Her name is Donna, Tanner. And you know it." Harvey picks up his new beer.

"Okayyy." Tanner drags out the word when Harvey stays silent. "How are things with Donna?" Tanner knew that something was up after the other night, but he'd hoped, for his friend's sake, that they had worked it out.

Harvey looks at Tanner intently, considering what exactly he should share.

"Not great. But I'm working on it."

Tanner purses his lips and nods his head, eyebrows drifting upward.

"What?" Harvey says frowning.

"Nothing." Tanner looks away and sips his beer. "Just never known you to work at any relationship." He turns back to Harvey and grins.

…

Donna does something on Tuesday afternoon that she's never done in her life. She tuned in to a baseball game. She had gone to her yoga class first thing that morning, came home, showered and threw on some comfy clothes.

Rachel had tried desperately to talk her into coming to the game, but she said no. She was actually really looking forward to drinks tonight and she didn't want to take the risk of screwing it up somehow. Baby steps.

So she made a plate of veggies, cheese and humus, poured herself a glass of cold white wine and turned on the game. If only her dad could see her now, she giggled.

Turns out that baseball on the TV is nothing like baseball in the stadium. She finds herself flipping through a magazine when she hears the name _Harvey Specter _come out of her speakers.

When she looks up, she puts her hand to heart at the sight of him up close and personal in his Yankee cap. He has a headset mic on and is speaking directly into the camera.

"Thanks, Sean. It's a pleasure to be on with you guys." Harvey says with that deadly smile.

Donna grabs her remote to turn up the volume.

"Harvey," a voice off-camera says, "The team is off to a great start and you are leading all closers with three saves. Are you pretty excited about the team's chances?"

Donna's stomach does a complete cartwheel as he opens his mouth to speak again.

"I feel great about our chances. We have a group of men in our clubhouse that want to win games. We grind out here every day, and when push comes to shove we support each other. No matter what, we have each other's backs."

"And how about your season, Harvey? There's a lot of buzz this year about this being your first All-Star selection."

"I appreciate that, guys, I do. But I just go out there and pitch. Do my best to help bring home a win for our team and our fans. The rest is out of my control."

"Spoken like a true professional. Harvey Specter, thanks for taking the time."

"Anytime, guys. Thank you for having me."

Donna listens intently as the two commentators continue talking about Harvey while the game continues on the screen. They talk about how he's been getting better every year and that he will be up for a big contract extension at the end of this year.

Donna hasn't moved a muscle since turning up the volume. She is so flabbergasted by the fact that Harvey was just on her television set. And she finds it pretty hilarious that her main take away from all that was, _Lord have mercy, that man is gorgeous!_

…

He finds himself standing in front of those three brass numbers with his nerves jumping and his pulse racing. _God, he was pitiful._

He raises his hand to knock but drops it back to his side instead. He shakes his head and runs his right hand through his hair. He doesn't want to screw this up. Inhale… exhale. Three quick knocks.

Donna opens the door seconds later and Harvey's mouth goes dry.

He had texted her earlier that he has a surprise and that she should dress casually. He hadn't seen her the night of the game until after she'd changed and he wondered absently if she had looked this good then as well.

Her jeans are tight and accentuate all her curves. Her sweater is baby blue with a V-cut neckline that provides a view that could make a proud man beg.

"You look… Wow." His voice comes out a bit raspy and makes Donna blush.

Harvey's black sweater is hugging his pecs and biceps in such a way that Donna needs a minute to find her words.

"So do you Harvey." She pushes up onto her tippy-toes and pecks his chiseled jaw. It was an innocent enough gesture but it leaves both of them breathless.

"Ready?" Harvey croaks. His voice hoarse from a lack of oxygen.

"Just let me grab my purse." Donna lays her hand on his chest and then finds it difficult to pull it away. She looks into his eyes as she feels his heart pounding and the heat of his body.

Finally, she turns away to get her purse and releases the breath she had been holding.

In the elevator Harvey's hand twitches at his side. How is it that she had held on to his arm on the night they met, but now, he's unsure about reaching for her hand. He wants to. He has this feeling, that can only be described as _need, _to touch her. But he's scared to push her too far too fast. He had promised himself that for once in his life he wasn't going to take the lead tonight. Just spending time with her was enough. For now.

"I thought about picking up a car for tonight," Harvey says as he opens the door of the Lexus for Donna. "But there is literally no parking where we are going so I opted for Ray."

"Well, I'm glad." Donna lowers herself into the car. "Because I've been missing you, Ray." She reaches up and squeezes his shoulder.

"The pleasure is all mine, Ms. Paulsen."

"Oh, no it's not, Ray." Harvey jokes with his driver and makes Donna blush.

On the drive they settle into casual conversation and Harvey almost forgets that they had ever had an issue. With his guard temporarily down he puts his hand on Donna's knee. She smiles at him, but it doesn't reach her eyes. In fact. her gaze shifts to her knee and then quickly back up to his face. It's subtle, but he picks up on it and removes his hand.

Ray drops them off outside of a small brick building with the name Arthur's Tavern.

"Jazz?" Donna's eyes light up as they walk through the entrance.

"Not just Jazz, real Jazz," Harvey says with a smirk.

Harvey sees the group of men he's looking for huddled near the bar and he leads Donna straight to them.

"I heard this was this was the best Jazz dive in New York, so why are you old geezers here?" Harvey slaps the back of a man facing away from him, but the entire group turns around.

"Lord have mercy, will you look at that! Harvey Specter in the flesh." The older gentleman gets up to wrap his arms around Harvey, and Donna spots Gordon on the stool behind him. It's all coming together.

Gordon gets up when he sees Donna and steps in for a kiss on the cheek. "Guys, I'd say gentlemen but I'm not a liar, this bombshell is Donna Paulsen, and for some reason, I have yet to figure out, she seems to enjoy Harvey's company."

That gets a hoot out of everyone, except Harvey that is. Gordon introduces Donna to what she realizes are his bandmates and he shows the two of them to a private booth.

"Our set starts in about ten. Hope you enjoy it," he says, as he squeezes Donna's hand and gives her a wink that is identical to his son's.

Harvey orders drinks for the two of them and they sit and talk while they wait for the band to set up. Harvey explains that Gordon is semi-retired and usually only fills in these days when they need someone. The rest of the guys live locally while Gordon lives in Boston.

"What about your mom?" she asks. "Does she ever come out to see him play?"

Harvey's lips tighten in a grimace as he sits up straighter in the booth. He clenches his jaw and looks away from Donna.

"My parents… aren't together anymore."

He is graciously saved from a conversation he doesn't care to have when the drummer starts his countdown and music washes over the entire bar. He sees the concern flash on Donna's face but she doesn't push.

As the first song turns into the sixth or seventh, and drink number one, becomes number three or four, Harvey notices that Donna inches closer and closer to him in the booth. He can feel her thigh touching his and it's causing a hum to permeate through his entire lower half. He balls the hand on his knee into a fist as he contemplates moving it to hers.

As if she could somehow sense his hesitation, Donna shifts another inch closer and lays her head on his shoulder. With newfound confidence, Harvey slides his hand from his knee to Donna's and tightens his grasp, just slightly. This time, he's pretty sure she likes it.

The band finishes their set around 11:30. Donna and Harvey say their goodbyes and she promises to follow them on Instagram and catch as many gigs as possible.

As Ray drives the two of them home, Harvey notices Donna's eyes growing heavy. He's guessing it's a combination of the alcohol and being overworked. He lifts his arm up and around her head. She doesn't hesitate or shy away from him. She leans right in and closes her eyes.

When they pull up at Donna's, Harvey softly jostles her.

"Hey," he says softly. "Come on, I'll walk you up."

When they arrive at Donna's door, they both stand in awkward silence. Harvey is hoping she will invite him, but she doesn't say anything.

"I had a great time." Harvey breaks the silence as he reaches for her hand. He looks into her eyes as he glides his thumb across the back of her hand. He tries to get a read on where they stand.

"So did I, Harvey. Really. It was perfect."

Donna puts her hands on Harvey's shoulders and leans in to kiss his cheek. Without warning, he turns his head so her lips land on his. _So much for not taking the lead. _

Harvey wraps his hands around Donna's waist, grasping her left forearm with his right hand. He pulls Donna closer so that every part of her body is pressed firmly to his. Her lips are soft and pliable against his as he tilts his head and slides his tongue past them. The moan he feels more than hears coming from her is all the encouragement he needs.

He backs Donna into the door of her apartment. 206. The numbers are engraved in his memory. His hands run up both of her sides slowly, applying just enough pressure to feel every curve of her body.

He doesn't want to push her too far but he can't seem to stop himself. The more he tastes her, the more he needs. He keeps his left hand gripping her ribcage so that his thumb brushes ever so lightly on the underside of her breast while his right reaches behind her head as his long fingers engulf the back of her neck, pulling her mouth closer as he slides his tongue deeper.

When he finally pulls back slightly to get air into his lungs she moans his name, "Harvey." The sultry tone is almost more than he can handle, but when he leans back into her, she repeats it. With a different tone, altogether.

"Harvey." It's a request. A plea. She applies the slightest pressure to his chest to signal she's asking for space.

When he looks into her eyes he knows what she's saying. _Not tonight._

"Baby steps, Harvey. Baby steps."

**AN: I know some of you were hoping for the big reveal of Donna's past. Hang in there. It's coming! (Baby Steps)**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: As I say with every update, I appreciate all the feedback more than I know how to express. PLEASE keep the reviews coming in because nothing pushes me to write faster. I am working from home for the next couple of weeks due to the school closures and I hope to write, write, write. Fair warning, this chapter is painful. Thanks to Heather, Steph, Nat, Blue and Sarah for helping me through this chapter. **

**Chapter 7 - Broken**

As her Friday night show was wrapping up, Donna couldn't stop thinking about getting home, getting comfy, and hopefully talking to Harvey. He'd left on his trip yesterday and they had agreed to talk tonight once they were settled. Harvey had picked up his fourth save last night in Toronto and she was excited to see how they had done tonight. Donna Paulsen, a baseball fan. Who would've thought?

She knows she needs to greet some fans and sign some autographs so once she's changed, she heads out to get it done. It had been a packed house tonight, and more people tend to stay for autographs after the weekend shows. Tonight was no exception. As the line moves along and Donna shares her sweet smile and beautifully crafted signature, she is filled with a warmth of appreciation. Being able to do something she loves this much, and then having people line up to shake her hand for it, can just be so humbling.

But the warmth quickly turns icy at the sound of a voice from her past. She knows it's him before she even turns her head and the bile rises in the back of her throat without warning.

"Donna Paulsen! A sight for sore eyes."

She swallows the vomit before she plasters on her best fake smile.

"Mark Meadows." She keeps her voice steady from years of training, but her knees begin to wobble beneath her. She doesn't make any move to reach for the hand he's extended and he eventually drops it.

"This is my wife, Shannon." He breaks the awkward silence and gestures to the big-haired, big breasted blonde to his right. "Shannon, this is Donna. We dated for a while in high school."

_And the vomit is back. Gulp._

Donna is concentrating so hard on just keeping her balance and not darting from the room, that she forgets her basic manners. Eventually Shannon speaks instead.

"It's an honor to meet you, Ms. Paulsen. You were bloody brilliant."

_Was that an accent? Is she British? _

Donna's not sure if she ever pictured who Mark would end up with but it certainly wouldn't have been a beautiful and seemingly articulate English woman. She finally manages to find her words.

"That's so kind of you to say." Donna offers a grimace because under the circumstances it's the best she's got.

She literally feels dizzy as sweat begins to bead on her forehead. If she could just lean on something…

"Are you married, Donna?" Mark smiles behind his well-trimmed beard and Donna wonders absently how long he's had it. His voice sounds _distant _somehow as she turns her focus to the golden flecks in his light brown eyes and wonders if this is what people mean when they refer to an _out of body experience_.

"Donna?" He reaches for her elbow. "Are you feeling alright?"

She yanks her arm away and steps back. Her reaction is instinctual and must seem overly dramatic to Mark and anyone else who happened to witness it.

"Excuse me," Donna says between staggered breaths. She turns and bee-lines to her dressing room.

She stumbles her way inside and barely gets the door shut before leaning against it.

The nausea gives way to heartache as her eyes fill with tears. Mark fucking Meadows. She never expected to see him again. Had made a distinct effort not to, as a matter of fact. And then bam, just like that, face to face.

Donna gingerly makes her way across the room to the water bottle on the dressing table. Her balance is still off, so she steadies herself with one hand while lifting the water to her mouth with the other. The majority of the water makes its way down the front of her rather than in her mouth.

She lowers herself into the chair and concentrates on regulating her breathing. How can pain from over a decade ago still cut this deep?

…

Save number five! God, he was on a roll and it felt fucking fabulous. As Harvey showered in the visitor's locker room, he couldn't wipe the grin from his face. The team had won again and he was pitching the best baseball of his life. And on top of that, he had kissed Donna senseless the other night, and she had liked it. He could _tell._

He knew what she had said. _Baby steps._ He could handle that as long as her steps were toward him and not away.

He was looking forward to calling when he got to his hotel.

"Try not to glance my way with that grin on your face." Tanner raises an eyebrow below the showerhead next to him. "The guys are going to get the wrong idea."

Harvey lets out a chuckle that makes Tanner laugh along with him. Even Tanner's smart mouth can't put a damper on his good mood.

The team piles into the bus for the ride to their hotel and Harvey puts in his headphones and listens to the new playlist he's been compiling. Mostly jazz, including the song Earl was playing when he and Donna danced the night they met, as well as a few from Tuesday, and some that just remind him of her.

He watches the Canadian night sky as the bus makes its way along the highway. He knows Donna is holding back. That she's apprehensive about getting serious with him. He should know what apprehension looks like since he's never truly been able to commit to anyone.

He's never been a guy to think long term. After what he had witnessed with his mother, he hated even the concept of marriage. And most women didn't want to get serious with a guy unless he wanted _that_. _Marriage_. A _family_. He swallows.

Suddenly, Harvey notices a bad taste in his mouth. A swirling in his gut, like he used to get in the backseat of the car when he was a kid. Where _exactly _did he see this thing with Donna going? He had been so drawn to her, so caught up in her beauty and the way she made him feel, that he'd let down his usually impenetrable walls. Obviously she had been hurt in the past, and did he really think he could offer her something _more? _Something _real_?

He rubs his hand over his face. She meant something to him. Maybe more than anyone ever had and he'd only known her for a short time. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her. He wanted her to have the happiness she deserved. And he had never really been good at making other people happy.

How quickly one's mood can change. He'd gone from feeling like a million bucks to a piece of shit, just like that.

His phone starts to buzz in his hand. Marcus. He declines the call, but texts him right away.

_**H: On the team bus. **_

_**M: Call me. It's about Mom.**_

_Well, fuck._

That doesn't help Harvey's mood one bit.

…

"She's sick, Harvey," Marcus says as soon as he answers the phone. "Like, really sick."

Harvey lets the words wash over him, but he says nothing in response.

"Harvey!" Marcus raises his voice. "Did you hear me? Mom's sick."

"I heard you, Marcus."

"You need to come see her Harv. She's asking about you."

Harvey swallows the lump in his throat. Marcus' words hit him hard. Much harder than he'd ever admit.

"How bad?" He clenches his jaw and balls his fist. Angry with himself for caring enough to even ask.

"I'm not a doctor, Harvey. But it doesn't seem too good. They're running a bunch of tests. Bobby says -"

"I don't give a shit what Bobby says, Marcus. Don't fucking mention that bastard to me." The mention of his mom's boyfriend brings Harvey's walls right back up.

"I'm in Canada, Marcus. I can't make it." Harvey's eyes start to fill with tears at the internal push and pull. He feels like it might physically tear him in two.

"I know that, Harvey. But Monday you fly into Boston. I'm not an idiot."

"I have nothing to say to her, Marcus. A visit from me is the last thing she needs."

How had this night gone to complete shit? Harvey just wants to throw something.

"You're wrong, big brother. And you're going to regret it if you don't come."

"Goodnight, Marcus. This conversation is over." Harvey hangs up the phone and stalks toward the wall of his hotel room. He lifts both hands up to his chin as he takes a fighter's front stance. His eyes well up with tears while he battles with the urge to throw a right cross straight into the wall. Knowing he'd only break his hand and potentially ruin his career, he grabs a pillow from the bed.

"Fuck!" he screams into it before chucking it across the room.

He knows he's supposed to call Donna. He had been so looking forward to it earlier. But now he just feels like a complete asshole who has nothing to offer and won't even visit his own damn mother in the hospital.

Harvey practically rips off the door to the mini-fridge and grabs a beer. He gulps it down like a bottle of water and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Despite the fact that it does nothing to calm his mood, it's getting late and he knows he needs to call Donna.

He gets undressed and lies on the bed. After taking several deep breaths he finally pushes the icon to call her.

"Harvey?"

He can hear it immediately. She's upset. Crying. He sits up and forgets about everything except her.

"Donna? What's the matter? Are you okay?" His voice is borderline panicked but he doesn't care.

"Um. Not really." She pauses. "I mean, yes, Harvey."

He can hear sniffling and he knows she's not okay.

"Donna. Tell me what happened? Where are you?" Harvey stands up and begins to pace around his hotel room. He wants to crawl through the phone and hold her somehow.

"I'm… still at the theater," she answers him in a defeated tone that only breaks his heart more.

"Okay. Okay. So you're safe? You're not hurt or anything?"

"Yes, I mean, no." She stumbles. "Harvey, I want to talk to you about it. I do. But I just need to get home." There is a crack in her voice that nearly kills him. "Can I call you when I get home?" she adds.

"Let me call Ray!" he practically shouts. "Just sit tight and I'll get Ray to come get you." He needs to help. She has to let him help.

"Harvey, that's not -"

"Donna, please. Let me help." There is desperation in his voice.

She's too drained to fight him, so she agrees.

…

Ray had picked up Donna within fifteen minutes and she wondered if he was some type of superhero. He felt like one tonight. So had Harvey.

She showered, slid into pajamas, and curled up in bed with a blanket.

Oh, and poured a tall glass of wine. If she was going to tell Harvey about her first boyfriend, she'd better just bring the whole bottle.

Harvey picks up on the first ring.

"Donna. Thank God. You're home?" The tender tone of his voice makes Donna well up.

_Shit. If she can't get through ten seconds without crying, how can she possibly tell this story?_

"Yes. Home, showered, and in bed."

"Good." He says so softly she barely makes it out.

"I ran into someone tonight." She may as well get straight to it. She takes a gulp of her wine. Harvey remains silent, cueing her to continue.

"Someone from my past and it… shook me up a bit."

"A man?" His voice sounds tight. Like he's asking through clenched teeth.

"Yes." Donna takes another drink from her glass.

_Inhale. Exhale._

"His name is Mark Meadows. He was my first boyfriend. I had just turned seventeen."

_Donna walked into the high school gym for the first day of the summer production of Grease. She found her group of friends giggling and whispering by the corner of the stage._

"_What's going on? What are you all whispering about?"_

_The girls pulled Donna into their huddle and pointed to the other side of the gym. There, leaning against the wall was Mark Meadows. The hottest and most popular guy in their school. Donna had had a crush on him since freshman year, but she'd never told a soul. She couldn't peel her eyes away. He was wearing a pair of baggy jeans and his letterman jacket, messing with his cell phone. Donna's parents wouldn't even allow her to have one._

"_Mark Meadows? In our play? Why? How?" Donna was rambling and it caused the girls to giggle even harder._

"_I heard he failed his art class," one of her friends whispered._

"_Yeah, and if he doesn't make up the credits, he won't be eligible for football!" another added, like such a fate would be the end of the world as they know it._

…_.._

"We met doing a summer play before our senior year. He was the star quarterback of the football team and I was an awkward theater geek, just starting to grow into my body."

Harvey clenches his jaw. He doesn't like the sound of where this is headed. He remains silent. Afraid an interruption will cause her to change her mind about telling him.

"I know this is a cliche as it gets, but Mark ended up being cast as Danny Zuko and I was Sandy Olsson. The two of us couldn't have been more fitting for those roles. He was popular and… _experienced._ I was nobody and completely naive."

…

"_Maybe we should grab something to eat after rehearsal. Go over some of our lines?" Mark was standing directly behind her. She could feel his breath on her neck. A strange tingle ran through her body that she had never felt before. It was a little exciting and a whole lot terrifying._

_The two of them started spending more and more time together. Mark even suggested they practice some of their kissing scenes. _

"_So we don't look awkward," he'd explained with a sweet smile and those puppy dog eyes._

_Donna of course agreed. Grabbing food and practicing kissing quickly turned into something more. They began spending all their free time together, and instead of kissing as Danny and Sandy, they were kissing as Mark and Donna._

_He was kind and caring and Donna fell into love for the very first time. He said he loved her too._

…

"We were inseparable for two months. I know it sounds ridiculous now, considering I was just a kid, but I felt so in love. Like every fairy tale I'd read, every romance film I'd seen, it was coming true, for me." She pauses to sniffle and take a sip of her wine.

"It's not ridiculous, Donna. Don't say that." Harvey's voice is low and pensive.

"Did you have your heart broken by a first love?" Donna replies.

Harvey knows that he was much more like the villain in this story than the victim and it makes his stomach turn.

"We aren't talking about me, Donna. Please, go on."

"As the summer drew to an end, I began to worry about school starting and how things between us might change. He told me he loved me and that we were soulmates. And on the last weekend of that summer, he convinced me to have sex with him." She pauses and swallows another gulp of wine. "It was my first time." Her voice cracks in the phone.

Harvey clenches his jaw and sits up in bed. The pain in her voice makes his blood curl and suddenly he wants to hit something again.

"I'm guessing things changed after that?" he asks, resigned to where this must be going.

"Yes." Donna sighs. "They did." She adds more wine to her empty glass.

…

_She had done it. She had sex with Mark and she was no longer a virgin. She couldn't decide if she was proud or embarrassed. He had said he loved her, and she had believed him. They were soulmates, after all._

_Donna's fears about the start of school changing things turned out to be well founded. He was always distracted and never had any time to spend with her. But whenever she tried to ask him about it, he said he was just busy with football and under a lot of stress._

_It was Friday night and the team had just won the first football game of the season. Mark had thrown three touchdown passes and the entire school had been chanting his name. Donna watched with pride as he and his teammates piled on top of each other out on the field._

_She was waiting for him by the bleachers like they had agreed, but five minutes turned into nearly thirty, and she thought maybe she had heard him wrong._

_Donna decided that maybe he was waiting by his car, so she made her way through the parking lot to look for him. The lot was pretty empty by then but she could see Mark's car was still there. As she got closer, she noticed the car seemed to be moving. Like, rocking back and forth. _

_Realization slowly dawned on her as her mind took notice of the steam fogging his windows. The thought of what was happening in that car spread through her body like a fast moving virus and it caused her stomach to lurch._

_Her mind was screaming for her to turn and go but her feet had other plans. Donna walked straight up to Mark's back window to prove to herself what she already knew to be true._

…

As Harvey sits in silence, listening to Donna's story, he squeezes his eyes shut and clenches his jaw.

She is crying now. Has been for the past several minutes. He can hear the pain oozing from her words and he would give anything to be able to hold her.

"I'm so sorry, Donna," he had said multiple times.

"That wasn't even the worst part," she says after a few moments of silence.

Harvey covers his face with his hand. He's not sure he can take any more of this. His empathy for Donna is painful enough, but his own past and his feelings about cheating only make it harder to hear.

"The next day, when I confronted him, he wasn't even sorry."

…

"_How could you do this to me?" Donna raised her voice in the courtyard before school._

"_Donna, would you calm down!" Mark looked around at the people walking by._

"_Calm down? You said you loved me!" She shrieked, throwing her hands in the air._

_Mark just huffed and shook his head._

"_What do you want me to say? It's just… what we do."_

"_What WHO does?" Her voice was incredulous._

_Mark looked around again as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his letterman's jacket._

"_Jocks." He shrugged._

…

And there it is. The final reason for her rule.

"Donna -"

"Something broke inside me that day, Harvey." Donna feels completely emptied out and exhausted. "He took something from me. And I don't just mean my virginity."

"I know, Donna. I understand." Harvey stops himself from apologizing for the millionth time. He presses the heel of his hand to his forehead.

"It took me so long to heal. It was three years before I even tried to start another relationship." Donna grabs a tissue from the nearly empty box and blots her eyes with it. "And now…," Donna stops mid-sentence as her throat closes before she can voice her biggest fear. "And now that bastard shows up out of nowhere and I'm a complete mess." The tears continue to stream down her face.

"Are you still in love with him?" Harvey doesn't even know why he asked when he's not sure he can handle the answer.

"With Mark?" Donna chuckles but there is no humor in it. "God. No, Harvey. I don't even know if I ever was." She sits up and tries to pull herself together enough to make him understand. "It has nothing to do with him, Harvey. Not really. This is about me. It's about the way I view myself and what I have to give. To someone like… you." She inhales and lets it out slowly. "I'm broken."

Those words.

They break him. All the anger, the hatred, the blame, the pain that he has had bottled up inside breaks free. Like a glass bottle dropped on the pavement, he shatters. And the tears rack his body as they pour from his eyes.

"Harvey?"

Donna swings her legs over the side of the bed as she hears him sobbing on the other end of the line. She is completely thrown off by what she hears, but it's obvious to her now that she is not the only one in pain.

"Harvey? What is it? Talk to me."

…..

Harvey's phone sits on the nightstand on speakerphone while he pushes his clenched fists into his eye sockets, trying to regain some sense of control.

Donna had opened herself up to him and with every word she said, he saw himself. All the pain of feeling betrayed by someone who was supposed to love you. The realization that they took a part of you, and you may never be whole again. The reality that you are indeed, broken.

He knows she's listening and he curses himself for being so weak. So selfish. He was supposed to be the one supporting her, and now...

"Harvey, please. Tell me what's wrong?"

Her voice is so full of concern and worry, that he forces himself to speak.

"I'm sorry, Donna." He wipes at his eyes aggressively and pulls off his shirt to dry them. "I'm supposed to be supporting you and now I'm the one falling apart. Nice work, Specter." He tries to clear the raspiness from his throat.

"Actually, Harvey. We are supposed to support each other." Grateful to have him talking, she pushes a little more. "Now I just spilled my guts over here. I think it's safe to say it's your turn."

Harvey sighs. He's never been much of a talker. But Donna has a point. And even though he has no idea why, or what it means, he actually wants to tell her.

He gets up to open another beer and sits in the chair at the desk.

After a few deep breaths he tells Donna an abbreviated version of the story. How he had caught his mom in bed with another man, and how she had convinced him not to tell. He goes on to explain the way it ate him up over the years and when he caught her again, while home from college, he lost it. The more he told her, the better he felt. It was as though he was unloading a heavy backpack of bricks, one by one.

"I eventually told my dad, and blew the whole family up. My relationship with Marcus has never really been the same since. And my mother and I haven't spoken in almost ten years."

"Oh my gosh, Harvey. That must be so painful for you." Donna's heart nearly bursts with empathy.

"Honestly, I pretty much just block it out. I'm guessing a shrink would say that's not healthy but it's working okay for me."

"Harvey, I don't think -"

"She's sick." Harvey takes a long pull from his beer. He may as well just let Donna see who he really is. "Marcus called earlier and said she's in the hospital. He says I need to go see her." Harvey swallows the lump forming in his throat and bites down on his fist as his eyes brim with tears again.

"Maybe you should?" Donna phrases it as a question. She's not trying to push.

"I can't." Harvey drops his face into the hand he has propped on the desk.

Donna has no idea what to say. She knows a thing or two about fractured parental relationships, but she also knows what a blessing it is to mend them.

"Listen, Harvey. No one can tell you what you need to do. That has to come from you. But I can tell you, that speaking from experience, the first step to healing is forgiveness."

Harvey nods to himself as Donna's words sink in and his tears pool on the corner of the desk. He has been told the same by his father and brother over the years, but somehow, coming from Donna, they finally take hold.

The two of them talk a little longer until neither can keep their eyes open.

"I can tell you're falling asleep. I should let you go." Harvey is under the covers himself and is physically and emotionally drained.

"I can't wait for you to get home," she whispers.

There is something slightly seductive about her tone and Harvey grins.

"I'll call you when I get to Boston, okay?"

She wants to ask if he's going to go through with it. Seeing his mom. But she decides to give him some time.

"Donna?" he continues before she responds. "You know I'm nothing like him. I'd never- "

"I know, Harvey," Donna says softly. "I know."

He smiles softly to himself.

"Goodnight, Donna."

"Goodnight, Harvey."

Harvey sets his phone on the nightstand and heads into the bathroom to brush his teeth. As he wipes his mouth with the towel, he takes a long look at his reflection in the mirror. As if having a silent conversation with himself, he nods. Harvey heads back to the bedroom and picks up his phone.

H: _**I'll be there, Marcus.**_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I am enjoying this wild ride so much because of all the amazing feedback I am getting. I have been able to connect with so many authors I admire and love through this process which is an amazing gift. I also want to give a special shout out to all the BETAS out there who work so hard behind the scenes to get these stories published. Most of them are authors themselves and they take time from their own fics to help out others. Thank you Heather, Stephanie, Blue, Nathalie, and Sarah for everything you do for me. PLEASE KEEP THE REVIEWS COMING! THEY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!**

**Chapter 8: Forgiveness**

As the wheels touch down at Logan International, Harvey's stomach is in knots. He had made the decision to go see his mom and considering Marcus, Donna, and even Gordon are aware of that plan, he doesn't see a way out of it. Not that he's changed his mind, he's just terrified he's not ready.

Tanner is sitting to his right in the window seat.

"You good?" He nudges Harvey's shoulder. "You look a little pale."

"Yeah." Harvey nods. "All good," he lies.

The team had split the remaining two games against Toronto and neither game had called for Harvey to pitch. They are currently a game ahead of the Red Sox in the division, which makes this series extremely important. In the past, Harvey had put his career above all else, and rarely had to concern himself with being _distracted._ But life has a way of throwing you a curve when you least expect it, and now he has both Donna and his mom on his mind.

_**Harvey: Just touched down. Pick me up at the hotel in an hour?**_

_**Marcus: Sounds good. See you soon.**_

For as much as his younger brother can drive him crazy, Marcus is a good guy. Harvey knows he left his brother in a really bad spot when he chose to tell his dad the truth. And even though all the wounds between them haven't healed, they have come a long way.

As promised, Harvey sends Donna a text, too.

_**Harvey: Just landed in Boston safe and sound.**_

_**Donna: Can you talk?**_

_**Harvey: About to get off the plane. Can I call you in a few?**_

_**Donna: Of course.**_

They had been texting each other all weekend but hadn't spoken since Friday night. Harvey is honestly blown away by how much better he feels after sharing his story with her. He had worked so hard all these years at keeping it buried, that the freeing feeling of letting it out took him completely by surprise. His dad and Mike are the only people in his life he ever really confided in, but with Donna, it's _different._

The team makes their way through the airport and onto the bus within minutes. Fenway Park and the hotel are only a few miles from the airport so Harvey figures he'll have time to talk to Donna before Marcus shows up.

"Hey," he says through a side smirk when he hears her voice through his phone. "I just got into my room."

"It's good to hear your voice, Harvey."

When she drops her voice down an octave like that it _does_ _things _to him. Especially when she says _Harvey_.

"It's good to hear yours, too." He sits on the end of the bed. "Are you in the car? It sounds like you're driving."

"Yeah, actually. I'm going to see a friend." She glances at the driver. "I just wanted to make sure you were still feeling good with your decision?"

"Well, I haven't changed my mind if that's what you mean." He pauses. "But I wouldn't use the words _feeling good_."

"I'm not going to tell you it will be easy, Harvey. Because it won't. But I really believe you're going to be glad you did it."

Harvey feels a twist in his gut as he takes in a shaky breath. He holds his hand in front of his eyes and watches as it literally shakes. He balls it into a fist.

"I hope you're right, Donna," he says softly.

…

"Are you sure about this?" Donna looks over at Mike.

"Positive. I spoke with Gordon and he wanted us to come. Both of us."

Donna wrings her hands in her lap as she watches the landscape zooming by the car window. When Mike told her he was making the trip to Boston, she had wanted to ask about coming along right away, but she never would have. Then he suggested it… and here they are.

"He's going to be so happy to see you, Donna." Mike reaches across and pats the hand she has resting on her knee. "I spoke with him last night and he couldn't stop saying how glad he was he told you. How you had helped him see that this is what he needed to do."

She smiles at Mike and nods before looking back out the window. To be honest, she's not just worried about Harvey. She's concerned about herself, too. She hasn't been able to keep her mind off of him, and this longing to be close to him is a bit overwhelming.

She pushes those doubts away. _This_ is right. Her coming to Boston. Her feelings for Harvey. She's done with all the second-guessing.

"I'm glad you told me to come, Mike." She smiles with more sincerity as she turns to face him again.

"I think it was the right thing to do," she said with conviction. And she meant it.

…

On the way to the hospital, Marcus explains to Harvey what's wrong with their mom. He doesn't really know how to use all the right terminology but he gives him the basics. Her white blood cell count is dangerously low. They think it's Leukemia. It may be terminal if they don't get her counts up.

Harvey can't remember ever feeling this… anxious. Even in his first outing in Major League Baseball, he had remained steely calm. As nervous as he had been standing at Donna's door, it was a cakewalk in comparison. He is a man who likes to be in control. When he was a kid, he was a boy who liked to be in control. And despite the fact that going to see his mom was his choice, he feels _anything_ but in control.

They pull into the parking lot of the hospital and he sees his dad leaning against his truck. It only takes a minute to see that he is talking to Mike. Harvey smiles. Mike has always been there for him in the toughest of times, and he is touched to see him here now.

As they pass them to find an open parking spot, he catches a glimpse of a third person. Goosebumps spread from the nape of his neck all the way down his spine. His breath catches in his throat. Donna. She came.

He stares straight out the windshield in front of him as he tries to gather himself. Every time he thinks he's reached the capacity of his feelings for this woman, she surprises him and they grow deeper still.

"You okay?" Marcus asks as he puts the car in park. "It was Mike's idea to bring her. He said you'd want her here. I tried to -"

"Mike was right." Harvey gets out of the car, leaving Marcus in mid-sentence.

Harvey strides quickly to where the trio is standing. He steps right between his father and his best friend and wraps his arms around Donna. As he pulls her close his face falls into her hair and he breathes her in like a much-needed breath of fresh air.

_God, I needed this. I needed you. _The words sit on the tip of his tongue but never leave his mouth.

"Thank you for being here." He looks into her eyes as he slowly pulls away. He wants to kiss her, but they have an audience.

Harvey turns to his father and wraps him in a manly bear hug.

"I'm so glad you came, Harvey. Damn proud." Gordon's voice breaks slightly but it's enough to cause Harvey's eyes to brim with tears.

He chokes them back as he turns to his friend.

"Mike." He nods and pulls the extended hand forward so that he can slap his back. "Thank you," he whispers before they separate.

Marcus had gone ahead to let Lily, and her current husband Bobby, know that Harvey had arrived. Lily was expecting him, but no one was really sure if he'd actually go through with it.

As the group of four heads into the hospital, Harvey slides his hand into Donna's. Palm against palm, fingers interlaced. It's just the assurance he needed. When they enter the large waiting room, Marcus comes in from the opposite direction. Bobby is following right behind.

Harvey knew he would be here. He promised his father and brother that he wouldn't say or do anything stupid. This wasn't the time or place for it. He knew that. Bobby glances in his direction but neither man makes eye contact.

"She's ready to see you," Marcus says as he stands in front of his brother. "You ready?"

Harvey feels the pressure of Donna squeezing his hand and he turns to see her beautiful face looking up at him. "You're ready." She nods, her eyes glistening. Harvey nods back with a clenched jaw and follows Marcus down the hall.

When they get to Lily's room, Marcus puts his hand on the nob, but Harvey reaches to stop him. "I'd like to go in alone." He looks his kid brother in the eyes. "I _need_ to do this alone." Marcus drops his hand from the door and looks at Harvey hesitantly before stepping to the side.

Harvey enters and notices several flower arrangements and cards spread throughout the room. It causes a sharp pang of guilt in his side. His gaze drifts to his mother, and he is immediately struck by her fragility. Lily has always been a vibrant and lively person. An artist with an infectious personality who never backed down from a fight. This morning, she looks weak, and at least a decade older than she is.

"Harvey?" She tries to sit up as he approaches, but her elbow won't support her. Her eyes are full of tears and her voice is hoarse.

"Mom," Harvey closes the distance between them, "don't try to sit up. Just, relax." He can't hide the emotion in his voice. The sight of her in this bed breaks his heart into a million pieces. He hasn't spoken to her in almost ten years, but now that he is standing here in front of her, he knows exactly what to say.

Harvey sits in the chair next to her bed and wraps her tiny hand between his two larger ones. His heart pounds in his chest as he feels heat rising around the collar of his shirt. He knows what he wants to tell her. In fact, he has thought of little else over the past couple of days.

"I'm sorry, Mom," he chokes. "I'm so sorry." Harvey's eyes spill over as he watches his mother's do the same.

"Harvey, why -"

"Mom. Just let me say what I came to say and then I'll give you a chance, ok?" He forces a small smile. "If I don't get it out now, I might not be able to."

Lily nods at her son, still trying to process the fact that he's here.

"I've been holding on to all this pain, this anger, for too long, Mom. It's time to let it go." A wave of relief washes over him as the words leave his mouth. He exhales a breath that has been trapped in his lungs for a decade. "We all make mistakes, I'm certainly no exception to that."

"Oh, Harvey," Lily says softly as tears continue to fall.

"I met someone," he continues, "we haven't known each other very long, but she's… incredible." Harvey wipes his cheek with the back of his hand and tries to fight through his instinct to shut down. "I really care about her, and I think we may have a shot at something." He takes in a slow shaky breath trying to steady his nerves.

"I want to be the kind of man she deserves." Harvey surprises both of them with his candor. "And I think that starts with forgiving you."

"I'm so sorry, Harvey." Lily sobs. "I wish you could understand how sorry I am." She strains to reach across the bed with her other hand so she can hold Harvey's between her own. "I love you," she whispers. "I love you so much." Lily's weak body shudders as she cries, and Harvey stands to lean over the bed rail and wrap his mother in his arms.

Neither of them speaks for several minutes. Harvey just holds her and lets his mother cry. Half of his life he has spent angry and bitter, and now it feels like such a waste. He had never stopped loving her, nor she, him. He had let all these years slip away, and now he had no idea how much time she had left.

"Can I see her, Harvey? This angel who brought my son home to me." Lily looks into her son's eyes with a pleading look in hers.

"How did you know she was-"

"Your brother told me. I'd just love the chance to thank her."

Harvey's throat feels thick as he tries to swallow. Somehow telling Donna about his mom felt good. And telling his mom about her, felt even better. But the idea of bringing them together felt... terrifying.

"Of course." His voice betrays him and his stomach flutters. "I know she'd love to meet you."

…...

When Harvey walks back into the room, he is accompanied by a beautiful redhead. Lily's breath actually catches at the sight of her. Her presence brightens the entire room.

"Mom, this is Donna." Harvey walks her over with his hand on the small of her back. "Donna, this is my mom, Lily."

"Donna," Lily repeats with a faint smile on her face. She can see why her son is so smitten. "What a pleasure to meet you."

"Oh, Lily. The pleasure is all mine. I just wish we were meeting under better circumstances," Donna adds as she takes Lily's fragile hand.

"Donna, my dear." Lily squeezes her hand gently. "You brought my son back to me. There is no better circumstance than that." Lily's eyes fill with tears again as her hand trembles lightly in Donna's. She knows that Donna understands the gravity of her words as she mouths to her quietly, "Thank you."

Harvey's phone starts buzzing in his pocket.

"Can you excuse me for one minute? I need to take this," Harvey apologizes and steps out.

Lily looks at Donna knowingly and takes advantage of her son's absence. "I meant what I said. There is nothing I needed more in my life than Harvey's forgiveness, Donna." She smiles. "What a blessing you are to both of us."

"I am so glad that he decided to come, Lily." Donna sighs softly. "But you are giving me way too much credit. Harvey came to this decision on his own."

"No, Donna. He didn't. He told me as much himself." Lily waits for Donna to look at her. "I know my son. He's always been strong, protective, and stubborn as a mule." She shakes her head with a small laugh. "His father and brother have tried to get him to work through this for years. But here he is. And here you are. It's no coincidence."

Donna doesn't know how to respond so she smiles at Lily and gives her a cautious nod.

Harvey comes back into the room and the three of them talk a few minutes longer. As Lily watches her son, she sees the undeniable love he has for this woman, and she's not sure she's ever been more grateful for anything. She knows in her soul, that if God were to take her tonight, she would go with a heart full of happiness.

…

Donna is waiting outside while Harvey brings Mike in to see his mom and spends a few quiet minutes with his family. She's grateful for the solitude and fresh air because she desperately needs to regain her balance.

How had she become this intertwined in Harvey's life so quickly? It is a little unnerving. Meeting Lily had left her feeling incredibly raw and their private talk had shaken her a bit. She feels emotionally drained but somehow her heart is so full.

Having been broken by Mark resulted in years of trust issues that were only compounded by her father's habit of breaking promises. Donna was used to protecting herself and constantly trying to prove that she was self sufficient and independent. So why was it that Harvey seemed to make her want to strip all that away? To just open herself up. To trust. To love.

The reality of that both invigorated and terrified her.

"Hey."

Just the sound of his voice sends a warmth through her body. Donna turns to find Harvey with his hands in his pockets looking more sheepish than his usual cocky.

"Hey," she responds, a little sheepish herself.

"You okay? I hope that wasn't too awkward for you?"

_God_. When he looks at her that way she feels like she could literally melt into a puddle.

"I'm good," she offers. "I'm so glad I got to meet her."

"How are _you_? You're the one who just reunited with his mom after ten years."

Harvey steps closer and takes both of Donna's hands.

"Thanks to you." His warm smile takes Donna's breath away. "I've never been better."

They stand there in the cool breeze and something profound surrounds them. Neither one says a word. There is no embrace. No kiss. Yet it may be the most intimate moment they have shared. For a few beautiful seconds, there are no walls between them.

A elderly couple walks by them and the moment passes as quickly as it came.

"How are you getting back to New York for the show?" Harvey brings them back to reality. "Mike said he's staying for the game. I can hire you a private car?"

"I'm not going back tonight." She didn't intend for it to come out the way it had. Her voice, low and sultry as if it had a mind of its own. It has just as deep an affect on her as it appears to have on Harvey.

Something dark and primal flashes in Harvey's eyes, but he recovers quickly, clearing his throat.

"What do you mean, _not going back_?" He manages to get out through his sudden case of dry mouth.

"I mean, I'm staying. I'm coming to the game with Mike." She smiles coyly as she watches Harvey's reaction to her statement.

His eyes light up a bit before his grin catches up. _Jesus, that smile makes her weak._

…

Harvey says his goodbyes to his family and promises to back in the morning. He even shakes hands with Bobby, though a curt nod replaces any actual conversation between them.

He climbs into the backseat of Mike's Navigator with Donna and ignores Mike's Uber driver comments. Everyone is quiet on the drive to Fenway. It had been an emotional morning for them all.

Harvey feels like a brand new man. He had been full of anger for so long he wasn't sure what to replace it with it. At the moment, however, it was fear. Fear for his mom and her health. And a little fear about Donna coming to the game.

He was ecstatic that she was staying in town. When she told him earlier, he could have sworn she was suggesting _something_ and it caused a quick and powerful hormonal response. But, he can't shake the memory of what had happened after the last game she attended. He knows it will be completely different on the road. If there is any chanting or screaming, it will be boos and sneers. _Shit, maybe she'll feel bad for me. _He snickers. Still, his career is a hurdle for her and the last thing he wants right now is something tripping them up.

…...

After dropping Harvey off at the player tunnel, Mike parks in the small private lot across the street and suggests they grab lunch. They have hours to kill before game time.

"Have you been to Eastern Standard?' Mike asks Donna as he leads her to the sidewalk.

"No." Donna laughs. "Haven't really spent much time in this area. None actually."

"Wait, what?" Mike stops walking. "You grew up in Connecticut, you live in Manhattan, and you have _never _seen a game at Fenway Park?"

Donna wraps her arm around Mike's elbow and pulls him along.

"Mike, Harvey's game last week was only the second baseball game I've ever been to. The first one was a Dodgers game with my dad on a business trip to LA. I was nine."

Mike shakes his head in complete disbelief. He had been a sports lover all of his life. And now it was his career. _Something tells me you'll be seeing plenty of baseball from now on. _He keeps that thought to himself.

"Here we are,'' Mike says as they approach the local pregame hotspot. The restaurant is filling up quickly, but they managed to snag a prime spot. The two of them sink into a large red leather booth and Mike orders them each a Whiskey Smash.

"Trust me, it'll change your life."

They spend the next couple of hours talking about wedding plans and the upcoming rehearsal dinner. The sparkle in Donna's eyes as she asks about all the details while they walk through the roles she and Harvey will play as Best Man and Maid of Honor, don't go unnoticed by Mike. He's relieved, actually. He knows his best friend is madly in love, and he's thankful to confirm it's definitely not one-sided.

…

Donna is a bit tipsy as she and Mike make their way through the crowded streets near the stadium. After two Whiskey Smashes, she was ready to roll, after three, she was leaning on Mike a bit. As they walk by vendor after vendor and her senses are flooded with hotdogs and kettle corn, she finds the whole environment exhilarating. Everyone is so excited. The energy is palpable and you can't help but get caught up in it.

"Hey?" She yanks on Mike. "No Yankee jersey tonight? All these people are wearing their Red Sox ones."

"Yeah, well our seats are in the front row next to the bullpens, and I'm not looking to get beer, or worse, thrown on me. We are the enemy tonight, Donna. Trust me on this."

Somehow his comment excites Donna more than it worries her. _Yep. She's drunk._

As they walk into Fenway Park, Donna is speechless. She had been blown away at the view of Yankee Stadium from the luxury suite but this perspective may be even more impressive. Mike takes her hand as he walks her through the sea of people and she gets her first look at the field. They are mere feet from the outfield grass and she has the urge to run her hand over the pristine blades. The stadium, although small for MLB standards according to Mike, looks enormous and she is again taken aback at the number of fans filling the stadium.

But nothing has ever left her as breathless as the view of Harvey when she spots him entering the bullpen. _Okay, well Harvey had left her breathless on multiple occasions, actually, but this time he does it without the use of his tongue_.

Donna's not sure if it's the influence of the alcohol in her system or the way his pants are gripping his crotch, but she feels a rush of heat between her legs. And for a woman who claims to not care for athletes, she feels utterly exposed as he begins to warm up. Somehow Mike had placed another drink in her hand, and despite her inner voice saying she doesn't need more alcohol, she sips on it. And watches.

Harvey has his legs spread wide on the grass as he bends over to reach for the ground. His gray pants hug his massive thighs and toned ass in a way that makes Donna shift uncomfortably in her seat. _Where had that breeze from earlier gone_? She wonders as her body temperature begins a steady ascent.

He is joined along the foul line by several of his teammates and they begin to jog and throw. This close up view of him throwing the ball is impressive, to say the least. Donna continues to let the alcohol swirl through her body as her hormones rage in a way she's never quite experienced before.

The ball comes out of his hand so gracefully. It's as though it takes no effort from him whatsoever, yet the ball zooms to his teammate as if shot from a cannon. His biceps bulge from his jersey and…

"Donna!" Mike practically shouts after failing to get her attention the first two times. "Are you alright?" He asks in all seriousness when she turns toward him. "You looked flushed."

Donna blushes and clears her throat, feeling like she was just caught watching porn by her best friend's husband.

"I'm good, Mike. Great actually." She exhales slowly. "I think I just need to switch to water."

…

The game is exciting from start to finish. The Red Sox fans clearly love their team and hate the Yankees, but that only adds to the atmosphere. Mike was an excellent teacher and he walked Donna through all the positions on the field plus gave her a breakdown on the general rules.

When the Yankees broke the tie and took the lead in the top of the eighth inning, Mike pointed out that Harvey would be coming in to get the save.

Donna watched in awe as Harvey stood just meters away from them throwing his warm-up pitches. He had waved and smiled at them early in the game, but he was all focus now.

"That's where the term _game-face_ comes from." Mike laughed pointing at Harvey. "The hitters don't stand a chance." He grins as he shakes his head in mock pity.

Harvey enters the game as expected and dominates each batter just as Mike had predicted. He strikes out two of them and gets the third to pop up to Tanner. Save number six is in the books.

_Wow! That's my boyfriend._

Donna covers her mouth with both hands and lets out a small squeak. As if someone may have overheard her thoughts… through her mouth. She has no idea where that thought, or that _word,_ came from. But since no one _can _hear her thoughts, she's just going to go right on thinking it.

…

Harvey has to ride with the team back to his hotel, so he tells Donna and Mike to meet him there. Since he had showered in the clubhouse after the game they agreed to meet up in the hotel bar for a nightcap.

Only when he enters the bar, he sees Donna sitting alone at the bar.

"Where's Mike?" he asks with one eyebrow raised and leaning in to plant a soft kiss on her cheek.

"He said he was calling it a night. Headache or something." Donna smiles with a shrug of her shoulders.

Harvey makes a mental note to thank his wingman in the morning.

They sit and nurse their drinks while Harvey desperately tries to focus on the words coming from Donna's mouth instead of just focusing on Donna's mouth. He's failing miserably.

He has been inching closer and closer to her and currently, they are face to face. Harvey's leg is propped on the bar at the bottom of Donna's stool and his knee has made its way further up between her legs. His breathing becomes labored as Donna runs her hand slowly from his knee to his inner thigh. His groin pulsates as his pants grow tighter.

"Do you have a room here?" His voice is husky and full of need.

Donna shakes her head slightly as she leans in and whispers, "I didn't think I'd need my own."

"Check, please!" Harvey nearly knocks the stool to the floor as he stands and raises his hand to the bartender.

**A/N: Thank you to Kinga ( darveygirl) for helping see that Donna had to be there at the hospital. That was a plot change thanks to you!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I sure hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. (monkey covering eyes emoji) The ****previous**** chapter brought in so many amazing reviews, some that literally brought tears to my eyes. They mean so much more than I can express. Please keep them coming! Much love to Heather, Steph, Nat, Blue and Sarah. They had to help keep my shit together in this chapter. **

**Chapter 9: Naked**

Donna can hardly keep her feet under her as Harvey literally drags her to the elevator. She has been pretty horny since watching him on the field earlier and the heat between her legs has been gradually increasing since he sat down in the bar. But something about the way Harvey was breathing right now, all heavy and uneven has her panties feeling moist.

Harvey pushes the elevator button with his middle finger. Several times in fact, as if persistence will bring it down faster. And Donna finds herself in awe of the sheer length of it. His finger. It makes her blush.

No sooner do the doors open than Harvey has her pinned against the back wall. Fortunately, it's late and they don't have any spectators along for the ride to the twenty-seventh floor.

"God, Donna." It comes from Harvey's throat as more of a moan than actual words. His thigh is pushed firmly between her legs and the way he's grinding into her lifts her feet nearly off the ground.

Donna is breathless as Harvey ravishes her neck. She scrapes the back of his head with one hand while trying to find some semblance of balance with the other. His name, _Harvey, _is on constant repeat in her mind but she's temporarily lost the ability to speak. She moans, maybe more of a whimper, actually, when he runs his hand under her sweater and slides it around her torso to her lower back.

"You have no idea how much I've thought about this." His breath is hot as he sucks on her earlobe. "I've dreamt about tasting you." He grinds his erection into her abdomen. "Of being inside of you."

Donna is actually relieved when the elevator reaches his floor and the doors open. She was beginning to think Harvey was going to make her come with just his thigh and some dirty rumblings.

Harvey, however, seems annoyed by the interruption as he spins her around and begins walking her backwards toward his room. He now has both hands under her sweater and as they caress her hip bones and lower back she can't help but revel in the sheer size of them. His palms are warm and just calloused enough to be sexy as hell.

Donna finds herself up against another wall while Harvey starts fishing through his pockets, looking for his room key.

"Goddammit!" He half curses and half chuckles, trying to get the key from his wallet.

"You can use both hands, Harvey." Donna giggles. "I promise not to run." Her voice is raspy as she does her best to appear coy.

The way his mouth quirks at her comment is a textbook example of a devilish grin.

"Oh. I know you won't." Donna's belly flutters under the intensity of his stare. The way he can make her legs go weak simply by lowering his tone that way, disarms her. Every damn time. She gulps.

Mercifully, the door finally opens and Harvey yanks her inside. He pulls the sweater over her head before he kicks the door shut with his foot. He backs her up toward the large bed while reaching both arms around the back of her thighs, hoisting her up off the ground. Donna wraps her legs around his waist as Harvey slides his tongue into her mouth.

When his knees hit the mattress, he lowers Donna onto the bed and takes a step back. His eyes are almost black as he looks down at her. He starts to unbutton his shirt. Slowly. His eyes raking over her body.

Donna has never felt sexier in her entire life. The way he's clenching his jaw and watching her possessively makes her feel like prey being hunted by a skilled predator. She slides herself further up the bed and unclasps her bra, letting her supple breasts fall free.

Harvey's cheeks dimple as he juts out his chiseled jaw. The sight of Donna topless and looking up at him that way, biting her bottom lip, pushes him to the brink of his control. He pulls his dress shirt off and drops it on the floor.

"I've dreamt of this." His tongue slips between his lips as he steps closer to the bed. Donna hums in response to his admission, wetness pooling at her core.

She knew he was built. She had felt his taut muscles through his clothes more than once. But the sight of his bare chest is even more impressive than she'd imagined. His arms and pecs are perfectly sculpted and the veins protruding his biceps make her mouth water.

"So have I, Harvey," she whispers.

Kneeling on the edge of the bed, Harvey reaches for the clasp of Donna's pants. Without another word spoken between them, he peels her pants down her slender legs, leaving her naked except for a lacy lavender thong. He groans as he lowers his face to place a light kiss on the inside of each of her thighs and then drags his tongue along her soaked panties on his way up to her chest. She lifts her hips up toward him, but Harvey doesn't give her what she wants. Not yet.

Despite the fact that she's laying down, Donna feels light-headed. There is a dream-like fog clouding her vision which she thinks absently may be from a lack of oxygen to her brain.

Harvey braces his body over hers with an arm placed just to the left of her ribs causing his bicep to flex inches from her face as he uses the palm of his right hand to make small circles over her hardened nipple. She wants to reach for his chest. To run her hands across those firm mounds of muscle. But the way he's touching her has her paralyzed. Afraid the wrong movement on her part might cause him to stop.

Unconsciously, Donna arches her back, urging him to touch her. Really touch her, before she dies from the need.

Harvey surrounds her entire breast with his hand and lifts it into his mouth. Moving back and forth between them he elicits a sensual moan from Donna that makes his cock press harder against his pants. For the next several minutes he stays right there, sucking, licking, and nibbling until she can't handle another second.

"Harvey." Donna finally reaches for him. She scrapes the back of his head with her red nails. "Harvey, please." Her hips lift off the mattress and brush lightly against the protruding bulge in his pants sending a searing bolt of electricity up through her core and into her lower abdomen.

With a sharp hiss, he lifts his groin to break the contact, but he answers her plea. Not aloud but with his actions, as he glides down her stomach slowly, dragging his tongue along her flat stomach.

He slips his middle fingers underneath the thin material on each side of her hips. Twists his fingers around the fabric and begins to slide them down. Stopping almost immediately and causing Donna to whimper.

"Open your eyes, Donna." It comes out like a demand. Not forceful, but insistent. "Look at me."

She obeys. Without question. She is putty in his hands and would do anything he asked of her.

As he pulls the last barrier from her body, Harvey keeps his gaze locked on hers. The depth of his stare coupled with the stream of moonlight illuminating his structured frame gives him the appearance of a Greek God. Donna gasps as her breath lodges in her throat.

"My God, Donna," he whispers softly, finally letting his eyes wander down her body. Between her legs, "I knew you'd be perfect. But somehow, you're even more beautiful than I imagined."

Through the haze of ecstasy surrounding them, Donna feels touched in an even deeper way. There was something special about those words, about the way in which he said them, and it shook her to the core. She had never felt so exposed. Vulnerable. Naked.

Harvey touches the tip of his tongue lightly between her wet folds and Donna is brought back from her reverie in an instant. The shudder of her body causes Harvey to wrap his arms around her thighs as he runs his tongue from the bottom of her opening all the way to the top.

Donna feels the spasm of her muscles begin to hum and she grips the sheets and fights against it. Moaning his name and willing the orgasm to hold off just a minute or two longer.

"Harvey," she cries out his name as he continues to lap and probe her center. With every stroke she calls his name again and again.

"Harvey. Harvey. Harvey."

Far too quickly and not nearly soon enough, she explodes into the pressure of his mouth. Like a firework illuminating the night sky, blinding light flashes behind her eyes and pulsating vibrations course through every nerve in her body. The pleasure is so intense, so all-consuming, that she gives herself over to it, accepting that it may be the death of her.

…

Harvey unknowingly holds his breath as Donna comes undone in front of his eyes. He is filled with a strange sense of pride for what he's done to her. That he could bring her this level of pleasure. He's always been a skilled lover, but this was more than that. He hadn't just wanted to _please_ her. To turn her on. Harvey had wanted, needed, to make her understand the way he felt about her. To somehow make her feel what he felt. He'd never been good with words. But _this. This _he could do.

His erection has grown painful. He's eager to unzip his pants, but he waits. Waits and watches as Donna's body gradually stops convulsing and her breathing and moaning return to normal. Waits until she opens her eyes. He wants her to watch.

Donna's eyes flutter open as she comes down from her high. She sees him standing at the end of the bed. His fingers gripping the button of his jeans. A knot forms in her stomach when she realizes what he's waiting for. Her. Her attention.

She slides her body back slightly and lifts her head onto the pillow, obtaining a better vantage point.

Harvey swallows the lump in his throat. He knows his body is fit and it has always been a source of pride for him. But as confident and cocky as he is, he feels a bit apprehensive. He wants her to like what she sees.

With a deft flick of his thumbs, the button is undone and he pulls the zipper down, revealing a well-manicured V of thick dark hair. Donna feels the heat between her legs return with a vengeance. The flash of desire in her eyes gives Harvey the assurance he needs. He pulls the jeans down past his firm glutes and over his thick thighs releasing his rock hard erection. Donna's pupils dilate at the sight of him and Harvey can see them darken as they take him in. She wants him and she's going to get what she wants.

Before he has a chance to come back to the bed, Donna moves to the edge herself. She reaches for his chest and he steps toward her, between the legs she has dangling from the bed. When he feels her soft hands on his pecs, they instantly flex. Harvey lets out a low groan when she grips his chiseled chest and runs her thumbs over his hard nipples. With eyes shut tight, his back arches slightly as her hands venture south over his rib cage, caressing his abs and pausing on his hip bones.

"Harvey." Her tone matching his from earlier. "Look at me."

A hard gulp does nothing to help the tightness in his throat as he opens his eyes and tilts his chin. His brown eyes are met with her hazel ones, almost golden with the yellow flecks more pronounced than he'd seen before. Donna wraps her hand around the base of his cock, encircling him with her thumb and forefinger while slipping her other fingers under his balls and applying pressure there as she takes just the tip of him between her lips.

Harvey tightens the muscles in his ass and he gasps at the intensity of her touch. His instinct is to pull back, overcome with sensitivity, but as if Donna could read his mind, she uses her free hand to grip his butt as she pulls him forward and takes the entire length of him into her throat.

A stream of incomprehensible sounds comes from Harvey's throat as he wraps both his hands in Donna's auburn waves. He loses all sense of reality as she grips and glides her hand along his length. Is he doing that? Is he pumping in and out of her mouth or she is the one moving? Any sense of where he ends and she begins is lost. He can't tear his eyes away from the view of her mouth as he grips her head tighter and watches himself vanish between her lips.

Harvey feels the tightness in his scrotum coil, his balls start to hug closer to his body, and he pulls himself out before he reaches the point of no return.

"Back up," he croaks.

She doesn't question him. She scurries backward onto the mattress as he crawls on top of her. He's not sure if the growling he hears is only in his head or actually coming from his mouth. He wraps his arm around her thigh and lifts her leg so that her knee is nearly at her chin. His eyes are focused between her legs as he gingerly glides his cock along her folds.

_So wet, so ready. For him._

Harvey takes his eyes from their intimate contact and searches for her eyes. The moment her gaze finds his, and their eyes lock on one another, he slips inside of her. He holds there, just beyond the entrance, searching her eyes for _something. Understanding_? He sees her throat bob and a flicker in her eyes and he pushes forward. He buries himself completely into her. And as her walls wrap tightly around him, he moans her name.

"Donna."

They don't break eye contact as he repeats the motion time and time again. He can see the pleasure on her face. What he's doing to her. _What she's doing to him._

"Fuck… Donna."

Pulling back slowly, pushing in, a little deeper and a little harder with each thrust.

"Harvey. God, Harvey." Donna's moans only drive him closer.

The intensity becomes overwhelming for him as the tightness in his groin returns and he knows it's coming. There is no holding back this time.

"Donna. I'm… I'm -" The need in his voice and the breathless way he stutters, sends Donna over the edge right along with him. As the orgasm pulses through him, it electrifies every nerve and muscle from his center to the tips of his fingers and toes. His body convulses as he empties into her before collapsing on top of her body. His large and heavy frame dwarfing her slender one beneath him.

…

Donna wakes in the middle of the night with pins and needles in her left arm. It's trapped under the massive hunk of muscle next to her. For the next couple minutes she tugs, pulls and pushes trying to free herself, but she can't budge Harvey an inch. She doesn't want to wake him, but she's fairly certain the role of Roxie is contingent on having two arms. And if she ends up needing an amputation, she's going to be out of a job.

"Harvey?" she whispers, pushing lightly on his chest. She kisses his lips softly, when her first attempt fails, but he is still _out cold. _Donna giggles at the absurdity of the situation and reaches her hand under the light sheet covering Harvey's lower half. She hadn't been thinking about starting anything, just that it might be the best way to get his attention. But when she finds him long and hard, her body responds with a humming between her legs.

She uses her palm to rub tiny circles on his tip. A maneuver she had picked up earlier from him. Within seconds he moans as his Specter grin spreads across his face. He thrusts his hips forward and Donna tightens her grip to stroke him without missing a beat.

"Haven't had enough of me?" His eyes flutter open and his voice is hoarse. He props himself on his elbow and Donna immediately pulls her arm free.

"Oh, I'm good," she teases him. "You just had my arm trapped and I need you to move." She rolls onto her side, away from him with a grin. "And based on that rod between your legs, you seem to be the one who hasn't had enough."

Her laugh turns into a squeal as Harvey flips his body on top of her pinning her face down on the mattress. He starts to place wet kisses on the back of her neck and down her spine.

"I was dreaming. About you." His tone is deep and husky. His vocal chords, still not completely awake. "About doing this."

…

They are both sound asleep when Harvey's phone starts buzzing on the nightstand. He reaches his hand over without opening his eyes and declines the call. When it starts vibrating again immediately, he curses and rubs his face with both hands.

"Specter," he grumbles into the phone without looking at the caller.

"Harvey, it's Marcus."

Harvey shoots up in bed. "Marcus?" He's wide awake now. "What is it? Mom?"

"Calm down, Harvey. She's okay."

Harvey exhales a huge breath of air from his lungs and walks to the window.

"Christ, Marcus."

"Sorry, Harvey. Listen. The doctor said he actually has good news. Can you come to the hospital? The doctor is going to be coming in to talk to us at 9:00."

_Good news? _Harvey clamps down on the hope that starts to build in his chest. He's never been an optimist and he doesn't plan to change that now.

"Of course, Marcus. Thanks for the call."

…

Donna wakes up to the sound of water running through the pipes behind the headboard. She feels a little disoriented and she fights to lift her heavy eyelids. There is a dull ache above her left temple that reminds her she had one too many and an ache between her legs that reminds her of something else.

She reaches across the bed and finds it empty. _The shower_.

Donna pulls the sheet from the bed and wraps it around her body as she gets up to open the drapes.

She has always loved Boston, despite being chastised by Mike for not knowing the bar seen around Fenway. All the red brick, the history, the _personality. _It was really unlike any other city she'd visited. She opens the slider and lets the fresh air cool her flushed skin. Last night had completely rocked her world. He had rocked her world. The sex, of course, was amazing. But it went way beyond that and she knew it.

Harvey had peeled away her carefully constructed layers of armor over the past few weeks. She'd accepted that she was _in love_ with him before she'd _made love_ to him. But now? Now she knew there was no turning back.

…...

"Good morning." He walks into the room and has the sense he's interrupting her thoughts.

Towel tied at the waist, chest and hair dripping, he walks over to stand behind her. Wrapping his arms around her, he nuzzles his nose into her hair.

"I love the way you smell."

"Like baseball and booze?" she laughs.

"Exactly." He spins her around and kisses her. It's passionate and deep, but not at all about sex.

"Last night was…"

"Perfect," he finishes her sentence with a smile. His forehead against hers as their eyes lock.

"Marcus called." He steps away from her to pull on a long sleeve shirt from his bag. "He said the doctor is coming to talk to the family at 9:00." He turns back to face her. "He said it's good news." His voice cracks just slightly, but he recovers quickly.

"Harvey! That's amazing." Donna walks up to take his hand in hers.

He just nods and squeezes her hand. Still afraid to let himself believe it.

…...

Harvey had invited Donna to join him at the hospital and as much as she'd wanted to, she and Mike had agreed to head back to Manhattan around that same time.

He seemed disappointed but he understood.

As they stand on the curb waiting for Mike to bring the car around, Donna is fighting the tears building in her eyes. The air feels thick and the ache in her chest scares the shit out of her.

_God, woman, you'll see him in a couple days. _

"I'll be praying for your mom the whole way back," she says to break the silence. "Promise me you'll let me know the minute you find out anything."

Harvey's hands are on her hips as he looks down into her eyes.

"Of course I will." His grip on her tightens with assurance.

"I'm so glad you went through with it, Harvey."

"Me too," he replies softly. "Someone really special helped me figure my shit out."

The kiss he leans in to place on her lips communicates so much more than she ever thought possible. So soft. So gentle. So deep.

_Thank you. I'll miss you. I lo-_

"Beep, beep"

The sound of Mike's horn jolts her from her thoughts and the kiss.

Harvey pulls her into his arms. She squeezes her eyes shut to force the tears away for just a moment longer.

"I'll see you on Thursday." He kisses her on the forehead and looks into her eyes. For a moment, she holds her breath. Believing that maybe he's going to say it. That he feels the same way.

"Thank you for being here, Donna. For… everything."

She offers a weak smile and climbs into the front seat of Mike's car, grateful that he doesn't see her tears.

…

When Harvey arrives at the hospital he is met out front by his father.

"Hey, Dad." Harvey greets him with a nervous smile and a brief hug.

"Harvey," Gordon replies as they separate. "Are Donna and Mike coming?"

He shakes his head in response to his question and explains that they had to head back to the city. The two men enter the hospital and Harvey follows his father down the hall to Lily's room. Gordon smiles with a subtle twinkle in his eye as he looks back at Harvey and swings the door open.

The first thing that catches Harvey's attention is that the room feels _brighter_. Whether the change is literal or figurative, he's not certain, but it feels much better either way.

"Mom?" His voice swings upward in a questioning tone as he sees his mother across the room. She is sitting up in bed. Her coloring improved and her eyes are far clearer than yesterday. Everyone's eyes are, as a matter of fact, as they all shift their gazes in his direction.

"Harvey!" Lily's voice is full of joy as she raises her arms from her side, gesturing for him to come and give her a hug. "Two days in a row," she says as he leans down to hug her as best he can. "How lucky am I?"

"Mom, you look good." His brow is furrowed in confusion even though his voice is well disguised.

She laughs quietly at her son's expression. "Try not to look so shocked, Harvey."

Marcus steps up and places a hand on his brother's back, bailing him out.

"Her counts are up, Harvey. The medication seems to be working."

Harvey looks across at Bobby, sitting next to Lily on the opposite side of the bed. He offers him a sheepish smile which Bobby immediately returns. He nods at Harvey with glistening eyes. Harvey may not care for the man, but he can see the love he has for his mother all over his face.

"That's amazing." Harvey takes his mom's hand and gives it a light squeeze.

There is a quick knock on the door followed by the entrance of a small, round doctor.

"Good morning!" he exclaims with a cheery tone. "How is my beautiful patient feeling today?" The doctor smiles at everyone in the room but makes his way straight to Lily.

He spends the next ten minutes walking the family through Lily's most recent test results and explaining that her cells have responded well to the treatment.

"It appears that her drastic drop in white blood cells was caused by a viral infection, and although she is not out of the woods, yet, we do believe she can make a full recovery."

"So, it's not cancer?" Harvey clarifies. Sometimes doctors have a way of talking in circles and he just wants it to be crystal clear.

"That's right." The doctor turns toward him. "It's not cancer. However, her immune system is compromised and that is a very real concern. So we will keep her here and monitor her counts very carefully."

"For how long?" Bobby is the first to verbalize the question everyone has.

"That is hard to say at this point." The doctor tilts his head. "But I can promise you she is in great hands, and we are doing everything in our power to work toward sending her home." He looks around the room and smiles. "Just as soon as it's safe to do so."

…...

As soon as the doctor leaves, Harvey heads outside to call Donna.

"Hello. Harvey?"

"Hey, Donna. Can you put me on speakerphone so I can talk to you and Mike together?"

"Sure." She smiles. She can hear in his voice that news is indeed, good. "Go ahead, Harvey."

"Hey, Mike."

"Don't keep us waiting. What did the doctor say?"

There is a brief pause on the line. Donna looks at Mike as she anxiously awaits Harvey's reply.

"It's not cancer." His voice cracks as his chest swells. "She's going to be okay, you guys. My mom is going to be okay."

**A/N: I wanted to let you all know that there is still a lot of this story to tell. This is not just a story about falling in love, but about staying in love. These two idiots may have found their way to each other, but their real challenges are still ahead of them. I hope you stay tuned. - Aimee**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: This chapter was very emotional for me. I struggled with it more than anything I've written to date. If not for the help of Heather, Stephanie, and Nathalie, I never would have gotten it done. You three are such a blessing to me. Thanks to Blue and Sarah, of course, for always giving the most sound advice. Thank you to all of you out there who are following this story and giving me a reason to keep it going.**

**Chapter 10 - The Rose and the Thorn**

Donna had just set the Thai food on the counter when she heard another knock on the door. Had she tipped the delivery guy too much? Too little? But the second she opened it, she knew it wasn't the delivery guy. Harvey flew through the doorway and swept her up into a twirl before setting her back on her feet with a thud and kissing her silly.

"I missed you, too." She giggles against his mouth.

Harvey's flight from Boston had arrived after midnight last night so they agreed on lunch. Originally, they were going out, but Harvey had texted this morning with a different idea in mind.

_H: How about we just order in. You pick out lunch, and I'll bring dessert. (strawberry emoji)_

"Is that dessert?" Donna points to the brown paper bag Harvey is clutching. She hadn't thought he meant _actual_ dessert on the phone. "Strawberries?" She reaches to take the bag from him, but he pulls it away and walks to her refrigerator.

"Strawberry shortcake." He looks back over his shoulder at her and wiggles his eyebrows. "What's for lunch?" He opens the box sitting on the counter. "Chinese?" He takes a sniff.

"It's Thai, Harvey. From this little place around the corner." She starts to take out plates to scoop onto. "It's my favorite."

"Is it?" He pins Donna against the counter and kisses her again. Although this kiss isn't, _Hi, I'm so excited to see you. _This kiss is, _Remember me? The one you've been longing for._

He slides both his hands around her waist and into the back of her loose-fitting linen pants. When his hands find her bare skin he moans, _or is that her_. Heat spreads through Donna's body, starting at the point of contact and making its way up to her cheeks.

She hadn't forgotten the way he'd made her feel. In fact, the past two nights without him she'd brought herself to climax replaying every vivid memory of the way he made her feel.

Just as she's forgotten all about lunch, or even the concept of eating, Harvey pulls away and walks into the living room. Leaving her panting and flushed.

"Quit trying to seduce me, Donna." He tsks and shakes his head. "No sex until after dessert."

Once Donna catches her breath, she laughs out loud and a snort comes from deep in her throat.

"What was that?" Harvey laughs as he plops on to her couch.

God, she can not get over the way this man makes her feel. He can bring her to an orgasmic state in about three seconds and have her laughing like a hyena with just a smirk or a witty jab. _Where have you been all my life, Harvey Specter?_

They had agreed over the phone that they were going to start a new tradition of watching their favorite movies together, alternating picks. Harvey had won the privilege of going first after stumping Donna in the movie trivia game they'd made up over the phone Tuesday night when they had talked until nearly 2:00 a.m.

"_The Princess Bride," he'd announced over the phone. "Tell me you've seen it." _

"_I think," Donna replied laughing, "when I was like 6."_

Despite Harvey's excitement about the cinematic genius of the 1980's comedy, neither of them paid much attention to it. Instead, they were chatting nonstop.

"Donna, can I tell you something?" Harvey mumbles, his mouth full of pan-fried noodles. "This Thai food is pretty shitty."

Donna gasps in mock offense as she puts one hand to her mouth and smacks his shoulder with the other. They talk about _Chicago_, about baseball, about Lily and how she is continuing to improve.

Donna takes the plates over to the sink and grabs Harvey's paper bag from the fridge. "Time for dessert?" she asks casually, opening the bag. She pulls out a small container of strawberries and a canister of whipped cream.

"Harvey, oh!" She turns back toward the living room and he's right in front of her. "You forgot the shortcake."

"I'm on a low carb diet." He nibbles on her neck.

"You just ate a pound of noodles."

"Okay. I'm not on a low carb diet." He licks Donna just below her ear lobe bringing back the blood flow from earlier. "But I didn't _forget_ anything."

He picks Donna up in a fireman's carry, grabs the items of the counter and takes her straight to bed.

….

Over the next couple of weeks, life is good. Better than good, actually. Lily had been released from the hospital. _Chicago_ continued to sell out and receive rave reviews, and the Yankees were leading the division by three games. Harvey was the talk of the MLB and a perfect 12-0 with his save opportunities.

Despite both of their demanding schedules, they made time for each other. They spent most their nights together at either her place or his and they met for breakfast on the days they didn't wake up together. She went to his games when she could, he had seen another of her shows, they made love. They made lots and lots of love.

It seemed that all of Donna's fears and insecurities had been put to rest. Harvey was perfect. They were perfect.

Until they weren't.

…...

It's her night off and Donna is watching the game. Not live, but on television. The team is on the road in Houston.

She'd ordered in, poured some wine, and tuned in from her couch.

She isn't worried when he comes in to pitch with a one run lead in the bottom of the ninth inning. She's seen him close out several tight games. In fact, she just expects him to win at this point. So, when he walks the first batter and puts him on base, she thinks nothing of it. She even gets up to get a glass of water. When the voices on the TV escalate, she assumes the game is over. And she is right. It's over. But not in the way she'd imagined.

She stands in the middle of her living room, glass halfway to her mouth, and watches as Harvey stalks off the field, while the Houston Astros pile on top of each other. The screen switches quickly to a replay of Harvey throwing a pitch and the batter hitting the ball deep over the fence.

"A walk-off homerun for the Astros, and previously dominant closer Harvey Specter takes his first loss."

Donna is still no baseball expert, but she knows a "loss" is not good. And if she hadn't been sure, the look on Harvey's face confirms it. The hairs on the back of her neck stand up and an uneasy feeling passes over her.

She waits up until 12:30 a.m. but she still hasn't heard from Harvey. The game ended around 11:00, 10:00 in Houston, and normally it only takes him about an hour to call or text her. Donna has been telling herself since she shut off the TV, that the team had lost several games already and she was sure Harvey would be fine. She understands that this is different, because he had "blown the save" as she heard the commentator say, but losing was part of sports. Everyone knows that.

At 1:00 a.m, when she still hasn't heard from him, she finally texts him.

**D: Hey. It's getting late and I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Can we talk for a bit?**

…**.. **She sees the bubbles pop up and disappear several times. He obviously has his phone out. When no message comes through, she takes a chance and texts him again.

**D: I saw the game, Harvey. I'm sorry about the loss. **

Donna bites down on her lip waiting for his reply. Her stomach is swirling and that bad feeling from earlier is still looming.

**H: I'm exhausted. I'll call you in the morning. Okay?**

Donna's face falls along with her shoulders. He's been gone since Thursday and she suddenly misses him terribly. There have been several times where she wanted to say those three big words to him, and she is tempted to say them now. She can't stand feeling this _distant_. But she certainly wasn't going to do it in a text.

**D: Okay. I miss you.**

She settles for those three words instead and falls asleep with no reply from Harvey. The fears and insecurities of the past she had been ready to let go, creeping their way right back in.

…

Harvey lies awake in his hotel bed staring at the ceiling.

He knows it was unfair to push her away, but if he had called her, he would have told her. She had a way of getting him to talk. Like she emits some kind of truth serum and he has no choice but to open up to her.

It wasn't the fact that he'd given up the game. Well, it was partly that. He hates to lose. But it was something else. Something far worse than blowing a save. He rubs at the pain in his shoulder.

…

Donna is at the airport a few days later when the team arrives from Houston. They had barely spoken since he blew the game on Monday night. And when they had, he'd been a dick. He was angry and bitter. And even though it had nothing to do with her, he'd directed it her way. _Yet, here she is._

Before he knows it, she has her arms around him. The warmth of her embrace immediately permeates through his body. The smell of her hair filling his nostrils. For a brief moment, he almost gives in. Almost lets his guard down and lets go of all the fear and doubt he is harboring inside. Almost trusting her to hold it. To help him.

"Hey," he says, dropping his bags and returning the hug.

"Hey." Donna smiles up at him, but he can see the worry and concern in her eyes.

So instead of letting go, instead of letting her in, he clenches his jaw, lifts his chin, and listens to the too familiar voice in the back of his mind telling him to _man-up_. Telling him that he shouldn't burden her with his weakness.

They head to his place straight from the airport. She tries several times to get him talking on the drive, but he finds a way to quiet her questions. By kissing her senseless or changing the subject. And when they arrive at his place and she straight up asks him if they can talk, he flirts and charms his way into having sex first, and then pretending to fall asleep.

In the morning, when she tries again, he raises his voice at her for the very first time.

"Donna! I said I'm fine!"

He hates himself for it. For raising his voice... and for lying.

….

The next ten days that he's home in New York are strained between them. They only spend the night together twice and Donna feels like the more she tries to pull him in, the more he pushes her away.

He blows another save. He gives up three runs in the top of the ninth inning against Seattle, and despite being at the game, she goes home alone. He had texted her that it would be a late night with interviews and that she should just go. She watches the interviews on TV when she gets home and it's brutal. She cries, listening to him say how he let the team and the fans down. Seeing the pain in his eyes through the cameras is torturous.

When they meet for lunch the next day. She makes the mistake of bringing it up and asking if he is okay. He tells her he wants to keep his job and their relationship separate, and that he'd appreciate it if she stopped bringing it up. It felt like a slap in the face.

…...

The following Monday, Harvey is on the road again. Tampa.

Donna's hand trembles as she stares down at her phone. She doesn't even realize she's crying until the tears start forming a pool on her dressing table. Her face is numb. Her body is numb.

He'd hung up on her.

It all happened so fast. She said some things. He said some things. Voices escalated. And then… click. He hung up.

Donna sets the phone down and grabs a tissue, wiping the moisture from her desk, but too dazed to think of using one to stop the actual flow from her eyes. All the old wounds are opening. All her fears, rising to the surface.

It feels like she's standing just at the edge of a rabbit hole. One small step forward and she'll fall.

She has to admit, it's not like there hadn't been warning signs. It's not as if things had been going swimmingly between them lately.

…..

"Mother-Fucker!"

Harvey throws his phone against the hotel room wall. He had just said several things to Donna he didn't mean and then hung up on her before she had a chance to respond.

He drops his face into his hands. When had everything become such a cluster fuck? He hadn't meant to hang up on her but he'd lost his temper. Again.

Every damn time they talked lately it was, _I'm worried about you, Harvey. Talk to me, Harvey. _It never stopped. And it wasn't just Donna. It was his dad, Tanner, even Mike was riding his ass. Although he couldn't really blame Mike. If he continues on this downward spiral, it's Mike's paycheck as well as his own.

On that note, he picks up the glass decanter and refills his scotch. Again.

Harvey rubs his shoulder. The ache is dull and unrelenting. He's so careful not to let on when he's around the guys, but when he's alone, he can't help it. So far he's been able to keep the discomfort in his shoulder at bay with a few extra pain killers here and there. Tanner is really the only one he's concerned might be on to him. If anyone can tell his pitches aren't doing what they should be, it's his catcher. But since Harvey had torn his head off after blowing his third save in two weeks, Tanner had dropped it. For now.

He stares at the amber liquid in his glass as he swirls it around, before draining it with a thick swallow. He had never been good at communicating. Especially when it came to talking about _feelings_. He had a good relationship with his dad, and he always gave sound advice, but they never really talked like _that_. Mike was a great wingman, and as loyal a friend as you could ask for, but anytime he tried to get into Harvey's mind, he'd shut him out.

Donna was the only one who seemed to hold the key to his emotions. Even on the night they met, she had him babbling. _Asking her to dance for Christ sake_, he shakes his head. It had just been natural to talk to her. Easy. She had helped him reconcile with his mom, which he never thought was even possible.

But the past couple of weeks he had been pushing her away. She had tried time and time again to get him to open up and he'd shut her out. His eyes start to sting as he presses his hands into them. His stomach is in knots. It's not that he doesn't _want_ to tell her. It's that he _can't. _

How many times did he think she was going to put up with his bullshit?

…

Donna is dreading Mike and Rachel's rehearsal tonight. The wedding wasn't for another week, but Mike had to work around Harvey's schedule and since the Yankees were off tonight, they were having it tonight. _Fucking fabulous._

Harvey sent her flowers to apologize for his behavior Monday night on the phone, but even after two days of cooling off, she was still pissed. She hadn't spoken to him since, sending him to voicemail every time he had called. And now she was going to walk down the aisle with him? The thought made her feel ill.

She hadn't gone to meet him at the airport this morning. She was exhausted from trying to get him to open up about what he was feeling. And if she was honest with herself, she wasn't sure she wanted to keep trying. He had made it pretty clear that baseball came first.

For the first couple of months in their relationship, when baseball had been going well, he was attentive, caring, perfect really. Then he gave up that homerun to the Astros, and it was like something just snapped.

Harvey was moody all the time. When they were together, he always seemed distant. Like his mind was on something else. She even noticed it in the way they made love. That first night, he had been so _open_. She felt like she could look into his eyes and see inside of him. See _all of him._ Lately, it was as if he was avoiding really _looking_ at her at all, and when he did, he was guarded. The moment something real would flash in his eyes, he would always look away.

Donna had tried. She really tried to find the Harvey she knew was in there. But every time she asked about it, he'd get defensive. Angry even. _I'm fine! _was his token response. And when he hung on her the other night, she started to think this may all have been a huge mistake. And it tore her into tiny little pieces.

Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she dabs at the tears forming in her eyes. She has been trying to finish her makeup for the past thirty minutes.

She hears her phone start buzzing on her nightstand and her throat closes. Frozen in place, she just stares at her reflection. She knows it's him. With a huff of air, she pushes herself to answer it. She's going to see him soon enough, and avoiding his call again, will only make it more awkward.

"You're home," she says instead of a greeting.

"Donna," he breaths into the phone. His voice, full of relief and something else. Regret?

A heavy silence fills the space between them. She really has nothing to say to him.

"I'm sorry."

Her shoulders drop as she sits on the edge of her bed. She knows he is sorry, but she fights her instinctual need to comfort him. To say it's okay, when she knows it's not.

"I know." She squeezes her eyes shut and wills herself to keep it together. "Listen, Harvey. Tonight is really important to Mike and Rachel. They are our best friends and I don't want whatever is happening between us, to ruin their night. So, let's just be there for them and deal with _this_ later. Okay?"

It comes out a bit harsh. And it hurts far more than her tone lets on.

"Okay, Donna. I'll see you tonight."

The call disconnects and her eyes well up. She is certain she heard a crack in his voice. Maybe he is hurting just as much as she is, after all.

She gives up on her makeup and calls Rachel.

…

When Harvey climbs into the back of the Lexus, Ray greets him with a smile.

"Lookin' sharp, Mr. Specter." He nods into the rearview mirror looking back at his boss. "Big night for Mr. Ross, right?"

Harvey's stomach has been in knots since talking to Donna this afternoon. Well, actually, a lot longer than that.

"Sure is, Ray." He offers Ray a half-hearted smile before looking out the window.

"Picking up Ms. Paulsen, Sir?"

Harvey clenches his jaw, as well as the fist sitting on his thigh, and exhales slowly and through his nose. _Fuck, even Ray was reminding him what an asshole he is._

"No."

Neither man speaks another word the rest of the way to The Church of St. Francis Xavier.

When Harvey enters the church, the first thing that strikes him is the architecture. Oddly the ornate Roman-like pillars remind him of Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. He snickers to himself at the irony. But the laugh is quickly replaced with a frown when he brings his eyes down from the decorative ceiling and casts his gaze on Donna.

Harvey has never really been a fan of rollercoasters. All his life he'd been seen as a thrill seeker, an adrenaline junky, and he was. He enjoyed taking risks and living life… fast. It's why he loved cars so much. But driving fast and playing poker don't make your stomach lift up to your throat and then drop to your ankles. Rollercoasters do that. And so, apparently, does Donna Roberta Paulsen.

Harvey takes in a steadying breath and walks up toward the altar where Donna, Mike, and Rachel are talking with a priest. He turns on the Specter charm and offers them all his best smile.

"I can't believe a beautiful church like this is letting a sleaze ball like Mike Ross get married here." He gives Mike a man hug and a slap on the back. He has yet to make eye contact with Donna, and chooses to ignore the ways Mike's eyes shift quickly from him to her. "It must be a connection of the classy bride-to-be," he winks at Rachel as he plants a kiss on her cheek.

"Actually," Mike scoffs, "Father Walker is an old friend of mine. I am the classy connection." He lifts his chin in mock pride.

"The lies we tell ourselves," Harvey teases before facing the inevitable.

He swallows thickly before turning to face Donna.

"Donna. God, I've missed you." The words out of his mouth before he can stop them. It's as if his heart just forced them out without consulting his brain. Their eyes meet briefly before he steps in and wraps his arms around her waist. He feels her body stiffen, just barely, before she taps into her acting skills and wraps her arms around his neck.

"Harvey," is all she offers.

He's reluctant to let go. He turns his head to kiss her below the ear, but with a subtle push, unnoticeable to the group, she separates from him before his lips reach her skin.

It was a punch to the gut.

The moment is interrupted by a loud clap and squeal as a small, round, balding man approaches the group.

"Oh my God! Would you look at the four of you! I don't think I've seen so much beauty in one spot since before the idiots on Broadway canceled Cats!"

Harvey literally moves half a step back feeling crowded all of a sudden just by the man's presence. _Teeth. Nose. Teeth. _

"Louis!" Rachel steps up to him and the two lock hands and exchange kisses on each cheek like they've all been transported to France all of sudden.

"Guys, this is Louis Litt. He's the best wedding planner in all of Manhattan and also a dear friend of mine." Rachel turns to Donna and Harvey.

"You are stun-ning," He exaggerates the syllables as he holds Donna's hand and spins her in a circle. "Blue is absolutely your color, although I imagine you'd look ravenous in anything… or nothing." He wiggles his eyebrows as Harvey loudly clears his throat.

"And you." He turns to Harvey. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" He gives Harvey a slow once over that makes Donna snort with a laugh, before covering her mouth. "Let me guess, a dancer? No, tennis!"

"Baseball," Harvey says, feeling extremely awkward.

"Hmph. What a waste, what a waste." Louis waves his hand and gestures for them to follow as he walks to the front of the church.

The next twenty minutes, he walks them around to the different parts of the church and explains the flow of the ceremony and what Mike and Rachel will need to do as well as the jobs that Harvey and Donna will have. They had been joined by Rachel's parents and a young boy and girl who would be serving as the ring bearer and flower girl, apparently cousins of Rachel's. Harvey was really the only family Mike had after the death of his grandmother. So it was up to Rachel to fill all the key roles.

Harvey doesn't fail to notice the lack of physical contact between him and Donna throughout the evening. Standing this close to her and not being able to touch her is causing him actual pain.

At one point, when Louis and Father Walker were talking, he brushed his finger across the back of her hand. Testing the waters, so to speak. She quickly brought her hand up to twirl her hair. He had his answer, and his chest tightened right along with his throat.

Louis steps up behind Harvey and Donna and walks them to the back of the church.

"Okay, lovebirds." He positions them next to each other. "The two of you will walk arm in arm right before Rachel and her father. "And try not to look too perfect together, okay? This is Rachel's big day. Yours will come soon enough."

"Oh, no... we aren't... we won't."

The horrified expression on her face feels like a slap to the face and Harvey furrows his brow in irritation.

"Pa-lease! As if!" Louis chuckles. "Listen, sweetheart. I read people. It's what I do. And the two of you… the two of you are meant to be. With you being the luscious red rose, and him being the… hard and sharp thorn always by your side to _prick_ anyone who gets too close." He waves his hand and walks away adding, "Anyone can see that."

Harvey's not sure if that strange little man just called him a prick, but he likes the sound of _meant to be. _Maybe Louis isn't so bad after all.

He wraps his arm around Donna's elbow and grips her just tight enough to let her know he's not letting go. When the organ music starts to play, he tilts his chin just slightly to his right to look at Donna from the corner of his eyes. Feeling his gaze she lets her eyes drift to her left and find his. A warmth spreads through him as their eyes connect. Harvey sees something there, in her eyes, he feels it in his bones. _Yeah, maybe Louis had a point._

Donna reaches up and lays her right hand on his forearm, just below their interlocked elbows. A simple gesture, that may be just for show, but for Harvey, it's like a cold compress on a fresh wound. He reaches over and places his left hand on top of hers and as they direct their eyes forward and start their march down the aisle, he brushes his thumb over the back of her hand, praying that she feels what he does.

The rest of the rehearsal Harvey feels as though the elephant that had been sitting on his chest has lumbered off to a watering hole somewhere. He knows that he and Donna aren't exactly _good_ but at least they had made a small connection. When he had touched her, she hadn't recoiled and that seemed like progress.

He continues to cast his eyes in her direction as Mike and Rachel walk through the rest of the ceremony. She looks at him too, but never holds his eyes as long as he wants. It seems like she is longing for a connection as much as he is, but now it is Donna that is holding back.

Once they finish up with the rehearsal, the entire group makes the short walk around the block to Yakiniku Futago for an upscale Japanese Barbeque.

…

The minute they walk into the dimly lit, upscale bar Donna excuses herself to use the restroom. She pushes past the swinging door and braces herself with both hands on the sink. She knew this wasn't going to be easy, but it was far worse than she thought. Not because he was distant and unavailable, but because he wasn't those things. She just didn't know if she could handle this back and forth.

"Hey."

Donna looks into the mirror and sees her best friend behind her.

"Hey," Donna whispers looking back down at the sink.

"You okay?" Rachels steps closer to her friend.

"I don't know, Rach." She sighs and turns to face her. "I was so scared at the beginning. I was terrified to let him in, but it was like, I couldn't stop it. You know?" Donna dabs at her eyes to try and salvage her makeup. "The pull between us was so strong. He was open and sensitive, and… after Boston, I just thought…"

"Hey, hey." Rachel takes her hand and squeezes it lightly. "Love is hard, Donna."

Rachel waits for Donna to look up at her and then tilts her head with her eyebrows raised questioningly. Donna sniffles and nods in confirmation.

"That's what I thought." She smiles softly at Donna. "Things were all over the place with Mike and I at the beginning, too. You and Harvey both have issues in your past that make it hard to commit. To take risks with your heart. And there is no bigger risk than falling in love, Don."

"I know, Rachel. Trust me, I know." Donna turns to the trashcan and drops in the paper towel she's holding. "It's _because_ of my past that I can't play second fiddle to a game."

"Donna." Rachel stops her walking out with a hand on her shoulder. "That's not fair and you know it. It's not a _game _to Harvey_,_ it's his _career_. And it's all he's had for a very long time.'

Donna keeps her eyes forward, staring at the door. "I just can't be with a man who won't let me in when things get tough. I can see that he's hurting but he won't share the burden with me. That's not love, Rachel."

Donna walks back into the restaurant to find the group seated around a long rectangular table for eight. Father Walker, Louis, and Rachel's parents on one side. Mike, Harvey, and two empty seats for her and Rachel on the other. She sits next to Harvey with her _pleasant girlfriend mask _firmly in place.

The rest of the evening is manageable enough. Harvey has kept his hands to himself for which Donna is both grateful and disappointed. She knows that it's completely irrational, but it's the truth. She feels what she feels.

As the dessert is placed in front of them, the mood shifts completely when Rachel's father, Robert, asks Harvey about baseball.

Robert explains that he is more of a football and golf fan, but that he follows baseball to a degree. He mentions that he's heard Harvey's name in the media and that it sounds like he's on pace for a record year.

Apparently Robert hadn't been watching Sport's Center for the past two weeks. Donna takes a gulp of her wine.

Harvey clears his throat and straightens his spine.

"Yes, Robert." Mike jumps in when Harvey seems tongue-tied. "The team is doing very well. Leading the division, actually."

"Thanks to your friend, Harvey, here." Robert smiles and nods to Harvey.

"No, Robert. More like in spite of me." Harvey pushes his chair back and stands up. "Excuse me."

Donna closes her eyes as Harvey stalks off toward the restroom. Any mention of baseball is an immediate trigger for him and she fights off the need to follow him. Whatever she might say to Harvey right now wouldn't help the situation. Instead, she does what's natural for her and attempts to smooth things over at the table instead.

"You'll have to excuse Harvey, Robert. He is just a tad competitive." She offers her warmest smile. "He's had a few tough games in the past couple weeks, and well, he isn't happy with anything but perfection." Her smile fades as she lifts her glass to her lips.

Rachel successfully changes the topic and the awkward tension slowly lifts. By the time Harvey returns to the table, everyone is getting up to leave.

Harvey tries to reach for the check before Robert snatches it up. "It's tradition, Mr. Specter, for the father of the bride to take care of this." He nods curtly at Harvey, and the switch from _Harvey_ to _Mr. Specter_ doesn't go unnoticed by anyone.

Mike and Rachel are staying a bit longer with Louis to discuss some details about the reception. They stand and say their goodbyes to their guests. Rachel holding on to Donna a little longer than the rest.

…

Harvey finds himself alone with Donna outside. Rachel's parents had caught a cab, and Father Walker headed back to his parish.

The two of them are both aware they need to talk but neither seems to want to speak first.

"How about a walk?" he finally offers.

Donna nods and falls in step beside him. More than anything, Harvey wants to reach for her hand. To just place his lips to hers and kiss all the pain away. His and hers. But he knows that's not what Donna needs or wants from him right now.

"You know how sorry I am, right? For the way I've been acting." His hands are shoved deeply in his pockets and his eyes are straight ahead.

"It's not about being sorry, Harvey."

He nods. He'd expected her to say as much. But he's not really sure what else he has to offer her so he stays silent.

Donna stops walking and Harvey turns back to face her.

"Well?" Her voice cracks as she lifts and drops her arms in frustration.

"Well, what, Donna? I don't know what else you want me to say." As the words leave his lips, his stomach tightens and the elephant from earlier is back on his chest. He knows he is fucking this up, but he can't seem to stop it.

"I want an explanation, Harvey!" The tears building in Donna's eyes sparkle with the lighting from the overhead street lamp as her voice escalates. "I know your career is important to you. I know that you are struggling and I want to be there for you, Harvey. But you won't let me in." Donna shakes her head and sighs as Harvey just blinks at her in response. "I need you to tell me _why_?"

He tightens his jaw as he feels beads of sweat form on his forehead. _I'm hurt, Donna. Something is wrong with my shoulder. I'm scared. _The words are there, the explanation she needs, but he can't force them out. He can't speak them into the universe and make them real.

"It's… complicated." He closes his eyes and shakes his head.

"Well, you know what isn't complicated, Harvey?" Her tone is harsh and bitter.

He opens his eyes, tears of his own forming, and looks into hers.

"I'm done. _We_ are done."

She turns to walk away from him when he calls out.

"Donna. Donna, please." Harvey feels his heart crack along with his voice. He has never felt this kind of pain.

She turns around and looks at him. Her eyes pleading with him to give her what she needs.

He tries. He really tries. To open his mouth and tell her what he knows is true. But he can't. He doesn't.

Donna exhales the breath she was holding. She shakes her head, tears streaming down her face.

"I love you, Harvey."

He feels dizzy. His vision fades in and out of focus as he watches her walking away. He reaches out for her, at least he thinks he does. Tries to call after her, but he can't form any words. He can't seem to breathe at all. The pressure on his chest increases as he stumbles back to lean against the brick wall. Sweat dripping from his forehead as he clutches at his collar and tries to loosen what suddenly feels like a noose around his neck. Harvey fumbles in his pocket for his cellphone and manages to push the call button for Mike before sliding his back down the wall and dropping the phone next to him.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I am starting to understand the challenges of writing a long multi-chapter fic. With every new chapter you feel this intense obligation to stay true to the characters and keep your readers engaged and satisfied. This can really play tricks on your mind and mess with your confidence. I know ALL of the authors out there go ****through**** the same thing. That is what makes the support of betas, friends, and ****followers**** so critical. So thank you to every single one of you that has ****shown**** me that love. **

**To my beta team, my deepest and unwavering gratitude.**

**Chapter 11 - Drowning**

Mike is sipping on his drink only half listening to Rachel and Louis when his phone starts buzzing in his pocket.

"Harvey. Miss me al-" Mike sits up straight in his chair when he hears the pained, choppy breathing coming from the end of the line. "Harvey? Harvey!" There are no actual words coming from his friend's mouth, only groans, and Mike stands up practically shouting. "Where are you? I'm on my way."

Mike grabs his coat from the back of the chair and turns to Rachel.

"Call 9-1-1. Right now. I think Harvey is having a heart attack."

"Where do I send them?" Rachel calls after Mike.

"Use Find my Iphone." Mike yells as he exits the restaurant.

He keeps the line open even though Harvey isn't responding to him. He can hear his labored breaths, and just in case Harvey can hear him, he keeps talking calmly into the phone.

"I'm coming, Harvey. Help is on the way. I need you to try to slow your breathing. Deep breaths, Harvey. Come on, don't be a pussy. Breath."

Mike is trying to decide how the fuck he's going to find him when he remembers that Harvey jokingly installed an app on Mike's phone where he could track his location. He told him that an athlete of his caliber should always know where his agent is. It wasn't until later that Mike realized it works both ways.

While continuing to talk to Harvey he pulls up the app and finds that Harvey is only a couple of blocks away. He breaks out into a sprint.

…..

Harvey can hear Mike faintly through the cracked phone on the ground next to him. He can't quite make out any of the words over the pounding of his own pulse in his temples. But he's coming. That much he knows. Help is on the way.

Despite the trembling in his hands, he manages to unbutton the dress shirt that is suddenly choking his neck. The navy sweater he's wearing becomes suffocatingly warm as sweat beads build on his forehead. Harvey works desperately on trying to focus his eyes. To establish a reference point around him that can provide a semblance of balance. Something to ground him. Instead, his vision continues to blur as his heart pounds erratically in his chest. The pressure building as if his heart is swelling and about to burst. Any moment now, his chest is going to crack open.

He hears a voice. It's muffled. Distant. The combination of cloudy vision and echoing voices reminds Harvey of being underwater and he wonders if this is what drowning feels like. Are those sirens? Why is he so nauseous? A wave rolls through his stomach and he heaves aggressively, releasing all the contents of his stomach right there on the sidewalk.

"Harvey?"

He hears it more clearly now. The pounding in his head mercifully quieting a bit.

"Harvey, it's Mike." The cooling touch of Mike's hand on his forehead brings instant relief as his eyes settle on the concerned face of his best friend. The moment is short lived when the paramedics move Mike away from him and start explaining that they are there to help as they encourage him to take deep breaths. With a man on each side of him, they hoist him up onto the gurney and load him to the ambulance within seconds.

"Mike?" Harvey croaks out. His voice is dry and hoarse and the taste in his mouth almost unbearable.

"I'm right here." Mike takes Harvey's hand as he sits next to him in the ambulance. "I'm not leaving you, Harvey."

Harvey clenches his jaw and nods. He had never liked the feeling of _needing _someone, but he can't ever remember feeling this helpless, and his eyes well up in gratitude.

…

Donna hasn't even set her purse down on the table when her cell phone starts ringing. Her mind immediately goes to Harvey. Actually, her mind hadn't been on anything _but_ Harvey. She had been wondering if he'd call. In fact, the entire drive she'd been mentally rehearsing just what she would say if he did.

When she finally wrestles the phone out, she's deflated to see it's not him, but Rachel.

"Rach, I just walked in the door and-"

"Donna, it's Harvey."

The blood drains from Donna's face. The chilling tone in Rachel's voice is unmistakable. Something has happened. Something terrible.

"What happened, Rachel?"

Donna places her hand on the wall in her entryway. Palm flat along the course surface as she leans her weight against it. Fear is a strange phenomenon. A person can go from any emotion, happiness, anger, indifference to sheer terror in a matter of a split second. Most emotions have to build their way up, bit by bit. But fear? Fear can grip you from the inside and erase the ability to think of anything else.

"Donna…" Rachel whispers.

"Jesus, Rachel! Just spit it out!" Donna's voice shakes as it cracks, making her tone more desperate than angry.

"I don't know, Donna. But Mike is with him and they are on their way to the emergency room."

Donna can hear Rachel crying through the phone despite the ringing in her ears.

"But… I was just there. I was with him. I left him on the street. He was… fine," Donna rambles, talking more to herself than Rachel. "What…"

"He called Mike." Rachel takes in a deep breath and attempts to remain calm for Donna. "I couldn't hear what he was saying, but Mike took off to find him." She pauses knowing how scary this sounds. "He told me to call 9-1-1." Another pause. "He said he thought Harvey was having a heart attack."

Donna hears the words come from the speaker on her phone but a strange sense of disconnect washes over her. She feels like it all must be a bad dream. Harvey? A heart attack? She almost laughs at the absurdity of it. _None of this is real_. She stumbles into her living room to sit down. The room just keeps spinning and it's making her dizzy.

"Donna! Did you hear me?"

Rachel's voice snaps Donna from her downward spiral and brings her back to the present.

"I said Mike is sending Ray. To pick you up." Rachel pauses. "You want to go, right? To the hospital?"

Donna sits down on her couch and tries to put the pieces together. Why can't she speak? Why is this all so hard to understand? It's as if her mind has turned to mush.

"Donna? Answer me. You're scaring me." Rachel pleads with her friend.

"Yes. I want to go." Getting those words out seems like a monumental task. But once she's accomplished it, her instincts kick in. "I'll be downstairs in 2 minutes."

Donna disconnects the call without another thought. She grabs her coat off the hook where she'd just hung it, and flies out the door to meet Ray.

…

On the way to the hospital, in the back of the Lexus, Donna replays the entire scene of Harvey and her on the street like a silent movie running on a projector. She closes her eyes and focuses on the memory. The expression in his eyes had been so loud, even though he couldn't seem to find the words. There was something there. Something heavy and daunting. Fear? Pain?

A cool feeling runs through her body and causes her to shiver. Regret, maybe? Had she been too harsh? Had she pushed him away when what he really needed was her trust and compassion? _Had she done this to him?_

By the time Donna arrives at the hospital, she has put on her mask of calm and collected. When she walks through the automatic doors to Bellevue ER, she looks like a woman in complete control. Until she sees Mike.

He's standing on the far side of the waiting room, sleeves rolled to his elbows, hair disheveled, and pacing back and forth.

"Mike?" She bursts into tears.

Mike reaches her in two seconds flat and wraps her in a tight embrace.

"Donna. Shhh. Shhh." He strokes her hair and wipes it from her tear-drenched cheeks. "He's going to be fine, Donna."

Her body convulses against Mike as she really lets herself cry for the first time since Rachel broke the news.

"Donna," Mike says again softly, pulling her from the hole she's burrowing in his chest. "Donna." He waits for her to look at him. "He's going to be fine. They are just running some tests."

Donna welcomes the relief as it washes over her. She can see that Mike is telling her the truth. Harvey will be okay. She sniffles and nods before letting Mike go.

"The paramedics said they don't think it was a heart attack," Mike says running his hand through his hair and exhaling a heavy breath. "They think it was a panic attack."

"A panic attack?" Donna brings her hand to her mouth. _Harvey? A panic attack? The man had ice in his veins._

"I think it's my fault," Mike croaks. "He's been under so much pressure and I… I haven't been there for him. I was so distracted with the wedding. And he's always just been so damn strong. I mean," Mike wipes at his eyes, "he wins, Donna. He always wins."

Mike shakes his head and starts pacing in front of her. "I tried to get to him to talk to me. I did. But he just shuts me out. He kept saying he was fine. I should have pushed harder."

Donna reaches for his forearm.

"Mike. It wasn't your fault. If it was anyone's fault, it was mine." Donna's throat closes up on her as she remembers what she said to him before walking away. The look in his eyes.

"I told him we were done."

As the tears start to flow from Donna's eyes the two friends embrace and console each other. Both ridden with guilt and concern while they wait another two hours for any news.

Finally a young doctor walks up to the area where they are sitting.

"Mike Ross?"

Mike shoots to his feet. "Yes, yes that's me."

"My name is Dr. Altman. Dr. Brian Altman."

The doctor smiles and gestures for Mike to sit back down as he pulls up a chair in front of the two of them.

"Mr. Specter is awake and his vitals have returned to normal. His heart is in excellent condition and he shouldn't suffer any lasting effects from tonight." He looks back and forth between the two letting the good news sink in.

"The episode Mr. Specter experienced was a panic attack. Anxiety and depression are extremely common in people with high-pressure jobs. Professional athletes are no exception. I have prescribed him an anti-anxiety medication that is approved by Major League Baseball and should help to reduce the risk of future attacks."

"Thank you, Doctor. Can we see him?" Donna asks anxiously.

"Medication is not the only answer." The doctor offers a small smile toward Donna. Letting her know he wasn't finished. "I'm recommending Mr. Specter start regular therapy sessions to help relieve some of the stress a job like his brings on."

Mike raises an eyebrow at that. Harvey's gonna shit.

"And I know you are his agent, Mr. Ross, so listen carefully. He needs rest. He shouldn't pitch for at least a few days. He will make a full recovery, this time. But these attacks should not be ignored, and they will continue if he doesn't find a way to deal with his stress."

"I understand. Thank you, Dr. Altman." Mike reaches to shake the doctor's hand as they both stand up.

"You may go in and see him. One at a time. You first Mr. Ross, as he asked for you, specifically."

Mike looks at Donna awkwardly.

"He doesn't even know you're here." He shrugs one shoulder. "I'll just be a minute, and then I'll come back for you."

Donna nods at Mike and watches him follow the doctor down the corridor. She sits back in the hard chair and buries her face in her hands.

…

Harvey has his eyes closed and his head laid back. He's just listening to the humming of the machines and the occasional drip from his IV. When the door opens softly he's relieved to see it's Mike walking through it.

"Mike." He's had plenty of alone time to think about how he would handle this conversation. And he'd decided not to hold anything back. After all, holding shit in is what put him in the ER to begin with.

"You scared the shit out of me, man." Mike chuckles but it's not really meant to be funny.

"I scared the shit out of me, too. Trust me." Harvey smirks at Mike as he takes a seat next to the bed.

"Look, Harvey. I'm sorry I didn't see this coming. I'm sorry -"

"Mike," Harvey cuts him off and waits for him to make eye contact. "Mike," he says again. "This is not on you." Harvey continues when Mike looks up from his lap, "This is on me. It's not like you didn't try to get me to talk." He raises his eyebrow and nods at his friend.

Mike feels his eyes fill as an understanding passes between the two men. They had never needed many words to know their love for one another ran deep.

"She's here, Harvey."

Harvey's back stiffens as his eyes grow wide.

"Rachel called her."

Harvey runs his hand over his face and just blinks at Mike.

"Donna told me," Mike continues and looks down at his hands, "about the fight." He absently rubs his palms on his knees as the room feels warm all of a sudden. "We didn't know, Harvey. I'm sorry."

Harvey's throat closes. He knows what happened to him tonight was not the direct result of any one thing, but the sum of several parts. The final snap, however, was definitely brought on by what happened on that street. What happened with Donna.

"She wants to see you, Harvey. She's worried sick."

Harvey still can't seem to swallow down the thick lump blocking his airway. He just nods at Mike as his eyes threaten to spill over.

"I'll, um… I'll get her."

"Mike?" Harvey croaks stopping him in his tracks. "Thank you," he says softly as his friend looks back at him over his shoulder.

Not two minutes later there is a soft knock on the door.

"Come in," Harvey says. Keeping his voice as steady as he can.

The moment Donna surfaces in front of him the scene from earlier floods his senses. His heart clenches in his chest when he sees the tears staining her cheeks.

"Hey," Harvey says, the timbre of his voice warm.

"Hey." Her smile is uncertain and so is her stance.

The two really have no idea what to say, considering they had essentially broken up just hours before.

"I'm sorry," they say in unison.

Harvey furrows his brow in confusion. "You're sorry. For what?"

"For what?" Donna gasps. "For not being there for you. For not seeing how much you were struggling. For leaving you there on the street after saying… everything I said!" The words flow from her mouth in a rushed stream accompanied by a fresh wave of tears.

"Donna, Donna, Donna!" Harvey tries continually to stop her. "Come here." He reaches his hand out to the side of the bed where Mike had been sitting moments ago.

"This was not your fault," he says, squeezing her hand the moment it makes contact with his. "Do you hear me? None of it."

Donna doesn't reply; she just takes her other hand and lays it on top of the one she's holding.

"Don't you see, Donna? You _were_ there for me. You _did_ see I was struggling. And I _deserved_ to be left on the street after letting you down the way I had."

"No, Harvey." She shakes her head adamantly.

"Yes, Donna." He reaches for her face and wipes her cheek with his thumb.

"This was not your fault. All my life I've struggled with asking people for help, Donna."

Donna looks into his eyes and she feels like she can see right into his soul.

Harvey inhales a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

"I think it started with me keeping my mom's secret. I felt so alone that I trained myself not to need anyone. I told myself that it was my job to carry the burden alone. Then one day, I couldn't hold it on my own anymore. I told my dad and it tore our family apart." He stops and looks out the window at the street lights. "But tonight." He swallows. "When I watched you walk away. Something inside me just broke. Like a dam, I had been carefully constructing since I was a kid, just burst and all the pain and fear that I had tucked away just washed over me like a wave. I thought it was going to drown me." His eyes are so full that a single tear escapes before he can blink it away. And it's Donna's turn to wipe it with her thumb.

"I meant what I said on the street, Harvey." She dabs at the tears in her own eyes and then chuckles softly at his concerned expression. "No, not the part about being done, silly." She leans in and kisses him softly on the cheek. Then the lips. "The part about being in love with you." She whispers it in his ear and lays her head on his chest.

With her eyes closed, they lay there in silence. Donna listening to the beat of his perfectly healthy heart and Harvey taking in the scent of her hair. Tomorrow he'd have to figure out how to deal with this mess he was in. The road ahead was not going to be easy, and maybe for the first time in his life, he wasn't going to try to handle it alone.

…

At some point, after Harvey had forced Mike and Donna to go home, they moved him into a private room. They assured him he'd be able to leave in the morning but some of his test results still weren't in and they wanted to be extra cautious.

He lay awake staring at the ceiling thinking about the choices he'd made that put him here. Harvey never really spent a lot of time second-guessing himself, personally or professionally. He'd never bought into things like meditation, visualization, or reflection. He'd never seen a therapist, even though many of his teammates swore by it, but he had a feeling that was all about to change.

Donna had come back. She stood by his side, held his hand, and let him explain. Not only had she forgiven him, she had said she loved him. Twice.

Pride isn't foreign to Harvey, but the kind of pride filling his heart right now is new. _Different_. He'd let Donna in. Maybe not as soon as he should have. Okay, definitely not as soon as he should have. And it may have taken a near-death experience to get him there, but he'd told her the truth. At least, part of it. He had opened up to her again the way he had with his mother and she had hung on every word. Compassionate and forgiving. It felt good. _Right_.

Harvey closes his eyes as the realization of what has to be done next sinks in. He has to tell Mike. And Donna. And Tanner. Everyone. He reaches over to massage the arm that had been the key to his success and what he had once believed was his only ticket to happiness. What an idiot he had been.

The injury to his shoulder had already cost his team three games and he can't keep pretending it's going to just get better. He'd been selfish and stupid to let it go on this long and he had a duty as a professional to take the proper steps toward healing. It could mean the end of his best season, but that was far better then the end of his career.

He knew what had to be done and figured he'd probably better get some sleep.

…

Donna has been tossing and turning all night, never really able to sleep. She is relieved Harvey opened up to her the way he had tonight, but she also knows his issues run deep, and considering she has her own baggage, they will have to learn to trust each other even more.

He had taken all the blame for what happened, but Donna can't shake the guilt she still feels. She should have found a better way to get through to him than just walking away. To say she was done, and throw out, "I love you" was petty. She had just been so scared. The reality that maybe he didn't love her the way she loved him had cut deep, and she had wanted to hurt him back.

Donna rolled over and flipped her pillow to the cool side.

She told Harvey she loved him, twice, and she meant it. And when you love someone, you don't just quit when things get tough. She was in this for the long haul and she would make sure he knew it.

…

When Donna arrives back at Bellevue the following morning, Mike and Rachel are already there.

"Donna," Rachel says as she wraps Donna in a hug. "Mike told me you and Harvey worked things out last night?" Rachel's face is hopeful but her smile is tentative.

"It was a big step in the right direction," Donna says with a smile of her own.

"Morning, Donna." Mike steps in for a hug of his own. "The nurse said Harvey will be discharged in an hour or two. He said he has something he wants to talk to us about. All three of us."

Donna nods as her stomach turns a bit. Here she had been begging Harvey to open up to her and now that he's ready, the possibilities make her nervous.

When the three of them enter Harvey's room the first thing that strikes her is his eyes. They are bloodshot and puffy. Looks like she's not the only one who didn't get much sleep.

"Hey, guys," Harvey says softly as he sits up higher in the bed. "Thanks for coming."

Rachel steps up and gives Harvey a kiss on the cheek, followed by a handshake from Mike. They both sit down to make room for Donna to get to Harvey.

"You okay?" She touches her hand lightly on his cheek. He closes his eyes and leans, just slightly, into her palm. The gesture makes her heart skip.

"I am now," he says, opening his eyes and making contact with hers. Donna swallows at his sincere gaze and she leans over to kiss him softly on the lips.

Rather than pulling up a chair, Donna sits on the edge of his bed and takes his hand. Intertwining their fingers and preparing herself for whatever Harvey is about to share.

…

Harvey clears his throat and sticks the tip of his tongue out between his lips as he works up the nerve for what he's about to say. Looking between the three of them, he takes in a deep breath.

"First of all, I owe all of you an apology." He holds up his hand when Mike tries to interject. "I have been a complete dick the past couple of weeks. Well, I've always been a dick, but this isn't about that." He smirks trying to keep things light.

"I haven't been honest and it's driven a wedge between Donna and me, and it's put both of our careers at risk." He looks to Donna first and then to Mike as his tone becomes more serious.

"I hate to lose. There is no mystery there. I've always been a winner. I work hard for it. And I expect it. I do whatever it takes to put myself in a position of power. I outwork my opponents. I outsmart my opponents."

He stops briefly and glances toward the window as he feels his throat growing thick and his eyes getting moist.

"But not everything is within our control," he sighs.

"You're hurt."

It comes from Mike. And once the words are out, an ominous hush spreads through the room like thick fog settling over a lake.

Harvey keeps his eyes focused outside but he clenches his jaw and nods. He knows if he turns to look at him, the tears will come.

No one says a word for several minutes.

"How bad?" Mike finally asks.

Harvey knows that Mike is upset. He can hear it in his voice and when he finally turns to his best friend, he sees it in his eyes as well. Not upset that he's hurt, exactly, but upset that he kept it from him. It wasn't just hurtful as his friend, it was selfish and irresponsible as his client.

"I don't know." Harvey chokes on the response and shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Mike."

Donna squeezes his hand. "Maybe Rachel and I should give you guys -"

"No." Harvey holds onto her hand when she starts to let go. "I didn't just keep this from Mike. I kept it from all of you. And… I need to explain."

"Not to me, you don't." Mike pushes up from his chair and walks to the side of the bed opposite Donna.

"It doesn't matter, Harvey." He places his hand on his friend's shoulder. "All that matters is getting you healthy. And I don't just mean your arm." Mike takes a deep breath and walks to the end of the bed. "Here's what's going to happen, I'm setting up two appointments for you this afternoon. One for an MRI, so we can find out just what we are dealing with. And two, an appointment with the team psychiatrist so _you _can figure out what you're dealing with." He leans down towards Harvey's ear and mock whispers loud enough for everyone to hear, "Cause I'm your best friend and your agent, but what I'm not, is your therapist."

Mike pats Harvey on the shoulder and gestures for Rachel to get up. Harvey fights back the tears building in his eyes as he chuckles softly at Mike's words. He has always felt blessed to have Mike in his life, but never more than at this very moment.

"I'm so sorry, Harvey," Rachel says before she follows Mike out. "I'm here if you need anything. Anything at all."

"Thanks, Rachel." He nods and watches them both walk out.

Donna pulls up a chair next to the bed and sits beside him. He looks at her and sees the same compassion and concern he'd seen at the airport over a week ago. Only this time, instead of scaring him off. Instead of flipping some internal switch that sent up his self isolating barriers, it made him feel safe. Loved.

He started from the moment in Houston, when he felt the pop in his shoulder, and told Donna the whole story.

….

_Harvey was warming up in the bullpen in the eighth inning. They were up by one, but the Astros were the reigning World Champs and the game was far from over. He wasn't nervous. He didn't really get nervous anymore. People called him cocky and arrogant, but he saw it as confidence. To-mate-to, To-mat-to. _

_The closer he gets to entering the game, the more he lets loose on his fastball in the pen. Starting with easy tosses and building up as he goes. Only his last few pitches before taking the field are thrown at one hundred percent. _

_It was the second to last pitch when he felt it. A pop. In his shoulder. It had happened before. In high school. He was out for 6 weeks and nearly missed the State Championships. _

_The pain was sharp and undeniable, and the pitch sailed over the catchers head while Harvey winced in pain._

_His bullpen catcher jogged over. "Harvey? Harvey, you okay? You good?"_

_He can't be hurt. He'd worked his whole life to get to this point in his career. He's on pace to set an MLB record and make his first appearance as an All Star._

"_I'm good," he lied, nodding at his teammate. "That one just got away from me."_

_As Harvey ran out to take the field, he told himself he would be fine. It was just a pinched nerve or something. A little soreness he could push through. He was no pussy._

_Less than ten minutes later he was walking off the field to the deafening screams of what sounded like the entire population of Houston, Texas. Astros players were dogpiling and cameras were flashing in every direction. Not only had he blown his first save, he'd given up the first walk-off home run of his career. And instead of admitting he was injured, he buried it. Just the way he had trained himself to do for years. And he stood in front of the cameras and took all the blame for letting his team down._

_When he felt the pain again a few days later, he had seriously considered telling Tanner. But instead he convinced himself he could push through it. And he gave up another save. Costing his team a second loss in as many appearances._

_Tanner had confronted him in the locker room after that game. Not accusing him of anything, per se, but concerned that something was wrong. Harvey lashed out. Pointed out past failures of his catcher and threw out the old, Nobody's Perfect cliche while the entire team looked on._

_It was after the third loss, when he hung up on Donna and threw his phone against the wall, that he knew he had lost control. But he had just shut out the one person who seemed to know how to help him the most. _

_And he let the loneliness swallow him whole._

…

Harvey gets discharged around noon and the four friends load into the Navigator. Donna needs to be at the theater by two and Harvey has to get to the stadium to meet with his coaches, the team doctor, and apparently the team psychiatrist.

They stop at her place first, and Harvey jumps out to walk her up. He taps on Mike's window.

"I'll get Ray to come to get me. I need to go by my place and change. Why don't you meet me at the stadium in an hour?"

Mike makes a crack about Harvey being scared to go alone which earns him a rabbit punch in the bicep before closing his window.

He rounds the car and flashes Donna his signature smile and raised eyebrow. She gives him an exaggerated eye roll, but on the inside her stomach flutters. _How does he do that?_

Donna stops at her door to get out her keys and suddenly feels a bit nervous. They had been fighting for the past several days, and at the hospital there was a kind of _bubble_ around them. In fact, they hadn't kissed… really kissed, in 10 days. Not that she's counting.

"Thanks for walking me up, Harvey, but I know you have to get going and I need to -"

Before she can finish her sentence or get the key from the lock, his hand is on her face and her breath catches in a gasp.

"I'm so sorry, Donna." His eyes shift down to her lips and his tongue darts out to lick his own. "God, I've missed your lips."

The kiss is slow and deep. It's not aggressive, but it's full of passion. His tongue finding its way around her mouth like it had finally come home after a long absence. Donna's knees buckle as she gives herself over to everything he is giving. All the intimacy she has missed so dearly.

His hand snakes up her back and into her hair as she wraps her arms around his neck and tilts her head wishing for a way to dive even deeper into his mouth.

Moments later, Harvey finally pulls himself back to look at her while he gasps for air. Donna has never seen eyes as incredibly expressive as his, and what she sees there makes her hold on for dear life. His eyes are glistening with unshed tears and the words may not leave his lips, but they are spoken all the same.

_I love you, Donna._


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: The response for last chapter really blew me away and there wasn't even any sex in it. LOL. It seems like each update brings in a few brand new readers which is so inspiring. I truly appreciate all the kind words and support, and thank you to Heather, Steph, Nat, Sarah and Blue for continuing to put up with me. **

**Chapter 12 - The Injured List **

Standing just inside her apartment, Harvey's eyes are locked on Donna's and he feels something stir in his chest. It knocks him off balance. He fights the urge to break eye contact. To pull away. But the feeling also comforts him. Warmth spreads through his body starting in his chest and working its way out through his limbs. He wants to let go. To give in to it. To embrace it.

He gulps down the lump in his throat, causing his Adam's apple to bob dramatically. His words cut through the tension of the moment like a knife through butter.

"I should go."

Donna just blinks back at him. His calloused hand wrapped around her jawline with his long fingers in the back of her hair. Despite his words, neither of them moves.

"Why?"

"You know why." He drops his hand and turns from her. "I have to get to the stadium, and you have to get to work," he continues as his heart rate begins to return to normal.

Donna tries to regain her balance. Something had definitely just transpired between them. With a deep breath in and out, she keeps it casual herself.

"You're right. You have a big afternoon." She lays her hand on his shoulder. "Are you gonna be okay?"

He turns back to her and sighs, "I'm not looking forward to it. But yeah. I'm gonna be okay."

He leans in and places a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"Call me after your show?"

"The second I'm done." She squeezes his hand. "Good luck. If you get results from the MRI, don't make me wait. Text me and I'll check my phone between scenes, okay?"

He nods in response, eyes cast down at his feet, but when she squeezes his hand again he looks up at her.

"Promise me." Her eyes plead with him.

"I promise."

Harvey steps out of her apartment and shuts the door behind him. Another deep swallow as he stands there to center himself.

He has no idea what just happened to him in there. The feeling that flowed through him like morphine in an IV... had taken his breath away.

Well, he thinks as he runs a hand through his hair, he may have _some_ idea.

…

First on Harvey's agenda at Yankee Stadium is a meeting with Mike and the coaching staff. When he walks into the clubhouse, he's surprised to see Tanner there.

"Who told you?" Harvey asks, jutting his chin in Tanner's direction.

"No one had to tell me, Harv. I knew." Tanner shoots him a knowing glare.

"Well unless you're a damn psychic, you didn't know about this meeting." Harvey sits on the couch across from his catcher. "And I know you're no psychic, because you can't hit for shit." Harvey throws a towel from the nearby hamper at him.

"So, who told you?" he repeats his earlier question.

"Mike. He called me."

"Shit." Harvey shakes his head.

"Look Harvey, I thought we were friends, not to mention teammates," Tanner says in a more serious tone.

"Alright Travis, don't get your panties in a wad, right after this we can start couples counseling." Harvey quirks his eyebrow and smirks like a smart ass. "Will that make you feel better?"

Tanner doesn't get a chance to respond because the team manager and his two assistants walk in and both men get up to shake their hands.

"Harvey," his manager frowns, "this is sure some shit news."

"I know, Skip." Harvey shakes his head. "I know."

Before they finish greeting each other, Mike walks in and says his own hellos.

"Really?" Harvey says quietly to Mike gesturing toward Tanner.

"He should be here, Harvey." Mike's tone leaves no room for argument.

"I know." Harvey sighs, and sits between his two closest friends on the couch.

The meeting lasts about an hour. It's basically Harvey doing all the talking and answering a few questions from the rest of the group. He walks them through the entire story the way he had with Donna. At one point, about halfway through, it hits him how much easier this is because he'd already been through it all with her. The gratitude consumes him and he loses his train of thought.

"Harvey?" Mike nudges him with his elbow to bring him back to the present.

Harvey continues his retelling of events and answers the rest of their questions without incident.

"Okay, guys. Harvey and I appreciate all your support. I'm going to take him for his MRI and to meet Lipschitz." Mike is the first to push himself up from the leather sofa.

"Lipschitz?" Tanner chuckles. "Watch yourself Harv, that man does some serious Jedi mind trick shit," he whispers behind the back of his hand.

Harvey smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. Tanner may have laughed but there is honesty in his eyes that unsettles him.

….

When Donna arrives at work, she is greeted with a hug and then a slight push in the back from Benjamin. If ever there was a man who is _all business all the time_, it was him. And she loved him for it.

"How was your night off?" he asks ushering her into the dressing room.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Harvey -"

"Actually, no time for that," he cuts her off and hands her an article from the _New York Times_.

Donna literally flinches at his abrupt interruption. She has noticed a less than subtle irritation every time she mentions Harvey's name around him.

When she glances down at the article she freezes in place.

_World-renowned theatre critic Ben Brantley to see "Chicago" and the up and coming Donna Paulsen._

"Ben Brantley? Holy Shit!" Donna sits down in her chair. Wait until her mother hears about this. She's loved Ben Brantley since Donna was a girl.

"Holy shit is right! And he will be here tomorrow night, so let's think of this as a dress rehearsal for the biggest night of your life."

Donna smiles as she watches him busily bustle around her dressing room. He seems _pissed off_ somehow at the idea of her opportunity, but she knows it's really his way of dealing with another emotion. _Pride_.

"Okay, Benjamin." She smiles at his back. "I'm all yours."

…

The MRI was done and Harvey and Mike were waiting patiently for the team orthopedic to come in and give them the results.

"Nervous?" Mike asks. "Because I am." He gets up and paces the room.

"Of course I'm nervous. But I keep telling myself it's out of my control." Harvey sighs and lays his head back against the wall. "Whatever it is, we will deal with it."

"At least it's not your elbow, right? He won't be coming back in saying you need Tommy-John."

Harvey nods at Mike. Tommy-John isn't his fear. It's his rotator cuff. Another tear and his pitching career may be over. He had successfully managed to block that thought out since he first heard the pop. But now, as he knows he's minutes away from the news, it's got a vice grip on his insides.

The two men sit in silence for another ten minutes before the doctor pushes open the door.

Harvey stands up immediately, his nerves firing like a Fourth of July firework finale.

"Thank you for your patience, gentleman. Mr. Specter, take a seat."

The blood drains from Harvey's face. _Mr. Specter… take a seat._ He can't even bear to look at Mike.

"I have good news and bad news." The doctor sits down right in front of Harvey. Their knees almost touching. It has the distinct feeling of a heart to heart lecture and he suddenly feels like a ten-year-old kid.

"If you had continued to throw, your career would most likely have been over within a month. You're a grown man, Mr. Specter, and a professional, so I am only going to say this once. You need to listen to your body. And when it tells you something's wrong. Something's wrong."

Harvey has never been a big fan of authority figures and the way he's being spoken to at the moment would normally have him puffing out his chest and hurling derogatory names, but the Yankee Orthopedic Surgeon is the best in his field and Harvey knows every word he's said is true. So instead, he clenches his jaw and nods curtly.

"It's not a tear. It's a severe case of tendonitis."

Mike exhales loud enough that both men turn and face him.

"Sorry." Mike holds up his hands and grimaces.

"The popping you heard was the result of your rotator cuff tendon getting trapped under your acromion, or the highest point, of your shoulder."

Harvey leans back in his chair. "And…"

"I'm going to give you a Corticosteroid injection. The relief should be immediate, but you will need physical therapy and rest."

"How long?" Mike interjects the question on the tip of Harvey's tongue.

"I'm going to recommend they start with the 15 day Injured List and we will see how you respond to therapy. I think it's reasonable to say you could begin throwing again in two weeks and pitching in three to four." The doctor stands up and turns to Mike. "But there is no rushing this, and there are no guarantees. If his shoulder doesn't respond to the treatment we will move him to sixty day DL in a heartbeat."

"Of course." Mike heeds the warning the doctor is giving. "We get it."

"Mr. Specter." The doctor turns toward him.

"Harvey, please Doc. Mr. Specter has shaggy hair and plays the sax, not baseball."

"Harvey." The doctor shakes his hand. "I'm a huge fan, and I know you have big goals for yourself and the team this season. But trust me when I say, rushing back isn't going to be good for anyone. Especially you."

"I get it. I do," Harvey says as he lets his hand go and the doctor heads out leaving the two friends alone.

Harvey turns to Mike and is caught off guard by the tears in his friend's eyes. The men nod at each other and step into a back-slapping embrace.

….

Donna has just finished her final makeup when she gets Harvey's text.

_**H: Hey. Doc says it's just tendonitis. 3-4 weeks with PT and rest. Best I could have hoped for. Break a leg, tonight.**_

_**D: Oh Harvey! That's such great news. I have good news too but I'd rather tell you in person. Talk to you after the show?**_

_**H: Looking forward to it. Off to "therapy". Wish me luck.**_

_**D: Just be you, Harvey. The real you. XOXO**_

Donna sets her phone down and glances at her reflection. The smile on her face shows every one of her 32 teeth.

….

After Harvey gets his Cortisone shot, Mike drops him at the therapy appointment and they agree to meet back at the game.

When Harvey enters the office there's a definite sense of warmth. The decor is masculine with walls painted in both light and dark shades of taupe separated by a white chair rail. There are two leather chairs across from a sofa with a wood slab coffee table that reminds Harvey of a cabin in the woods.

"Harvey, what a pleasure to meet you. Stanley Lipschitz." The therapist extends his hand as well as a warm smile.

Harvey returns the sentiment as he takes in the seemingly harmless, slightly taller, bald man and immediately remembers his teammate's warning.

"Nice to meet you, too," he responds with a bit of hesitancy in his voice.

"Is it?" Stan laughs. "Please, have a seat." He nods toward the couch while he sits in one of the chairs.

Harvey sits and rubs his sweaty palms across his thighs. A quick glance at the notebook on the therapist's lap doesn't go unnoticed.

"It's for notes. Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"No." Harvey purses his lips and shakes his head. "No, it's fine."

They spend the next twenty minutes or so just getting comfortable with each other. Harvey likes the man right away. He knows he's probably using the _force _to brainwash him, but he doesn't mind. He feels relaxed and at ease. The only other person who ever makes him feel that way is Donna.

Once the doc decides it's time to get into the meaty stuff, he focuses on baseball first. They talk about how he started playing, what the game means to him, his goals for the future. Then it's like Lipschitz flips a switch.

"Did you know you were hurt, Harvey?"

Harvey sits up straighter. _Okay, I guess we are going there. _He coughs into his hand.

"Yes." Surprising himself, both of them maybe, his answer is honest and his eyes are straight on Stan's.

"So, why did you try to hide it?"

Harvey inhales a breath and holds it while wringing his hands in his lap. He looks at the books on the built-in shelves on the wall. Then he lets the air out slowly before looking back to the therapist.

"It makes me feel weak."

"What does? Being injured?"

Harvey doesn't respond right away. They sit in silence.

"Needing people." Harvey looks at his hands before adding softly, "Needing help."

Dr. Lipschitz nods thoughtfully. "That is a big step, Harvey. Not just the fact that you admitted that to me, but the fact that you even know it at all." He smiles softly as he takes a few notes on his pad.

"It seems like you've been making some progress on getting to the root of your issues on your own?" he asks when he looks back up.

"On my own?" Harvey scoffs. "No, not on my own."

Stan simply raises his brow and waits for Harvey to explain.

What comes out of his mouth next shocks them both.

"How do you know when you're in love?"

…

Rachel is waiting for Donna backstage when she comes out of the dressing room.

"Heeeey!" Rachel squeals and wraps her arms around her. "I never get tired of watching you up there, Donna."

"Thanks, Rach."

Donna is happy to see her friend, of course. But for some reason, tonight's show took something out of her. She's always tired after a show but tonight she's just plain exhausted.

"Drinks?" Rachel asks not picking up Donna's current state.

"I'd love to. I would. But I didn't sleep well last night, and with all the craziness, I think I'm just worn out."

Rachel reaches up to place her cool hand on Donna's forehead.

"Yeah, you look a little flushed, actually." Rachel tilts her head in concern for her friend. "Are you coming down with something?"

Donna shakes her head. "I don't think so. Unless _fatigue _counts as _something."_

"Let's get you home, then. We can share a cab."

Donna sends Harvey a quick message while they wait for the cab, letting him know that Rachel was with her and she'd call once she got home.

When they arrive outside Donna's place, Rachel offers to walk her up but Donna declines.

"Take this cab and head home, Rach. I'm fine. I promise."

When Donna steps on the elevator she checks her phone again but there is no response from Harvey. She knows the team won tonight because she gets ESPN alerts on her phone, which is hilarious when she thinks about it. And they had won big, so even if Harvey had been available to pitch, he wouldn't have needed to.

She's still scrolling through her phone when she steps off the elevator.

"You should really watch where you're going."

Donna yelps and almost drops her phone. She puts her hand to her chest and looks up to find Harvey sitting with his back against her door. He's wearing dark blue jeans and a black fitted T-shirt that screams, SEXY.

"You scared me half to death, Harvey!"

"As I said, you should really watch where you're going." He stands up and slides one arm around her, pulling her in for a soft kiss.

"I missed you." He tilts his head and gives her his puppy dog eyes. "Plus. I had good news today, you said you had good news today, so…" He holds up the bottle of wine in his other hand.

Donna had been so looking forward to climbing straight into bed, but she couldn't be more touched by his gesture. And she's _really _glad he's here.

They head into her apartment and Harvey pours them both a glass of wine while Donna changes into her pajamas. When she walks out and finds him waiting there, she is reminded of the first night he came over and it brings a smile to her face.

"What?" He laughs, feeling vulnerable under her stare.

"Nothing," she answers him. "I'm just glad you're here." She takes the glass he's holding out and sits on the couch beside him. "Tell me about therapy."

"No way. You first. What's your good news?"

Donna tells Harvey about the article in the _Times_ and about Ben Brantley. She explains that he is a really big deal and a well-respected critic.

"And he's coming tomorrow night to see me, so…"

"So, that's amazing! But also scary as hell."

"Exactly." Donna exhales.

Harvey leans in and kisses her on the cheek. Then the lips. His thumb caressing her cheek softly. "You'll knock his socks off." He kisses her again. "You'll take his breath away." Another kiss, this one with a little tongue. "I may have to beat the shit out of him when he comes after you." His words are mumbled against her lips.

"He's gay, Harvey," Donna says between moans. His tongue is causing a rush of heat between her legs.

"Perfect."

Donna giggles and pushes on his chest. "Nice try, Mister. Your turn. How was your appointment?"

Harvey huffs with an exaggerated pout and sits back.

"Really good, actually."

As Harvey is summarizing his visit with Lipschitz, Donna is struggling to keep her eyes open. It's not that she isn't interested, she's just completely wiped out.

"And, I'm putting you to sleep."

She hears Harvey's words and opens her eyes she hadn't realized she'd closed.

"I'm sorry, Harvey. I'm not sure what's wrong with me tonight."

"You're exhausted. That's what's wrong. Off to bed," he says, pulling her up from the couch.

Donna wants to object. To apologize for falling asleep on him. She really did want to know about his session. But she has no energy to do or say any of those things. In fact, she barely makes it to the bed before collapsing onto it.

Harvey pulls the covers up over her as she closes her eyes and nuzzles her head into the pillow.

The last thing she remembers is forcing out one word as Harvey was walking out of the room and shutting off the lights.

"Stay."

And stay he did.

…

When Donna wakes in the morning, she reaches across the bed not sure what she expects to find there. As her eyes blink open she stares at the window on her wall and the light casting a stream on the floor. Her heart sinks a bit in her chest. She must have been dreaming, because she could have sworn Harvey had been cuddling her during the night.

When she hears a cupboard in the kitchen close, she smiles to herself. It hadn't been a dream, afterall. She tiptoes into the restroom before heading to meet him in the kitchen.

"Did you take advantage of me last night when I fell asleep on you?" she asks with a seductive smile as she walks into the kitchen.

"Take advantage of you? Please," he says when she steps into his arms. "More like _took care of you. _And then you practically begged me to stay." He kisses her on top of the head.

Donna looks up at him with her chin on his chest. "You're a good man, Harvey Specter."

Something tender flashes in his eyes, but he recovers quickly. He spins her around and she braces herself putting both hands on the counter in front of her.

Harvey slides his hands from her hips up the front of her body and grasps her breasts tightly.

"Oh, I'm a bad man, Donna," he whispers in her ear as he pushes his groin into her from behind. "A very bad man." He grinds into her as he kisses her right below the ear. "And I'm going to show you just how bad I can be." He sucks lightly on her earlobe. "Right after I feed you some breakfast."

He lets her go and walks away, leaving her breathless and panting. The smirk on his face is so big she can see it from behind him. _Asshole, _she smiles.

While she is definitely feeling better than last night, she _is _starving. And with two shows today and Ben coming tonight, she needs the fuel. So she doesn't argue when he sets the table with what appears to be a spinach and mushroom omelet and a glass of orange juice.

Harvey raises his eyebrows as he sits at the table placing his plate in front of him. "What, too turned on to eat?" He takes a bite of his eggs and then almost chokes at his own joke.

She rolls her eyes and sits down doing her best to look irritated.

The truth, she adores him. That damn smile, those eyes, the way he flips back and forth between cocky and closed off to soft and vulnerable, not to mention he has the body of a god and a cock that would make any woman weak.

"What?" Harvey says, grinning over his glass. "You mad at me?"

"Just eat, Specter. You're going to need your strength." She lets her tongue linger on her upper lip after licking a drop of juice from it.

Even though he plays it off, Donna sees the heat in his eyes and the way he shifts in the chair. He wasn't the only one who could play this game.

The two of them finish their breakfast like they'd been starved for days and the sexual tension in the room builds with every bite. Donna finishes first and gets up to rinse her plate in the sink. He watches her every move, eyes growing darker with each sway of her hips.

"I'll be in the shower." Her voice has a sultry tone to it that hits Harvey right where it counts. Then with her eyes locked on his, she takes her index finger and wipes a bit of salsa from the side of Harvey's mouth. She slides her finger into her mouth and pulls it out slowly with a pop.

"You missed a spot."

She runs the wet finger across the back of his neck as she walks past him.

She saunters out of the room but before she even makes it to the bathroom, Harvey grabs her from behind and pushes her up against the wall. Both her arms pinned above her head, he grinds his erection into her ass. It takes the wind from her lungs.

"Careful who you tease." His breath is hot. "Maybe you don't know who I am?" He licks her neck and whispers, "I'm Harvey fucking Specter."

She turns her head with a witty comeback and is immediately shut up with his mouth on hers. He presses her firmly against the wall and flattens her with the pressure of his body. His tongue forcing her mouth wider as his hands grip her wrists possessively. She can feel exactly how turned on he is and... it does things to her.

"Harvey?" She pleads. She doesn't even know what she's asking for? _Stop... Never stop_.

"You know what happens when you mess with the bull, Donna?"

He lets go of her wrists and yanks her silk bottoms to her ankles. Her hands are free but she keeps them on the wall, unable to move, or speak. Now on one knee behind her, Harvey spins her around so her back is against the wall and her wet throbbing center is an inch from his face.

Donna keeps her hands above her head wanting to expose every possible inch of her body to him. Harvey looks up at her to make sure she's watching as he slides his tongue between his lips and into hers.

The ecstasy rips through her like an electric shock and her legs give out, causing her to lean more weight on his mouth. Harvey groans loudly as he supports her leg by lifting it onto his good shoulder. Donna gasps for air as she finally drops her arms and grips his head with both hands. Moaning loudly, she rakes her nails through his hair and glides her hips forward and back against his hungry mouth.

Since they are playing a ruthless game of who can tease who more, he stops just short of making her come.

"Harvey, please…"

The evil grin he flashes up at her is the sexiest thing she's ever seen. He's on his feet without another word. He grabs her by the hips and hoists her up. She wraps her legs around him and dives back into his mouth. The taste of her all over his tongue.

He carries her straight to the shower and shows her exactly what happens when you mess with the bull.

…..

Harvey stands on the balcony clad only in the jeans he wore over last night and with his hair still wet from the shower. His chest was feeling a little extra buff as he had just shown Donna that his skills extended far beyond the pitcher's mound.

He's rehydrating with a glass of water while Donna finishes getting ready. They had agreed that Ray would drop her off at the theater before he headed to physical therapy.

The view from here didn't hold a candle to his, but it still provided a perspective of the city that makes you stop and take notice. Makes you _think._

Last night, when he had been telling Donna about his talk with Dr. Lipschitz, he had thought about telling her what he'd uncovered. But then she started falling asleep and the moment slipped away.

While he had watched her sleeping, he had let the feelings come right up to the surface. Almost whispered it to her a hundred times. But he kept the words locked inside. He wanted to make sure when he finally said them, they came through loud and clear. _Soon. _He thought, as he walked back to find his shirt.

…

When the Lexus pulls up to the Ambassador Theatre, Harvey gets out to open the door for Donna.

"You are going to be amazing." He smiles and places both his hands on her hips. "Might even turn the man straight."

"Thanks, Harvey." He can still make her blush.

He reaches up to touch her face and leans in for one last open-mouthed kiss.

"Hey, Harvey!" A voice calls and they both turn to the sight of a man pointing a camera with a large telephoto lens in their direction. "I guess we know how you are going to fill your time on the Injured List the reporter yells out before he and his photographer disappear around the corner.

Harvey drops his hand, as well as his head.

"Fuck."

"Harvey. I'm sorry." Donna lays her hands on his chest, concern in her eyes.

He looks back up and offers a half-hearted smile. "It's fine, Donna." He kisses her on the forehead lightly and pulls her in for a hug. He lifts her chin as he pulls back. "It's fine." He looks into her eyes and raises his brow. She nods back.

"Knock 'em dead." He winks and waits until she's safely inside, before climbing back into the car.

As they head to the stadium, he pulls out his phone to text Mike.

_**H: Mike, something came up. Call me.**_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 - I Do**

The show was perfect. _She_ was perfect.

As she steps out for her final bow the crowd lets her know it. The audience is on their feet, cheering, clapping, whistling. She has never felt more proud. She sees Ben Brantley front and center with his Playbill tucked under his elbow as he applauds along with everyone else in the theater.

She hadn't thought the moment could possibly get any better.

Then off to her right a sharply dressed man comes up on stage with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. The bright lights shield her view as her breath lodges in her throat. She's certain her heart stops for a solid three beats before he emerges from the glow. Like a scene from a big screen movie romance, there is Harvey, flowers in hand, eyes sparkling, and that million dollar smile.

"Brava!" He extends the flowers in her direction as he steps up closer.

Donna blinks repeatedly as her eyes filled with tears. The crowd erupts yet again taking the volume to another level.

The two of them stand inches apart, eyes locked. She had been completely caught off guard and her heart is beating out of her chest. But he's got her. Just the look in his eyes begins to slow her pulse and grounds her.

He leans in, ever so slowly, and kisses her softly on the lips as his arm slides around her waist. He holds it long enough for several cell phone cameras to flash and then turns her back toward the audience, grinning proudly by her side. Just in front of them the photographer who had accompanied Brantley focuses his lens and snaps a few photos of his own.

The moment is surreal on many levels and Donna can't quite process what is happening. But Harvey's strong hand on the small of her back eventually guides her backstage.

"What… how did… where… ?" Donna stutters once they are backstage.

"It's a long story," he laughs at her persistent blinking and inability to form actual sentences. "Let's get to your dressing room and I'll explain."

Harvey ushers a speechless Donna through the business backstage and into her dressing room.

"First of all," Harvey says with a devilish grin. "I have to confess, I didn't actually _see _the show, but based on the reaction of the audience, you were _amazing_."

That gets a giggle out of Donna as Harvey steps in to kiss her again.

"How did you make it here at all?" She's finally settled enough to ask.

"Well, considering I didn't have to shower or do interviews, I bolted the minute the game finished."

"But… why?"

"Let's just say I had a heart to heart with Mike and he helped me see things clearly."

…

"_Harvey, I got your text, what's up?" _

_Harvey is in the clubhouse sitting in a giant ice bath when he gets Mike's call._

"_Some idiots shot some pictures of Donna and me outside the theater this afternoon. They weren't amateurs, Mike." Harvey sighs. "It's going to be all over the place tomorrow, if not sooner."_

"_So?" Mike responds dryly._

"_So? So the media will be all over it. 'Steamy affair distracts Specter from Rehab' or 'Specter closing actress Donna Paulsen instead of the Boston Red Sox.' _

"_Come on, Harvey," Mike answers in a curt tone. "You can handle some stupid press shit." _

"_It's not me I'm worried about Mike, it's Donna. She doesn't deserve to be dragged into this." Harvey stands up and grabs a towel. His body red and numb from being submerged in ice for the past fifteen minutes. "She's got a big show tonight, and all that's going to be in the paper tomorrow is shots of her with my tongue down her throat."_

"_Shit," Mike responds._

…..

"So Mike, boy genius that he is, suggested we go on the offensive," Harvey explains to Donna as she takes off her wig and makeup.

"The offensive?"

"Yes. If our picture is going to be all over the internet tonight, or the paper tomorrow, then let's give them the photos we want them to have. Not blurry, back alley photos that make it look like we have something to hide." Harvey walks behind her chair and rubs her shoulders with his strong hands. "But vivid, clear photos that show everyone just how proud I am to stand by your side."

He lowers his face to her neck and then kisses her softly between words.

"Harvey Specter and Donna Paulsen." Kiss. "New York City's." Kiss. "Newest." Kiss. "Hottest." Kiss. "Power couple."

Donna lays her hands on top of his and tilts her head up to look at him.

"I think you mean, Donna Paulsen and Harvey Specter. Didn't you hear that crowd?" Her laugh is smothered by Harvey's mouth on hers.

…..

Harvey has been waiting for Donna for a little more than forty-five minutes. She had autographs to sign, and a private talk with the big wig critic who had come tonight. By the time she meets him at the back door, she looks completely worn out.

"Hey," he half laughs at the sight of her.

"I know." She scoffs at him. "You don't have to laugh at me. I think I may have blacked out during that interview for a couple of seconds." She shakes her head tiredly.

"So going back to my place for a full body massage is out of the question?" The corner of his mouth turns upward. "And by full body massage I mean you giving me one."

Donna can't help but laugh at his joke, but she's so exhausted her laugh quickly turns into a whimpering pout as she drops her head straight into Harvey's chest.

He caresses her hair with his hand and kisses her on top of the head.

"Come on, let's get you home."

As he opens the back door to the Lexus for Donna, Harvey fights off the pang of disappointment. He had planned to ask Donna to spend the night with him at his place tonight. He had pictured the two of them having a drink on the balcony and finishing the conversation about his session with Lipschitz. Not that he wanted to talk about _Lipschitz_, but he wanted to talk about _them_. About the way he _feels._

But Donna doesn't just look worn out, she looks like she's coming down with something and he's actually a little worried.

When he climbs in next to her, Harvey reaches over and lays his hand on Donna's forehead.

"Do you think you might be coming down with something?" he asks as he moves his hand from her forehead to her cheek and then her neck. She's not warm but she's awfully pale.

"No, no. I'm fine Harvey, really." She takes his hand from her face and slides her slender fingers through his masculine ones. "Saturdays are always tough and after the ordeal you put me through this week, I think I have a right to be exhausted." She smirks and gives his hand a squeeze.

"You mean the sex? That's fair. Not everyone has the stamina of a professional athlete." He tilts his head.

"_Stamina? _You use that term pretty loosely. I've been to your games, Harvey." She lays her head on his shoulder. "You sit around for two and half hours and then throw the ball a few times. I'm not sure that takes all that much endurance."

He smiles to himself as Donna closes her eyes. He's never known a woman with as much sass as Donna. At least not one who was confident enough to use it on him. It's one of the many things he loves about her.

When they arrive at Donna's, Harvey walks her up. She doesn't ask him to stay and he doesn't bring it up either. She needs rest and they both have early days tomorrow. He almost suggests that she see about taking the early show off tomorrow and stay in bed, but he just doesn't feel it's his place. Not yet, anyway.

"Right to bed, okay?" He kisses her lightly on the cheek and looks into her tired eyes. "Tomorrow night Tanner and Scottie are joining Mike, Rachel, and me for the show. I can't wait."

Donna offers a soft smile but the normal sparkle is absent from her eyes. "That's great, Harvey. I can't wait."

Another soft kiss and they both say goodnight.

….

Donna sleeps like a rock all night and wakes up Sunday feeling rested and excited about what today may bring. Especially once she sees messages from Harvey, Rachel, Benjamin, her mother, and her director. All with links to the _New York Times_ article featuring a rave review from Ben Brantley and several amazing photos. The largest of which was one of her and Harvey looking like star crossed lovers at center stage.

The text from Harvey read, _Sorry I look so dashing. Didn't mean to steal your spotlight. _It made her laugh right out loud. He had sent it nearly two hours earlier and was probably already at the field doing treatment.

He does look amazing. But so does she. There are a few photos from throughout the performance as well and no sign of the surprise one taken earlier in the day. Apparently Harvey had been right.

Donna texts him back saying she is sure he can make it up to her, then pours herself a cup of coffee, sits out on her balcony, and reads the article over a few times. She answers the messages from all her friends and even calls and talks with her mom for a good thirty minutes.

By the time she eats breakfast and heads off to work, she feels almost like her old self. The exhaustion and headaches of the past few days hopefully behind her.

…

The Yankees lose a tough one to Boston that afternoon. They had a lead in the top of the ninth and the bullpen gave it up. It leaves a bitter taste in Harvey's mouth but he really doesn't want it to ruin the evening. They still have a two game lead in the division and a long home stand in front of them.

The plan he and Mike had put together to get ahead of the whole media thing had worked. The photo from that afternoon did turn up on social media and there are some smart ass comments about the type of _rehab_ Harvey Specter was getting in his off time, but the article about Donna and the photos along with it are perfect. Just thinking about it makes him smile.

"My God, you are whipped!" Tanner peers over his shoulder as Harvey stands in front of his locker looking at the article. "All these years I admired your game play, just for you turn out like all the rest of us." Tanner mocks disappointment, shaking his head.

"Tanner, if I ever turn out just like you, do me a favor, shoot me."

The two friends laugh it off and head out for Donna's show.

Scottie is waiting for the men by Tanner's car. Of course, a guy like Travis dries a suped up Hummer. It's one of the big differences between the two men and their taste.

Tanner does have excellent taste in women though. Harvey smiles as he brings Scottie in for a hug.

"When are you going to leave this loser for a real man?"

"From what I've heard this actress we are going to see tonight took your manhood?" Scottie teases back. "The great bachelor, Harvey Specter, as smitten as a teenage groupie."

"When you see her, you'll understand." He's not even going to deny it. Scottie will read it all over his face soon enough.

The trio climbed into the SUV and headed to meet up with Rachel and Mike.

…

Donna feels fabulous. No headaches. Great energy. Ready to take on the world. For about three hours.

She'd powered through the first performance and seeing Harvey in the audience with the group friends he'd brought, did provide a second wind. But by the time she takes her final bow, her temples are pounding.

The group had planned to go out for drinks and she isn't going to spoil it by saying she is tired. _Again_. Donna has always had energy in spades and she is really starting to wonder if something is wrong. But, she is looking forward to getting to know Tanner and Scottie, so she throws back several Advil, puts on her best smile, and heads out to greet them.

About an hour later, the three couples slide into a large booth at Belemans. Donna can tell that Harvey is pretty excited about his idea of returning to the bar where they'd first met. She finds it incredibly sweet, and after a few sips of wine and a visit to Earl at the piano, she's feeling better again.

The conversation and laughter is non stop for the next hour and half. They take turns telling stories about each other from the past, Harvey about Mike and vice-versa, Donna and Rachel talking about rushing sororities in college, Scottie even tells the group about her and Tanner's first time, which makes all the guys want to cringe and all the girls to order another round. Scottie was the life of the party even though she was the only one not drinking. She and Tanner shared with the group that they are trying for number two.

"Would you guys believe that Travis had a picture of Harvey on his dartboard in college?" Scottie laughs. "God he hated you, Harvey."

"They say hatred is the highest form of flattery." Harvey tilts his scotch toward Tanner.

"No, Harvey. They don't." Tanner clinks his glass against Harvey's.

When Donna checks the time and sees it's after 1:00, she's shocked. She'd been having such a great time she hadn't even noticed.

"It's late," Harvey says seemingly reading her thoughts. "And Donna has had a long week, no thanks to me. We'd better head out."

All the couples agree it's time to get home and they slide out of the booth and say their goodbyes.

"Scottie, it feels like we've been friends forever. It was so great to meet you."

"I must say, Donna, when Travis told me that a woman had stolen Harvey's heart, I couldn't wrap my mind around it. But now that I've met you, and I've seen the two of you together, it's like you were meant to be."

Donna is so touched by Scottie's words that her eyes well up. She's embarrassed by her emotional reaction and quickly plays it off with a witty remark about Harvey's heart belonging to the Yankees but she being good with his body belonging to her.

Harvey hails a cab when they walk out of the bar and the two climb in together. When Harvey gives the driver his address instead of hers, she doesn't even question him. She just wraps her arm around his and snuggles in.

They make love in Harvey's bed for the first time and Donna sleeps soundly with her head on his chest and his strong arms wrapped securely around her.

…

The week drags on and Donna feels less and less like herself. With the wedding coming up on Saturday she is determined to get as much rest as possible and get over whatever bug has been slowing her down.

She had originally planned to go to the baseball game on Wednesday night and hang out in the suite with Rachel, but she ended up going to bed early and slept for fourteen hours straight. She and Rachel had met up several times to run various wedding related errands and work on centerpieces.

Harvey had been on her all week about going to the doctor and when she doesn't feel any better on Thursday morning, she finally calls and makes an appointment for the following day.

She gets through the Thursday night performance and Harvey is waiting to take her home when she finishes up for the night.

"I made an appointment," she says as she steps into his outstretched arms. She knew it was going to be his first question so she'd answered it before he'd even asked.

"Tomorrow?"

Donna nods into his chest.

"What time?" Harvey asks, opening the car door for her.

"10:00."

"Do you want me to come along? I don't start treatment until 1:00."

"No, that's okay." She smiles and then looks at him with her sleepy, bedroom eyes. "But if you want to take me to my place, make me some dinner, and caress my entire body with those incredible hands of yours... I could be persuaded to agree to that."

…

Friday morning, Harvey gets Donna to agree to at least let Ray take her to and from the doctor. He realized after offering to go with her that he and Mike were picking up tuxedos this morning and he wouldn't have been able to come even if she'd said yes.

His kiss goodbye is a little extra soft and his hug, a little extra tight.

"Call me and let me know if they give you any answers, okay?"

"I will." She smiles softly. "Good luck tonight. Light a fire under those guys. We can't have you losing to the Mets." She tilts her head in mock disapproval causing Harvey to laugh.

"I can't believe I'm not going to see you until after the game tomorrow." His tone switching to a childish whine.

"You're a big boy Harvey. You'll be okay without me for twenty-four hours." She combats his child-like tone with a motherly one.

Harvey lets out a playful, "Hmph!" and adds a pouty lip for emphasis.

"I just don't see why _we _can't see each other tonight? It's not like _we're _the ones getting married tomorrow."

"Because I'm spending the night with Rachel and you… you are doing whatever guys do with their best friend the night before he gets married."

Donna walks out, leaving a pouty Harvey behind.

…

Mike pulls up in front of Harvey's place around 10:30. They talk for a bit about Harvey's rehab schedule but switch to wedding talk and the plan for Saturday. Mike had chosen this date because the Yankees had a rare noon Saturday start time. The wedding ceremony will be at 5:00 with the reception following at 7:00.

"How's Donna feeling?" Mike asks as they park in the back of the tux place. "Has she finally kicked whatever's been bothering her?"

Harvey sighs and shakes his head. "Not really, she's actually at the doctor right now. She's been so exhausted lately, it's not like her. And she seems… emotional." Harvey looks over at Mike with a _help me _expression on his face.

"Harvey? You don't think…"

"Don't think what? I'm sure it's nothing serious, Mike." He completely misses Mike's meaning.

Mike turns in the driver seat to look at Harvey head on.

"You don't think she could be… _pregnant_?"

Time and space stand still. _Ba - bump. _Harvey's heart thumps. _Ba - bump._

The air grows thick and his next breath lodges in his throat.

_Preg… preg… pregnant?_

He turns from Mike and looks out the windshield. Eyes cast directly forward but not focused on anything at all. Donna? Pregnant? He feels foolish now, that the thought hadn't once crossed his mind. But what did he know about it? Nothing. Not a single damn thing.

"Harvey? Did you hear me?" Mike reaches over to shake his knee. "I said I'm sure it's not that. I'm sure it's nothing." His eyes betray him, however, and Harvey can clearly see the concern his friend is trying to mask.

"Yeah," Harvey exhales. "I'm sure it's nothing."

And both friends seem to prefer to leave it at that rather than explore the subject any further.

….

By the time Donna finishes up at the doctor, she can't wait to get the hell out of there. As she hails a cab she thinks absently that she feels worse leaving from the appointment than she had when she arrived.

_Any chance you could be pregnant?_

The doctor had caught her so off guard with the question she had choked on her response. It had been so matter of fact, like _Do you smoke? _Or _Are you getting enough rest?_

The blood had drained from her face while she sat there gawking and staring at the calendar on the wall. How had she not even considered the possibility? Because she takes the damn pill, that's why.

She did the math in her head while she squirmed in the backseat of the cab. While it's not plausible, it's certainly _possible_ that she could be. Her cycle has never been all that predictable and she'd heard of people getting pregnant on the pill, but she doesn't _feel_ pregnant. Whatever that means.

It's not until she's nearly back to her apartment that she lets her mind wander to the thought of how Harvey might react. The picture in her mind scares her half to death.

…...

Harvey knocks on his therapist's door later that afternoon. He's relieved that they had his second session scheduled for today because he can't stop thinking about his conversation with Mike.

As usual Stan warms him up with a few minutes of small talk and a discussion about the rehab on his shoulder. Technically the Yankees are footing the bill, so Harvey figures they _should_ spend some time on baseball.

He tells Lipschitz that his physical therapy is going well and that he's anxious to start throwing again but he knows he can't rush it. Stan asks some questions about how the break is affecting him mentally, and the atmosphere in the clubhouse and around the guys. Which Harvey eventually figures was Stan's way of leading into the pictures in the paper and his relationship with Donna, which is where he wanted it to go anyway.

Before Harvey knows it, he tells Stan the whole story about the surprise photo, his and Mike's plan, and the amazing article that was written about Donna. Stan knew about the article of course, but what he didn't know was how Harvey felt about it. Until now.

"So you were happy about the picture in the paper? You have no issue with your relationship being public?"

"Why would I have an issue with it? I care about Donna, and I don't care who knows it."

"You care about her?" Lipschitz repeats wiggling his pen between his fingers.

"Yes. Of course."

Stan looks at Harvey pointedly. "You haven't told her you're in love with her then?"

"I-" Harvey opens and shuts his mouth like a cod fish. He shifts his weight back on the couch and lets out a puff of air that had been filling his cheeks. "I never said I was in love with her." His eyes are cast at the floor.

"No, you didn't _say_ it. But you are." He waits for Harvey to look up at him.

"I am." His eyes rest on his therapist's and his voice does not waver.

"So, the question is, why haven't you told her how you feel?"

"I know what you're implying here, Doc, but you're actually barking up the wrong tree."

"Is that so?" Stan can't hide the amusement in his eyes. "Please, do tell me."

"I want to tell her. In fact, I have almost told her at least a hundred times this week."

Stan simply raises his eyebrows to signal Harvey to continue.

"But, it's never been the right time. Donna… hasn't been herself." He feels a lump forming in his throat. He's set the ball rolling and there's no stopping it now.

"I… I think she might be pregnant."

Harvey clenches his jaw and braces himself for God knows what. But Lipschitz doesn't bat an eye and Harvey has to give him credit. Man's got balls of steel to just sit there and give no reaction whatsoever.

"And how does the possibility of that make you feel, Harvey?"

He doesn't answer. How can he find words to explain the range of emotions he's gone through today.

Harvey looks at the floor and wipes his hands on his thighs. Dr. Lipschitz starts jotting down notes in his notebook.

"What are you writing?" Harvey can't hide the fact that he's uncomfortable, and he doesn't get an answer to his question.

"Harvey. You're in love with Donna and she may be carrying your child. I understand how overwhelming that must be."

Harvey lets out a slow stream of air that had been inflating his chest. But since there is no real question there, he remains silent.

"Have you ever thought about having a family of your own?" Stan's voice is soft and comforting.

Harvey looks up at him for the first time in several minutes and with eyes full of emotion, he swallows and nods.

…

Donna hears the knock on the door, and she squeals as she yanks it open. It's her last night with her best friend before the wedding and she's _not_ falling asleep early. She had requested today and tomorrow off before the show even opened and she's grateful for the break and the time with Rachel.

"There's the beautiful bride to be!"

"Donna!" Rachel brings both her hands up to her mouth. "This is really happening! I'm getting married tomorrow!" Rachel jumps up and down in place like a teenager at her first concert.

"You sure are, Rach. And you're going to be the most beautiful bride New York has ever seen." Donna pulls her inside and hands her the glass of wine she had waiting for her.

Rachel heads to the couch while Donna grabs the tray of appetizers from the counter.

"How was your appointment?" Rachel asks as Donna walks toward her. "Get any answers?"

Donna sits next to her and shrugs. "Not really, they did some tests, but I won't have the results until next week." She plops a carrot covered in dip into her mouth.

Rachel sips her wine and raises her eyebrows.

"What?" Donna says with her mouth full.

Rachel shifts her eyes from Donna to the glass of water on the table and back to Donna.

Donna's stomach flips over as she catches exactly what Rachel is asking.

"Oh, c'mon Rach. The doctor said to lay off the alcohol for now until I get the results back. They may need to do follow-up bloodwork on Monday." Donna keeps her expression neutral but her arms are covered in goosebumps.

"Uh-huh." Rachel's face breaks into a mischievous grin. "C'mon yourself, Donna." She sets her wine glass down and looks at her friend intently. "The thought has to have crossed your mind. I mean, could you be?"

"Rachel!" Donna gets up from the couch and starts pacing. "Don't look at me like that. You say it like it would be a good thing!" The emotions Donna has been pushing down all afternoon rise to the surface and it's evident in her voice.

"Hey, hey." Rachel gets up and walks to Donna's side. "I'm sorry. I'm not making light of it, Donna."

"I know you're not." Donna dabs at her eyes as tears threaten to spill over. "And to answer your question, I've done the math. It's possible, yes."

Rachel takes her hand and tugs lightly. "Want to find out?"

When Donna turns to face her, brows furrowed, Rachel tilts her head.

"We could go buy a test?"

Donna's eyes widen and she shakes her head.

"Donna, it's better to know for sure, isn't it?" She lays her hand on Donna's arm. "You're in love with him. Isn't that what's most important?"

Donna just blinks at her friend. Eventually turning away from her and walking toward the window.

"No, Rachel. That's not what's most important."

….

When Ray drops Harvey at the church Saturday afternoon he's a bundle of nervous energy. He's actually pretty damn excited for Mike and Rachel. And he hasn't stopped thinking about Donna and the… _situation._

He meets Mike in the small room on the side of the church. They down a couple measures of the Macallan Harvey brought and take several photos in the courtyard. Harvey feels a bit awkward around Robert after the way he'd behaved at the rehearsal dinner, but Robert shows no signs of harboring a grudge. In fact, he's downright beaming.

Once Mike gets started taking photos with Robert, Harvey sneaks off to find Donna.

It turned out to be an easy mission considering the church grounds aren't that large and the room was clearly marked "Bride's Chambers".

Three light knocks on the door and he's hit with a fresh wave of nerves. Rachel's mom, Laura, opens the door slowly, careful not to let anyone see too far inside.

"Harvey?" She steps back and gives him a full once over. "You look dashing!"

"As do you, Laura." He flashes the Specter grin.

"What can I help you with, Harvey?" She smiles in return. But her stance is that of a gatekeeper.

"I was hoping to see Donna." He shrugs his shoulder and gives his best sheepish look. "Just for a minute?" Suddenly he feels like he's in high school, trying to get Donna's mother to let him in.

"One second," she says as she closes the door.

Harvey leans against the wall, drumming his fingers on his thigh. When the door opens he props himself on the wall with his elbow and his hand behind his head. _Smooth as silk_.

When Donna steps across the threshold his mouth goes dry. He drops his arm from the wall and stands up straight. The dress is a dark shade of burgundy, with a deep cut at the breast and a long slit up past her knee. Her hair is tied up leaving her neck and shoulders bare. He can't decide where to focus his gaze.

Donna clears her throat and puts her hand on her hip. "My eyes are up here, Specter."

"Absolutely beautiful." He rakes his eyes from her killer heels slowly up to her skeptical eyes.

She tilts her head and raises a brow.

"Categorically stunning."

Donna's cheeks blush lightly and she adjusts her stance under his stare.

"Really hot."

"You're an idiot." She laughs playfully and steps right up to him. Her face not even an inch from his. Neither of them thinks about weddings, or babies, or unsaid declarations of love. They just feel the heat rise between them, threatening to burn them to ash on the spot.

"Just, wow." His breath catches as he watches her eyes flash to his lips.

"Donna?" Laura's voice cuts through the air as the door reopens.

Harvey concentrates on regulating his heart rate as Donna steps away from him.

"Yes, Laura?" Her voice hoarse.

"Rachel's hair. One of the pins came loose. I need your help." She glances at Harvey and back to Donna. "If you don't mind?"

"Of course." Donna smiles. "I'll be right there."

The door closes again and Donna looks back to Harvey. He can't quite get a read on her now. Whatever had just transpired between them has passed.

"I better get in there."

She turns to walk inside but looks back at him over her shoulder. "And for the record", her eyes skim up and down his body, "not bad."

The wink is slow and sultry.

…

Donna inhales a long and steady breath. It's time. She walks out into the foyer. He's there, waiting for her. He looks nervous and it makes her smile.

As she walks toward him, her stomach swirls with butterflies. Sometimes she can't help but be in awe of how gorgeous he is. He lifts his elbow from his side and she wraps her arm around it, struck by how far they've come since they'd rehearsed this. It feels like a lifetime ago.

When it's their turn, Harvey guides her toward the aisle.

"You ready?" His eyes are warm and reassuring and he tightens her arm against his body.

As they walk down the aisle adorned in white ribbon and flowers, arm and arm, organ music playing, it feels just like a dream. She knows, of course, that if they were the ones getting married, he wouldn't be walking her down the aisle this way, but it doesn't stop her mind from going there.

Her thoughts wander then, to the elephant in the room. She hadn't taken Rachel up on her offer. She explained that this weekend was about Rachel and Mike, not her and Harvey. That the test could wait. And she'd meant it. But she was also stalling. The reality of what this could mean, of the impact it would have on her life, her career, not to even mention what it might do to Harvey, to them. She just couldn't bear it. Not yet.

Tonight, she would enjoy this beautiful occasion with the man at her side. The man with whom she'd fallen so deeply in love.

They reach the end of the aisle and reluctantly she releases his arm with a glance in his eyes and they head their separate ways.

…

The ceremony is beautiful. Harvey doesn't really consider himself romantic or sentimental, but he'd be lying if he didn't admit to getting misty eyed a few times. The first time is when the wedding march starts and Rachel appears at the end of the aisle. He glances in Mike's direction and he can see him literally glowing. Keeping his head pointed in the direction of the bride, he lets his eyes move to the side to discreetly peek at Donna. Her eyes are full with joyous tears and her smile takes the breath from his lungs.

_God, he loves her. _There is no doubt about it now. And as the ceremony continues, the feeling inside him seems to take root and fill him up in a way that is both terrifying and exhilarating.

While Mike and Rachel exchange their vows, he is struck with another wave of emotion. Donna eyes find his as Rachel repeats the words after Father Walker. He envisions her to be the one dressed in white, across from him, as he slides a ring on her finger. His eyes drift down to her belly as he feels a surge of love for a child that may not even exist.

He needs her to know. That whatever life throws their way, he can handle it, they can handle it. _Together_.

…

After the ceremony, they all head to The Plaza Hotel for the reception. Donna and Harvey are expected to take photos along with the bride and groom and some of Rachel's family.

Donna has been noticing all evening that Harvey seems to be giving her a lot of lingering looks. Not that she minds them, she doesn't, but it's beginning to make her wonder what's going on in that head of his. Is the wedding getting to him, or could he possibly know about…

"You seem a little extra doe-eyed tonight, Harvey," she says to him quietly between photos. One hand on his lapel and the other on his back. "All this wedding stuff, making you soft?"

"Trust me, Donna, with you pressed up against me like this, I'm anything but soft." He kisses her under the ear lobe as the photographer's flash goes off.

When they finally take their seats at the large round table, they find themselves seated with Tanner and Scottie. When Tanner suggests they head to the bar, Harvey turns to Donna and asks what she would like.

"Just soda water with lime. Thanks." She watches something flash in his eyes and she knows this time she didn't imagine it. He just nods before he walks away, but there was a question in his eyes.

Donna and Scottie get right into catching up as if they were old friends until the two men return to the table. When they both set non-alcoholic beverages in front of their dates, there is awkward silence all around. Donna looks down at her drink and then at Scottie's and attempts a smile.

"Okay, okay, twist my arm!" Scottie beams. "We're pregnant!" She wraps her arm around Tanner's waist and leans into him. His smile is just as bright as he grins with pride.

Harvey looks at Donna and quickly shifts his attention to the happy couple.

"Congratulations, Tanner! Scottie." He gives a firm handshake to his friend and a smiling nod to his ecstatic wife.

Donna is truly happy for them both but there is something else stirring in her gut as she smiles and congratulates them both. Just as she's about to give what she feels is a needed explanation for her drink, she is saved by the booming voice of Louis, the wedding planner, on the microphone. It's time for the new bride and groom's entrance.

…..

Everyone seems to be having a great time. Harvey had given his speech and all the traditional first this and first that had gone off without a hitch. Rachel and Mike seemed to be having a wonderful time and on the surface, it was perfect.

Under the surface, Harvey can tell that something is off with Donna. She is the perfect Maid of Honor, and her face is constantly lit up with a smile, and he knows she is struggling with fatigue in the first place, but this is more than that. There is something in her eyes. Ever since Scottie had made her announcement, Donna had been skittish. He's starting to wonder if maybe she already knows… one way or the other.

"Hey, can we talk?" He takes her hand and gestures toward the balcony with his head. "Some fresh air?"

"Fresh air sounds perfect."

The couple walks out onto the small balcony adjacent to the banquet room.

Harvey feels his nerves start firing as he turns to Donna and takes both her hands. His stomach is in knots and he just hopes his palms aren't sweaty.

"How are you feeling? It's been a long day for you and I'm sure you're exhausted."

"I'm running a little low on fuel, I won't deny that. But this night is so spectacular, I just keep finding another gear. I don't want it to end."

The way her eyes sparkle when she looks at him gives him just the boost of confidence he needs. He considers for a brief moment asking her, right there, _Are you pregnant, Donna? _

"Really? To me, you seem like you're not here at all. Like you're… off somewhere else." He pauses when he feels her stiffen just slightly. "You know you can talk to me right? Tell me anything, anything at all."

"Harvey." She looks away. "I don't know what you're talking about." She tries to gently pull her hand from his but he only tightens his grip.

"Donna." He waits for her to look at him, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. She lifts her chin slowly and brings her eyes up to meet his. With his heart thumping, he takes the leap and lets the words he's guarded so carefully fall from his lips.

"I love you." Saying it out loud feels so good, he does it again.

"I love you, Donna."

He brings her into his arms and holds her tightly. She lays her head on his chest and neither says a word for several minutes.

Finally, Donna pulls away from him enough to look him in the eyes. She wipes a stray tear from her face and takes in a shaky breath.

"Harvey." She swallows, trembling. "There's a chance I might be pregnant."

"I know." He smiles softly placing his hand on her cheek.

"You do?" She gasps.

"I do."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thank you for your patience in waiting for this update. This chapter is packed with a lot of emotion and introspection, and I wanted to get it right. I hope you all love it! Thank you to my dear friends and betas Heather, Steph, and Nathalie for always putting so much time and thought into this story. You guys mean the world to me!**

**Chapter 14 - I Need You to Know**

"You want to get out of here?"

Donna barely hears Harvey's question. She's completely lost in the moment. He loves her. He _knows_. With her head pressed firmly to his chest, she is focused on the beating of his heart and the warmth permeating through his dress shirt and into her cheek. She feels… _safe._

"Donna?" Havey tries to gently pull back so he can look at her, but she resists. Wraps her arms tighter around him.

"Not yet."

She doesn't want this moment to end. This _feeling_. Since the night she met Harvey Specter the balance she worked so hard to maintain had shifted. Her heart was exposed and she was constantly struggling with the fear of _what-ifs_. What if this all was a big mistake? What if he doesn't love me? What if he leaves? And most recently, what if I'm pregnant?

But he does love her and this was no mistake. He isn't leaving, whether she's pregnant or not.

She just wants, needs, to revel in it a bit longer. Finally, she pulls back and looks into his deep gaze.

"I love you, too, Harvey." She places her hand on his cheek. "So damn much."

Her voice cracks and Harvey leans in to place his lips on hers. So incredibly gentle and soft, but with a hint of something else just below the surface. Desire.

"You want to get out of here?" he repeats his unanswered question from earlier.

"What about -"

"They'll understand."

Harvey takes her hand and leads her right back through the wedding reception and to the elevators.

"Where are we going?" Donna questions him, genuinely confused.

"To our room."

"You got us a room at the Plaza?"

"How else could I make love to you all night and then treat you to breakfast in bed?"

The combination of humor and heat in his eyes makes Donna swoon. How did she ever get so lucky?

…

Harvey swipes the key card and opens the door to the suite. He stops in the small entry hallway to hang his jacket while Donna continues into the living room.

"Planning on a celebration?" she asks, eyeing the fancy bottle on ice and the tiered tray of chocolate covered strawberries.

Harvey smirks to himself and turns. "I was." He walks into the room to join her. "I am." He notices the weary expression in her eyes.

"Take a closer look." He gestures with his chin toward the table.

Donna reaches and pulls the bottle from the ice. Her eyes blur with moisture when she reads the label.

"Cider," she says softly, bringing her eyes up to his smiling face.

Harvey takes it from her hand, opens it, and pours them both a glass. Turning on the elegant sofa to face her, he hands her one and raises his. He feels his heart pound loudly in his chest. He's not nervous, not really. He's anxious. In the best possible way.

"A toast." His voice is deep and full of emotion.

The vulnerability in her eyes forces him to swallow. Her gaze locked on his, so full of trust, he feels moved in a way that is brand new. She extends her glass toward him, her hand trembling slightly.

"To love," he begins, but doesn't move. "To our future. Together."

Harvey clinks his glass to Donna's and they each take a sip, their eyes never wavering from each other. He reaches for her cider and places it gently on the table next to his own. He extends his hand and she reaches for it without another word between them.

This time, she is the one who leads. Walking Harvey from the living room to the bedroom with a seductive look back over her shoulder.

By the time they stand at the foot of the bed, his breathing is labored. He places his hands on Donna's hips and begins kissing her shoulders and neck. With each touch of his lips and tongue to her flawless skin, his groin pulsates, his pants grow tighter. But it's when she moans his name and her legs buckle, requiring him to hold her up, that his self-control nearly snaps.

He turns her around and runs his hands slowly from her hips up her ribcage and then slides his hands around to grip her breasts. Donna pushes back into him, her ass pressing against his straining cock, and she lays her head back against his shoulder.

"Do you know what you do to me?" he groans into her throat. "When you stepped out of that room today, you took my breath away." He reaches a hand between their bodies and lowers the zipper of her dress, one torturous inch at a time.

He feels her body shudder from the cool air, and he slips his warm hands inside the opening of her dress. Gliding them across the small of her back and then around to her abdomen, he transfers his body heat to her, his warm breath on her neck, his center pressed against her.

Harvey moves up to her shoulders and slips the straps of her dress over them. The gown falls to the floor gracefully, revealing her gorgeous figure and drawing all the air from his lungs.

Donna turns to face him, eyes dark with desire and need. Her body, covered only in the most intimate place by a thin layer of dark red lace. It's her turn to undress him now. And she does so with painstaking care and patience.

"What I do to _you_?" she finally responds to his long forgotten question with one of her own.

The tone and timbre of her voice is so sexy, Harvey tries to swallow the thickness in his throat.

"What about what you do to me?" She takes his hand and drags it firmly against the thin strip of lace between her legs. The heat and moisture there threaten his resolve as he clenches the muscles in his groin to clamp down the desire. A moan rumbles from the back of Harvey's throat as a seductive smirk spreads on Donna's face.

His eyes remain locked on hers while she unbuttons his shirt and pulls it from his muscular body. He leans in for a deep and passionate kiss when her hands finally meet the bare skin of his chest. Donna grips his bulging pecs as he slides his tongue deeper into her mouth. Backing her up slowly toward the bed, his kiss is unceasing and relentless. His hands completely envelop her tight ass, eliciting a whimper from her that makes him weak.

Determined to finish the job she started, Donna tears her mouth from his and pushes her hands lightly against his sculpted chest. He grunts in disapproval as he lowers his eyebrows into a scowl of sorts, but she pays him no mind. Her slender fingers unclasp his pants swiftly and she lets them fall to the floor, quickly gripping the protruding bulge trapped in his tight black underwear.

He strains against her hand, arching his back slightly and flexing his core. She does things to him no other woman has ever done. She makes him _feel_ things in ways he's never felt, in places he didn't even know existed.

He grabs her wrist in a quick and possessive move. The look in his eyes shifts from dark to tender.

"I need you to know."

His words come as a shock, snapping them both from the fog of need and hunger they were so caught up in. Donna tilts her head as her eyes meet his.

"I need you to know," he repeats. "What I feel for you..." Harvey hesitates, words have never been his strong suit. "It's more than just this." He looks down at their nearly naked bodies. Then he lays her hand on his chest to feel his pounding heart. "It's this."

Donna's eyes fill as the sentiment of what he's saying becomes clear.

"I love you so much, Donna. I never even knew I could love someone this much."

Before she has a chance to respond, to breathe even, he's lifting her from the ground and placing her under him on the bed. Literally sweeping her off her feet.

Harvey hovers over her and takes her in. His eyes raking over her body like they had this afternoon. He runs his hand from her hip bone up along her side, his fingers slide around to the outside of her breast and his thumb underneath the front of the perfect mound. He pushes upward, squeezing her gently as she moans and arches her back.

Heat courses through him, blood pumping through every vein in his body. An unbearable struggle between giving in and holding back threatens to break him. He grapples to hold on to the last ounce of his control as he opens his mouth and sucks softly on her supple breast.

"Harvey…" Donna moans as she drags her nails from his shoulders to his lower back.

He needs her just as desperately as she needs him, so he pulls his mouth from her chest and sits up on his knees between her legs. Harvey hooks his fingers in the thin straps of her thong and pulls them down, revealing a view of her that has quickly become his favorite. His tongue darts out to lick his lips as even from this vantage point he can see how wet she is for him.

He starts to lower his face toward her when Donna reaches for his shoulder and stops him. When he looks up along her naked body to her eyes, she simply shakes her once and curls her finger, signaling him to what she really wants.

Harvey doesn't hesitate. His boxer briefs are discarded in a heartbeat and he climbs over her with every muscle in his body flexed, every nerve on edge.

Their eyes are locked, and they are both completely exposed, open and vulnerable in ways neither thought was possible. And as Harvey enters her, deep and full, their love for each other becomes complete. With every thrust and every moan, they fall deeper and deeper into one another and into a life that will never be the same.

…

Donna slips from the bed around 3:00 AM and wraps the loose sheet around her. She's surprised her legs still function after the way she, well more like Harvey, had pushed them far beyond their expected limits. Repeatedly. They're sore, but they do work.

She walks to the vast window and carefully pulls the translucent drapes back, not wanting to allow too much additional light into the room, but wanting to see the view of the city.

Harvey had surprised her last night. Shocked is more accurate, really. She had been fairly confident that he loved her. She had seen it in his eyes, felt it in his kiss. But just because a man is in love, doesn't mean he understands how to share that love, to cultivate it into something real and lasting. She knows now that _that_ is what she had been most afraid of. That despite loving him, and regardless of whether he loved her, that they wouldn't be able to make it work. With his career, and hers. His baggage. Her past. She had been afraid to really let go, for fear that life would somehow get in the way. And then this whole fatigue thing started… and when the doctor said the word _pregnant_ her heart stopped. _There it is_ she thought. The reason they wouldn't last. It had terrified her.

She looks out at the brilliantly lit cityscape and lets her mind venture to those dark corners she usually avoids. She wasn't opposed to having children. In fact, as a young girl she often daydreamed about a future when she'd have a home with a yard, and a dog, and a couple of rugrats running around with dirt on their faces. Although her childhood had been far from perfect, her relationship with her mom had been special, and she thought she'd be pretty good at it.

But it was just that. A _dream_. A _someday._

The reality of having a baby now was overwhelming. Although the look in Harvey's eyes last night when he told her knew, had eased her mind and heart exponentially. Knowing that he'd be there for her, for _them, _shed a different light on the concept.

She makes her way back to the bed and carefully lies down next to Harvey, the light from the window casting a glow over his face. She smiles to herself as her mind slips to an image of a little boy with his gorgeous smile, or a little girl with his deep brown eyes.

She settles her head onto the pillow but keeps her gaze on Harvey's face.

A baby was not part of her immediate plan. She's not sure she's ready to be a mom, and she has no clue how a change like that would impact her career just as it's really taking off. But one thing she does know is, that someday she wants a family with this man who has stolen her heart. As her eyes grow heavy, she drifts off to sleep and dreams of Harvey playing catch, with their child, in that yard she had pictured years ago.

…

Harvey wakes in the morning to the sound of running water. It takes him a minute or two to get his bearings and put together that Donna is in the shower. He wastes no time throwing the covers off and joining her. He has the most innocent of intentions. Just to be close to her, to wash each other's bodies, because as he told her, it's not all about the sex. But you know what they say about the road paved with good intentions…

By the time they are both _finished_ and wrapped snugly in their plush robes, room service knocks lightly on the door. Harvey rolls the table into the bedroom and the two sit in bed and devour the eggs, french toast, and fresh berries. The bubble they are in feels incredible and neither one of them wants to say or do anything to burst it. But as the minutes tick by, Harvey knows the upcoming conversation is inevitable.

It had occurred to him at some point during the night that he would be leaving Monday morning for one of the longest and farthest road trips of the season. Thousands of miles and a three hour time difference would soon be separating the two of them and for the first time he could remember, he wished he could skip the trip.

"So," he finally starts, "I know we both have jam-packed schedules today, and tomorrow the team heads to California and -"

"California!" Donna doesn't hide the shock, or disappointment, in her tone.

Harvey flinches slightly at her outburst, she had his schedule, he had assumed she knew.

"I know." His tone is soft and his eyes are full of regret. "The timing couldn't be worse."

Donna gets up from the bed and starts picking things up and putting them down again, clearly trying to get her emotions in check. Neither one of them had spoken a word about the potential pregnancy since the balcony last night, but it's clearly the elephant in the room right now.

"I hate that I can't come with you to the doctor tomorrow, Donna. Our flight is at 10:00."

She just nods at him and he can see the tears filling her eyes from across the room.

Harvey scrambles off the bed and goes right to her, taking her hands in his.

"Hey, you okay?" He bends his knees to bring his eyes down to where she's casting her gaze at nothing in particular. When she just nods again, he wraps her into a tight embrace.

_Fuck! _He just isn't good at this kind of thing. He wants more than anything to _say_ all the right things and _do_ all the right things… but he just doesn't know what she needs right now.

"I'm so sorry." He guides Donna over to the bench at the end of the oversized bed and they sit down next to each other.

"We could take a test tonight?" He lifts her chin. "After work? Like one of those home tests?"

When she just shakes her head and closes her eyes, Harvey shuts his eyes tightly as well. His heart is breaking at the deflated look on her face.

"Donna, talk to me."

Donna inhales a long and shaky breath before finally responding.

"You don't need to be sorry, Harvey." She looks back up at him. "This is your job and I knew that when we started this relationship. It's just that I had been reeling the past couple days and last night, when you said you knew and that we'd go through this together, one way or the other," she stops to wipe a tear just as it leaves her eye, "it just meant so much to me." Her voice betrays her as a lump lodges in her throat.

"But we _are_ going to get through this together. I'm right here. I may be leaving tomorrow, Donna. And I may not be at that appointment, but I'm still _here_." Harvey takes their intertwined hands and places them on Donna's chest. "And whatever the results, I'm ready." He pauses and takes a deep breath of his own. "I love you, Donna."

She smiles softly at the sincerity of his words and the love in his eyes.

"I know, Harvey. I know you do." She lays her head on his chest and he pulls her closer. "I don't want to take a home test." She pulls back slightly to look at him. "My mom had a false positive test when I was about 6, and I've never forgotten it. She was so excited, and it just crushed her when she found out."

Harvey just nodded. _Do you want the test to be positive?_ He was so close to letting the words tumble out. He had almost asked her last night. After they had made love and she was nestled into the crook of his arm. He had almost asked.

The couple just sits quietly, taking in the fact that starting tomorrow they won't be able to hold each other like this for almost two full weeks.

"I'll be fine going to the doctor on my own. It was what I had planned on since Friday."

Harvey clenches his jaw and fights the stinging in his eyes by biting the inside of his cheek.

"I'll call you the minute we land."

After a few more minutes of silence, they both get up and prepare for the busy day ahead.

…

Donna powers through the day with a decent amount of energy and manages to successfully keep her mind on being Roxie Hart. But around 8:00, an hour into the second show, she hits a wall. Physical exhaustion leads to emotional exhaustion in about ten seconds flat and Donna finds herself blotting her eyes between scenes. Suddenly the idea that her entire life may change tomorrow feels just a tad overwhelming.

"Donna, are you okay?" Benjamin asks from the doorway of her dressing room. When she turns to face him he sees the tears. "Oh my god." He rushes straight to her side. "What is it? Is it that asshole, Harvey Specter?"

Donna literally chokes at Benjamin's description of Harvey.

"Benjamin! Harvey is not an asshole." She shakes her head with a small laugh. Already feeling a little better. "And no, it's not him." She lays a hand on her concerned friend's shoulder. "I'm just not feeling too great is all."

"Do you need a doctor or something?"

"I'm fine, Benjamin. Really."

Donna manages to get through the night without any more nervous breakdowns and by the time she gets out of the theater, she's made up her mind to head straight to Harvey's. He had been so amazing last night, and again this morning, and knowing that he is leaving tomorrow, she wants to cherish every minute she can with him. He had given her a key and she planned to use it. According to the app on her phone, the game was in the 8th inning and she would surely beat him there.

It's a little over an hour later when she hears his keys in the door. She had put on a t-shirt and a pair of boxers of his, rolled them up a few times, and planted herself under a blanket on his sofa. The fire burning warmly in the fireplace.

He walks in looking at his phone, probably wondering why she wasn't taking his calls when he looks up and spots her.

The grin that forms on his face causes wrinkles to gather at his eyes.

"Hey."

"Hey," she responds.

"I guess that answers the question of why you're not picking up my calls."

Harvey walks over and holds out his hand. When she takes it, he pulls her up into a deep kiss. Like there is nothing he wants more in the entire world than her. It makes her weak.

"I guess it does," she answers hoarsely when he finally removes his tongue from her mouth.

Harvey walks over to pour himself a drink but stops before reaching for the decanter.

"You can have a drink, Harvey. It's okay you know." She smiles at his back but he doesn't turn right away.

"Don't need one." He says with his back to her. He turns around then with a smirk and a mischievous glint in his eye. "I have good news." He walks back over to her and places his hands on her hips.

"You won?" She smiles, knowing full well that they did, and that it isn't what he meant. She lets her hand squeeze lightly on his chiseled chest, causing a coiling in her abdomen.

"I got a later flight."

She doesn't speak. She can't. She just lets her heart fill, overcome yet again, with the intensity of her love for this man. Every hurdle, every heartache, every hard lesson she has learned has brought her to this place. To this moment in time. To this man who is everything she never thought possible.

She presses her face into the muscles she was admiring just moments ago and sobs. He doesn't question her or asks if she's okay. He knows she is and he just lets her get it all out as he caresses her back and kisses the top of her head.

…...

They don't talk much the following morning before the appointment. Harvey considers multiple times trying to start a conversation about the potential results of her tests, but he never gets the words out. For one thing, he's not even sure how he feels about it, and he definitely is not sure how she feels. And if he's honest with himself, he's not sure he wants to know.

He had thought about being a father, of course. He admitted as much in therapy. As a kid, and a young man, he had pictured himself with a family someday. Coaching Little League or Girl's Fastpitch. But when he caught Lily cheating and his parent's marriage fell apart, he pushed all that from his mind. Not just having kids, but ever getting married. It was easier to deal with the pain and the betrayal if he convinced himself that it had never been real in the first place. That there was no such thing as _true love_ and that marriage was nothing more than a contract negotiation, one that could easily be deemed null and void.

But when Tanner married Scottie, he saw the love they shared. It was undeniable. And then it was Mike and Rachel. Again, love that couldn't be explained away. And when he met Donna, all those old wounds were exposed, open. And rather than trying to hide them, avoid them, deny them, he had embraced them. She made him want to be better, be more.

Mending his relationship with his mom had been possibly the most critical step. So when Lipschitz asked if he wanted a family, a future with Donna, he had been flooded with emotion. The answer was a resounding, yes.

As he pulls his sweater over his dress shirt and studies his reflection in the mirror, he takes in a slow and steady breath.

_A baby. Right now? At this point in his career? This early in their relationship? _

It wasn't ideal, that goes without saying. It wasn't the way he'd have planned it, and if you'd asked about it a year ago, shit, a couple months ago, it would have scared him to death. But right now, today, he knows he can handle anything with Donna by his side. And if he really digs deep into his heart, there is a small part of him that wants that test to be positive.

…

When they arrive at the doctor's office Donna's stomach is in knots. She couldn't be more grateful for all of Harvey's love and support. It's more than she ever expected and far more than she's ever had before. But despite that, and despite his firm grasp of her hand, she's terrified.

She believes with her whole heart that Harvey is ready for the results one way or the other, and maybe that's why she feels so panicky. She _doesn't_ feel ready. Not at all.

Over the past few days, she had run the entire gamut of emotions multiple times. And she was exhausted. Drained emotionally and physically. Even though she had dipped her toe in the waters of potential motherhood, she just didn't feel ready.

They are checked in and brought into a room almost immediately. The whispers and stares of the office staff don't go unnoticed by Donna. It was clear that the girls recognized Harvey. If he noticed their reactions, he didn't let on.

It only made Donna feel less secure.

They were only in the room for a few minutes before the door opens.

"Ms. Paulsen." The doctor enters the room with her head in a file. When she looks up to find two of them in the room the surprise that flashes across her face is undeniable.

"This is Harvey Specter, Doctor Park, my boyfriend."

A look of recognition passes over the doctor's face when her eyes focus on Harvey, but she plays it off.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Specter." She smiles softly at him before taking her seat.

Donna feels a sense of awkwardness in the air. As though the doctor wasn't expecting her to have company and it's thrown her off her game. The idea of what that implies fills Donna with dread.

"I'm assuming that since you brought him with you, you are comfortable with me sharing the results of your exam with both of you?"

"I am," Donna replies, squeezing Harvey's hand tightly.

"Okay, then I will get right to it." Doctor Park looks from Donna to Harvey, and back to Donna. "The reason you have been suffering from fatigue and headaches is a deficiency of iron in your blood." The doctor takes a report from the file and hands it to Donna. "You're anemic, Ms. Paulsen."

Donna takes the paper from the doctor and stares blankly at it while the doctor continues talking. She hears something about red blood cells and iron supplements but none of it is really registering.

"Ms. Paulsen? Do you understand? Your case is fairly mild, and controllable, but it shouldn't be taken lightly."

"You're saying she needs more rest? And a change in her diet?" Harvey speaks up while Donna just blinks at the report in her hand.

"Yes, exactly. And iron supplements." The doctor lays her hand on Donna's knee. "Anemia is very common in women and as long as you make the needed adjustments, you should be able to avoid more invasive treatments."

"Invasive?" Harvey responds with a touch of alarm in his tone.

"In more severe cases, iron infusions and even blood transfusions may be required."

"So, I'm not pregnant?" She blurts it out. She hadn't intended to say it, but it happened anyway.

Both Harvey and the doctor turn their attention to her. Concern and surprise on their faces.

"No, Ms. Paulsen. You are not pregnant."

Sensing the couple might need a moment of privacy, the doctor gets up and makes an excuse about getting Doona some additional information. _Information_ Donna was certain that was already in the file she was holding.

She walks out and leaves the two of them alone.

…

Harvey turns to Donna but doesn't say anything. He just takes her in. Her shoulders are slumped, her eyes cast at the floor, her usual aura replaced with something darker.

"Hey?" He uses their coined greeting since he's at a loss for anything better. When she doesn't respond he gets down on his knee in front of her.

"Donna?"

She looks at him as if she's only just realized he's there.

"Sorry." She snaps a forced smile on her face. "What a relief, right?"

"A relief?" Harvey may not be the best at reading people but the emotion he had read all over her was _not_ relief. He tilts his head and raises his right brow. "You're relieved?"

Donna smiles softly but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"Of course. Aren't you? I'm not surprised about the anemia, actually. My mom has struggled with it all her life. I should have known that's what it was."

Harvey hears the words coming from her mouth but they are in direct contrast to what he sees in her eyes and what he had perceived from her initial reaction to the doctor's news.

"Donna." He takes her hands in his and looks up at her, trying to break through the barrier he knows she put up between them. "It's understandable if you feel a little, I don't know… _disappointed."_

Donna pulls her hands away and scoffs. A little overdramatically if you ask him.

"Disappointed? That I'm not pregnant?" She looks over his shoulder and around the room. Anywhere but in his eyes. "That I don't have to put my career on hold for a baby I hadn't planned on? Harvey, we've only been dating a few months. This is a blessing. Not something to be disappointed about."

He knows, of course, that what she is saying makes perfect sense. So why does it hurt so much? He gets up and sits back down in the chair next to her. His stomach is in knots, but he can't tell if it's because he thinks Donna isn't being honest with him, or because he's the one that's disappointed.

There is a knock on the door and Doctor Park re-enters the room.

"Here is some information for you to review about diet, rest, and the supplements I'd like you to start on right away." She hands the paperwork to Donna who now has a smile plastered on her face that isn't fooling anyone. "I'd like to see you back in four weeks."

Donna nods, smiles and gets up from her chair.

"Thank you, Doctor."

Harvey shares an awkward glance with the doctor when Donna walks out. They both know exactly what the other is thinking. He nods and follows Donna.

Ray is waiting for them at the curb and Donna climbs in before Harvey has a chance to open her door. He knows she is hurting but he's at a loss for how to help. They are headed straight to the airport and he doesn't have much time to figure it out.

They ride in silence for a few minutes before he glances at her from the corner of his eye. She appears to be looking over the paperwork from the doctor.

"What's it say?"

"Huh?" She mumbles without looking up.

"The paperwork. What does it say?"

"Oh." She drops the papers into her lap and looks out the window of the Lexus. "Just what the doctor said. Low iron counts."

"And the treatment?"

"Harvey, you were in the room. You heard what she said." Her voice isn't harsh exactly, but there is a hint of irritation. It reminds him of the way he used to speak to his mother.

He takes a chance and reaches over to stroke her cheek lightly with the back of his hand. The last thing he wants is a fight.

She stiffens at first, but when she turns to him, her eyes are soft.

"I'm sorry, Harvey. You didn't deserve that." A tear leaks from her eye and she lets it fall.

"Donna-"

"I'm just concerned about work." She turns back to the window.

Deflecting. Again. He's no expert, but he's pretty sure that's what they call it. He used to be a pro at it.

"My schedule is hectic," she continues before he refutes her. "Long hours and demanding work. It's what I do. Who I am." She shakes her head and looks back at him. "I don't know how to _get more rest."_

"Donna," he says quietly. His hand on her shoulder and toying with her earlobe. "You can talk to me, you know? That wasn't the only thing the doctor said in there."

She takes his hand from her ear and squeezes it tightly in hers. "Harvey, I already told you, I'm relieved that I'm not pregnant, and you can stop pretending that wasn't exactly the news you were hoping for."

She lets go of his hand and turns away from him.

Her words sting. He clenches his jaw and looks out his own window. His eyes burning at her implication. _He's the one pretending? Bullshit. _He balls his fists. Old habits die hard and Harvey has always been one to lash out when he's put on the defensive. _The best defensive is a good offense, _his high school basketball coach always said. And that advice applied to more than just sports.

A part of him had been hoping Donna was pregnant. That _they_ were pregnant. And hearing the news they weren't had made him flinch. He knew she felt the same way. What he didn't get was why she was so afraid to just admit it. And then to accuse him of hoping for it...

He doesn't lash out. The therapy and breathing exercises he had learned after his panic attack were put to good use. He closed his eyes and calmed himself down.

They arrive at the airport a short time later and they both get out of the car. She can't go in with him, so they will have to say their goodbye on the crowded sidewalk. He decides the best thing to do for now is to let it go.

He grabs his bag from the trunk and walks over to her. Setting it on the ground, he wraps her in a hug. Not sure he can look her in the eye without giving too much away, he kisses the top of her head and speaks quietly just above her ear.

"I love you. I wish I didn't have to go."

She pulls him a little tighter and he hears a quiet sob escape her throat.

"I love you too, Harvey," she mumbles into his chest and climbs back into the Lexus without another word or a kiss goodbye.


	15. Chapter 15

****A/N:****** Here were go again. These two have been through so much together already, but there is so much more of the journey to tell. I want to say a heartfelt thank you to all of you who have been following this story so closely. My favorite part of the week is the few hours after posting when I get to read all the great tweets and reviews. **

**To my Betas: I hope you know how much you mean to me and that I'd never survive without your endless patience, love, and guidance. Heather, Steph, and Nat you are my ride or die girls. And Sarah, thank you for always taking the time to give that extra boost of confidence or the last minute advice.**

**ENJOY!**

**Chapter 15 - Roots**

Donna is snuggled in bed under her down comforter with a hot cup of coffee. It's Wednesday, her day off, and she has never needed one more. It's been about forty-eight hours since she and Harvey left the doctor's office and he boarded a flight to California. She had been in a funk ever since.

She was pushing him away. She knew it. He knew it. She was doing the exact thing to him that she had cursed him for just weeks ago. Well, not the _exact _same she rationalizes. Harvey knew what his issue was and he chose to keep it from her, Donna has no idea what's wrong with her. Not _really_. So how can she share it with him?

She had started her supplements and was working on including foods high in iron, white beans, green vegetables, dark chocolate, which she was happy to see on the list from the doctor. Physically, she felt a little better, but she just can't clear this fog surrounding her. She feels like she was the lady in the depression commercials who has a dark cloud following her around everywhere she goes, and she can't make sense of it.

She hadn't _wanted _to be pregnant. The idea had scared the shit out of her. Her career was starting to take off, she and Harvey were in a good place but the relationship was still brand new, a baby right now would have been _difficult. _So why is she so sad?

When her phone buzzes on her lap she almost spills her coffee on her white duvet. It's a text from a number she doesn't recognize.

**G: Donna, this is Gordon Specter. I got your number from Harvey. I hope that's okay. I know he's on the road, but I'm filling in with the band in the city tonight and I thought you might like to come. Bring a friend? Your show is dark on Wednesdays, right? I'd love to see you.**

Donna sets the phone down on her lap. Her mouth open and her hand on her chest. Her eyes fill with tears she can't explain. Par for the course these days. She's touched, she is. She wonders whose idea this had been, Gordon's or Harvey's, but it really doesn't matter. Either way, it's sweet and thoughtful and she appreciates it.

**D: Of course, it's okay. What a nice surprise to hear from you. I'd love to come. What time?**

**G: We go on at 8:00, but if you can come early, I'd love to buy you a drink.**

Donna sighs deeply. Suddenly, she is reminded of the fact that she can drink again without concern. And she wonders if Gordon is aware of what happened.

**D: I'll see you at 7:00.**

She hits send before she changes her mind.

It's 11:00 AM in New York which makes it 8:00 AM in Los Angeles. She thinks about calling Harvey but opts for a text instead. Hearing from Gordon makes her long to be close to him.

**D: Morning. Are you up?**

She stares at the screen, waiting to see the dots pop up to indicate he's responding when for the second time this morning she's startled as her phone starts ringing instead.

"Hey," she says softly into the phone.

"Hey." His voice has a gravel to it like he's not fully awake.

"I woke you."

"No. No, I was up."

"I just heard from your dad. You know anything about that?" There is a hint of playfulness in her tone as she smirks into the phone. It feels good to smile.

"Well, I know he texted me last night and asked for your number. And like an idiot, I sent it _before _asking why he needed it. Then when I did ask, he told me it was none of my damn business. Mike would be so disappointed in my tactics."

He chuckles softly and Donna gets a vivid image of his smile. It's like a knife in the gut. She misses him so much, but instead of saying so, she responds with wit.

"Good thing you chose baseball over the law, Specter. You'd make a shitty lawyer."

"You know what, you did wake me. I'm going back to sleep."

She knows he's just teasing her back and it relaxes her a bit.

"He invited me to see him play tonight." She chews on the inside of her cheek. "I said I'd come."

Harvey is quiet on the other end of the line and it makes her nervous.

"Good," he finally says. There is a thickness in his voice that makes her breath hitch.

Donna hears a knock on her door and remembers her plans with Rachel.

"Rachel's at the door. I promised her some girl time today. Chick flick and lunch in our PJ's."

"I never thought these words would leave my mouth, but right this minute, I wish I was Rachel."

She feels her stomach clench. She knows what he means, but rather than say something comforting, she makes a crack about wondering if Mike has ever wished that, and she agrees to call him after his dad's gig.

…

When the team bus pulls into _Chavez Ravine_ a few hours later, Harvey actually has butterflies in his stomach. There aren't many things at this point in his career that can make him feel like a young starry-eyed boy, but he is hit with that exact notion as he walks out of the tunnel and on to the pristine grass of Dodger Stadium. Harvey hadn't been in this historic place in nearly 20 years, but he had never forgotten the one time his father had brought him here.

Gordon was born in 1959 in Brooklyn, and his father was a die-hard Dodgers fan. When the team had decided to move to Los Angeles in 1957 it had broken Harvey's grandfather's heart. But he stayed true to his favorite team and he saved up for years to take Gordon to Los Angeles as a young boy to see the team play. And Gordon had done the same for Harvey and Marcus. They weren't Dodgers fans now, not really, Gordon loved the Sox, and Marcus and Harvey favored the Yankees as they had dominated through much of their childhood. But there was something special about this place, and Harvey felt it in his bones.

A heaviness settles over him as he takes in the field and comes to terms with the fact that he won't be pitching here tonight. The chance that another opportunity to do so will come in his career is slim. With a heavy sigh, he walks back through the underground tunnel to the clubhouse.

Harvey spends the next few hours doing all his physical therapy and treatments when Tanner walks up to where he is stretching out.

"Doc wants to see you."

"Doc? Why, what's up?"

"He didn't say." There is a glint of something in Tanner's eye but he walks away before Harvey can get a good read.

He gets up from the training table and walks into the small office in the hall.

"Doc?" He knocks on the open door. "Tanner said you wanted to see me."

"Harvey, yes. Come in, please. Have a seat."

Harvey flashes back to the scolding he received from this man a couple of weeks ago and he feels like a kid for the second time today.

"Something wrong? My new MRI results?" Harvey wipes his suddenly sweating hands on his knees.

The doctor doesn't respond right away. He just looks back and forth between the files in his hand and his computer screen while he moves his mouse around.

"It is about your MRI, yes." The doctor takes off his glasses and sits back in his chair, his eyes moving from the computer monitor to Harvey."Have you been doing all the treatment I prescribed?" he continues. The expression on his face is the same stoic one that seems to be permanently affixed there.

"Of course." Harvey shifts in his seat. He had been, of course. That and then some.

"Well, it's paid off. Your shoulder is improving faster than I expected." The news is good but you'd never know it from the doctor's face. "I hadn't expected to clear you from throwing until we returned home, but if you'd like to get out there today for some light catch, I think you're ready."

And there it was. Almost undetectable, a slight twitch to the corner of his mouth and what Harvey could swear was a wink. Or maybe the man just blinks with one eye at a time.

"You serious? Here? Today?" Harvey sits up and scoots to the edge of his seat. It's not pitching from the mound, but it's enough. So much more than he thought he'd get.

A half-hour later he's back on the perfectly trimmed grass with Tanner. They start by tossing the ball from about 15-20 feet. Harvey sees that same smirk on Tanner's face he saw earlier.

"You knew," Harvey states. He doesn't phrase it as a question.

"Knew?" Tanner shakes his head. "I orchestrated it."

"You what now?" Harvey holds the ball and tilts his head. His eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"Look. I asked Doc when you'd be cleared to throw. He said probably in a couple days when we get up to San Fran. I simply _suggested_ maybe he clear you today. Here." Tanner gestures to their surroundings.

Harvey's lips pull together tightly as he realizes what his catcher is saying. He feels a lump form in his throat as he nods to him with his jaw clenched tightly. He throws the ball back to his friend, more grateful for this gift than he knows how to express.

The two men throw for about another twenty minutes. Carefully stretching the distance as they go. Harvey's shoulder feels great, and so does he.

Things with Donna may be a little tough right now, but he's not afraid of a little hard work. He knows what they have is real and just like he's committed to doing what it takes to get back on that mound, he's committed to Donna and the future with her he knows he wants.

….

Donna walks into Arthur's Tavern and scans the place for Gordon. She had considered asking Rachel to join her, but for some reason, she decided to come alone.

"What's a gorgeous lady like you doing in a shit-hole like this?"

She knows it's Gordon before she even turns around.

"I happen to know a musician who plays here." She faces him with a grin. "And this shit-hole has character in spades."

"Gorgeous and great taste." Gordon kisses Donna on the cheek and pulls her into a warm hug.

She follows him to the same booth she had sat with Harvey and wonders if it's reserved just for Specters.

"Hungry?" Gordon asks. "The food's not great, but I know a thing or two that won't kill you."

"Well, as tempting as that sounds, I ate before I came." Donna laughs. "But I could use a stiff drink."

Gordon is as impressed as Harvey had been when Donna orders a Macallan 18, and he signals the waitress to make it two.

The two small talk for a bit while they let the first few sips of liquor enter their system. Then Gordon decides he best get down to it before he runs out of time. Harvey hadn't given him all the details, but he had put the pieces together about what the young couple was going through.

"So, why the stiff drink? My son driving you crazy?"

"What?" Donna is thrown off by the accusation, even though she knows he's joking. "No. Quite the contrary, actually." She sips on her scotch and welcomes the burn it brings. "I think I'm the one doing the driving."

The two sit and talk, and by the time Donna is halfway through her second scotch, she's basically told Gordon the whole story. At some point during her ramblings, when she sees the softness in his eyes and hears the tenderness in his tone, she acknowledges that this is why she had come alone. Some small part of her knew that he'd invited her because he had some clue what she and Harvey had been through, and he was offering her a safe place to talk. Maybe not _directly_ _to_ Harvey, but the next closest thing.

"I just feel empty inside. Like something is missing now. Which is completely absurd, because it was never there to start with." Donna wipes at her eye as another tear escapes. "I didn't even want to be pregnant. I mean, not now. But then once the seed was planted, so to speak," she pauses, "the idea took root and I guess I started to warm up to it." She inhales and then lets the shaky breath out slowly. "Harvey must think I'm bat shit crazy."

"Can I tell you a secret?" Gordon is still nursing his first scotch since he has to perform in a few minutes. "It's not a secret from Harvey, he knows, but it's a family secret of sorts. And one he rarely talks about."

" I wouldn't want to betray his trust," Donna says honestly, even though he's piqued her interest.

"Oh, you wouldn't be. It's not his secret to tell. It's mine. Well, mine and Lily's."

Donna looks into Gordon's eyes and nods before taking another drink and watching the liquid swirl in her glass.

"After we had Harvey and Marcus, Lily miscarried."

Donna looks up from her drink to meet Gordon's eyes.

"Lily was devastated. We all were. But it took a piece of her, you know?"

Donna nods as her eyes fill again.

"Marcus was too young to understand, but Harvey was six and even though he hadn't been very attached to the idea of another baby in the house, he hated to see his mother cry. He didn't really understand what had happened, but he knew his mommy was sad all the time." Gordon sips on his scotch and doesn't speak for a minute or two. "The thing is, Donna. Everyone understood Lily's pain and all of our friends and family supported her and helped her to heal. First and foremost, me."

Gordon sets his glass on the table and takes Donna's hand in his.

"But she wasn't the only one who lost a child." His eyes well up and Donna can see that even after all these years there is still pain.

"Of course not." Donna lays her other hand on top of the one she's holding. "So did you."

A soft smile spreads across his face as he nods at her in acknowledgment.

"And you aren't the only one whose seed planted roots." He tilts his head and looks at her knowingly. Then he brings her hand to his lips, kisses it softly, and heads to the stage, leaving Donna wide-eyed and speechless.

…..

When Donna hears her phone ringing at 2:00 AM, she reaches her hand through the dark to pull it from her nightstand. She knows it's Harvey. She had texted him to call when he got to the hotel, regardless of the time.

"Harvey?" Her groggy voice not hiding the fact that he'd woken her.

"Sorry, Donna. You said to call, right?" he says softly and apologetically.

"Yes, Harvey. Yes." She drags her hand over her face and contemplates turning on a light but decides against it.

"How was the game?" she asks, sounding only slightly more awake.

"Ugh. Don't ask."

She hears him rustling around, most likely getting comfortable.

"How was my dad's gig?"

She can hear the smile in his voice through the phone and it makes her break out into one as well.

"Mind blowing. I just can't get over how talented those men are. They just completely transport me to another place and time." She sips on the water on her nightstand. "The three glasses of Scotch might have helped with that, too." She giggles, sounding more like herself.

Harvey laughs out loud. "What a lush," he teases. "Was that my dad's fault or your own?"

"Maybe a little of both. But he made sure I got home okay. Those Specter men are real gentlemen, you know?"

"I do." He pauses. "Did you bring Rachel along?"

Donna scoots back to a more upright position. She promised herself she wouldn't chicken out. This conversation isn't going to be a walk in the park but he deserves honesty. They both do.

"I went alone, actually. I felt like I wanted to just enjoy the jazz without conversation. A little _me _time, I guess."

"I get it, trust me. I have always enjoyed watching my dad play on my own. In fact, I used to hang out in his recording studio when I was kid. Sometimes I'd just close my eyes and listen."

He clears his throat and she wonders if he's closing his eyes now. Picturing it.

"Did the two of you get to talk much, before or after the set?" he continues.

Harvey's question is the perfect segway to what she needs to say. If she doesn't do it right this minute, she may never get it out. She lets the words start to roll off her tongue. Like a snowball picking up downhill momentum.

"We did talk, quite a bit actually." She takes a deep breath. "Your father is a very wise man, Harvey."

"Oh, God. I don't think I like the sound of that," he scoffs.

"Harvey..." Her voice, soft but confident. "I'm so sorry."

She hears his breath hitch on the other end of the line. She'd caught him off guard. Somehow she feels the tension settle over them like a fog.

"Donna—"

"I'm sorry that I shut you out," she blurts out. Roll, snowball, roll. "At the doctor's, at the airport, on the phone after you arrived in L.A." Her eyes well up and she lets it all just pour out of her. He doesn't interrupt this time. Her hands are shaking but she needs to finish this.

"Can I ask you something?" Her voice cracks.

"Anything." Harvey's own voice has grown thick.

"Did… did you want the test to be positive? Did you want _us _to be pregnant?"

The silence that follows is deafening. Donna's heart is pounding so aggressively, she wonders if this is how Harvey felt before his panic attack. Every second that passes waiting for his answer feels like an eternity. She hears his breathing and grips her sheets, bracing herself.

"I think a part of me did." The crack in his voice gives away the truth of it.

Donna lets her face drop into her hands as she cries softly. She is incredibly grateful that he can't see her right now. Or more accurately, that she can't see him. She's not sure she could bear it.

"I'm so sorry, Harvey." She leans her head back against the wall. "I was so caught up in trying to understand what I was feeling, I never thought about what you might be feeling. It was just less painful to believe you were relieved. Happy, even."

Harvey doesn't respond for several beats. She thinks she can hear him fighting tears of his own.

"So, you wanted to be pregnant, Donna? You did want to have my baby?"

His voice is so raw with emotion it breaks her heart into a million tiny pieces.

"Oh, Harvey." She aches at the realization that she caused him to doubt what is such an obvious truth to her now. She shakes her head at the insanity of what's she about to admit. "Nothing would make me happier than having your baby. I would be lying to both of us if I didn't acknowledge the way I've dreamt about a future with you. A family of our own."

She gives herself a minute to compose herself. He deserves a clear explanation. "At first, the idea of being pregnant terrified me. Because I could only think about all the reasons that the timing was bad. My career, your career, the newness of our relationship, and all we'd already endured. But when you told me you loved me. When you said you knew and you'd be there no matter what came next… it wasn't so scary anymore. I started to let myself think about what it would be like to carry your child. To have a baby with you, and even though I denied it to myself, I started to hope it was true."

"Donna." Harvey's voice cracks and she knows she is not the only one in tears. "I felt the exact same way."

Donna nods as she squeezes the pillow she had pulled up to her chest.

"I love you, Harvey."

"I love you, too, Donna."

Donna snuggles back down under the covers. She cries softly for the next few minutes while just listening to Harvey breathing on the other end of the line. She takes in a deep shaky breath, holds it for a count of four, and slowly lets it out.

A weight has been lifted, and it's a place, a sense of peace. Her eyes grow heavy as the exhaustion consumes her. She stops fighting to keep them open and lets them drift close.

"Donna?"

She hears his voice through the receiver.

"Mmph?" she mumbles.

"Get some rest and I'll call you tomorrow."

"Mmm-kay."

"I love you, Donna. Goodnight."

…

Harvey sets his phone down on the bedside table and rubs his face with both hands. The moisture from his eyes wetting his face. He sits on the edge of the bed, both feet on the floor, his elbows on his knees.

He lets his lungs fill with air as he takes in a deep breath and holds it. He lifts his hand in front of his eyes and sees it trembling. He releases the air from his chest in a slow stream, his lips barely parted as if he's blowing through a straw. This breathing exercise is something he picked up from Lipschitz and it works miracles for slowing his heart rate.

He gets up from the bed and heads into the bathroom, grabbing a hand towel from the rack on his way to the sink. He runs the water and lets it heat up before putting the towel under the stream. Leaning against the wall he presses the hot cloth to his face and relishes the burn it brings.

After a few moments, he tosses the wet towel over the shower and gets undressed. Within minutes, he's under the covers in the dark staring up at the hotel room ceiling.

A smile slowly spreads across his lips as he finally finishes processing everything Donna had told him. And what he had told her. She wanted a baby with him. That's the bottom line. She loved him, maybe even as much as he loved her. She wanted a future with him. A family. And as far as he sees it, that future begins right now.

He turns on his side and falls into a deep sleep. Dreaming of a house with a yard, a dog, a couple kids... and a beautiful redhead sitting on the porch.

…

Harvey stands in the open bullpen at AT&T park, well, now Oracle Park, but he hasn't adjusted to that yet, taking in the view. The stadium is even more fantastic than it looks on TV and so is San Francisco. Watching his team take the Giants deep into McCovey Cove three times in the past two nights was a thrill he won't soon forget. It's an unusually crisp morning for June, but the sun is shining and there is not a single cloud in the sky. After they wrap up the series this afternoon, they head to Colorado for a three game stint with the Rockies. And then, home.

The way he misses her is palpable. After their talk the other night, he feels more connected to her than ever and he _needs _to see her. To hold her.

Tanner walks out to meet him on the field and tosses him a ball.

"Mound today?"

"That's what Doc said," Harvey responds with a wide-eyed grin.

His arm felt great and the doc had cleared him to start throwing off the mound. Lightly, of course. But progress, nonetheless. He was officially off the Injured List and could be even assigned a rehab outing for the Triple-A RailRiders later this week. The positive of that being, he could be closing for the Yankees in the next homestand. The negative, it could delay his arrival back to New York by a day or two considering the Triple-A Club is based in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

The team is still ahead in the division by two games as they near the midway point of the season. Harvey's name continues to be in the All Star discussions, despite his injury, and if he can get back on the mound soon, and pitch well, he should have his first ever appearance in the Midsummer Classic.

"You seem... _happy_?" Tanner comments with a suspicious look in his eye as he throws him the ball.

"And?" Harvey chuckles returning the ball.

"And, it's weird. It's throwing me off."

Harvey just shakes his head and steps up onto the mound for the first time in weeks. He taps his toe into the ground a few times to knock off any wet brick dust trapped between his spikes. As is his normal routine, he places the ball of his right foot against the edge of the far end of the rubber and slowly slides it backward toward him. Feeling the familiar pressure of the firm rectangle beneath his foot is like returning home after a long trip.

"So is it personal or professional?"

Tanner's question draws him out of his reverie.

"What?" Harvey calls back as he gets set to throw his first pitch.

"Your mood? I've noticed the past few days you seem, I don't know… different." Tanner raises his catcher's mitt in the air, "Just curious if it's getting back in the game that's got you smiling, or—"

"It's both."

Harvey bends his knees, coils back his front leg, and pushes off the mound with the incredible power of his back thigh. The ball zips through the air and causes a loud "pop" in Tanner's glove.

The catcher immediately stands up and pulls off his mask. He looks at the ball planted squarely in the web of his mitt and then looks back to Harvey. His eyes sparkle as he grins like a kid in a candy shop.

"It's nice to have you back, Specter. But remember," he puts both hands up in front of him, "easy, boy. Easy."

…..

As Donna finishes up her Sunday evening show, she notices that she feels a million times better than she had last Sunday night. Physically and psychologically. Her energy level is improving and after her heart to heart with Harvey the other night, she had been in a much better headspace. She is working on getting back to the _real_ her. The confident, sassy, kick-ass redhead everyone knows and loves. And it feels great.

She stands in her dressing room and takes a good look around. Her closing night was just over two weeks away and she still isn't sure what will be next. Oh, she had offers, and there are plenty of opportunities out there, especially after the raving review of Ben Brantley. She just isn't sure what she wants. She had already committed to a break. She and Harvey had talked about a get-away of some kind during his mid-season break and she had refused to commit to anything that didn't give her at least a month off. Lord knows she'd earned it.

Checking the time and seeing it was just before 10:00 PM she knows that Harvey will already be on board his flight to Colorado. He's moving one time zone closer at least which will put them at a two hour difference. If she gets moving now, she can be home and in bed by the time he calls.

…

His timing couldn't be better. The phone rings just moments after she sits down with her wine on the balcony. It is a warm night and she opted for the fresh air.

"Took a broom to those Giants, eh?" She smiles into her wine glass, proud of her sports quip.

"That we did." She can hear the smile in his response.

"How was your flight?"

"Fine. Your show?"

"Great, actually." Donna sighs and bites on her lip. "I'm going to miss being Roxie." She surprises herself with both the comment and the unexpected emotion it stirs.

"You still have a couple weeks, right?" His voice softens.

"Yes. We close on the twenty-sixth." She sips her wine and looks out at the city she calls home. "I was just musing about what's coming next, actually."

"Is that so? Well, what did you come up with? Leaving the theater and following me around on the road?"

She knows he's teasing, but she doesn't offer a response. Instead, she asks a question of her own.

"Speaking of what's next, how's the arm? Any news?"

"As a matter of fact… I'm throwing on Wednesday night."

"In Colorado? Harvey, that's great!"

She hears a soft laugh on the other end of the line.

"Not in Colorado, unfortunately. In Pennsylvania. Scranton to be exact."

"Scranton? What the heck is in Scranton?" Donna sits up and crinkles her nose.

"The RailRiders."

"The what?" Donna laughs out loud.

"You know what, if I wanted this kind of abuse, I'd call Marcus." He chuckles. "Aren't girlfriends supposed to be supportive?"

The sound of the word girlfriend coming from his mouth does things to her insides. I mean, she knows she is. They've said they love each other and even talked about a family. So it's childish, really. But she can't help it. Sometimes he just makes her feel like a schoolgirl.

"I'm sorry, we both know how fragile your giant ego is." She leans back in the chair. "Is this typical? To have you pitch for a minor league team?"

"Yeah, it's standard. Usually, any time a player is coming off the Injured List, they have what's called a rehab assignment. You know, to make sure you won't embarrass yourself or the Yankees on national TV."

"How thoughtful."

"Yeah. Exactly."

"So does that mean you won't be home on Thursday morning?" The thought just occurs to her and her heart sinks.

"It might." He pauses. "If I throw well, and feel good, I'll probably just pitch that one game and then return to NY for the home series. If not, I'll stay in Triple-A until they deem I'm ready."

She notices a hint of uncertainty in his tone and she regrets teasing him before.

"Did you throw today?" She winces a bit waiting for his response.

"Yeah." She hears a quiet laugh. "I threw off the mound for the first time since… you know. And it felt amazing."

"That's great, Harvey." She stands up and leans on her railing. "I have complete faith I'll be seeing you on Thursday then."

"I hope so. I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

They talk for a few more minutes about this and that. Donna makes her way to the bedroom after finishing her wine because she loves listening to his voice on the phone just before falling asleep. It's 11:30 before they finally say their goodnights.

The minute she hangs up with Harvey she texts Mike. She would have called, but it's late.

**D: I'm assuming you will be going to see Harvey pitch in Scranton on Wednesday. I'm coming with! No discussion. Road Trip! How fun. XOXOXO**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: So I had a little fun with this chapter. The idea came out of nowhere one day and I just HAD to write it. I hope it's as much fun to read as it was to write. I can't get the image from my head now. **

**Thank you to Heather and Stephanie for our daily talks and debates. You have both influenced this story so much and this chapter maybe most of all. Nathalie, you are my Darvey muse. Thank you for always taking the time to give honest and genuine feedback. Love you girls so much.**

**Chapter 16 - Road Trip**

It's been over five years since Harvey played in the minors. The atmosphere is completely different than Yankee Stadium, but not in a bad way. It's actually pretty nostalgic. Most of the guys are different, his old teammates had either made it to the _Bigs_ or _hung it up _by now, but the manager is the same, and so is this town.

Playing in the minor leagues reminds him of the State Championships in high school. A small stadium but packed with the most loving and die-hard fans. The love and support of a crowd like this is unconditional. Win or lose, strikeout or homerun, they love their team and its players. Sometimes he misses that.

The stadium is bursting at the seams of its nearly 11,000 seat capacity and Harvey is well aware that it is mostly due to his presence. When word gets out in a town like this that a major leaguer is making an appearance, people come from all over to take a gander. It may very well be the only time they see a player of his caliber pitch.

It's when they line up along the baselines and remove their caps for the National Anthem that he spots them. Sitting just behind home plate in the third row, a bag of fresh peanuts and a cold beer in hand, are Donna and Mike. He clenches his jaw at the sight of them, a swelling feeling of gratitude and love flowing through his veins as the first notes of _The Star Spangled Banner_ echo through the stadium speakers. He silently blames the glistening in his eyes to the emotion of this song and his return to the game he loves, but under the surface, he knows it's much more than that.

…..

In Donna's opinion, this game is even more fun than the ones at Yankee Stadium. The fans aren't on their cell phones, or coming late and leaving early. People are actually _watching_ the game and hanging on every pitch. She loves it! And it doesn't hurt that her boyfriend is the main attraction. As much as she had feared his fame early on, she has to admit there is a certain element of excitement to it. And now that she knows he loves her, and what they have is real, she is actually enjoying it quite a bit.

Their seats are next to a father and son who explain they had driven over four hours from Pittsburgh just to see Harvey Specter.

"Sean, Sean Cahill. And this is my boy AJ," the father introduces himself.

"Nice to meet you both." Donna smiles as she shakes their hands. "I'm Donna Paulsen and this Mike Ross."

The four talk throughout the game and Mike is tickled by the fact that AJ knows every single statistic of Harvey's entire career. The boy proudly shares his rookie Harvey Specter baseball card, encased in protective plastic, that he has clutched in his hand the entire game. And when Harvey comes in to pitch, and strikes out the side on 12 pitches, the entire place goes ballistic, but none louder than little AJ and his dad.

The father and son have no idea who either Donna or Mike are, or that the two of them are about to make this little boy's dreams come true.

After the game, she and Mike stand back at a distance and watch as Harvey is mauled by the thousands of fans who had come just to see him. AJ is on pins and needles and he can't stand still.

"Are you sure about this?" his father Sean asks. "He looks a little busy."

"Trust me," Mike smiles and winks at the nervous father, "he's got time for this."

When Harvey finally makes his way over to them, he drops his duffle bag and lifts Donna up off the ground in a twirling embrace. As if they are the only two in the entire parking lot, he takes in a deep breath of her hair and plants a kiss on her lips.

"God, you're beautiful," he says just loud enough for her to hear as he places her unsteady feet back on the ground.

"And who is this?" he squats down and tugs on the bill of the worn Yankee hat on AJ's head, "a new member of the team?"

The boy just stands there blinking at his idol, speechless.

"This is AJ, Harvey. He drove all the way from Pittsburgh to see his favorite player," Mike pipes in. "And this is his father, Sean."

"Nice to meet you, Sean." Harvey stands and gives the man a firm handshake.

"So you came to see your favorite player, and you got stuck just meeting me? Who is he? You want me to go find him?" Harvey jokes.

"Oh no, Mr. Specter. It's… it's you! You're my favorite player," AJ says excitedly, finally finding his words. "See," he juts out the hand holding Harvey's card, "it's your rookie card. I saved up my allowance for months to get it."

Donna isn't sure when exactly it happened, but her eyes are now full of tears. She can't be certain if it's the look of admiration in this little boy's eyes, or the sweet and sincere expression in Harvey's.

"Wow!" Harvey raises his eyebrows. "Do you mind?" He nods at the card, and the boy hands it over without hesitation. "I see you have it in a nice case, would it be okay if I took it out? You know, so I could sign it for you?"

AJ's eyes grow like saucers as he blinks at Harvey and then looks up to his father. When Donna sees the man swallow and nod down at his son, she can see she's not the only one on the verge of tears.

Harvey smiles and carefully removes the card. Mike holds a pen out to Harvey which he takes and kneels back down in front of AJ. He autographs the card, carefully puts it back in the case and hands it to his starry-eyed fan.

"How about a picture?" Donna suggests as she wipes a tear from her beaming face.

After Sean and AJ pose for a photo with Harvey, they say their thank yous and goodbyes. And Donna, Mike and Harvey head out for a bite to eat. No one talks much more about what had just transpired. It may have been a typical experience for Harvey and Mike, but for Donna, it had been anything but.

….

"You can sit up front, Donna," Harvey calls as she starts to climb into the back of the Navigator the following morning.

"What? No. Your legs are longer than mine." She smiles at him as he approaches the SUV.

"Yeah, and this thing is a damn boat, the back seat has plenty of legroom." He reaches for her arm to stop her. "Really, please. I'll sit in the back." The look in his eyes saying he'd doesn't want to argue.

"Okay, Harvey. Thank you." She raises up on her toes and kisses him square on the lips.

For the first thirty minutes of the drive, the three friends talk about last night's game, the weekend series against Tampa Bay, and the upcoming closing night of Donna's show. It's when the conversation dies down that Mikes throws out a suggestion.

"Cell Phone Karaoke!"

"What? No! No way." Harvey shakes his head vehemently looking at Mike in the rearview mirror. "Plus, that's a drinking game and we can't play it while driving. Pretty sure that's illegal."

"What's Cell Phone Karaoke?" Donna asks looking back and forth between the two men. She'd been sitting with her body turned sideways, one leg tucked under the other, the whole time so she could see Harvey.

"It's a great game we used to play in college," Mike says, his face practically glowing in excitement.

"It's a stupid game, that's meant to be played when you're drunk. Not sober as a judge. And definitely not in the car where I can't run away from Mike's freakishly underdeveloped prepubescent voice."

"He's scared." Mike looks at Donna and tilts his head. "He knows he can't beat me, and he's afraid to sing in front of you." He nods and purses his lips.

"Afraid? I'm trying to protect her. From you!" Harvey scoffs. "And I can't beat you? Please. The two of you combined don't have half my knowledge of music and you know it."

"Oh! Now it's ON!" Donna chirps with mock offense. "I have no idea what this game is, but if it involves singing, I'm pretty sure I have the advantage over you two jocks."

"Seriously, Harvey," Mike pipes back up, looking at his friend through the mirror. "She doesn't stand a chance and we both know it." He raises his brows teasingly. "Donna will be the one doing ninety percent of the singing anyway. You really telling me you wouldn't like to spend the rest of the ride listening to your beautiful, and talented, girlfriend sing?"

Donna looks back at Harvey with a pout. "Well, Specter?"

"Fine," Harvey agrees begrudgingly. "But I'm picking first."

Mike explains the rules to Donna. Each of them takes a turn selecting a song on their cell phone and playing it. The other two have to shout out the title as fast as they can. Whoever loses, has to down a shot, and sing that song aloud, karaoke style. Obviously, they will skip the drinking step.

"What if you don't know the song?" Donna asks.

"The idea is to pick popular songs. Songs everyone should know. It's more fun that way. The point isn't to stump people, just to see who can name it faster." Harvey shrugs, "And usually to see who gets the most hammered and then laughing at them all night. But I guess today, it's about watching you lose and listening to you sing." The grin he flashes is so cocky, Donna hates that it simultaneously infuriates and excites her.

"And you can read the lyrics from the screen. You know, karaoke style. So, you don't have to have it memorized or anything," Mike adds glancing over to Donna.

"How are you going to read lyrics? You're driving!"

"Donna." He rolls his eyes playfully. "Number one, No one will be faster than me, so I won't have to sing. And two, have you forgotten about my memory? If, by some miracle one of you beats me, I won't need the lyrics, trust me."

Harvey starts the game by skimming through songs on his phone. The shit-eating grin on his face is making Donna nervous.

"Would you just pick something already!" She reaches back and slaps his leg.

"This _is_ going to be fun, actually. Mike, great idea." Harvey winks at Donna and scoots up in the seat so he's closer to both of them. You two ready?"

Mike connects Harvey's phone to his Bluetooth so they can get the full effect of the music, but he places a paper from the glove box over the display screen.

Harvey presses play and Mike shouts, _Like a Virgin_, before Donna even hears a second note.

"What? No way you could be that fast." She looks accusingly between the two of them. "You guys cheated!"

"Prove it." Harvey sits back. "The rules are the rules, Donna." He hands Donna the phone and chuckles.

She's pretty sure she's been duped, but she actually loves this song, so she plays along and doesn't hold back.

_I made it through the wilderness_

_Somehow I made it through_

_Didn't know how lost I was_

_Until I found you_

Mike discreetly looks back at Harvey in the mirror. His eyes are transfixed on Donna. He's completely enthralled and it makes Mike stifle a laugh with a cough. Yeah, Harvey definitely owes him one.

Donna plays into it and lets the hair, she'd pulled back for the drive down, shaking it as she runs her hand through it and belts out the chorus. She is an actress after all and she can see what she's doing to Harvey, which only makes her play into more.

_Hoo, like a virgin_

_Touched for the very first time_

_Like a virgin_

_When your heart beats_

_Next to mine_

As Donna finishes the song, she wishes she had a mic to drop. She feels like a winner with the way she shut these two up, but she slowly realizes that this had been their end game all along.

"Okay, my turn to pick!" she says excitedly.

"Uh, no." Harvey laughs. "It's Mike's turn. The winner from the last round picks next."

"Oh, that's ridiculous." Donna hands the phone to Mike. "So, if you win this time, I sing again, and then it's your turn to pick? I'll never get to pick a song."

"That's the plan," Mike teases. "Basically Harvey and I are just going to take turns picking songs for you to sing."

"Not if I beat Harvey!" She huffs. "Or you!"

But she doesn't. She loses to Harvey by a millisecond on Mike's choice and she sings _9 to 5_ by Dolly Parton while the two men eat up every second of it.

She loses a third in a row when Harvey plays "_Billie Jean"_ by Michael Jackson and Mike only needs three drum beats.

"I thought you'd get that one." Harvey acts as if he's disappointed. "I really wanted Mike to sing this."

"No, you didn't Harvey. Don't be a sore winner." She scowls at him but her eyes are still playful. She's actually having fun. She's always liked karaoke.

The next song played by Mike begins with a few soft notes on the piano and Donna knows it immediately.

"Piano Man!" she yells, clapping excitedly. "I got it. I got it!"

Harvey said it as well but a good second or two after Donna.

"What?" He raises both hands up in the air. "No way, that was totally me."

"No arguing, Harvey." Mike tsks from the driver seat. "Those are the rules. My turn, I decide. And that one goes to Donna. Hands down."

"Billy Joel, Mike? Really?"

"What? He plays piano, it's kinda Jazz-ish" Mike defends his song choice.

"My dad loves Billy Joel." Donna seems genuinely offended by Harvey's criticism. "I grew up listening to it." She smiles back at Harvey, enjoying the moment immensely.

"Here, I'm guessing you'll need the lyrics." She hands Harvey the phone and he takes it but keeps his eyes right on hers.

"Just play the song."

The music starts and Donna turns in her seat even more to get a clear view of Harvey, which makes Mike laugh out loud.

Harvey holds the phone in front of his face, and looks right at Donna as Billy starts to tickle the ivories. The moment the harmonica starts, he turns the phone over and places it face down on the center console. Signature smirk intact. He raises his eyebrow and gives her a wink.

_It's nine o'clock on a Saturday_

_The regular crowd shuffles in_

_There's an old man sitting next to me_

_Makin' love to his tonic and gin_

His voice is soft and a lower register than his speaking voice, but good. Quite good. Donna's eyes widen and she is pretty sure she's gaping.

Harvey pretends to pull a harmonica from his pocket and plays the invisible instrument along with the music.

_He says, "Son, can you play me a memory_

_I'm not really sure how it goes_

_But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete_

_When I wore a younger man's clothes"_

His voice grows louder and more confident with every line. Donna is in complete shock. He sounds amazing as he nails every word and every note without fail. He has the slightest gravel in his tone that makes her feel warm all over. She's pretty sure Mike is laughing his ass off in the front seat, but she can't tear her eyes away from Harvey to look.

_La la la, di da da_

_La la, di da da da dum_

She's completely awestruck. She's also aware that Harvey is feeding off her flabbergasted expression but she doesn't mind it one bit.

The air harmonica is back before he rolls right into the chorus. Literally belting it in the back seat like he's sung this song a million times.

_Sing us a song, you're the piano man_

_Sing us a song tonight_

_Well, we're all in the mood for a melody_

_And you've got us feelin' alright_

As he plays the air harmonica again, with his eyes playfully fixed on hers, she realizes she's been played. He knew he could sing and he wanted to catch her off guard. To impress her. And he had done both in spades. Mike is now playing back up piano on the steering wheel and she gets the feeling they've done this before.

Harvey goes on singing about John and Bill, and Paul and Davy. Donna can literally feel herself falling deeper in love with this man with every word that comes from his beautiful lips. As if he wasn't already perfect enough.

The two men continue to play their pretend instruments and Harvey sings verse after verse. Then he scoots up in the back seat and places one hand on the backs of Donna's and Mike's seats so that his face is only a short distance from hers.

_It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday_

_And the manager gives me a smile_

_'Cause he knows that it's me they've been comin' to see_

_To forget about life for a while_

He leans in and gives Donna a quick, hard kiss on the lips before pulling away and leaning back to bellow out the last verse like he's on stage at a concert.

_And the piano, it sounds like a carnival_

_And the microphone smells like a beer_

_And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar_

_And say, "Man, what are you doin' here?"_

As the chorus gets ready to play for the final time, the three exchange looks between them and with a quick nod they all join in and sing the chorus together, and Donna can't remember the last time she had this much fun.

When the music dies down, Harvey leans in close to her.

"My dad is a big fan of Billy Joel, too."

He winks, smiles, and places another kiss on her parted lips.

…

Saturday afternoon, Harvey sits in front of his locker holding his jersey in his hands. He had dressed out last night and warmed up with the team, but tonight was different. Tonight he knew that if the need for a closer presented itself, he would make his return.

He had just finished an interview with Alex Rodriguez from ESPN, a former Yankee legend and future Hall of Famer. They spoke about his injury, rehab, and pending return to the closer roll. They also spoke about the Yankees success, playoff hopes, and Harvey's bid for the All-Star closer for the American league.

As he pulls on his uniform, he listens intently to his pregame playlist and reflects on the recent changes in his life. Meeting Donna, reconciling with his mom, his panic attack, Lipschitz, his injury. He's grateful for all of it. The good with the bad. Everything that has transpired over the last several months has led him here, and he feels... blessed.

"You ready?" Tanner stands over him with a grin that challenges Harvey's best.

"You bet your ass I am." Harvey laces up his spikes, sets his headphones in his locker, and grabs his glove.

_Showtime._

…..

The Yankees continue to outperform the competition and when they lead 3-1 in the eighth inning, the bullpen phone rings.

"Specter!" the pitching coach shouts after answering the call. "You're up."

Harvey nods to his coach and swallows. It's time.

Before he even throws his first pitch in the pen, the Jumbo Tron camera displays him taking off his jacket and the place goes ape-shit. Harvey fights back the smile that threatens to split his face. He's not the type of player who gets off on the attention. He's always been the _all business _type. But even he can't deny that it feels good to hear the fans chanting his name. It feels damn good.

Harvey channels the excitement of the crowd into pure adrenaline. The combination of that, his arm never feeling stronger, and the power in his legs from the extra rest, has his confidence through the roof. The last out of the 8th inning is made when the Yankees have a runner caught stealing, and the announcer wastes no time announcing his entry to the game.

"Ladies and gentleman," the guitar solo of _Thunderstruck_ blares through every speaker, "now pitching for your New York Yankees," Harvey pushes through the gate and starts his sprint to the mound, "Harrrrrvey Specterrrrrrr!"

….

Donna hands her phone to Benjamin backstage as she awaits her next cue. It's killing her to miss Harvey's return, but she only has so many performances left and she's committed not to miss any more of them. She knows from her MLB app that they are headed to the top of the 9th with a 3-1 lead, and as long as everything is going according to plan, he should be taking the mound this minute.

She knows he's ready, and that he will do great, but it doesn't stop her from wishing she could be there cheering him on.

"Pay attention to the game. I want every detail," she says to a scowling Benjamin before running on stage.

…

The first pitch Harvey delivers is hit hard, a line drive right into the glove of his second baseman. It was a _rope_, no doubt about that, but an out is an out. And getting that first one always helps him to relax. One pitch. One out. Can't beat that.

Tanner walks out to the mound for a quick meeting while the Rays announce a pinch hitter entering the game.

"How you feelin'?"

"Listen to this place," Harvey says into his mitt so the cameras can't pick up their conversation. "How do you think I'm feeling?"

Tanner winks and gives him a quick smack on the butt. "Let's finish this."

Harvey gets a read on the pinch hitter the minute he steps into the box. He's young, nervous, and out of his league. Harvey keeps him completely off balance and sits him down on three breaking balls. The batter was guessing fastball every time and never stood a chance.

The cleanup hitter gets jammed on an inside fastball on the first pitch and Harvey picks up his 13th save of the season on a 5 pitch inning, a new personal best.

…

Donna heads straight to Benjamin once the curtain falls.

"Well? How'd he do?" She grabs the phone from him and starts clicking wildly.

"They won," he says with a slightly irritated expression that Donna doesn't even notice.

"They won? Well, good. But how did _Harvey_ _do_?"

"Good. I guess?" Benjamin shakes his head at Donna. Wondering what had happened to the woman he once knew. He knows absolutely nothing about baseball and he's not sure when exactly he became an analyst on the topic.

"Oh my God!"

"What?" Benjamin cries out as Donna covers her mouth with her hand.

"Five pitches!" She rushes toward her dressing room. "He only needed five pitches," she yells as she disappears around the corner.

As soon as she closes the door to her dressing room, she calls Harvey. She's not surprised when he doesn't pick up but she leaves him an excited message.

"Harvey! Oh my God! I saw your stats! 5 pitches!" She paces around the room with nervous energy. "Save number 13! How's your shoulder? Good, I hope? Okay. Okay. I'm rambling. Call me as soon as you can. I love you!"

She hangs up the phone and sets it on her makeup counter. She looks at her reflection in the mirror. This is what people mean when they say someone is _glowing._ She feels… fabulous.

Things with Harvey have been so much better since they had that talk on the phone. She still gets a wave of sadness now and then, and getting herself _balanced _is a work in progress_, _but she knows that the reality of it all is that this wasn't the best time for her and Harvey to start a family. They are both enjoying success in their careers and the incredible feeling of finding your soul mate, a revelation she has yet to share with Harvey. Someday, when the timing is right, she will carry his child. She believes that with her whole heart.

"Donna?"

There's a soft knock on her door.

"Come in."

Benjamin walks in with a crazy look on his face that Donna can't quite read. He may not be a man of many words but she's not sure she's ever seen him struck dumb.

"Benjamin? What is it?"

He seems to be in some sort of trance but he manages to drag his eyes to Donna's.

"You'll never believe who is waiting outside to talk to you."

….

Harvey is dog piled by his teammates as if they just clinched a playoff berth. It's a bit of an over-reaction if you ask him. He's only doing what he's being paid millions of dollars to do. But he can't deny it feels good.

Before he can even make it off the field, he's got half a dozen microphones in his face and twice as many cameras flashing.

"Harvey! Harvey!"

"How's your shoulder?"

"Is it good to be back on the mound?"

"Harvey, what do you think about your All-Star chances?"

He takes each question in stride.

"The shoulder feels great."

"The mound is where I belong, of course I'm glad to be back on it."

"I'm just trying to help my team win games. Today, I was able to do that. Now I just want to do the same tomorrow. It's as simple as that."

He politely, but deliberately, makes his way through the crowd and into the clubhouse. Waiting for him just inside the door is Mike. Harvey stops in his tracks and looks into the eyes of his best friend. He extends his hand with a swallow and a nod but Mike steps past it and wraps his arms around him.

"You were amazing."

Harvey lets all the emotions of the past few weeks rise up to the surface. There had been moments, he had felt so weak and helpless. He was on the verge of losing the things that mattered the most to him, his career, Donna… but in this moment, he feels invincible.

"Thanks, Mike," he croaks out and walks away before he fucking cries in the middle of the locker room.

He sees he missed a call from Donna, but he wants to quickly shower and change before he calls her back. He's feeling like his old self and a mischievous grin spreads across his face. Tonight, he feels cocky as hell and he can't wait to get Donna to bed and remind her just how good a closer he is.

…

Donna exhales a shaky breath as she checks herself one more time in the mirror before going to meet her guest. She tries to ignore the butterflies in her stomach but she's pretty sure one has made its way into her throat.

When she enters the room backstage, she spots him immediately. He's looking down at his phone in the corner and is almost a foot taller than anyone else in the room. She had always found him incredibly handsome on the big screen, but he's even more spectacular in the flesh. She slowly walks toward him and his eyes cast upward until they meet hers.

"Donna Paulsen." His smile is soft and warm as he takes her extended hand and kisses the back of it like they've been transported to another time. "I'm Thomas—"

"Kessler. I know who you are." She blushes despite herself. Starstruck doesn't come close to depicting her current state.

"I'm flattered."

Such a simple response but it leaves her without one.

"I was wondering if we could talk for a bit? Maybe I could buy you a cup of coffee?"

"Oh. Um. Of course." She stumbles over her words.

Benjamin had explained when he came in earlier that Thomas Kessler, the very well known stage and screen actor turned producer, had seen her performance and wanted to speak with her about her future career plans. And knowing what a huge fan of his Donna was, he had offered to stall him while she pulled herself together.

The first time she had seen Thomas on stage was a few years ago when she relocated to downtown to start her career on Broadway. He had given a breathtaking performance as the Phantom, in the world-renowned musical and Donna had never been more inspired. His career skyrocketed from there and he was cast in several lead Broadway roles and even made his way to Hollywood. He had earned a Golden Globe nomination last year when his first movie took the box office by storm. The word on the street was that he was delving into producing his own work now.

After agreeing to his offer, she makes her way back into the dressing room and tries desperately to calm her nerves. _Thomas Kessler wants to buy me a coffee and talk about my career plans? Is this a fucking dream?_

She grabs her coat and tosses her phone into her purse, not even noticing she had just missed a call from Harvey.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: This is the longest chapter yet and I feel I should give fair warning that there is definitely some MATURE content. I hope you all feel the intensity I was trying to deliver. Steph and Heather, I lean on you two every single day and you always find the time and care to be just what I need. Nat, I value your opinion so much, and I always appreciate the open and honest talks we share. Sarah, thanks for finding time in your busy schedule for me.**

**A special thanks, as well, to my dear friend Kinga for giving me the exact advice I needed at the exact ****time I needed it! Love you so much.**

**Chapter 17 **\- **Jealousy**

Harvey sighs when he hears Donna's recorded voice on the other end of the line instead of her live one. Figuring she must be mingling backstage, he leaves her a message about meeting up when she's done. He decides to accept the offer for a celebratory drink with his dad and brother, who drove down for the game, and invites Mike and Rachel to join them.

When they climb into the Lexus and Harvey suggests Belemans, which is quickly becoming tradition, Gordon immediately agrees, hoping to see his old friend Earl. Harvey texts Mike to let him know where to meet and then he texts Donna.

**H: Headed to Belemans with my dad and Marcus. Mike and Rachel are meeting us there.**

**I'll send Ray to pick you up.**

Before they've even climbed into the booth, Gordon orders a round of Macallan and within minutes the group is toasting to Harvey's triumphant return.

As the first sip of Scotch warms his throat, Harvey's eyes drift to the doorway. As grateful as he is to be surrounded by four people he loves, the absence of Donna dilutes the experience. The amber liquid, not mixing well with the taste in his mouth, has him picking up his water instead. Silently cursing himself for continually checking his phone, he decides a distraction is in order.

"Dad, should we go see Earl?"

As the three men catch up between songs, Harvey feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. The anticipatory smile on his face quickly fades as he reads the message on his screen.

**R: She's not here, Boss. Want me to come back to the bar?**

Harvey reads the message twice as his brows pull together. _Not there?_ The hair on the back of his neck stands on end as his mind starts racing for answers.

"Everything okay, Harv?" Gordon reads the concern on his son's face.

"What?" Harvey looks up. "Yeah. Uh… yeah." He looks back to his phone and answers Ray.

**H: That's okay, Ray. You can head home.**

What had started out as mild disappointment slowly morphs into something bordering between concern and irritation. This is not like her at all. She had left him that message and she sounded so excited to talk to him and then, poof, nothing? It just doesn't make any sense.

"Excuse me." He nods toward Earl and Gordon. "I need to make a call."

Harvey heads out to the back entrance and tries Donna again.

…

When Donna and Thomas walk into the small cafe it's nearly empty. They sit across from each other at a small round table and a young waitress comes right over with a pot of coffee.

Donna sees the way her eyes widen at the sight of Thomas, but everyone plays it off well.

"So, Donna." He smiles as the waitress disappears behind the counter. "I know that your time is valuable, and you have two more shows tomorrow, so I will make this brief."

Donna sips on her coffee, it's not the same without her usual splash of vanilla, and she's fairly certain caffeine is the last thing her nerves need at the moment, yet it feels like it's the logical thing to do.

"The four show weekends can definitely be challenging." Her smile is sheepish. She still hasn't been able to get a grip on what is happening here.

"I read the review Ben Brantley wrote about you. He and I go way back and I value his opinion greatly." Thomas sets his coffee down and intertwines his fingers on the table. "And after seeing you tonight, everything he told me about you over the phone was confirmed."

Donna smiles nervously and takes another drink of the unwanted coffee. God forbid she try to find words to respond to _that._

"You have something really special, Donna."

He tilts his head just slightly, as if he's asking her something more than telling. He purses his lips thoughtfully before continuing, and Donna thinks absently that she might pass out.

"I've started producing my own work and I have a few projects coming up that I'd like you to consider. Nothing is set in stone at this point, but I know you're closing night is coming up and I wanted to reach out to you before you accept any other job offers."

He smiles then and raises his eyebrows, signaling politely that it's her turn to say something.

Before she finds the ability to speak, her purse begins to vibrate on her lap. Normally, she would ignore her phone in the middle of a conversation, but since she's speechless at the moment, she welcomes the interruption.

It's not until she sees Harvey's name on the screen that she remembers about the game. About his big night.

"I'm so sorry, Thomas. I need to take this."

She pushes her chair back and accepts the call just as she steps outside.

"Harvey! Oh my God, great game!"

"Donna, where are you?"

There is a hint of something in his voice that straightens her spine. _Is he… mad?_

"I'm just having a quick coffee, you'll never believe who—"

"A coffee? Now? Didn't you get my voicemail? Or my text?"

Donna looks at her phone and indeed sees she had missed both. Quickly skimming his message she responds apologetically.

"I didn't. I'm sorry, Harvey, my phone was still on silent." She bites her bottom lip and looks through the glass window at the man waiting inside. "This is a work thing, and I'm almost done. Meet up with you guys in a few?"

"Shit, Donna," Harvey exhales into the phone. "I was really getting worried."

He doesn't sound _mad_ anymore, but he doesn't sound happy either. It makes her already woozy stomach turn.

"Should I send, Ray?" he adds after neither speaks for a moment.

"No, no. I'm not far. I'll catch a cab." She feels bad that his big moment had slipped her mind. "And Harvey, I was following the game on the app you downloaded for me. Five pitches! You were amazing."

She hears him chuckle softly on the other end of the line and it soothes her just a bit. "Thanks, Donna. Hurry up, okay?"

"Okay. I will."

She sighs after disconnecting the call. She had hurt his feelings, but she would make it up to him. Plus, he'd understand once he knew the whole story.

…

Harvey feels a shift in the air around him and he knows Donna is there without needing to turn around. And if he hadn't sensed her presence, the grin on Gordon's face would have given it away.

"Well, there's my favorite redhead." Gordon scoots off the edge of the booth to give her a hug. Harvey follows his father's lead and stands up behind him.

"Sorry I'm late." She smiles and kisses Gordon on the cheek.

When his father steps aside, Harvey moves in for a hug of his own. He can't quite shake the feeling in the pit of his stomach but he tries his best to ignore it. He knows Donna is his biggest supporter and he's a grown ass man. Just because she had some work stuff to take care of, was no reason to get his panties in a wad.

"Harvey!" Donna lays her hands on his cheeks and plants a loud smacking kiss right on his lips. "What a comeback performance!"

He can't help but smile. Her sparkling eyes, her beautiful face, he was such an idiot to let this get under his skin.

"I wish you had been there," he says softly, but there is no sign of guilt or malice in his tone, only longing.

"So do I," she whispers back.

She wraps her fingers tightly between his and squeezes into the booth, sandwiching herself between Marcus and Harvey.

Donna asks for a play by play recount of Harvey's save as she sips on the Scotch they had waiting for her. The group has already heard it, and watched it live, but nobody seemed to mind going through it again.

"Harvey mentioned you had a work thing holding you up?" Rachel asks when Harvey finishes his story. "Everything go okay tonight?"

Harvey notices something flash across Donna's face as she shifts slightly on the bench next to him.

"Actually," she smiles and sits up straighter, "you'll never believe who I met tonight."

Harvey lifts his drink to his lips with one hand while caressing Donna's thigh under the table with the other.

"Thomas Kessler!"

She doesn't hide the giddy excitement in her voice and she actually brings both hands up to cover her mouth as if she can't believe those words just came out of it.

Harvey almost chokes on his Scotch and he struggles not to spit it across the table.

"As in... _the _Thomas Kessler?" Rachel gasps. "The actor! He was at your show?"

Harvey pulls his hand slowly from Donna's knee as the wheels in his head start to spin. That _feeling_ from earlier swirling again in his stomach.

"He wasn't just _at _the show," Donna continues looking at all her wide eyed friends, seemingly oblivious to Harvey's discomfort. "He stayed afterward and asked to buy me coffee!" She's practically beaming now and Harvey is not a fan of the way it makes him feel.

"No way!" Marcus shakes his head. "Thomas fucking Kessler took you out for coffee? That guy won like an Oscar or something for that secret agent flick last year."

Harvey shoots daggers from his eyes at his brother, but it seems he's become invisible to everyone at the table.

He is well aware of who Thomas Kessler is. He's your prototypical tall, dark, and handsome Hollywood type and although he never disliked him before he suddenly finds him unequivocally irritating.

"It was a Golden Globe, actually," Mike chimes in.

"Golden Globe, Oscar, all I know is that man is a tall drink of… something way better than water." Rachel's doe-eyed expression earns her an elbow from Mike.

"He wanted to talk about my future career plans!" Donna adds stifling a laugh at Rachel's comment.

This time Harvey does choke, and every eye at the table turns to him.

He wants to lash out. He feels his heart rate quickening as he clenches his fists below the table. He fights the urge to blurt out, _That's the work thing you had to do? Have fucking coffee with Thomas Kessler? _

But as he looks around the table at the expressions of his closest friends and family, he thinks about his sessions with Lipschitz. He takes in a deep breath instead and holds it.

_Keep it together, Specter. _He clears his throat and guzzles from his water glass.

He's fairly certain that Mike sees right through him when he takes the attention off of him by asking a question of his own.

"That's amazing, Donna." Mike glances at Harvey from the corner of his eye but keeps his main focus on her. "Is he coming back to New York? Returning to stage acting or something?"

Donna hesitates momentarily, most certainly picking up on the tension now emanating from Harvey.

"Possibly." She smiles tentatively. "We didn't talk long, but he explained that he's shifting his career toward producing, and that he wanted me to consider some of his projects before deciding on my next move." She takes a drink from her glass, feeling the need for the alcohol all of a sudden.

"That's amazing Donna! Holy shit!" Rachel exclaims.

If one more person fucking gushes about this guy, Harvey's going to hurl right there on the table. He wants to be happy for her. Correction, he knows he _should be_ happy for her. But the weight on his chest doesn't feel anything like joy. And if he doesn't get some fresh air soon, he's either going to say something he will surely regret, or implode from trying to hold it in.

"Can you excuse me for one second?" He plasters on a forced smile that doesn't fool anyone and practically pushes Donna off the end of the booth to get out.

Donna is visibly shaken by Harvey's abrupt exit but when she turns to follow him, Gordon reaches for her wrist.

"Let me?" He phrases it as a question and she just nods in response.

Harvey is standing outside the hotel bar with his back and one foot propped against the brick wall. If he smoked, now would be the time for a cigarette. Or better yet, a joint.

"You okay, Son?"

He hears his father's voice and looks up from the spot on the pavement he was analyzing too closely. He's relieved, actually, that it's him and not Donna who came to check up on him.

"Just needed some air," Harvey says without making eye contact.

"You're jealous."

That snaps Harvey's head up and he meets his father's eyes with a dangerous glare. His jaw clenched tight enough to chip teeth.

"I'm just not sure if it's of Donna's potential success or of the man who's offering it to her?"

Harvey feels like he could spit nails, and whatever calming effect the cool air had provided is replaced with the need to stomp his foot and pout.

"I'm not jealous!"

"Listen, Harvey." Gordon steps closer and puts a hand on his shoulder. "I'm not sure you've ever had much cause to be jealous of anyone in the past, so you may not recognize it for what it is. But I'm telling you, if you plan to spend your life with a woman as beautiful and successful as the one inside, it won't be the last time you battle with it."

Harvey looks back to his father with understanding in his eyes and swallows. He hates that he feels this way but he's not sure how to stop it.

"I'm not threatened by her career," he says with a huff.

"I know."

"It's got nothing to do with her _potential success._"

"I know," Gordon says again, resulting in Harvey giving him a slanted look.

"Donna loves you, Harvey." He squeezes his son's shoulder. "This… _opportunity_, doesn't change that in any way."

Harvey looks out toward the street and lets out a deep breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

"Now how about you get back in there and congratulate her? The same way she congratulated you."

Gordon raises his brows, questioning his son without actual words.

"Thanks, Dad." Harvey wipes his eye with the back of his hand and takes his father's advice.

….

As Donna stares up at her bedroom ceiling she wonders where the past few months have gone. Tonight she will take the stage as Roxie for the last time and the feeling is more bitter than sweet.

The sun starts to shine in her eyes as a beam of light creeps through the gap in her drapes. She turns on her side, away from the window, and stares thoughtfully at the empty pillow next to her.

Harvey had decided not to stay last night. He blamed it on the fact they were playing a day game today and he'd have to get in early for treatment. But she wasn't so sure that was the real reason.

Ever since she'd had coffee with Thomas Kessler, his name had been a sore spot with Harvey. They hadn't fought, exactly, and he said he was excited for her, but something was definitely off. She had seen it that night at Belemans and every time she brought him up since.

She had only spoken on the phone with Thomas a couple times since that night and he hadn't made any formal offers. She had explained to him that she wanted to take some time off after the close of the show. She wasn't ready to jump right into another full time project and he'd said he understood.

She and Harvey plan to take a short vacation during the All Star break he has coming up, and she's thinking it might be fun to follow along with him on his next road trip. She could stay in the hotels with him and go to all his games. Maybe she'd get a jersey with his name on it like one of his real fans. The thought makes her smile, but it doesn't stick.

Last night Donna had mentioned to Harvey that Thomas was planning to attend the closing show and that she was hoping to introduce them. She had put off telling him for several days, because she was nervous about how he would react. Turned out her instincts had been spot on. While he played it off fairly well, something dark flashed in his eyes and he decided to call it a night shortly afterward. Donna knows how to read people, and she certainly knew Harvey well enough to see through his facade. She just wished she knew if it was _Thomas_ who bothered him, or the opportunities he represented. Either way, it made her stomach turn.

She eventually throws the covers off and gets up to take a shower. This is a big night for her, she thinks, looking in the mirror. And if she can deal with Harvey's fame and the thousands of girls pining after him every single night, then he should be able to handle her getting a little attention for once. In fact, maybe a small part of her wants him to be the jealous one for a change.

…

Harvey picks up his 20th save of the season which puts him only 2 behind the MLB leader, the Dodger righty, Kenley Jansen. Considering his injury, it is quite an accomplishment and puts him on pace for his goal of being the best closer in the game.

The minute he finishes his post game interviews, he showers and changes as quickly as possible. He needs to pick up some flowers and meet Mike for a drink before Donna's show. And he could really use a drink. Make that a double.

Ray anticipated Harvey's needs and picked up the bouquet Harvey had ordered before coming to the ballpark. When Harvey sees them in the back seat, he squeezes Ray's shoulder.

"You are a good man, Ray. What would I ever do without you?"

"It's really nothing Mr. Specter. I knew you were running behind schedule when I listened to the post game show on the radio." He smiles at Harvey in the mirror as he pulls away from the back tunnel. "You had already ordered them, all I had to do was pick them up."

"A good man, Ray. Don't argue with your boss."

"Yes, sir." Ray chuckles. "They say you are a shoo-in for the All-Star closer. The selection show is this Sunday night, right?"

If Harvey had a dollar for every time he'd been asked about the All-Star game he could retire early. But Ray had just done him a favor, so he plays nice.

"Sunday night. Yep. I guess we'll see." Harvey looks out the window and tries to downplay how much the selection would actually mean to him. To his father. "These things don't always go the way you expect. Chapman throws a lot harder than me, so you never know."

Ray drops Harvey at the bar and agrees to pick up Donna and him when Harvey texts that they are ready.

"I hope she steals the show!" he calls as Harvey climbs out.

"Oh, you can count on that, my friend. You can count on that."

The text from Mike had indicated that he was sitting in a booth near the back and Harvey kept his head down as he made his way through the bar. Luckily, if anyone noticed him, they didn't make a thing of it.

"Double shot of Macallan 18." Harevy nods at the glass already awaiting him on the table. "I really do have good friends."

Mike smiles and raises his glass to Harvey's.

"To save number 20." He nods.

Harvey clinks his glass to Mike's and returns the nod before shooting more than half of it down in one gulp.

"Woah! Easy man." Mike raises his brows and sits up in his seat. "What was that about?"

"I'll tell you what it's about," Harvey says as he downs the remaining liquid with a second swig. "Thomas fucking Kessler."

Harvey raises his hand to indicate the need for another drink.

….

She's magnificent. Absolutely breathtaking. He had known she would be, and he'd seen the show several times, but somehow he finds himself in awe of her anyway. Maybe it's because he's still a little buzzed from earlier, but he swears she sparkles up there like an angel. And as the noise of the crowd rings in his ears, and the lights shine brightly on the stage, a strange feeling resonantes through his entire body. That's the moment when he knows for certain, she's going to be a star.

The crowd is relentless in their applause and he watches as her cast showers her in hugs and flowers from the audience. Benjamin brings her a bouquet of his own and he watches as the tears spill from her eyes. She had prepared him for this, but still he's the slightest bit jealous that he's not up there with her. But he'd had his moment, and she had asked weeks ago if he'd be okay with it, and he is. At least it's not Kessler.

It takes even longer than usual for the final bows and for the crowd to make their way from the theater. Rachel and Mike are waiting with Harvey to head backstage, but when Rachel runs into an old friend from Yale, they agree to catch up with him later.

He makes his way backstage, flowers in hand, and one eye scanning for Kessler. He hasn't seen him yet, but he's sure the man is here somewhere. The moment his eyes find Donna on the opposite side of the crowded room, he finds Kessler as well. The two of them huddled a little too close for his liking, and Donna seemingly laughing at whatever Kessler has to say.

"It's crazy isn't it?" Benjamin appears out of nowhere at Harvey's side and follows his gaze across the room. "I mean, Thomas Kessler? There isn't a bigger name right now in Hollywood than his. And the way Donna has had a crush on him since as long as I've known her…" He tsks and shakes his head. "It's like a scene straight out of a romance novel."

Harvey feels the tightness in his chest first. It's become the go-to indicator of his stress level spiraling. It's generally followed with him locking his jaw and clenching his hand into a fist. He fights the urge to drop the flowers right there and ring this guy's scrawny neck, but he knows that Benjamin is just trying to get his goat so he exhales a slow breath of air instead. Harvey had spent hours in therapy the past two weeks talking through his jealousy with Lipschitz, but at the moment, he's scrambling to remember the reason the doc had told him he had nothing to fear.

"You want me to put those in her dressing room with all the others?" Benjamin says with a disinterested wave of his hand.

And when he gets no response, he reaches for them, but Harvey pulls them away and pushes past him.

As Harvey makes his way across the room he uses the breathing exercises that have become second nature. By the time Donna's eyes meet his, his heart rate is back to normal and his ego… maybe slightly inflated. His facade, firmly in place.

"Harvey!"

She smiles and starts to say something else, but he steps right between them and places a firm kiss on her lips. With his back purposefully to Kessler, he wraps his hand around the side of her neck as his fingers slide through the back of her hair.

"You were incredible." His eyes bore holes into hers as he is filled with a rush of adrenaline. Suddenly tampering down the desire to beat his chest and claim her as _his woman_ to everyone in the room.

Donna looks back at him breathlessly as her cheeks flush. Feeling he'd accomplished his first task he turns to Thomas.

"Harvey Specter." He extends his hand toward Kessler and flashes his million dollar smile.

"Of course." Thomas clears his throat and shakes Harvey's hand. "Thomas Kessler."

His smile seems sincere, as do his eyes, but Harvey has his mind made up. This guy was up to something shady and he wouldn't be played for a fool.

Harvey slides his way next to Donna and wraps his arm around her waist.

"Tell me, what were you two talking about that had my girl here in stitches?" Harvey pulls Donna's hip tighter against his.

"Oh." Donna raises her brow at both his gesture and his question.

"I was just telling Donna about my closing night as the Phantom, it was—"

"Hey!" Harvey cuts him off. "There's Mike and Rachel." Harvey waves and gestures for them to join them.

"Mike, Rachel this is Thomas Kessler." Harvey introduces them, his voice still dripping with fake friendliness.

"Nice to meet you." Mike offers a firm handshake. "Mike Ross. And this is my wife, Rachel."

Before Thomas has a chance to respond, Rachel speaks up, making Harvey regret the fact that he's waved them over.

"I am such a huge fan!" Rachel says wrapping both her hands around his. "I saw you as the Phantom and it changed my life."

Harvey coughs and actually vomits a bit in his mouth.

"Can I get you a drink?" he asks Donna. "I need a drink." And he walks off before Donna even has a chance to answer him. Once he chases down a beer and takes a long slow pull from it, he grabs a glass of champagne for Donna and rejoins the group.

They talk all about how amazing Donna had been and Thomas asks Mike about life as a sports agent. He doesn't seem interested in life as an athlete, because he doesn't ask Harvey a single thing.

A while later, in the middle of Thomas answering Rachel's question about the main differences he found between Hollywood and Broadway, Harvey interrupts with a question of his own. One that's been burning a hole in his brain for two weeks.

"Speaking of Hollywood, when will you be going back?"

Thomas opened and then shut his mouth as the entire group fell into an awkward silence. Donna slipped her hand from Harveys and moved a half step away from him. Indicating, most likely, that she didn't appreciate his line of questioning.

"I only mean that a man as successful as you must be very busy," Harvey tries to recover. "I'm guessing someone is anxiously awaiting your return?"

Although harmless on the surface, Thomas's eyes flash with understanding.

"No one in particular, actually." Thomas stands up straighter, exaggerating the height difference between the two men. "In fact, I'm in no hurry to return to L.A." His eyes shift slowly and deliberately from Harvey to Donna and back again. "I'm quite enjoying my time here."

"I'm going to change. It's been a long night." Donna smiles but it doesn't fool any of them. "Good night. Mike, Rachel, Thomas." She nods at her two friends but reaches for Thomas's hand, letting her fingers linger in his palm for an extra beat or two before casting her eyes toward Harvey and walking away.

Leaving Harvey with that pressure in his chest, his jaw locked, and his fists clenching at his sides.

…..

Donna walks into her dressing room and shuts the door with a little extra force.

That was more than a little awkward and she's pretty sure it may have ruined any shot she had for a job offer from Thomas. Harvey had acted like a spoiled child and he is going to hear about it just as soon as she calms down.

Not the mad part of her. She wants to hang on to all of that anger so she can hurl it at him the minute they are alone. What she needs is a cold glass of water, or better yet, a cold shower.

Donna looks in the mirror at her reflection and shakes her head. Whatever she was going to say to Harvey, she needed to make damn sure he couldn't tell that his jealousy had downright turned her on. She was pissed at the way he had acted, and she expected far better from him than that, but something about him spreading his feathers like a peacock, and clearly staking his claim on her with that kiss and his comments made her panties damp. And the flirty move she made at the end… letting her hand linger in Thomas's, it hadn't been one of her proudest moments. But she liked the way Harvey's body had stiffened, and she felt he'd had it coming.

By the time she makes her way from the dressing room, the backstage area has completely cleared out. With her arms full of flowers, she pushes her way through the back door and finds Harvey leaning against the Lexus.

Neither of them say a word the entire ride and by the time they walk in Donna's door, her temper is simmering dangerously close to the surface.

"You want to explain what the hell is wrong with you?" She raises her voice the minute the door to her apartment closes.

"Oh I'm sorry!" He matches her volume. "Did I interrupt your little date?" Harvey strides across the room until his face is inches from hers. "Admit it, you've been lusting after the man for years." His voice is full of disdain as he tilts his head and looks down at her.

"What the hell are you even talking about?" She is caught off guard by his comment, but even more so by the dangerous look in his eyes.

"Benjamin told me." He scoffs. "You've been pining after him ever since you moved to Manhattan." Harvey raises his chin as if he's challenging her to deny it.

She can hardly believe the words coming out his mouth. Is he serious right now? _Benjamin told him_? _Pining after him_? Donna laughs out loud in exasperation.

"Benjamin's always had it out for you." She shakes her head mockingly and leans in even closer. "He'd say anything he could to get a rise out of you. Looks like it worked."

She rolls her eyes and turns to walk away from him, but Harvey grabs her wrist. Donna's heart lurches in her chest as heat courses through her veins like electricity through a live wire. Purposefully, she keeps her back to him trying to catch her breath, but Harvey tugs on her arm and pulls her back into him.

They stand there, face to face, chest to chest, as his eyes search hers for the truth. Neither of them speaks for several beats.

"Are you saying it isn't true?" His voice is hoarse. "I saw the way you ran your fingers across his palm."

The way he tightens his grip on her wrist ever so slightly, and presses up his chest tighter against hers, makes her weak in the knees. They are treading on dangerous ground, and it makes her breathless. She stands her ground and pushes him even further.

"Did it make you _jealous_?" She looks up at him through her long lashes, a teasing glint in her eyes.

His brows draw together and she sees the twitch in his clenched jaw which only turns her on more.

"Donna…" he rasps. There is a warning there. His control is slipping.

"You're the only one I want, Harvey." She licks her lips as she lets her eyes drift down to his. "You want me all to yourself?" Her eyes drift back up to his and his irises are black and full of need.

She takes a finger from the hand he's not gripping and runs it slowly over his bottom lip.

"Show me."

The hand Harvey has clenched at his side is around the back of her neck before she takes her next breath while the one holding her wrist, pins it behind her back. His tongue is down her throat and he pulls her into him with an aggressive jerk, simultaneously grinding his protruding crotch into her abdomen.

Donna's drowning in his kiss. Growing dizzy from the lack of oxygen as his tongue ravages the inside of her mouth. And just when she's ready to give in and let her legs buckle beneath her, he tears his mouth from hers and she gasps for air.

"You're mine." The gravel in his tone combined with the heat of his breath on her lips only stokes the fire in her core.

"Prove it."

She was _messing with the bull _and she knew it. She wanted it. Knowing she could drive him crazy and test his control made her feel powerful, but he was about to take the reins. And she was all for it.

Harvey spins her around and presses her firmly against the wall in the hallway. He releases her wrist and she braces herself with both palms against the cool textured surface. He ravishes her neck and thrusts into her backside repeatedly. He could make her come without removing a single layer of clothing if he wanted to.

But that's not what he wants. That becomes very clear.

She feels his hands come up and under her dress, lifting it above her hips as he continues to suck on her neck and growl words she can't quite make out. Hooking his fingers in her thong at the base of her tailbone he tears them off with a frenzied yank, causing a yelp from her she didn't see coming.

Harvey's hands wrap around the front of her thighs and his long fingers slide just to the edge on her soaking folds. She wants him so bad she nearly draws blood biting on her lower lip. She pushes her exposed ass back into him, urging him to touch her, to take her, but he doesn't.

Harvey grips the front of her thighs, meeting her backward motion with his forward pressure, but he doesn't move his fingers. He doesn't touch her. Not yet.

Instead he brings his right hand around to her firm ass cheek and caresses it. With every glide of his hand, he increases the pressure. Donna's breathing is erratic, to put it mildly, and when she glances back at him over her shoulder she sees that his eyes are fixed downward. He's watching intently as he rubs her warm pale flesh.

"Harvey. Harvey, please." The coiling in her abdomen is nothing compared to the throbbing between her legs. The way she wants him. Needs him. It's as though she's never felt him inside of her before. Like she's been waiting for him her entire life.

"You want me to prove it?" He reaches up and takes a handful of Donna's long, red hair. Wrapping it around his fingers he pulls down, slowly, deliberately, causing her neck to lift and exposing her throat. "I'll make you come so hard you'll never think of fucking anyone but me."

He tilts her head toward him with another tug on her hair and invades her mouth again with his tongue. It's as though he wants to devour every whimper that escapes from her wanting mouth. As though each time she moans, she feeds the fire. Donna has never been this turned on. Not. Ever. She knows, without a doubt, she would do anything he asked.

Harvey keeps her pressed up against him. His rock hard erection secured firmly between them as he guides her toward the bedroom. All the while, his hands are roaming her body possessively. Whatever skin he can reach, considering her dress is still on, touching her everywhere except where she wants him to the most.

When they reach the bed, she starts to climb on but he stops her. He steps between her legs and pushes them further apart with his knees.

"Bend over."

It's not a request and she complies without hesitation. Her elbows landing on the mattress in front of her, her ass angling upward toward him. He doesn't touch her for a moment or two and she dares to look at him over her shoulder. His eyes are locked on her body. Just staring at her, taking her in. The desire emanating from him takes her need to another level.

His gaze shifts to meet hers and her first instinct is to look away. As if she's been caught watching something she shouldn't be. But when he reaches for the hem of his sweater, she knows he wants her to watch. She wants to watch.

Harvey pulls the sweater and the t-shirt under it off with ease, quickly exposing the chest and biceps that make Donna drool. But when he reaches for the zipper of his pants, he gives his next command.

"Close your eyes."

When she doesn't react right away, and lets her eyes drift to the protruding bulge he's about to set free, he gives her a sharp spank on the ass.

"Hey! I know you want to watch but you can't. Close your eyes."

This time she does as he says and he caresses the reddening spot with one hand as he pushes his pants down with the other. The next thing she knows, both his hands are gripping her and spreading her cheeks apart.

Just as the thrill this brings courses through her, she feels him. His length between her cheeks as he slowly glides up and down. She is so wet, that he slides between them easily and she hears his breathing start to stagger. He runs his hands across the backs of her thighs, along the small of her back. She has never wanted anything more than she wants him inside of her at this very moment.

She hears him hiss as he pulls his body from hers, and just as she's about to whimper from the loss of contact, she feels him kneel behind her and she holds her breath in anticipation. He applies the slightest outward pressure on each side of her cheeks, and wanting to grant him as much access as possible, she lifts her knees onto the bed, sliding them even further apart. Despite doing this without his instruction, he doesn't complain. Instead, he buries his tongue inside her. Gripping her possessively, he dives deeper just as he had done into her mouth when she first dared him to.

The orgasm is immediate and all consuming, she bucks and shakes and cries out, and all the while his mouth stays on her. Lapping up and taking in everything she has to give. When the orgasm finally subsides she collapses onto the mattress, but only for a moment. Because he's not done with her yet.

Harvey lifts her hips and brings her back onto her knees. He reaches for her hair and wraps his hand around it, the same way he had done in the hallway. He had never pulled her hair this way, before tonight, but Donna would make sure he knew how much she liked it.

With a firm grip of her hair, and his knees braced against the side of the bed, he enters her. One long hard thrust and he's as deep inside her as her body will allow. The sound he lets out is primal and hungry, and with every thrust in and out, with every pump of his hips into hers, he takes her right back to climax in a matter of seconds. Only this time, they fall from the cliff together.

Moments later, she has her head on his naked chest as they lay side by side. Her dress finally discarded, and a light sheet draped over them.

"Harvey?" she asks while running her fingers through his chest hair.

"Hmm?"

"That was... wow."

Harvey doesn't respond but he pulls her a little tighter against him and before she knows it, she's sleeping like a well swaddled baby.

…...

Harvey sits in Stan's waiting room the following morning, drumming his fingers on his knee nervously. He'd called and asked for a last minute appointment and Stan had agreed. He doesn't usually get nervous before their sessions. He's grown to enjoy them, actually. But today is different.

"Harvey!" Stan's voice breaks through the silence. "Come on in."

Stan's warm smile makes Harvey feel both better and worse, somehow. How the fuck is he going to talk about this?

"Stan." Harvey nods when he stands. "Thanks for seeing me last minute."

"Of course, Harvey. I'm just glad my schedule allowed for it."

The two men sit down in their usual spots and Harvey's knee drumming picks right up where he left off. Stan waits patiently for Harvey to begin. He's the one who asked to see him, afterall.

"So, something happened last night. With Donna and me… and I'm having trouble processing it."

Stan looks up at Harvey, thoughtfully. "Well, I'm glad you called, Harvey. It shows how much you value your relationship with Donna."

Harvey coughs nervously, and breaks eye contact, running his hand over his face. He may as well start with the easy part.

"You know how I've been having trouble with… feeling jealous."

"I do. Is this about that? About Thomas Kessler?"

"Yes. And… yes." Harvey pauses and contemplates how to continue without making it completely awkward for both of them. Finally admitting to himself that that isn't possible, he decides to just get it over with.

"He was at Donna's closing show last night. I watched them together from across the room, and I let her pipsqueak of an assistant get in my head."

"I see," Stan responds. "And what, may I ask, did he put in your head when you let him in there?"

Harvey stares at Stan momentarily, dreading how stupid this is going to sound when he says it aloud.

"That Donna has a _thing _for this guy. That she always has." He looks down at the rug below his feet. "That I should be worried."

Lipschitz raises his eyebrows. "He said _all_ that?"

"Well, not those exact words." Harvey runs a hand through his hair. "He got to me. Watching them got to me. And needless to say, I handled it poorly. I embarrassed her."

Stan just sits back and looks at him thoughtfully. Waiting for Harvey to continue.

"But _this _isn't even about that. Not really." Harvey shoos the topic away like a fly. "It's about what happened once we got back to Donna's place."

"You had a fight." It's phrased as a statement.

"You'd think, right?" Harvey fixes his eyes on Stan. "A fight would make sense. But what we had was… sex." He purses his lips thoughtfully and lets out a stream of air. "We had sex." Harvey looks away from the therapist like he's confessed to some terrible crime.

"And you see that as a problem. Not a solution?" Stan works his usual magic. No judgement. No opinions, just another question.

"Isn't it? I mean, we didn't even talk about it. Not really. Instead of addressing the _real_ issue, she turned it into some kind of sex game. She dared me to take control and I…" Harvey stops himself. He hadn't meant to say quite that much. His neck feels a little warm and he's guessing the doc can see he's embarrassed.

"Harvey. I heard you say you didn't address the _real issue_." Stan steers the conversation in a different direction. "What do you see as the real issue here? Are you worried that Donna has feelings for Thomas? Do you think she will leave you for him?"

"What? No! Well, not really." He shifts around in his seat and runs his hands down his thighs, it's his tell that's he's getting uncomfortable with the waters they are treading in. He takes in a deep breath, holds it, and let's it out. He's become quite dependent on that strategy of self-calming.

"Maybe I was at first. The idea of Donna being touched by another man… it makes me crazy. Seeing her across the room smiling at him, laughing, and then having Benjamin whispering in my ear." He clenches and relaxes his fists before looking back up at Stan. "It made me boil inside. And I acted like an ass."

Stand just nods at him before offering, "Jealousy is a dangerous emotion. But it's also natural. We want to hold onto the things and the people whom we love."

"But, Donna wasn't even mad about the way I acted. I think she liked it." He shakes his head. "How am I supposed to make sense of that?"

"Do you want my opinion, Harvey?"

"That's why I'm here."

"Maybe the reason she wasn't angry is because she's confident in how she feels about you. How you feel about her. I think she knows that Thomas is not a threat to what the two of you share." Stan waits for Harvey to look back at him. "And it's natural for a woman to want to feel _wanted_ by a man. Jealousy, when it doesn't get out of hand, can let others know how much you value them. Need them. Maybe that feeling is what Donna needed from you."

_Show me._

_Prove it._

Harvey thinks back to the night before. To the things Donna said and the hunger and need in her eyes. Maybe Lipschitz had a point. Harvey feels some of the tension in his shoulders relax. He takes another deep breath.

"That makes sense, I guess. Honestly, I was feeling a little uneasy about the way I…" He looks away and clenches his jaw.

"Harvey, was Donna upset at all with what happened between the two of you? Afterward, I mean. Did you cross any lines that might be hard to come back from?"

"No. No, she was fine. Better than fine, actually."

"Then I think you have no reason to regret what happened. Quite the opposite."

When Harvey looks at Stan and tilts his head, he clarifies his meaning.

"I think the two of you communicated more than you think last night. Sometimes we share how we feel more clearly without any words at all." Stan smiles and adds, "Maybe now you can both move on? Put this issue with Thomas Kessler behind you?"

"That's just it, Doc." Harvey hesitates, bringing his eyes back to Stan's. "I don't think it's really Thomas that's got me worried, afterall."

….

Donna and Harvey arrive at Mike and Rachel's around 6:00 pm on Sunday, armed with 2 bottles of wine. Tonight at 7:00 is the MLB All-Star show where they reveal all the players who were voted on the team. Even though Harvey is a lock to make the team, she can tell he's a bit nervous. Imagine attending a party in your honor and then not getting selected.

She wraps her fingers through his as Mike answers the door with a much louder than necessary greeting.

"There he is, Ladies and Gentlemen. My best friend, and my biggest client, the soon to be All-Star, Harrrvey Specterrrr." He waves his hands in the air and makes fake crowd cheering noises.

"Wow. Somebody knocked a few back already." Donna laughs at Mike's introduction. "Where's your wife? Shouldn't she be babysitting you?"

"I'm right here." Rachel walks up to greet them. "And I'm busy hosting a party, so he's on his own."

The men head to the oversized family room where the large flat screen TV is already tuned to ESPN and the women head to the kitchen to pour Donna some wine.

Within a few minutes Scottie and Tanner arrive and the three of them catch up and gossip about their husbands.

"Speaking of Harvey," Rachel segues, "did you two have it out the other night after your show?"

"This sounds juicy." Scottie raises her brow. "Have it out about what?"

Rachel starts at the beginning and explains how Thomas Kessler burst into Donna's life and how Harvey wasn't exactly welcoming him with open arms. Donna is careful not to let the conversation get too carried away and eventually puts an end to it by saying Harvey was fine, and that she'd assured him he had nothing to worry about with Thomas or any other man for that matter.

"But, it's Thomas Kessler," Rachel teases.

"Yeah, Donna says. And he's Harrrrvey Specterrrrrr," she draws out his name like Mike had earlier and the other two girls burst into laughter. Donna smiles into her wine glass, but it's mostly for show. There is a small part of her that worries the issue isn't as cut and dry as she made it out.

By the time the selection show starts, everyone is gathered in the room with the TV. Most everyone has a pretty good buzz going and the room is loud with chatter.

"Okay! Shut up, shut up! It's starting."

Donna is seated next to Harvey on the couch, one of her legs draped over his casually. He's playing it off well, but he's nervous. She can tell. His hand is on her knee and she lays her palm on top of it. When he looks at her from the corner of his eye, she mouths _I love you. _He smiles and squeezes her knee before casting his gaze back at the TV. The sports broadcasters hosting the show announce that they will begin with the American League, and everyone breaks into applause.

This is it.

They begin with what they call the starting line up of _position players, _which excludes pitchers. These players are voted on by the fans and to the delight of everyone at the party they hear the name Travis Tanner come through the surround speakers Mike has splashed around the room.

Donna watches as Harvey's grin spreads from ear to ear, and Scottie jumps into her husband's arms despite the now visible baby bump. Donna slides her fingers through Harvey's as they watch their friends celebrate. While Harvey was considered a favorite for the closer role by most sports stations, Tanner had been more of a long shot.

A few minutes later they move on to the pitchers, who instead of being selected by fans, are chosen by their fellow players, making some feel it's an even higher honor.

The hosts start by naming the starting pitchers that were selected. Moments later, the entire room goes silent with anticipation as the word _closer_ leaves the lips of the one of the men on the screen.

Donna can feel her heart beating in her chest, pounding loudly as she holds her breath.

"Harvey Specter!"

His name comes from the TV and every speaker surrounding them and the room erupts for a second time. Since they are already seated, and she can't jump into his arms, Donna improvises and swings herself around to straddle Harvey on the couch. She lays a kiss on him that she's sure tastes of wine and he chuckles right into her mouth.

"Congratulations, Harvey Specter."

He smiles up at her and she can see the pride swelling in his eyes. She slides off of him and helps pull him to his feet so he can shake every hand and slap every back of the friends who came here tonight to support him. None of them more excited than Mike.

"Donna, Donna," Mike whispers and waves for her to follow him. "I got you something."

She follows the now very drunk Mike down the hall with a mixture of apprehension and curiosity.

"Shhhhhh!" He spits a raspberry at her with his finger on his lips, even though she hadn't made a sound. "It's a thurprise."

Donna giggles as Mike grabs a bag from his bedroom closet. But the moment she pulls out what's inside, the giggles turn to a gasp. She drops the bag and uses both hands to hold Mike's gift up in front of her eyes that are now welling in gracious tears.

"Mike!" She looks back and forth between him and the jersey in front of her. "It's perfect!"

Mike's _thurprise _was a custom American League All-Star jersey, embroidered with the number 42, and SPECTER written in large bold script.

She wraps her dear friend in a bear hug as he encourages her wildly to put it on.

And when the two of them walk proudly back into the crowded living room, the look on Harvey's face is priceless.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Okay, there is ****definitely ****a correlation between the further you get into writing a multi chapter fic and the amount of paranoia and self doubt that ensues. My poor betas have had to talk me off of more ****ledges ****and listen to me ramble more and more as this ****story ****progresses. I hope it doesn't show in the final product. Thank you so much to Steph, Heather, Nat, and Sarah. You ladies are the best. And to my sister from another mister "FayePegJo" for stepping up to the plate with some last minute advice.**

**Thank you again to all of you following this story. Your love and support is a source of tremendous happiness!**

**Chapter 18 - Foreboding**

Harvey sips on his coffee as the plane reaches its cruising altitude. The smile on his face as he looks out the window is completely out of character. Generally, a departing flight for a road trip that will have him away from New York for nearly two weeks would bring a scowl, not a grin. But this trip is different.

"Can I get you anything else, Mr. Specter?"

"No. Thank you. I'm fine." He offers a half smile to the flight attendant and turns his focus back to the clouds. The flight isn't even two hours and he's chasing a headache from the celebratory drinks and lack of sleep last night. Again, he can't help but grin.

Last night was one of the best nights of his life. Getting the All-Star nod had been a dream of his since he was 8 years old when Derek Jeter, his favorite player, was selected to the All-Star team for the first time. Now he, himself, would be a part of the Mid Summer Classic wearing a navy pin-striped jersey of his own.

But, while it was a dream come true, that wasn't the only thing that had Harvey's head in the clouds, so to speak. He'd shared an incredible night with Donna. And as his mind drifts to thoughts of Donna, his eyes fall shut and blood rushes to his crotch.

…..

_They barely made their way through Harvey's door before their hands were all over each other. They were both drunk which meant two things, sloppy kissing, and compromised balance. Donna tripped over Harvey's clumsy feet and the harder he tried to hold her up the less he could regain his footing. They both went down hard._

_Thanks to being drunk… it didn't hurt._

_Harvey removed his clothes and Donna's jeans with surprising dexterity, but when she moved to unbutton her new jersey, he stopped her._

"_Leave it on."_

_Donna just giggled and buried her fingers into his hair instead._

_And as he glided in and out of her on the floor of his apartment, her long auburn waves spread carelessly around her face, wearing nothing but a All-Star jersey bearing his name, he realized she had never looked more beautiful. And as he emptied inside of her while she screamed his name, he wondered absently if that made him romantic or incredibly vain. _

…..

He opens his eyes and glances over his shoulder self-consciously. Worried that someone may be watching him and be onto where his mind had gone. He just isn't sure if it's his shit-eating grin or the tent in his pants that might be giving him away.

Luckily, Tanner is fast asleep across the aisle and no one else is close enough to notice. He unlocks his phone and swallows thickly at his new screensaver. Donna looking back at him over her shoulder while pointing both thumbs down at the name SPECTER printed across her back.

He is such a fucking goner. His chest swells with an overwhelming combination of love and pride.

This morning Donna had surprised him with a plane ticket of her own, another reason for his impenetrable good mood. She is meeting him in Cleveland, following him to Boston, and then the two will spend four days together in Toronto for the All-Star festivities. He's never been happier.

Getting to spend so much time with Donna is going to be amazing. They both have such demanding schedules, and as much as he loves how talented and successful Donna is, there is a small, selfish, part of him that wishes she could just spend all her time with him.

….

Donna is half-naked and working her way toward the shower after her morning yoga class when her phone starts ringing on the nightstand. It seems too early for Harvey to have landed in Cleveland, so she's guessing it's Rach.

She's wrong.

The name Thomas Kessler has her display brightly lit, and there is just no getting used to that.

"Thomas?" She doesn't hide the surprise from her tone.

"Donna. I'm glad I caught you. Do you have a few minutes?"

Donna looks down at her naked bottom half and then glances into her bathroom at the open shower door with the water running.

"Or, if it's a bad time—" Thomas says when Donna doesn't respond to his question.

"No, no. It's fine. Can you just hang on one second?" She's pretty sure she's blushing as if he can _hear_ her nakedness through the phone.

She sets her phone down and runs to shut off the water in the shower. She grabs a pair of pajama shorts from her drawer and throws them on before picking up her phone from the bed.

"Okay," she says into the phone awkwardly as she heads to her living room sofa. "Sorry about that."

The next fifteen to twenty minutes are like a scene straight from an episode of the _Twilight Zone_. And when Donna eventually hangs up, her hand is shaking as she sets her phone on the coffee table. It's a little early for a drink, but she heads straight to the kitchen to pour one anyway. She just spent an hour doing hot yoga to rid her body of the alcohol from last night, but despite that, she opens the freezer and pulls the bottle of vodka from it. As her hand trembles on the glass, she brings it to her mouth and does her best not to pour it down the front of her. She tilts the small glass back and empties the clear liquid right down her throat. Both the burn and hiss it brings, a necessary and welcomed distraction.

Thomas Kessler had just offered her a job.

In California.

The range of emotions she had just experienced reminded her of _Mr. Toad's Wild Ride_ at Disneyland. While it may seem a strange comparison to some, it was the first thing she thought of when the call had ended. Maybe it had something to do with her visit to Disneyland on her one and only trip to California.

Donna steadies herself by gripping the countertop with both hands and attempting to regain control of her breathing.

Thomas is beginning the casting for his first film as a producer. He explained that it was a suspense-filled drama about the disappearance of a young aspiring broadway actress. He thought she was perfect for the role. Apparently this had been the reason he sought her out in the first place, but the film hadn't been picked up yet, and he didn't want to get her hopes up until he knew for sure it was moving forward.

Donna had been shocked and flattered of course, but it was so much to take in. California? A movie? She was a stage actress. The theater was her first love, and despite her respect and admiration for screen actors, it had never been a dream of hers. A move like this could change her entire career. Her life.

His offer, and all the wonderful things he had said about her talent, made her heart race. The idea that she could star in a blockbuster film in Hollywood… is beyond anything she had ever imagined for herself.

Her eyes wander around the room and then settle on the envelope on the counter in front of her. As she reaches down and slides the contents out of it, her heart skips in her chest. Her plane ticket.

She closes her eyes as she thinks of Harvey. The smile on his face when he kissed her goodbye early this morning. The sparkle in his eyes when she told him of her plan to spend this road trip by his side. The hurt and jealousy she had seen in those same eyes weeks ago when they had fought about Thomas.

She presses her eyes closed tighter as she turns and leans her back against the countertop. Both hands coming to cover to her face as another wave of emotion washes over her. Her mind racing with questions she doesn't have answers to.

How is Harvey going to take this news? Is this even something she wants to do? Could a long distance relationship between an actress and an athlete actually survive?

She considers looking for the answers at the bottom of another shot of vodka but opts for the shower instead. A quick glance at the clock reminds her she has a plane to catch.

….

By the time the wheels hit the runway in Cleveland, Donna has made up her mind. Made up her mind, that is, that she's not ready to make any decisions. Thomas told her she could take her time, and she is going to do just that. If she does decide to make the trip to Los Angeles, she wouldn't need to leave for a couple of weeks, and even if she does go, she doesn't have to commit to the role right away. Thomas had simply asked that she come out, read the script, run some lines, check out the studios, and then decide.

She has also made up her mind, not to tell Harvey about the offer. _Yet_. She hadn't even called to tell Rachel. Granted, there hadn't really been time, but when you have a friend who is married, telling her basically means telling them both. And when her husband is best friends with your boyfriend, no secret is really safe.

She wants to make this trip about _him_. Sure, it's about _them, _as well, but mostly it's an opportunity for her to celebrate his success and enjoy her two new loves. Harvey and baseball.

She has missed so many of his games, with her schedule being just as demanding as his, and there is a reason she requested this break. They need some time together to just be Donna and Harvey. And the thought of that soothes her far more than the vodka had. This week will be about Harvey and supporting his career, and once they were back home, she could think about hers.

Donna bobs and weaves her way through the sea of people on her way to the baggage claim carousel. She had tried, and failed, to pack light with a simple carry on. She wasn't sure who she was trying to fool.

Once her bag is offloaded, she heads outside to find the Uber/Lyft pick up area while digging back into her purse for her phone.

"Miss Paulsen?"

Donna nearly runs smack into the man in front of her who is holding a small sign with her name on it.

"Oh!" she practically yelps. "Yes, I'm Donna Paulsen."

"Excellent," he responds. "My name is Jonathan. Mr. Specter sent me to bring you by the hotel and then on to the stadium." The man looks as though he takes his job very seriously, and when he sees the hesitation in Donna's eyes he adds, "He said he sent you a message?"

Donna looks down at the phone she'd finally fished out and reads a text from Harvey that must have come in when her WiFi resumed.

**H: Be nice to Jonathan. He's no Ray, but he'll take good care of you. XO**

A slow smile spreads across her face at what has become his new signature. The man refuses to use emojis. Jonathan clears his throat to remind Donna he's waiting to take her bag, and she slides it toward him with a soft smile.

The ride to the hotel is quick and Donna tells Jonathan she'll only be a few minutes. Harvey had explained in his excitement about her coming on the road trip, that while she may not always be able to travel with the team, she can stay with him in the hotels.

A quick show of her ID and she's on her way up the elevator, key in hand. The room is huge. An over-sized suite with a balcony overlooking the city and a large bathtub that catches her eye. She will definitely be taking advantage of that. She knows she told the driver she wouldn't be long, but the large bed is lifted high above the floor and the down comforter is calling out to her. As she flops backward onto the bed she can almost hear her mom scolding her. As a child in the Paulsen home lying _on top_ of the down comforter was strictly forbidden. Donna feels like such a rebel, and it makes her laugh.

As she lay there, looking up at the crown modeling around the ceiling, she thinks about the luxuries of being a star like Harvey. She knows it comes with its pressures and drawbacks. And she has tasted some of that kind of attention in her line of work. But she can't help but wonder what it would be like on a larger scale. What if she took this job and ended up a famous Hollywood star? Is a life on the front page, with every move under a microscope, worth a personal driver and a fancy hotel room?

She pushes herself up from the bed, brushes those thoughts away, and quickly freshens up before heading back down to Jonathan.

When they pull up to the VIP area of the stadium about 30 minutes later, she gets out and thanks the driver graciously. She tries repeatedly to tip him, but he assures his fee has been more than taken care of. It's not until she turns and faces the stadium that she's hit with an influx of butterflies. She's not sure why exactly, but she finds it equally exciting and nerve-racking to head into the stadium alone.

Harvey had asked if she wanted to sit with some of the other women who would be on the trip, or if she'd like a seat next to the bullpen where he'd be spending the majority of the game. She chose the latter. Not that she wasn't interested in meeting the other women, but she knew that they were mostly _wives _and not _girlfriends _and she'd prefer to meet them in the company of Scottie or Rachel, neither of which would be attending this series.

In Boston, she'd have Harvey's family. In fact, she's pretty sure they were going to be watching from a luxury box, similar to the one they had at Yankee Stadium. And in Toronto, for the All-Star Game, Mike, Rachel, Scottie, and maybe even Gordon and Marcus were all coming. In fact, it looks like even her dad might be coming to the game. Now _that_ would be interesting.

…

Harvey is in the bullpen playing grab-ass with his buddies when he catches a glimpse of red hair from the corner of his eye. It actually causes a flutter in his gut.

He turns his head and takes a tossed ball to the chest, but it bounces off of him like he's made of steel.

Donna.

He saunters over to the gray padded wall that separates the outfield seats from the pen. Considering the way the seats overlook the field level, he has to step on a folding chair to reach her.

"You're here."

He reaches up and slides his hand through the guardrail to take hers. It never ceases to amaze him how her beauty takes his breath away.

"I'm here!" Donna smiles and shrugs both shoulders up in excitement.

Harvey matches her smile with his own and neither says anything more for a solid minute. He had been excited for her to come. To spend this whole road trip by his side, wearing his jersey, cheering for him in the stands, being his… _girl. _He'd always convinced himself he didn't need that. Want that. That he wasn't jealous of the guys who always had a girlfriend or a wife waiting at the end of the tunnel after a long night. But as he stands here, in this moment, looking up at Donna's beautiful face, he knows he could never imagine living without it now. Without her.

"You wash that?" he jokes, flaring his nostrils, and eyeballing the jersey she was wearing.

"Why would I do that?" Donna lifts the front of the jersey and takes an exaggerated whiff. "It smells like sex with Harvey Specter. You know what I could get for this on eBay?"

Harvey chuckles out loud at the serious expression on Donna's face. Her wit and sense of humor make her that much sexier. They chat for a few more minutes about her flight and the hotel suite before Harvey has to get back to his team.

Once the game starts, he is all business and his game face is plastered on throughout all the action. But that doesn't mean his eyes don't wander in Donna's direction. He can't help the way his gaze drifts over to the seat where she's perched above him. He knows it's not rational, but a part of him feels like if he doesn't keep checking, she might just disappear.

…

Donna can't get enough of this fangirl stuff. Progressive Field, home of the Cleveland Indians, is almost as impressive as Yankee Stadium, and she thinks she likes this perspective even more than the view from the luxury box. Or maybe she just likes the view of her super sexy boyfriend. Her seat is right along the railing between the right field pavilion and the bullpen, and the vantage point from the way it overlooks them is amazing. She has been watching the game, mostly, but she has a hard time keeping her eyes off Harvey. As she sips on her cold beer and cracks peanut shell after peanut shell, it reminds her of the night in Boston when she nearly creamed her panties watching Harvey stretch. She almost spits out her beer at the thought and it makes her choke.

"Are you alright?" The older man sitting to her left reaches over and places his hand on her shoulder.

Donna gulps down the beer in her mouth and smiles at her new friend, Jerry.

"I'm fine. Just…," she shrugs her shoulders, "wrong pipe, you know?"

The couple sitting next to her had become her new best friends. Jerry and Barbara were visiting from California for their anniversary. They had met in Ohio when they both attended Dayton University and Barbara was a die-hard fan of "The Tribe".

Donna just loves meeting couples like them. Still so in love after more than 50 years of marriage. Listening to their story, combined with enjoying watching Harvey in his element, causes her mind to wander to the call from Thomas, and the looming decision that hangs over her. She had always thought her career was the most important thing in her life, but as her eyes wander down to Harvey, and he lifts his chin to meet her gaze, she wonders if all that has changed.

….

The Yankees lose the game 3-1 and although Harvey never gets in to pitch, Donna did get to watch him warm up and the view was enough to heat up her body despite the drop in temperature after sunset. The thing that really caught her eye was the power of his thighs and the way he'd balance on one leg before driving his weight forward when he pushed off the mound. Who knew how hot watching a pitcher warm up could be. She curses Mark silently for turning her off of athletes for all these years. She's beginning to realize she had really missed out.

Harvey has to ride to the hotel on the team bus, and Donna finds Jonathan waiting for her in the same spot he'd dropped her off. Apparently, he's going to be her personal driver for the next couple days, which is actually really nice since she'll be mostly traveling without Harvey.

The two finally find their way into each other's arms as Harvey wraps her in a bear hug and spins her around. Donna had beaten him back to the hotel and the minute he walked through the door, he'd gone straight to her.

They order room service, take a bath neither of them really needs, and climb into bed still damp under their robes.

"How about a massage?" Donna says lifting the lotion from the bedside table.

"For you or for me?" Harvey answers her question with another. "Nevermind. Either way, it's a yes."

Donna giggles as Harvey wriggles his eyebrows at her.

"I meant for you, but if one thing leads to another, who am I to stop natural progression?" Donna moves herself down toward the end of the bed and lathers the lotion in her hands.

"Now, let's start with your thighs…"

…..

The charter plane that carried the team from Cleveland to Boston landed at Logan International about 30 minutes before Donna's commercial flight, so Harvey is waiting for Donna by baggage claim.

The team had taken the next two games, and therefore the series, and Harvey had picked up another save. Donna got to know a few of the other women on the trip and even chose to sit with them for the game last night. Harvey can't remember the last time his life had ever felt so perfect. Deep down he knows that's because it never has.

Since today is an off day for the team, Marcus will be picking them up to head to Gordon's for an early Fourth of July Barbeque. Independence Day had always been a big deal for the Specter family, and despite the fact that today was just the 2nd, they'd take what they could get. You can't grow up in a town with a history as deep at Boston's and not be a Patriot. It's in your blood.

He spots Donna coming down the escalator with her hair pulled back and her Yankee cap pulled down low. She almost looks like she's in some kind of disguise.

Not that Harvey can talk. He's wearing a hat of his own, not Yankees, but a Chicago Bulls cap he'd picked up when he was in town, and a pair of dark glasses despite being inside. Airports are one of the places you can really get mobbed.

"Hey." He leans in for a soft kiss and slides his fingers through hers as their palms press together and find their familiar place.

"Miss me?"

"Terribly."

They grab Donna's bag the minute the carousel starts to spit them out and Marcus is right on time when they step out to the curb. The strange thing is, he's not alone.

Marcus jumps out and runs around the car to give both Harvey and Donna a hug. He knows his brother all too well so he leans in close before Harvey has a chance to say anything smart.

"Her name is Katie. We've been dating for a few weeks and she's coming to Dad's with us."

Harvey smirks at his little brother's rambling and sees this as a perfect opportunity to torture him.

"A few weeks?" Harvey whispers. "And you're bringing her to the Specter Circus? Either you're crazy about her or you're trying to get rid of her, I'm just not sure which." Harvey chuckles as he slaps Marcus on the back and puts their bags into his trunk.

"Seriously, Harv. I really like this girl. Please don't embarrass me."

"Me?" Harvey puts his hand to his chest in mock offense. "Never." Harvey crosses his chest and puts his fingers in the air like they did when they were kids. "Scout's honor."

Marcus shakes his head and climbs back into the driver's seat as Harvey whispers to Donna, "Let the games begin."

Introductions are made all around as the two couples make the 30-minute drive to Gordon's. They learn that Katie grew up in the suburbs of Boston and is the oldest of three. She recently graduated from UMASS and moved back to the area to look for a teaching job. She and Donna hit it off right away, and they spend most of the drive talking about the theater.

After the divorce, Gordon had purchased a small two-bedroom fixer upper and spent most of his weekends working on it. Harvey spent quite a bit of time there during the offseason and helped his dad with much of the needed repairs. It had been a big part of the healing process for the two of them and for Marcus. Honestly, he felt like this place held a piece of him.

"Oh," Marcus says nonchalantly over his shoulder as they walk toward the front door. "Dad has a surprise to share."

His younger brother raps his knuckles on the door and then opens it without waiting for a response.

"Dad! We're here."

"We're out in the back!" Gordon's voice carries through the sliding screen leading from the small living room out to the backyard. For as small as the house is, the yard is actually perfect for entertaining.

Harvey makes his way outside and sees that his mom and Bobby are already seated with cold drinks in hand. He knew that Bobby would be here and after some extensive role-play with Stan in his last therapy session, he was sure he could handle it. He walks over to give his mom a kiss and Bobby's hand a firm shake.

As Harvey turns to greet his father at the grill, he bumps straight into a very unexpected face. He stands there just blinking rapidly as he lifts his sunglasses to the top of his head. He's pretty sure he hears Marcus snickering but everything's gone a bit hazy.

"Harvey!" Gordon walks up and slides his arm around the waist of the woman in front of him. "You remember Mrs. Garfield, don't you?"

Harvey swallows thickly and nods. He knows he should say something, but instead he just stares. Her red hair has much more gray than the last time he'd see her. But he definitely remembers Mrs. Garfield.

"Harvey!" She leans in and plants a kiss on his cheek. "Richard just can't stop talking about what an amazing year you're having! Gordon tells me you're an All-Star. Congratulations!"

Harvey smiles bashfully and tries again to find his voice.

"Thank you, Mrs. Garfield. How is Ricky?"

"Oh, he's just fine. Still coaching football at the high school. And please, call me Charlotte."

Now he's certain he hears Marcus snickering.

Harvey makes his way to the cooler and downs half a beer before Donna finds her way to him.

"What was that all about?" There is humor in her eyes as she gives him a knowing look.

"What was _what_ all about?

She shakes her and laughs at his weak denial. "So you've always had a thing for redheads, I take it?"

"I… what... no…" Harvey shakes his head as his eyebrows pull together.

"It's okay, Harvey." She kisses him softly on the lips. "We all have a Mrs. Garfield in our past. Yours just happens to be sleeping with your father." She taps him on the nose and lets him finish his beer in private.

…

Donna was having an amazing time with Harvey's family. Gordon made some delicious steaks and corn on the cob on the grill and Lily had brought a fruit salad that Donna couldn't get enough of. They all talked and laughed and drank until before she knew it, the sun began to set.

The women looked on as the men played cornhole. Harvey had been partnered with Bobby and they were just about to beat Marcus and Gordon in best two out of three. She was so proud of him. Not for the cornhole, but for the way he was handling everything. She wondered if Gordon put the two of them together so they could work as a team, or because it meant they stood on opposite sides of the yard. Either way, it was a good call. Harvey seemed to be getting some quality time with his dad. Probably getting details he didn't really want on his dad's new romance.

She and Lily share stories about everything from where they grew up, to Harvey's childhood, to Mike and Rachel's wedding. Donna is on her third glasses of wine, and her lips are getting looser by the minute. But when Lily asks her what's coming up next with work, Donna almost swallows her tongue.

"Oh. Um. I'm not sure." It's the first time since Thomas had offered her the job that she feels like she's hiding it. And she doesn't like that feeling one bit. And to make matters worse, enter Harvey.

He plops down in the chair between Donna and his mom with a cold bottle of water. "Okay," he looks back and forth suspiciously between the two women. "You two have been gabbing nonstop all evening, and now that I'm here, you've run out of things to say?"

Donna swallows another gulp of her wine and prays that Lily doesn't repeat her previous question.

"Donna was just telling me about you singing Billy Joel for her. She says you and Mike set her up."

Harvey lets out a booming laugh and Donna exhales the breath she was holding. Lily had just covered for her and she knew it.

"Well this has been the best day I can remember having in years, but Bobby has to work in the morning and we should be on our way." Lily stands up and so does Harvey. "I can't tell you how excited I am to see you play this weekend, Harvey." Her eyes fill with tears and Donna decides to give them a moment alone.

She heads into the house to use the restroom and stops to take in the photos adorning the walls. There are photos of Harvey and Marcus everywhere. From black and white baby photos, to color action shots of them from football and baseball games. There is even one of Harvey on the pitcher's mound on the cover of a mock Sports Illustrated Magazine.

"I knew it back then, you know?" Gordon's voice startles her and she looks back at him. "He was always special. Just a little better than everyone else."

Donna smiles softly and nods. She doesn't doubt it one bit.

"Can I ask you something?" Gordon says softly.

"Anything."

"Has Kessler made you an offer?"

Donna is so caught off guard by the question she just opens and shuts her mouth.

"I know it's not my place to ask." Gordon looks away and wipes his mouth with his hand. The gesture is a spitting image of Harvey. "I'm sorry. I overstepped."

"No, Gordon," she croaks. "The answer is yes." She has no idea why she's always so quick to open up to this man.

"Does Harvey know?"

Donna's bottom lip trembles as her eyes grow misty. She shakes her head from side to side.

"He's not going to like it?"

Donna just looks up into his concerned eyes and swallows.

Gordon pulls his lips tight as he gives her a curt nod. "He's never been in love before, Donna. He's kept his heart guarded for so long now." Gordon takes her hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. "Just, be careful with him, okay?"

She reaches for his arm as he turns away, and quickly swipes at the tear that escapes from her eye.

"It's not that I don't want to tell him." She bites the inside of her cheek hoping to keep the tears at bay. "It's just a lot to take in, and I don't even know how I feel about it yet." She looks away from him and drops her hold on his arm. "I don't know. Maybe that's just an excuse."

"Donna." He looks over his shoulder to make sure they are still alone. "There is nothing wrong with needing time to process it before you talk to Harvey. It's probably smart that you know what you want before you hear what he wants." He takes her hand in his again. "This is _your_ career and _your_ future." He pauses briefly before adding, "I'm always here if you need to talk."

She forces a soft smile and nods in agreement before finding the bathroom she'd come in for in the first place.

….

The Friday night game had been a blowout. The Yankees beat the Sox 5-0 and Donna enjoyed every minute of it from the luxury box Harvey had set up for his family. The whole gang had been there and even though they were all disappointed Harvey didn't get to pitch, Donna was secretly relieved. She knew that despite his vehement denial, he was nervous to pitch with his mom there. She hadn't seen him play since high school and he had really wanted to do well.

Tonight, however, is the Fourth of July and the energy in the stadium is downright electric. Fans decked out in patriotic garb, USA mini-flags passed out to every fan in attendance, and Lee Greenwood blaring through the speakers before the National Anthem. Donna gets a flurry of goosebumps when the Air Force jets fly over the stadium and the sky lights up with an explosion of color. The long tradition of fireworks has always been one of Donna's favorites.

For a few brief moments, the team colors are forgotten. There are no Yankees or Red Sox, just Americans and the feeling of unity and pride is palpable.

But the minute the first pitch is thrown for strike one, the Boston fans roar with excitement and the rivalry is back on. Just like that.

"What do you think of all this?" Donna asks Katie gesturing to the suite, the food, the stadium. It wasn't long ago when she was quite overwhelmed by it all herself.

"It feels like a dream." Katie smiles with a sparkle in her eye. "My dad and brother are huge Sox fans. I mean my whole family, really. They would die to be in here."

"Well, they should come! There's plenty of room. Have them come to the day game tomorrow!"

"Oh, I don't know. I'm not sure how Marcus would feel about it." Katie looks away like she regrets bringing up the topic.

That comment sparks Donna's curiosity, so she pushes a little deeper. "What? Why? I'm sure he wants to get to know your family better." Donna gives Katie a little elbow jab. "Anyone can see he's crazy about you."

Katie blushes at Donna's comment before answering her question awkwardly.

"It's my brother. He's got such a big mouth." She looks at Donna with trepidation, seemingly unsure whether or not to go on. "He told Marcus that I've always had a crush on Harvey. I used to have his posters up in my room."

Donna disguises a burst of laughter as a cough but Katie isn't fooled.

"I shouldn't have said anything." She says looking down. "It's just, I really like Marcus. But I'm not sure he can get past this. It was just a stupid crush. I mean, every girl in my town was in love with Harvey Specter at some point."

Now, it's Donna's turn to force a smile. She doesn't doubt the truth in that comment one bit, and it brings back the weight of old baggage that she quickly pushes past.

"I'm sure it hasn't been the easiest thing for Marcus, to grow up with Harvey as a big brother, but I can see what the two of you have is special." Donna means it completely. "Let me talk to Marcus. I think this would be a great opportunity for your families to meet." Donna offers Katie a cold beer from the ice chest. "You know Gordon is a Red Sox fan, right?" Donna laughs and Katie smiles back at her, the worry mostly gone from her eyes.

"I'd love that, Donna. Thanks."

…

Harvey absently spins the baseball in his hands as he sits in the bullpen staring up at the scoreboard. The game is still scoreless in the bottom of the seventh inning and he knows his manager will have him start warming up soon. If the game remains tied or his team scores a run or two, he'll be out there for the ninth.

He stands up and walks to the fence, leaning over it and taking in the stadium. He'd grown up attending games at Fenway. His dad had brought him and Marcus countless times over the years, never giving up hope that he could turn them away from being Yankee fans.

But when it came to Harvey's own games growing up, it had always been his mom who was there. Driving him to every practice, cheering for him in the stands. She was his biggest fan and everyone knew it.

When they finally had it out, nearly 10 years ago, he had told her she wasn't welcome at his games. He didn't want her there. And it had taken a piece of them both.

He glances up behind home plate where he knows his entire family is watching. Other than Mike and Rachel, every single person that matters to him is up in that box. His chest swells with a mixture of pride and gratitude. A sudden crack of the bat, and a roar from the many Yankee fans in attendance, wakes Harvey from his trance. Tanner had just slugged a solo home run to lead off the eighth inning.

Yankees - 1. Red Sox - 0.

Time to get to work.

…

"Here he comes, here he comes!" Marcus shouts like a proud kid brother as Harvey makes his signature sprint from the bullpen to the mound.

Donna is struck immediately by the difference in atmosphere here than in New York. Granted, she had just seen Harvey pitch on the road in Cleveland, but _this. This _was not Cleveland.

Instead of the iconic ACDC _Thunderstuck, _it's the riff and bagpipes of _I'm shipping up to Boston, _by the Dropkick Murphy's. The Red Sox fans scream and boo and heckle Harvey mercilessly, while the Yankee faithful do their best to cheer over them.

It's one of the most amazing things Donna has ever seen.

Lily comes up from behind her and wraps her arm around Donna's as if she needs her help to balance. Lily's eyes are already spilling over as she looks down at her son with a sense of pride that only a mother can feel.

Boston will send the heart of their lineup to the plate including two players who will be joining Harvey and Tanner in Toronto in a couple of days. With a measly one run lead, Harvey has his work cut out for him.

Devers leads off and drives a fly ball to centerfield that the Boston fans think will tie the game, but it is well short of the fence and caught, for out number one.

Lily bounces up and down next to Donna and she squeezes even tighter onto her arm.

Bogaerts, the Red Sox shortstop, steps into the box. An All-Star himself, he digs in his back foot and waggles his rear end confidently.

"Better be careful with Bogaerts, Harvey," Gordon pipes up and earns a smack on the arm from Lily. "What?" Gordon objects. "He's a dangerous hitter."

Before the words are out of his mouth, the shortstop hits a bullet down the left field line for a stand up double and the home crowd erupts!

"Oh my God, Gordon!" Lily squeals. "See what you did!"

Gordon mumbles something about not being the one with a bat in his hand and walks to the far side of the suite.

You could slice through the sudden tension in the room with a knife as the potential winning run steps to the plate. A base hit here would time the game.

Harvey starts him out with a changeup and the hitter is fooled by the off-speed pitch, swinging and missing badly. But the ball bounces in the dirt causing Tanner to drop to his knees to block it and keep the runner from moving to third base.

"Atta boy, Tanner! Way to work back there!" Marcus screams as if Tanner can hear him over the hundreds of feet and thousands of screaming fans. Donna can't ever remember feeling this nervous in her entire life.

The next pitch is a high fastball that Benintendi can't catch up to and Harvey is quickly ahead of the batter with no balls and two strikes.

"Come on Baby! Sit him down!" Lily yells with fire in her eyes and Donna's eyes widen in shock. This is a whole new side to the Specters, and she loves them even more for it.

"Yeah, sit him down!" Donna repeats, not sure exactly what the expression means, but guessing it's a good thing for Harvey.

And sit him down he does, as Harvey paints the outside corner of the plate with a perfectly placed fastball and the umpire wrings out the batter with a violent pump of his hands.

That quiets down the Sox faithful and ramps up the Yankee fans and Donna is flooded with confidence that Harvey has this completely under control. There is a reason he's an All-Star.

She leans over to his mom and says with conviction, "He's the best damn closer in the game, Lily. He's got this."

And moments later, the batter grounds out to end the game and it's nothing but hoots and hollers and clapping and back slaps for the Specter family and their guests. Tonight, in this room, there are no Yankee fans or Boston fans, there are only Harvey fans.

….

The adrenaline pumping through Harvey's veins makes him feel like Superman. As Tanner comes jogging toward him on the mound he feels like he's literally invincible. Man of Steel. The majority of the fans at Fenway Park are pouring out of the exits as fast as they can, but those who came to see the first place Yankees are loud and proud and on their feet.

"Nice work, Harv—" Tanner slaps him on the back.

"Nice work to you, Tanner! You hit the game-winning dinger." He slaps his friend's glove with his own and the two men lineup to bump elbows with all their teammates.

Harvey showers and changes as quickly as possible and meets his family by the player exit.

"Oh, Harvey!" his mom exclaims as soon as she gets her arms around him. "My God, you were amazing out there. It's so much better in person."

Harvey squeezes Lily tightly in both arms as her words fill him a warmth he had dearly missed. He pulls back so he can see her face. "In person? You mean you watched me on TV?"

Lily places her hand on her son's cheek and looks into his deep brown eyes. "I never missed a game, son. Not a single game."

Harvey pulls his mom into his arms again and fights the urge to cry.

…

Donna fumbles with her phone on the nightstand for the third time in five minutes. She thought she shut it off the last time it started buzzing but apparently not.

The beautiful hotel room that Major League Baseball had provided them in Toronto was still dark. They had pulled the thick drapes shut tight when they arrived from Boston late last night. She finally gives up, fearing that her constant rustling will wake Harvey.

She stumbles out of the bedroom and into the small living room of their suite. When she finds her way to a chair she sits down and unlocks her phone. While the 3 missed calls from Rachel are just coming into focus, her phone starts to buzz in her hand. Rachel. Again.

"Rachel?" Donna answers, her tone somewhere between worried and annoyed.

"Donna! Finally!" Rachel responds with exasperation. "I've been trying to reach you since last night."

"I'm sorry, Rach. What is it? Is everything okay?"

"Donna. There is something I need to ask you before Mike and I join you guys in Toronto this afternoon."

"Okaayyy," Donna exaggerates the last syllable having no clue where this is going.

"I had drinks last night with my friend Stacie. The one from college?"

She phrases it like a question so Donna confirms. "The one who works in Hollywood now?"

"Yes. Exactly."

Donna doesn't want to be rude to her best friend, but she hasn't had any coffee and this conversation seems to be going nowhere.

"Donna, she heard Thomas cast you in a role for his new movie?" She hears Rachel gulp through the phone line. "Are you… moving to L.A.?"

**A/N: I have to give credit where credit is due. Mrs. Garfield was the idea of genius author/beta/friend coopaulsen. I said I wanted a redhead, she came up with this. LMAO!**


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: Okay, Suits Fans, this chapter title speaks for itself...**

**never could have done it with out my amazing beta girls. Heather and Stephanie, you both provided a ton of insight this chapter and came up with some great ideas. Nat and Sarah, thanks for all the advice and time you both give to help guide me.**

**Hope you all enjoy. And thanks again for all the amazing love and support. I am blessed to be a part of this talented fandom. **

**Chapter 19 - Inevitable**

Harvey and Donna pull up to the yellow Loading/Unloading zone at Pearson International, but they don't see Mike or Rachel. Harvey has always had a preference for fast cars. He's never driven a truck in his life, but there are some occasions where an SUV just makes sense. So when he and Donna agreed they should rent a car for their stay in Toronto he decided on a Range Rover. It was more than enough space for the four of them.

Airport security gives Harvey a wave and an irritated look, signaling that he needs to circle back around. Donna is busy looking through her _What to do in Toronto_ book and humming along to the radio when he pulls out from the curb.

"Where are you going? Isn't that their terminal?" She looks back over her shoulder in confusion.

"Yes. But security was giving me the stink eye. _Loading and Unloading_ is apparently not the same thing as _Sitting and Waiting_." Harvey shakes his head as he tries to change lanes in the crowded airport. "It's a Monday afternoon, for Christ's Sake. Why aren't you people at work?"

Donna laughs out loud.

"You know, I think there is some kind of big event here this week." She smirks playfully when Harvey lifts an eyebrow in her direction. "Some kind of stupid sports thing," she adds.

"Very funny." He tries his best to sound irritated but the way his eyes crinkle gives him away. "This is just a reminder why I don't own a car. I'd much rather sit in the back and let someone else deal with the traffic."

By the time the couple makes their way back, Mike and Rachel are on the curb with smiles that may not fit in the Range Rover after all.

Harvey puts the car in park but keeps it idling when he hops out to greet his friends.

"It just occurred to me," Harvey says as he approaches Mike, "you're the one who works for me, what am I doing picking you up at the airport?"

"Oh Harvey," Mike says as their handshake morphs into a one-armed hug, "it's so cute that you still don't see you're the one working for me."

The girls squeal and squeeze, and squeeze and squeal until Mike finally peels Rachel off of Donna so he can get a hug of his own.

"You two act like it's been seven years instead of seven days since you've seen each other." Harvey laughs as he throws their bags into the back. And after a quick kiss on the cheek, the four friends hop in the car and get the hell out of the airport.

"Hey, I've never seen you drive a car with four doors, much less a beast like this, you sure you're man enough for this machine?" Mike ribs Harvey from the passenger seat while Donna and Rachel ramble excitedly about all the places they hope to visit this week.

"I outweigh you by fifty pounds. You want me to show you just how much _man_ I am?"

When Mike's eyes go wide and he bursts into laughter, Harvey can't help but join him.

"Okay." He gasps for air between chuckles. "That came out wrong."

Harvey laughs so hard he can barely concentrate on the road. As he catches his breath and listens to the other three start talking about their plans for tonight, he is struck with an unexpected wave of gratitude for the group of people in this car.

In just a matter of months, he'd gone from spending nearly every night alone, closed off from so many people in his life, and pretending he wanted it that way, to watching his best friend get married, reconciling with his mom, and falling madly in love. He glances briefly in the rearview mirror as Donna smiles and laughs with Rachel. He's never seen anything more beautiful. He's never been so grateful. And he could never imagine his life without her.

…

A couple hours later, the group is back in the car after stopping by the hotel to get Mike and Rachel checked in and changed. They were on their way to the Rogers Centre for the Home Run Derby. Harvey didn't have to do anything but watch and cheer on his American League teammates, but all the players were expected to attend.

Once they arrive, Mike and Harvey head to the clubhouse so Harvey can change and Donna and Rachel find their seats. Donna knows that Rachel had been chomping at the bit to continue their earlier conversation, and the minute they are alone, she does just that.

"So?" Rachel turns and stands in front of Donna. "You said we'd talk when I got here. I'm here."

"Let's at least get a beer first?"

"Oh my God, you are stalling!" Rachel calls trying to catch up to Donna who moved around her and kept walking.

"I'm not stalling, I'm thirsty."

If the beers are in fact a stall tactic, they are a good one. The stadium is packed and the lines are long. Donna manages to keep Rachel talking about the new design project she is knee-deep in at work, and she updates her on the time she spent with Harvey's family.

"It's almost like I've known them all my life, Rach. It's so… different than with my family."

The wistful look in Donna's eye doesn't go unnoticed by Rachel and she steers the conversation back to Thomas's offer.

"Okay, I know you said you wanted a beer first, but at this rate, Mike will be back before we take our first sip." Rachel takes Donna's hand and waits for her to return her gaze. "What are you going to do, Donna?"

Donna looks at her best friend and exhales slowly. There is a part of her that is dying to talk this through with the one person she has always been able to go to when life got rough. And there had been plenty of those times over the decade they had been friends. But talking about it made it feel so _real_, and she wasn't sure she was ready for that.

Finally, Donna nods in agreement. "I don't even know where to start, Rachel. This whole thing is so overwhelming, I just keep pushing it to the back of mind. I—" She swallows and squeezes the hand that is still holding hers. "I can't even wrap my mind around what this would mean."

The line moves and the two scoot forward as Donna's statement hovers over them.

"Let's just break it down, piece by piece," Rachel offers. "When I have a big project at work and I feel like I can't see through all the details, I just try to tackle it one step at a time." She laughs and adds, "You know, my dad used to say, '_You can't eat a whole ribeye in one big bite, you gotta cut it up, eat one piece atta time'. _

That gets Donna laughing. "Why does every life lesson you get from your dad have to do with food?"

They finally get to the front of the line and order their draft beers. Rachel gets one for Mike too, because nobody wants to stand in this line again. They can get beer from the hawkers once they find their seats, but not the good stuff.

Donna takes a few big gulps and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. "Okay. Baby steps. Got it."

They hold the conversation while they fight the crowds again and carefully make their way down the concrete steps to the amazing seats Harvey secured for them. Right behind the Blue Jay dugout, which is currently occupied by the American League All-Star team. It only takes Donna a quick survey of the field to spot Harvey. He's standing in a group of other All-Stars, talking with Travis and another player. He looks so natural out there, in front of thousands upon thousands of fans, so _in his element_, and she couldn't be happier for him. It's the first time she's seen him in this uniform and it pushes her to take another long pull from her plastic cup to cool the heat building in her core.

_Damn, he sure is something to look at._

"Okay, for starters," Rachel brings her focus back, "can I just say, congratulations! I get this is a big decision and it's scary and there's a lot to consider, but… holy shit Donna, a role in a movie. Like a real movie! Filmed in Hollywood! Opposite Thomas Kessler!"

"Wait, what?" Donna's eyes shoot from admiring the view and lock on Rachel. "What do you mean _opposite Thomas Kessler? _He's producing it, not starring in it."

"That's not what Stacie said. She's working on mockups for the film already and she said Thomas was starring in it. The role you'd be playing is _his_ mistress."

Donna just stares blankly at her friend and lifts her beer back to her mouth. Thomas had gone over the role with her in detail, a small-time stage actress, who is the mistress of a senator, goes missing. He just failed to mention that _he _was playing that politician. Not that it mattered. Well, maybe it mattered a little.

"Anyway, my whole point is to say, congratulations!" Rachel squeals and spills her beer.

Donna smiles over her cup as she takes another drink. She can almost feel the alcohol trying to settle her flaring nerves like an internal war she has no control over. Baby steps…

"The opportunity is exciting." She tries to focus on that single aspect. "If you had told me a year ago that I'd be offered a role in a film from Universal starring Thomas Kessler, I'd have laughed you out of the room." Donna lets the reality of that sink in, maybe for the first time since Thomas had called. She lifts her head to search for Harvey on the field, but quickly closes her eyes and then turns back to Rachel.

"Can you imagine? Donna Paulsen, _me,_" she puts her hand on her chest and shakes her head, "on the big screen in theaters across the world?" She moves her hand from her chest to her mouth, covering it.

"It's incredible, Donna." Rachel smiles as she sets the beers down and places a hand on her friend's knee. "And, yes. I can imagine it. You've earned this Donna. You know that right?"

As if putting on a pair of glasses after staring at a blurry screen for days, everything suddenly becomes clear. She had earned this. Maybe it would work out and her future would be in the movie business. Maybe she would hate it, and return to the stage for good. She honestly had no clue how it would turn out for her. But one thing she did know for certain, was that she'd never find out if she didn't take the chance. She had worked her ass off to get her career moving in the right direction. This is the opportunity of a lifetime, and she couldn't, wouldn't, let it slip by.

"I do know that." This time the smile that spreads across her face is genuine. "I guess I just needed a reminder."

As Rachel smiles back at her, Mike appears behind them with a tray holding three more beers. He looks down at them and chuckles.

"Guess we're getting wasted." He shrugs and sits beside Rachel. "Good thing we have Harvey as our DD."

….

Yesterday had been all about fun and hanging out with guys he was honored to share the field with. Some of them, players he'd admired for years, some far younger than him. Being out on the field wearing that star on his chest had been everything he'd dreamed it would be.

But that was yesterday. And this is today. Today, he has a job to do.

As he buttons the last button of his jersey, Tanner walks up with a wide grin and a fire in his eyes.

"Here we go. You ready?" Tanner smacks his back and starts to walk toward the tunnel.

"Travis?"

Harvey rarely calls him by his first name. He could probably count on one hand the number of times he's done so and at least two of those times he'd been mocking him. It stops Tanner immediately and he turns.

"I never would have made it here…" Harvey pauses and clears this throat. This kind of shit has never come easy to him. He and Tanner had spent years as enemies, but no one could deny the great team they were now. "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. I just want you to know that I know that."

Tanner tilts his head, his expression serious, as he steps back toward him. He puts his hand on Harvey's shoulder and looks him straight in the eye.

"You gonna be alright, man? Can I get you anything? Tissue, glass of water, tampon?"

Harvey shoves Tanner back with two hands to the chest and both friends laugh loud enough to get the attention of the few players still in the clubhouse.

Neither says another word but they share a knowing look before heading out onto the field together. Harvey knows what his catcher really meant was, _me too, Harv… me too._

…_.._

The Specter/Ross/Paulsen party takes over a large portion of seats near the home bullpen, and every single one of them is wearing some kind of Specter shirt. Well, everyone but Donna's father Jim who is proudly sporting an old Blue Jays T-shirt that looks like it's been through the wringer.

Donna introduces her dad to everyone, Gordon, Marcus, Mike, Rachel, and even the surprise addition of Lily and Bobby who made last-minute arrangements to come. She had been a little nervous about it because, ever since she was a child, her father could be a little… unpredictable. When she had first told him about dating Harvey Specter, he had laughed and made some snide comment about her being Harvey's flavor of the month. It had stung, but she was used to his lack of faith in her. He loved her, he always had, but he seemed to disapprove of every decision she'd ever made, moving to New York, pursuing acting, and now, dating Harvey Specter. It didn't really bother her though. Not anymore. She disapproved of most of his decisions, too, so it seemed fitting. Donna had heard people use the phrase, _daddy's little girl, _but it had never meant much to her. Jim had never been the person she would run to with a problem, or for advice. In fact, she's probably had more of that from Gordon in just a few months than she ever had from him. He hadn't complained about the free ticket to the All-Star Game, though, and so far he'd been quite pleasant. Granted, he hadn't met Harvey yet.

The group has a fabulous time and the game is an exciting one. Normally the All-Star game is dominated by strong pitching which equates to a low-scoring, sometimes boring, game. Not this year. The offenses for both sides had recorded multiple hits and including two home runs. Tanner had an RBI double to put the American League up 5-4 in the seventh inning and Donna knows exactly what that means. Harvey could be set up for a save.

Mike had assured everyone that Harvey would pitch in the game regardless of the score because it was only an exhibition and his typical _Closer_ protocol would not apply. He had been voted on the team because the fans wanted to see him pitch, regardless of the score.

But Donna knows that this scenario is exactly what Harvey had hoped for. He wanted that save tonight, and it looks like he just might get that chance.

…..

Harvey knows the minute the bullpen phone rings that it's time. He pulls the lightweight jacket over his head as he exhales a shaky breath. He's not nervous, per se, but anxious… excited. He had dreamt about this moment and now that it was here he wanted to be sure to savor it. He brings his right arm behind his head and pushes his elbow back with his opposite hand, arching his back and taking in a deep breath of air as he looks out at the packed stadium and the section of seats beside him where everyone who matters to him is watching.

It's a bit foreign to him. This stadium, this bullpen, this uniform, even the players surrounding him are different. But the feeling brewing in his core, that's not foreign at all. He was born to play this game. Every pitching lesson as a kid, every mile he'd run, every weight he'd lifted had led him here. To this moment. It wasn't the World Series, and God willing he'd experience that soon enough, but it was the biggest moment of his career so far and he was ready.

….

"Ladies and Gentleman, now pitching for the American League, representing the New York Yankees, Harveeeey Specterrrrr."

Harvey's heart pounds wildly in his chest as he pushes through the bullpen gate. The peeling guitar solo from ACDC ignites the roaring crowd and Harvey has to bite his tongue to keep from breaking out into a shit-eating grin.

_They're playing my song._

He's got his work cut out for him. Facing the middle of the most dangerous lineup in Major League Baseball. He'll face Bellinger, Arenado, and then Bell, any of whom could tie the game with one swing.

Harvey digs his toe into the dirt at the far end of the rubber and slides it back, along the pristine white rectangle as he blows a slow steady stream of air through his lips. It's his signature move and it means he's ready to close the shit out of these guys.

The baseball gripped tightly between his fingers, he places his right hand behind his back as he leans out and over his front knee, the glove on his left hand tucked up under his chin. He looks to Tanner for a sign and knowing his trusted friend is the one behind the plate sends an influx of additional confidence flowing through his veins.

He's done his homework on these guys and so had his catcher. He knows every strength and every weakness. Which pitches to throw and where to throw them. But despite all that, he misses his spot by an inch and gives Bellinger an inside fastball that catches too much of the plate. Luckily, the long fly ball hooks foul before reaching the bleachers in right field. And when the next pitch hits the intended spot, Bellinger misses hard with a powerful swing that comes up empty. One down.

When Nolan Arenado steps into the batter's box he points his bat out at Harvey and looks down the barrel of it with his chin held high. Harvey knows this is a crucial moment. If Arenado gets on base, he will face the potential go-ahead run, Designated Hitter, Josh Bell who is waiting on deck. For a brief moment he flashes back to his first blown save earlier this season when he gave up the walk-off home run in Houston. The dread he felt walking off the field with his head hung low while the Astros celebrated around him.

A deep breath in… and out. He crouches down for the sign from Tanner. Today is not that day.

Two pitches later, he pops Arenado up in deep foul territory behind home plate and Tanner chases it down with a sliding catch. Harvey is down to his final out.

He gets ahead of Bell quickly with a called first strike and then a foul line drive into the net protecting the fans down the left field line. When Tanner gives the sign for the high fastball, Harvey knows he needs to dig deep into the tank and give this pitch everything he's got.

The feeling is surreal. Like it's all happening in slow motion in some baseball movie he watched as a kid. Deep breath in, and out. He finds his grip on the tight seams of the ball, crouches down on his back leg, and strides out as far as his front leg can take him, using the all the power his body has to offer and transferring it into that small white ball as it whizzes from his fingertips, seemingly picking up speed as it travels, finding its way past the bat of Josh Bell and right into the mitt of Travis Tanner.

Before Harvey has a chance to really grasp what he's accomplished, he's being dogpiled by the best players the American League has to offer. And he, undoubtedly, is one of them.

…..

The next two days go by way too fast, but as the saying goes, time flies when you're having fun. The two couples had spent all day Wednesday together exploring the Distillery District, taking touristy pictures and watching Harvey sign autograph after autograph. They met up with Tanner and Scottie for dinner, stayed up too late and drank too much. Donna loved every minute of it.

On Thursday morning, they took Rachel and Mike to the airport, and then met up with Donna's father Jim for lunch. It was about as awkward as Donna had expected, but having been warned, Harvey handled Jim's remarks and interrogation with grace. He even told Jim flat out, _You're daughter is the most important person in my life. _And Donna almost passed out cold into her salad.

…..

By the time Thursday evening rolls around they finally have a night to themselves. They decide on dinner at a popular Italian restaurant called Buca Bar, which was recommended to them by several locals.

As the night progresses and Harvey brings up the reality of heading home in the morning, Donna can't ignore the churning feeling in her gut. She even considers telling him right there at dinner. Just laying it all on the table and getting it out in the open. But as she searches for the words to start the conversation, the decision to keep it to herself for this long suddenly feels like a mistake. And that tiny twinge of doubt creeps slowly up her spine like a shadow and she downs the last of the wine in her glass.

_Tomorrow. She would tell him tomorrow._

…..

Even when you have a great vacation, there is still a feeling of comfort and relief to coming home. And for someone who travels as much as Harvey, there is no sound quite like the _click_ of unlocking his front door.

The couple had gone round and round on whose place to spend their first night back at, but in the end Harvey had won out since he was the one who had to work in the morning, and his place was much closer to the stadium.

"I'm going to hop in the shower real quick, if that's okay?" Donna says as they set their bags down on the bed.

"Perfect, I'll open a bottle of wine and wait for you on the balcony."

After unpacking a few of his things, Harvey heads to the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine and two glasses. It's a beautiful summer night and he's glad they can have a little more quiet time together before life returns to _normal_ tomorrow. As he rounds the island to head outside, he hears Donna's phone buzz as the screen lights up. He hardly casts a glance in its direction but the name on the screen is bold and it stops him in his tracks.

….

Donna throws on some black yoga pants and a loose-fitting sweater. Her hair is still damp but it's a warm July night, so she just shakes it out and heads out to meet Harvey.

"Much better," she says, referring to the refreshing feeling of a cool shower. Harvey doesn't respond but just sips on his wine, looking out at the cityscape.

Donna picks up her glass and takes in the view as well. "What a beautiful ni—"

"You got a message."

Something about his tone and the way he cuts her off stops her in mid-sip. She turns her head to face him, but his eyes are still cast forward.

"While you were in the shower."

And instantly, she knows. She swallows the lump in her throat and sets her glass on the small table between them. Her phone is lying there face up. When she reaches for it, the black screen vanishes and the banner message on her lock screen appears.

**Thomas Kessler: Just checking in to see if you've had enough time to consider my offer.**

Donna swallows again and sits down for fear her now shaky legs won't hold her weight.

"I was going to tell you. Tonight."

Harvey simply turns his head. His jaw clenched so tightly that the dent in his cheeks is clearly visible. His eyes dark with something, not anger exactly, but… pain.

"Were you?"

He's hurt. She can hear, see it, _feel_ it.

"Yes. I was, Harvey." She scoots forward on the chair so she can reach the hand he has balled on his lap. She wraps her slender fingers around his fist. _No excuses, just the truth._

"He called the morning you left for Toronto."

Harvey's eyebrows shoot up in surprise and he takes his hand from under hers and rubs his forehead with it. He lets out an exasperated puff of air and sets his glass on the table next to hers. Interlacing his fingers, he brings his joined hands up to his mouth and leans his elbows on his knees. The fact that he doesn't _say_ anything may speak louder than any words he could have chosen.

Donna can feel her eyes fill as she once again questions her decision to wait this long to tell him. But she had done so with the best of intentions. And this offer was a dream come true for her and she shouldn't have to feel guilty about it. If he loved her, he should be happy for her.

"He called just before I left for the airport. I made a decision to wait until after our trip to tell you about it because this week was about you, Harvey. It was your moment, and I didn't want anything to get in the way of that." Donna can hear the shakiness of her own voice and she curses herself for it.

Once again she is met with silence as Harvey simply stares out at the buildings in front of him.

"And to be completely honest, I couldn't even process the information myself. I had no idea how I even felt about the offer he made, so… how could I really talk with you about it?"

"And now?"

He had been silent for so long, his words actually surprise her.

"What?"

Harvey turns his head and meets Donna's eyes. "And now?" He repeats. "Now, do you know how you feel?" He looks away for a moment and then locks his eyes back on hers. "About his... _offer_?

The bitterness dripping from the word _offer_ makes her cringe internally, but remembering her conversation with Rachel, she stands firm and nods.

"I do."

Harvey's lips pull tight into a grimace as he pushes up from the chair, placing both his hands on the railing.

Donna stands as well and makes her way over to him.

"Can I tell you about it?"

He nods and she can see, just in his body language, that any initial anger he had been harboring is subsiding. He was hurt that she hadn't told him sooner, but he was ready to listen now.

She takes a chance and reaches for his hand. A sense of relief washing over her when he slides his fingers through hers and opens his shoulders to face her.

"Tell me."

He's tense. Nervous. But God, she can see he is trying and she can sense how difficult this is for him. It's not easy for her either.

"A role in a movie, Harvey. A film he's producing, and apparently starring in. It's a drama," She shakes her head. "A thriller of sorts." She can't hide the excitement in her voice and the more she lets out, the happier she feels. "Can you believe it? A movie? This could change my whole life!"

The moment those words leave her lips she wants to grab them from the air and shove them back down her throat. _Career. _She'd meant it could change her whole _career. _

There is no mistaking the look that flashes on Harvey's face. He's smiling at her. Doing his damnedest to mirror the happiness emanating from her. But it's a facade. She knows it as well as he does.

"That's amazing, Donna." He pulls her into a tight embrace, but something is _off. _She has the bad feeling he's only holding her this tightly so she can't see his face.

"Where?"

It's just one simple word but the weight of it crashes into her like a semi-truck. She's still wrapped in his arms and maybe it's better for the both of them. That way neither has to look at the other as her answer reverberates off the concrete walls.

"California."

…..

California. Of course. The complete opposite side of the country. He had seen this coming. All those weeks ago, he had seen it.

"_That's just it, Doc." Harvey hesitates, bringing his eyes back to Stan's. "I don't think it's really Thomas that's got me worried, after all."_

"_What is it then, Harvey?"_

"_Ever since my mother… ever since she made me keep her secret, I haven't been able to... trust people."_

_Stan doesn't respond, he just waits for Harvey to continue._

"_I felt like my mother cared more about her lover than she did about me." Harvey wipes his mouth with his hand. Talking about this was even harder than he thought it'd be. "And when I told my dad what had happened, the way I told him." He shakes his head as tears fill his eyes. "And then I just... left. I just left Marcus there all alone to deal with the mess I made."_

"_You didn't make that mess Harvey. What happened to your family wasn't your fault."_

"_The thing is, Stan. Deep down, I'm not sure I'm worthy." His voice cracks as he drags a hand through his hair. "I mean if my own mom didn't love me enough to…" He stops mid-sentence. "How can I deserve the love of someone like Donna? The deeper I fall in love with her, the more I fear that losing her is inevitable." _

_He looks up at Stan and says what he really came in here to say._

"_I'm not jealous of Thomas, not really. I'm terrified of what he represents." _

_Harvey pauses and swallows. Afraid once he speaks the word out loud they will become a reality. _

"_A future for Donna, that doesn't include me."_

….

As the word leaves her lips and makes its way to his ears, his heart shatters into a million tiny pieces. Like a vase falling from a table and crashing on the floor, shards of glass shooting in every direction. All of the air fleeing from his lungs in an instant, he's not sure if the gasp is audible or not, because the ringing in his ears makes it impossible to tell.

He feels the panic attack coming and searches his mind frantically for the strategies he'd work so hard on in therapy. But he can't find them. He can't remember if they ever existed at all. He had seen this coming and had asked Stan for help. If only he could remember a single word his therapist had said.

All he can feel now, besides the bubbling panic in his chest, is fear. Gripping him like a vice, it's as though a switch inside of him has been flipped, and he responds to the fear the way he had all of his life.

"I'm happy for you." He grips her shoulders as he pulls back from the embrace. His tone and expression in complete contrast to his words.

Dropping his hands to his sides, he picks up his glass and empties the contents of it into his mouth. When he grabs the bottle to refill it, his hand is visibly shaking. He had known this day would come.

"Harvey?" Donna exhales a shaky breath.

The way her voice breaks, pains him like a knife in his side. He grapples for control, but keeping his voice even is the best he can manage.

_She's leaving me. _

"Tell me about the role."

"I don't know what that has—"

"Just tell me, Donna. I think I deserve that much." He doesn't raise his voice. To raise his voice he'd have to feel something. But he's gone completely numb.

_She's leaving me._

"A dancer. A rising stage actress who goes missing."

"And Thomas? You said he was acting in the movie as well?" He doesn't know why he's asking these fucking questions. Nothing good will come out of her answers. But he can't stop himself. He's spiraling now.

_She's leaving me._

"Yes. A Senator caught in a scandal."

"A scandal?" He doesn't even try to hide the mocking sound in his voice.

He drags his eyes to hers for the first time in minutes and notices a fire building there that hadn't been present earlier. She straightens her spine and lifts her chin just slightly. He's put her on the defensive.

"Yes, Harvey. A scandal. The actress who disappears is his mistress."

He _knew_ it. Kessler _wanted_ her, and not just for her acting ability. He had seen it in the man's eyes the night they met. In the way he looked at her. Any semblance of control Harvey had left dissipates.

"I knew it." Harvey shakes his head with a mirthless laugh.

"You knew... _what_?" Donna challenges him, her voice escalating.

"Come on, Donna. Why do you think he offered you this role?" It's a shitty thing to say. He knows it and he loathes himself for it. But maybe if he pushes her away, then he can use that as an excuse when she's gone.

"I'll tell you why," she's yelling now, "because I fucking earned it!"

He watches her walk into the apartment and grab her purse. He wishes he could follow her. Stop her and say he's sorry. That he loves her more than he has ever loved anyone in his entire life. He hadn't meant any of it. The way he'd acted, the things he'd said. But he can't move. In fact, he can't breathe.

And as Donna walks out and slams the door behind her, Harvey drops to his chair and lets the panic attack wash over him. His heart pounds uncontrollably as his throat begins to close off his airway.

_Breathe. _He scolds himself. Gasping deeply, he's able to draw in just a small amount of oxygen. Pressing his eyes shut, he's flooded with a vivid image of the look on Donna's face before she walked away. The pain it stirs inside him far surpases anything this fucking panic attack can bring. He lifts himself from the chair and stumbles into the living room.

His vision blurs significantly, and he gasps for air again, fumbling for the decanter on the side table. He gulps the water down with a shaking hand and coughs out more than he swallows.

After a second drink, he's able to get some down and as his throat clears, so does his mind. Stan's words finally resurface. Clear as day.

_Donna loves you, Harvey. And if she ever leaves you, I'm afraid it will be because you left her no other choice._

The gravity of what happened sinks in and takes hold. Slamming the glass back on the table, he pushes off the wall and staggers to his door.

_Fuck this. _There is no way he is losing her. Not today. Not like this.

Harvey nearly rips the door from the hinges and stares down the empty hallway. His heart rate is back to a dangerous level, and his breathing is wheezy and shallow but it's going to take more than that to slow him down now.

The hallway is empty but he sees the doors to the elevator close. If he's going to catch her, he's got to hurry.

He breaks into a sprint and pounds the elevator button incessantly.

"Come on, come on. Fuck!" He drags a quivering hand through his hair while using the other to brace himself on the wall. It only takes a few seconds but they drag on mercilessly before the double doors finally begin to separate.

With his eyes cast at the floor, he taps impatiently on the wall as the doors open. Before stepping on, he lifts his eyes and his whole world stands still as they lock right on Donna's.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Real life is hard. We have all experienced pain, loss, and challenges we thought might break us. When I set out to write this Darvey AU I wanted to do justice to that. I wanted to tell a story where love isn't always easy and people make mistakes. Where growth and forgiveness are key components to building something real that will last. This is the ****penultimate**** chapter, and an important piece in their journey. Thank you again for all the amazing love and support and to my betas Heather, Steph, Nat, and Sarah for helping turn ideas in my head -into words on the page.**

**Chapter 20 - Distance**

Before Donna even makes it to the elevator, she stops to catch her breath. She's so furious about Harvey's accusation that she has forgotten how to breathe properly. She steadies herself with a hand on the wall outside his apartment as tears stream down her face. His comment had cut deep, and while a third party observer may see a woman scorned, it was the pain his words had caused that really had her spiraling.

Once she catches her breath she continues down the hallway and pushes the button frantically in hopes of it quickening the car's arrival. She doesn't look over her shoulder. She's afraid he will be there watching her go, or coming after her, or worst of all, that he won't be there at all.

When the doors finally open, she climbs in without a single look back and rides the elevator down while wiping away the constant tears. _God Damnit. What had happened up there? _

Before she reaches the lobby, Donna leans against the wall and closes her eyes, but what she finds in the darkness only unsettles her more. Harvey's eyes. There was so much pain. He had tried, she had seen it. He was fighting the anger and pain brewing inside him from the moment she'd stepped out onto that balcony. But instead of accusing her, he'd simply asked for an explanation. She had kept something from him. She had hurt him and he had lashed out. Had she just done the same?

"_He's never been in love before, Donna. He's kept his heart guarded for so long now." _

"_Just, be careful with him, okay?"_

When the elevator dings to signal its arrival at the lobby, the doors open, but Donna doesn't step out. She stands there blinking repeatedly as Gordon's words replay in her mind. And as the doors slowly begin to close, she reaches for the button and composes herself before she begins the climb back up to Harvey's floor.

In her heart, she knows that he didn't mean what he said. He had been her biggest fan since the moment he first saw her on stage, and he had told her again and again that she was destined for greatness. He was just scared. Scared of giving too much and then losing it all. Just the way she had been terrified of falling in love with him. Of his success, his fame, his career.

Maybe if she had trusted him to understand, maybe if she had shown a little more faith in him, maybe if—

The elevator dings again and this time when the doors slide apart, Donna finds herself looking straight into the eyes of a panic-stricken Harvey.

The two stand there blinking until the doors start to shut again. Harvey's hand darts up from his side to stop the closing doors, and they reverse direction at the contact.

"You came back." His voice is hoarse and barely louder than a whisper.

Donna can see that his pupils are dilated, and his chest is heaving noticeably.

"Harvey? Harvey are you okay?" She steps out of the elevator and takes both his hands in hers. Although she hadn't experienced his last panic attack first hand, she has a feeling she's witnessing one now.

"Let's get you back inside." She places her hand on his back and guides him back toward his apartment.

"I'm... so... sorry." He tries to stop and face her but Donna isn't having it. His eyes are still bulging and his breathing is erratic. She can't begin to guess what his heart rate must be.

"If you're really sorry, you'll shut up and get back inside. You are scaring me half to death."

"I ... I was coming…"

"I can see that, Harvey." Donna's own voice is weak. Seeing him this way is tearing her apart. Her strong, confident, powerful Harvey, reduced to stuttering, stumbling, and shaky hands.

…...

_She came back._

The phrase keeps repeating in his mind, over and over.

The cool hand she lays on the back of his neck feels like lowering himself into an ice bath after a tough workout. It soothes him even more than the gentle tone of her voice.

By the time he sits down on the sofa, his breathing has slowed significantly and he's able to draw in his first deep breath of air after drinking from the water glass Donna hands him.

_She came back._

Harvey closes his eyes and begins counting down from ten. Concentrating on slowing his heart in an effort to sync the beats with his cadence. He places his hand on Donna's, which is lightly squeezing his knee, and he laces his fingers through hers as he opens his eyes and his vision clears. The pounding in his ears steadies. His breathing, gradually, returns to normal.

"You came back." He repeats the words, this time his voice is more steady than before.

"Just drink." Donna gently pushes the glass in his hand back toward his mouth.

Not wanting to start another argument, he does as he's told and empties the glass in a few large gulps. As he places the glass on the table in front of them, he closes his eyes and takes in one last deep breath and blows it out slowly through his barely parted lips, counting up this time from one to ten.

"Donna—" He turns his body toward her on the couch.

"Harvey—" She tries once again to stop him from talking but this time he's not having it.

"Donna. Just… let me talk, please." He takes both her hands and squeezes them lightly. Not only had he been a complete asshole, but he'd scared her half to death with his fucking hyperventilating. "I'm fine. I promise." He waits for her to look back up to his eyes. "See, I'm fine."

She nods and he can feel the tension in her body give way. Like she'd been holding her breath for hours and can finally exhale, her breath hitching as she tries to match his calm tone.

"Okay." Her eyes are still glistening with unshed tears and it breaks him even more.

"I'm so sorry, Donna." His voice is sincere, that deep rich tone he only uses from time to time, and she opens her mouth to speak, but he tilts his head with a warning and she closes it. A single tear rolls down her face and he lifts his hand to touch her. His strong fingers slide to the back of her neck and rest in her hair as he strokes her flushed cheek with his thumb.

"You are incredibly talented." It comes out like a whisper, like a secret he doesn't want to be overheard. "You could _do _anything, _be_ anything, and I hate myself for belittling that."

His eyes fill again as the horrible insinuation he'd made resurfaces in his consciousness.

"I know you earned this, Donna. No one believes in you and your talent more than I do." Harvey scoots a little closer to her as he continues to run his thumb across her face. "Seeing you on that stage takes my breath away every single time. It's who you are, where you belong."

"I belong with you, Harvey."

His breath lodges in his throat. There is nothing she possibly could have said in this moment that would have meant more to him than that. He just blinks, unable to find words worthy of the love he feels for her. So instead of responding, he pulls her close. Wraps her in his arms and holds her, pinching his eyes closed and fighting the need to let out all of his fears, all his insecurities, and just sob in her arms like a child.

The couple sits quietly for several minutes. Both lost in their own thoughts trying to process everything that had transpired between them tonight. She's going to take this job. He knows it. He wouldn't let her turn it down if she tried. But she loves him, and he loves her. And they are going to be okay.

Harvey scoots himself back against the arm of the couch and pulls Donna up next to him. She lays her head on his chest as the two make themselves comfortable. Deciding enough words had been said tonight, they just lay in silence. Donna caressing his chest, and Harvey running his hands through her hair. It had been a long week and a very emotional evening, and before the clock reached 9:00 pm, they were both fast asleep.

…

Donna wakes in the morning to the sound of Harvey working in the kitchen. The curtains are drawn but the July sun is already shining brightly and casting a glow on the bedroom. She has a vague memory of Harvey waking her in the middle of the night and relocating them from the living room to the bedroom, but it's all a bit hazy now.

Before she's fully awake, Harvey walks back into the room wearing only a pair of baggy sweatpants and carrying a steaming cup of coffee. No woman has ever laid eyes on a sight more glorious than this.

"Good morning." His sexy smirk and dark eyes stir something primal in her core, and she's pretty sure he must be flexing his pecs on purpose.

"Good morning." She tries for _seductive_ but it comes out more like groggy.

"I have to head to the stadium in a little over an hour. I thought we could have some breakfast and... talk." He hands her the mug and casts his eyes on the floor.

She hasn't forgotten about last night, and she knows they need to talk. But honestly, there is a small part of her that just wants to pretend it didn't happen.

"Okay," she responds after a brief hesitation. "I'll be out in a few minutes."

When Donna takes a seat at the small table, she's impressed with what Harvey pulled together after being away for several days.

"This looks delicious." She smiles up at him as he pours her a glass of juice.

"Thanks." He winks down at her. "Omelettes were a necessity in college. Eggs are all protein and they are cheap." He chuckles as he returns the juice to the refrigerator and then takes a seat across from her.

Something about the domesticity of the moment coupled with the sound of his laugh fills Donna with a warmth that starts in her chest and spreads out through her entire body.

Neither of them seems to want to start the _talk_. Either that, or they are both just starving. They hadn't had a real meal last night and eating is a great excuse for not talking.

Finally, Donna breaks the silence and catches Harvey completely off guard.

"I'm sorry, Harvey."

"Donna—"

"No, Harvey. Don't _Donna_ me" She wags her finger at him. "Last night I let you talk. Now it's my turn."

Harvey puts his hands up jokingly and sits back in his chair.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the job offer sooner." Donna looks through the glass door to the balcony, trying to remember all the good reasons she had. "I meant everything I said last night, but I know there was more to it than that. I was afraid. At least a part of me was." She turns her head back to face him and she can see the sadness in his eyes.

"Afraid? Of me?"

"Not _of you. _Harvey. But of the way you might react." She hates saying it out loud because she knows he loves her and he would never intentionally hurt her.

"You mean because I acted like such an ass before?" There is no bite to his statement. No bitterness, just honesty. "And then I went and proved you right? Shit, Donna. I'm so sorry." He props his elbow on the table and rubs his hand over his face.

"Harvey." She reaches across the table and lays her hand on his. "I know you didn't mean the things you said last night. And I also know that it was a terrible way for you to find out. And that's on me." She squeezes his hand and he looks back up at her. "How about from now on, we don't hold back? We tell each other the hard truths, no matter how scary it might be."

Harvey clenches his jaw and nods. Running his other hand through his hair, he exhales loudly.

"I don't ever want you to be afraid to tell me something." He scoots his chair around to the side of the table so he can take both her hands. "I need you to know that you are the most important thing in the world to me. Anyone else ever loses faith in me, it doesn't matter." Harvey looks down at their joined hands and then back up into her eyes. "But with you... it's different."

The lump in Donna's throat is accompanied by a skip in her chest.

"If there's anyone I have faith in, Harvey, it's you."

The love she sees in his eyes at this moment speaks louder than a thousand _I love yous. _They are like windows into his soul and the love he feels for her shines through them like the bright morning sun. And she knows. She knows that they will be okay.

Donna stands and pulls him up to his feet. Burying her face into his firm chest, she relishes the comfort of his strong arms enveloping her.

"I love you, Harvey."

"I love you, too."

When Donna was a little girl she was very close to her maternal grandfather. He used to tell her over and over, _What comes easy won't last, and what lasts won't come easy._ She didn't really understand it as a child, and as she grew up, she always thought it applied to her career. About working hard for what she wanted and not seeking the quick buck like her father always had.

But as the relief of Harvey's embrace calms her nerves, and the sincerity of his words fills her heart, she realizes her grandpa's advice had nothing to with money or jobs. He was talking about love. Real love.

They eventually move to the couch to continue their conversation and Donna fills Harvey in on all the details. At least the ones she knows. She would head out to L.A. in a week to read the script and meet the director. If she was happy with how all of that went, she would accept the role. Filming would begin in August and she would most likely be in California for about two months.

Donna can see the flash in his eyes when she mentions being gone for that long. She can see the way his lips pull tightly when he tries to smile, making it look like more of a wince than anything else. She loves him so much that a small voice in the back of her mind almost convinces her this is a mistake. That she should stay here with him. That she can't just leave and miss the rest of his season. But deep down she knows this is something she needs to do.

She reaches for his hand when he seems to drift off, staring blankly at the empty fireplace.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," Harvey responds with a sigh as he turns back to face her. "I am so happy for you. I really am… but we said _hard truths, _right?"

Donna swallows and nods and her stomach flops like a fish out of water.

"This isn't going to be easy," he continues, clenching and relaxing his jaw. "Being thousands of miles apart. For weeks. Months. It isn't going to be easy."

"What comes easy won't last, and what lasts won't come easy." The words just roll off her tongue.

"What was that?" Harvey tilts his head.

"It's something my grandfather used to say." Donna reaches up and places her soft palm on Harvey's cheek. Still rough from the day of travel yesterday. "Nothing about being in love is easy, Harvey. But what we have is strong enough to get through this, and anything else life might throw at us."

She leans in and kisses him softly, just at the corner of his mouth where his upper lip meets his lower one. And then again, on the lips. Letting her tongue slip through his, just barely, before pulling away.

"We got this," she whispers.

Harvey leans in and lays his forehead against hers, smiling.

"We got this."

….

The next few weeks pass in a blur. Donna makes the trip to Los Angeles and is completely swept off her feet by the entire experience. The studio, the cast, the palm trees. She loves everything about it. Well, except the absence of Harvey. She accepts the role and is blown away by the compensation. She will make more in 2 months on set than she had in 2 years on stage.

Harvey, on the other hand, has struggled a bit with their new normal. Donna did return to New York for a couple of weeks after her initial trip, but it went by in a flash and then she was gone again. Some nights, like tonight, he sips on a glass of scotch on the balcony and wonders how he ever thought his life was perfect before. The way he used to scoff at Tanner and even Mike for being _whipped _or _tied down. _And now the loneliness aches like a tooth that needs to be pulled and he just counts the days until his upcoming trip to L.A. She was supposed to call once she got home, but it was getting late.

"Hey." He picks up the phone with a smile when her call finally comes in.

"Hey. Sorry, it's late."

Just the sound of her voice melts his insides. He plays it cool whenever they talk because he knows she's loving it out there and the last he wants is her worrying about him.

"I haven't been home long." He sips on the amber liquid in his glass. "How was your day?"

"Incredible. I mean, overwhelming, but incredible. I'm still adjusting to all the people, and the cameras, the lights. It's a completely different world." He hears her moving things around before she continues. "I saw you guys won tonight?"

"Yeah. 5 games up now. We'd have to really go in the shitter to lose it at this point."

"Well, you better keep that from happening because I plan to be home for the play-offs."

Hearing her talk about coming _home_ makes him smile into his glass.

"I'll do my best." He chuckles softly.

"I can't wait for you to come out here!" Donna says excitedly. "Thirteen more days."

The way his heart flutters at the idea that she's counting down makes him feel like he's in junior high. He's also been ticking the days off on his calendar, but knowing she's doing the same is comforting.

"Twelve and half, actually, but who's counting?"

"I miss you, too, Babe." She giggles.

…

When the team checks into the hotel in Anaheim, Harvey can't get out of there quick enough. He has been given permission to miss the team meeting this evening so he can go and surprise Donna on set. It's a forty-five minutes drive to Santa Monica and the Uber will cost him an arm and a leg but he'd gladly give a kidney to see her right now.

The current plan, as far as she knows, is for them to meet at her condo tonight once she wraps for the day. It will be the first night they get to spend together in weeks and he plans to make the most of it. He had made a call to an old Harvard teammate who is now an Amazon Executive, and he agreed to meet up with Harvey and bring him on set.

The entire ride to L.A., his fingers drum nervously on his knee. He can remember being this excited since he and Marcus bolted down the stairs as kids to see what Santa had brought for them. He can't wait to see the look on Donna's face when she sees him there.

It's not until Flynn parks the golf cart just outside the studio that the first flash of doubt strikes like a bolt of lightning.

"Something wrong?" his friend asks with a puzzled expression when Harvey stops following him.

_What if this was a bad idea?_

"No. It's nothing."

As they walk through the back entrance on to the set, Harvey sees exactly what Donna had meant. There are people moving in every direction and lights, cameras, and sound equipment everywhere. There are more people just working behind the scenes here then could fit in the Ambassador Theatre.

As they walk around, Flynn introduces Harvey to half a dozen people, but he's hardly aware of any of it. He can't seem to shake this ominous feeling that maybe showing up here unannounced wasn't the best idea he'd ever had.

Considering Donna's role in the film, watching her work might not be fun for him after all. He had been so excited just to see her, to surprise her, that the image of what he might actually witness, hadn't occurred to him until this very moment. And the fact that he has yet to spot Thomas or Donna only tightens the knot forming in his gut.

"Looks like our timing is perfect." Flynn turns and offers Harvey a grin. "She's filming right now."

He gestures out beyond the plethora of cameras and lights to a scene that looks like an almost exact replica of Donna's dressing room in New York.

The first thing he notices is how beautiful she looks. Her hair and makeup, like that of a Hollywood star, her skin sparkles under the overhead lighting. It's not the first time the sight of her leaves him breathless. Then just like the way a fantasy can turn into a nightmare with the snap of your fingers, enter Kessler. They are too far away to hear the dialogue, and it appears that whatever Thomas is saying is meant to be whispered anyway, but what happens next has Harvey's breakfast lurching up into his throat.

Donna swings her palm at Thomas's face but he catches her wrist before she makes contact. They stare each other down and even from this distance, the heat between them is palpable.

He knows what's coming but it doesn't mean he's prepared for it. Thomas's lips come crashing down on hers as he backs her into the dressing table. Harvey just watches and strangely the main focus of his mind is the sheer size of Kessler and the way he dwarfs Donna. She nearly vanishes into him.

"Cut!"

A voice yells out and the scene stops. Just like that. The two actors pull apart and several people start bustling around the set. The director walks out and speaks to the two of them while Harvey leans on the wall for support.

"Damn! That was hot." Flynn chuckles. "She's amazing!"

"Yeah." Harvey offers a weak smile. "She sure is."

"You look a little pale there, Specter." His friend slaps his shoulder and laughs. "Could be worse, at least it's not a sex scene."

Giving his friend the middle finger as a response to that, he grabs a bottle of water from the table beside them and drinks the entire thing without taking a breath.

Harvey doesn't understand what the fuck this director wants, but they continue to shoot the same damn scene over and over. He's beginning to feel like he's a prisoner of war suffering the effects of psychological warfare.

It's after the fourth tortuous take that he finally tells everyone to take five.

And that is when she spots him. The second her eyes land on his he watches her entire face light up. Like a brand new bulb being screwed into the socket, and in that very moment, all the angst built up inside him vanishes. Poof. Just like that.

Donna races through the crowd of people, dodging cameras and booms along the way, and leaps into his embrace. The kiss she plants on his lips isn't on camera, no one is watching or evaluating, there are no lights or microphones. There is just her and him. And he pours himself into it with everything he has. God, he's missed her.

"What are you doing here? Oh my God! Look at you! Feel my heart!" She rambles excitedly as she lays his palm on her chest and he can feel the way it's pounding wildly. Beating out of her chest. For him.

He smiles back at her, completely and utterly dumbfounded by her love for him. But his smile fades as the excitement he feels gives way to guilt for the jealousy he had once again succumbed to just moments before.

And Donna being Donna, she sees it. And her smile fades as well.

"It's just acting, Harvey." She's hurt. Offended. And it breaks him.

"I know, Donna." He reaches for her but she pulls back.

"Places, everyone!" The director bellows. "Let's get it right this time, people!"

"I have to go."

She walks away without even looking back at him and he pinches the bridge of his nose and wishes for a drink. Somehow he's so talented at being an asshole, he doesn't even need to open his mouth to put his foot in it.

The next take is over before it begins. Donna is clearly shaken and she walks off the set announcing she needs a few minutes.

Flynn had disappeared a while ago and Harvey had been watching on his own. So when he sees Donna leave the building, he chases after her.

"Donna!" He calls when he gets outside. "Donna, wait!"

At first, he thinks he's going to have run after her, but she turns on a dime and starts stalking back in his direction.

"Why did you come here, Harvey?" She lifts her hands in the air and drops them dramatically, clearly exasperated. "If it's so hard for you, why did you come?"

"I came because I couldn't go another minute without seeing you. Without holding you. Without looking into those beautiful eyes." He steps forward. Tentatively closing the short distance left between them. Testing the waters.

"I'm here because I love you." He takes the last step needed to reach her and takes her hand. She doesn't respond and just blinks rapidly at him. But her eyes soften and he sees her frustration dissipate.

"I know it's acting, Donna. And you're brilliant. Your talent takes my breath away. And just because I act like an overgrown child from time to time, doesn't mean I don't get that." He reaches up to caress her cheek with his thumb the way he often does.

"Now get back on that set, and show them just what Donna Paulsen is made of."

She accepts his _apology _by wrapping her arms around him and kissing him softly on the lips.

"When we get to the hotel later, I'm going to remind you about the difference between fiction and reality. Over and over and over." She bites his lip before pulling away.

"God, I hope so," Harvey says to her back as she saunters back on to the set, leaving him with a burning sensation in his groin.

…

Donna has Sunday off and she is ecstatic that she will be able to make Harvey's afternoon game in Anaheim. They would even get to have dinner together and spend the night in his hotel. While she is beyond excited, there is also a feeling of sadness just below the surface. Tomorrow he will be on a plane to Seattle and then home to New York. She won't see him for another three weeks.

As she walks into the stadium, she is overwhelmed with a sense of comfort. She's never been to an Angels game, so it's not that. It's the smell of the fresh grass, the beer, and the peanuts. It just smells like baseball, and that means Harvey.

She walks up to the side of the bullpen where she sees him stretching with the rubber bands he uses before the games.

"Oh my God! Is it really you? Harvey Specter! Can I have your autograph? On my chest?" She calls out to him giving her best fangirl impression and making him laugh out loud.

"Sure, Red." He raises an eyebrow at her. "Just meet me in the parking lot after the game, and I'll give you more than just an autograph to remember me by." He winks and makes Donna giggle.

They had spent the most amazing night together on Thursday and she hadn't stopped thinking about it since. They had made love over and over again. They talked, and laughed, and kissed. It had been the perfect night in every way.

He had apologized again for his reaction to the filming, but he had promised her that even though it may be hard for him to watch, it has nothing to do with a lack of trust or faith in what they have. And that was all she had needed to hear. She wouldn't want to watch him put his mouth on another woman, no matter what the circumstances, so she figured she should cut him a little slack.

She was bubbling with excitement the entire game, knowing that she had great news to share with him at dinner tonight. Selfishly, she was a little happy that the game was low scoring and quick. And even though it was too bad they lost, it meant the game was half of an inning shorter and Harvey wouldn't be exhausted from pitching. A _win-win-_loss in her mind, even though she'd never admit that to Harvey.

…..

They sit down for dinner at The Ranch, which is a favorite of Harvey's. He made a point of eating here every time the team came to Anaheim. He orders a bottle of wine and tries not to give in to the aching in his gut knowing their time together is coming to an end.

"I have some great news." Donna sips on her wine and looks up at her through her lashes. "I almost brought it up the other night, but it wasn't a sure thing yet."

"You're running away and becoming a full-time groupie of mine?" He gives her his best sexy smile and she almost spits out her wine on the table. "Hey, I was being serious." Harvey furrows his brow and pouts playfully.

"I've accepted another role." Donna blurts it out like she just can't keep it in a second longer.

Her eyes sparkle with such joy and anticipation that he forces the bile down and smile back. He will not let his fears or insecurities fuck things up again.

"That's amazing, Donna!" He's pretty sure he means it.

"It's a dream role for me, Harvey."

He swallows the lump in his throat and clenches his fist below the table.

"Well, tell me! What is it?"

"Glinda." She beams as she waits for his response.

The wheels in his head spin so quickly he's afraid he might blow a gasket. _Glinda? Glinda? Glinda the Good Witch? _

He's in shock as the reality of what she's telling him takes hold. He's almost afraid to believe it.

"Wicked?" He whispers like he's worried someone might overhear. "As in… Broadway?"

She just claps her hands in front of her and nods repeatedly. "A two-year contract."

"You're coming home?" He can hardly get the words out. "For good?"

"I'm coming home, Harvey. For good."

Harvey feels like he is floating a few inches above his seat through the rest of the meal. The colors look brighter, the food tastes richer, shit, even the country music sounds better. Donna takes her great news and makes it even greater by explaining to Harvey that she doesn't think Hollywood is for her. She misses the live audience and the intimacy of performing with a smaller cast and crew. As wonderful as this experience has been, she belongs on the stage. And selfish as it may be, he couldn't agree more.

…

The moment Donna sees Harvey off in the morning, she calls Mike. An idea had come to her yesterday at the Angels game and she's hoping Mike might be able to help her make it a reality.

"Hey, Mike!"

"Donna! This is a nice surprise. I heard you're coming back to New York. Told you nice weather was overrated."

"You heard already? I haven't even had a chance to call Rachel."

"Harvey texted me. Pretty sure he did it at dinner when you went to the bathroom." Mike chuckles. "Such a pussy."

"Hey!" She was going to say _He's my pussy. _But luckily she caught herself. "He could take your ass, and you know it."

"Fair enough. So, what's up? Everything okay?"

"Actually, I have a favor to ask." She bites her lip suddenly second-guessing herself. "A big one."

"Anything for you, Donna."

"Do you know anyone in Public Relations for the Yankees?"

"Suuure." She can hear the curiosity in his voice and it makes her grin.

"Okay, I need you to set up something for me for the first home playoff game. But, Mike you have to promise to keep it a secret."


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: Please bear with me on this final AN. A note to each of my betas:**

**Heather: You were the first friend I made on Twitter and if it hadn't been for you welcoming me with open arms and asking for my opinions on LOL, I don't think I ever would have started writing in the first place. Thank you for ALWAYS having my back and for finding that one last edit that slipped through the cracks. Thank you to my first/best Twitter friend!**

**Nathalie: I've never met a kinder and more genuine soul than you. Thank you for being brave enough to tell me the truth even when it wasn't easy. You have taught me and guided me on the true essence of Darvey from very early on. This story wouldn't have been the same without you.**

**Sarah: I've told you many times how your AUs inspired me to create this fic. I love the way you write so much, and more than that, I love the person you are. I am blessed to have met you and I appreciate the input you provided along the way more than you know.**

**Blue: I know life got in the way and you weren't able to keep up with being a beta for this fic, but I never would have had the confidence to try it if not for your continual and unwavering support. You have taught me so much about writing, but even more about compassion and love. I am forever in your debt.**

**Steph: No one put more time and effort into helping me with this story than you did. Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week you were there for me. Laughter, screaming, tears, even an argument or two, but you never wavered. You guided and suggested and redirected with love and honesty. This story is as much yours as it mine, and I can never thank you enough.**

**Chapter 21 - Surprise**

September may only have thirty days, but it feels like three hundred to Harvey. The month has been crawling by painfully slow and he still has over a week until Donna comes home. The weather may have cooled considerably after a hotter than usual August, but with the cooler weather came rain, and with rain came rain delays and rain-outs. Bottom line, it sucks.

The only saving grace is that the Yankees have clinched not only the American League East, but they are guaranteed home field advantage throughout the playoffs since they have the best overall record in baseball. This means that most of the starters are getting plenty of rest and they use Harvey sparingly with the expectation of needing his arm to last deep into October.

"My God, Specter. Are you really looking through the photos on your phone again?" Travis stands over his shoulder in the locker room scoffing. "Christ, you're pitiful."

"Fuck off, Tanner," Harvey says putting his phone into his locker. "You seem to have forgotten I was your roommate in Triple A when you and Scottie broke up every other weekend and you used to cry yourself to sleep at night."

"Hey! It was more like every couple months. And I only cried that _one_ time."

The two friends exchange playful punches before continuing to get dressed for their game.

"When's she coming home? Soon, right?" Tanner asks while lacing up his spikes.

"Yeah, on the 2nd." Harvey tugs on the bill of his hat and can't help but smile at his reflection in the small mirror. "She'll be back just in time for our first playoff game."

"Thank God for that." Tanner laughs. "You need to get laid."

…

As Donna sits on the 405 freeway in bumper to bumper traffic, she thinks about how much she misses New York. Sure, she loves Southern California, but the longer she stays the more she's ready to go home. She knows, of course, that it's really Harvey she longs for, and if he were here with her, she might even consider living in LA long term. But he's not, and thinking about him being in New York, makes her miss everything about the city. And with her return being only a few days away now, the feeling is only that much more intense.

The production of the movie has been amazing in every way. Not just the experience she's gained as an actress, but the knowledge of the entire process, the networking, the feedback from so many talented people in the industry; some uplifting, some constructive, but all of it incredibly invaluable. She doesn't regret the decision to accept this role in any way. And she may even decide to return to the silver screen in the future if the right opportunity should arise, but her home is in New York, on the stage, and she can't wait to get back to it.

Everything is going according to plan for her big surprise, but the trickiest step is still in front of her. Mike has been instrumental in helping to orchestrate everything in New York and she is going to owe him big time for keeping her secret. Rachel is in on it too, of course. Her best friend has a crucial role to play as well and it will take all three of them working in sync to pull this off.

….

When Harvey wakes up on October 2nd, his stomach is in knots. This is the biggest day of his life and regardless of the fact that he is confident it will go as expected, he's nervous as hell. Donna's flight won't get in until he's already at the field so Rachel will be picking her up and bringing her to the game. He is beyond excited to see her, to hold her, to share this incredible night with her.

The nervous energy coursing through his veins is making him antsy, so he decides on an early run. It's barely 6:30 when he hits the streets in his usual black sweats and hoodie. It's still dark as he starts to pick up his pace, and he knows he's going to have the added benefit of catching the sunrise.

As the music pumps loudly in his ears, he takes in the city that has become his new home. He thinks about all the hours of working out, the rehabilitation to come back from his injury, all the exciting wins and tough losses, the strikeouts, and the blown saves, all of those experiences have led him to this day. He knows it's only game one of the series, but it's his first playoff game as a closer, and it's the most crucial step to bringing home that World Series title.

With his body warm, and sweat dripping down his face, he watches as the sun makes its way over the horizon, casting a stunning red haze over the downtown skyline. And his mind drifts to Donna. He had heard the phrase _absence makes the heart grow fonder, _but he'd never realized how accurate it had been until now. The way he had missed Donna over these past couple months had opened his eyes to a number of things, and he planned to make sure she knew just how much he loved her. The thought of seeing her tonight, of tasting her lips on his, causes him to quicken his pace even further as he pushes his body to its limits, sprinting the last couple hundred yards to his condo.

…..

Donna scans the crowded baggage claim area at JFK while she's riding down on the escalator. Rachel had texted that she was there waiting and Donna is hoping to catch sight of her before getting to the ground level. They had figured that the airport would be a madhouse due to the game tonight, but it was even worse then they'd imagined.

"Donna!" Rachel calls out. "Donna!"

She spots her best friend off to her right and runs to greet her.

"Oh my God!" Rachel squeals, pulling back from Donna and taking her in. "You even glow like a Hollywood actress now."

"Oh, Rach." Donna shakes her head. "I'm Donna. I always glow."

"Right." Rachel chuckles. "Of course you do." She grabs her friend's hand and pulls her toward the carousel of luggage.

"Did Mike get it? Is everything ready?"

"Yes, Donna. I've told you a hundred times, everything is ready. It's going to be perfect."

Donna doesn't usually get anxious like she is about tonight. She's always been a planner and when she decides to put something in motion, you can count on it getting done and getting done right. But this is such an important night for Harvey and she had wanted to do something really special. Something completely unexpected to celebrate his amazing success, and also her homecoming. This night has to be perfect.

…..

When the girls get to Donna's place they take her bags upstairs and rush to get ready. Donna showers just to rinse off. She'd done her hair before the flight because she knew time would be limited once her flight got it.

Standing in front of her full-length mirror she takes a deep breath. Pumps, jeans, and the brand new Yankee home jersey with Harvey's number on the back Mike had gotten her. It was perfect. An exact replica of the one Harvey would be wearing.

"Donna, come on!" Rachel yells from Donna's entryway. "The car's waiting out front. We have to meet Mike at the back gate in less than 30 minutes."

Donna inhales slowly and takes in all the oxygen her lungs can hold. Then she lets the air out with an excited squeal and grabs her purse. Here we go!

…..

The energy in the stadium even an hour before the game time is incredible. The ballpark is already packed and there is a buzz running through the place that makes your fingers and toes tingle. The field looks even more pristine than usual and is adorned with brand new paint and logos for Major League Baseball and the American League Divisional Series.

The Yankee clubhouse has an energy of its own. Every member of the organization has his or her game face on. From the trainers, to the vendors, to the coaches and players. There is no mistaking it. This is no ordinary game. This is playoff baseball.

Harvey's hands shake as he fastens the last few buttons of his shirt. He has prepared for this night and he knows he's ready. In fact, he's never been more certain of anything in his entire life.

When he walks out of the tunnel and onto the grass of Yankee Stadium he is overcome with emotion. All these fans are here to see his team take down the Minnesota Twins. He knows his family is in the stands tonight and he casts his eyes toward the section their seats are in. And most importantly he knows that Donna is here, somewhere, and that thought makes him smile and tear up at the same time. His chest puffs out with pride and gratitude as he jogs onto the grass to start his warm-ups.

…..

Donna, Mike, and Rachel make their way through the underground hallways that lead from the back entrance to the elevators that will take them up to the Public Relations office. Mike has been talking non-stop since she and Rachel had arrived and Donna's beginning to think he's more nervous than she is.

On the ride up, he tells Donna the ins and outs of how this will all go down and also repeats at least a hundred times how much she owes him for keeping this from Harvey.

"God, I cannot wait to see his face!" Mike says excitedly as the elevator doors open and the three of them step off.

As soon as Mike pushes open the PR door, they are greeted by a beautiful brunette.

"Kristen!" Mike says, the excitement still emanating from his body. "You're here!"

"Yes, Mike." She laughs. "I work here." Kristen smiles and it lights up her entire face. "You must be Donna." She extends her hand.

"Yes," Donna replies, taking the offered hand with a smile, "I can't thank you enough for helping to organize all this."

"Are you kidding? This is a PR dream come true! I'm the one who should be thanking you."

Kristen takes the three of them into her office and walks them through the pregame agenda.

"Because it's a playoff game, both teams will line up on the baselines and the coaches and line ups will be announced." She shows Donna a diagram of the field and explains where they will be standing in order to keep Harvey from seeing her until they announce her.

"Once the line ups are done, it will be time for the National Anthem, and that's when they will announce you."

Mike is bouncing in his seat like a middle schooler with ADHD while Rachel gasps audibly and covers her mouth with both hands.

Donna just nods. Deep breath in and out. She's ready.

"Okay. Sounds great. How much time do we have?" she says after a moment or two of silence.

Kristen checks her watch. "None. Time to go!"

The four of them push up from their chairs and head to the field.

Donna isn't nervous about signing. She'd sung the National Anthem at many events throughout her life and she had practiced multiple times this week. But she _is_ nervous. She's nervous that something will go wrong, nervous that Harvey will spot her before it's time, nervous and excited, just to see him afterward, and to know the attention and media that will come with this whole experience. Shoot, she's even nervous about the game itself.

…

Harvey makes his way out to the first baseline with the other relief pitchers and reserves as the announcer prepares to announce the starting line ups. The entire stadium erupts as the words, _Your New York Yankees,_ resounds throughout the stadium and Harvey feels his heart pound even harder in his chest. One by one, the players' and coaches' names are called and they jog down the line of men and bump fists with each teammate. The anticipation building with every minute that ticks by.

"Ladies and gentleman, please rise and remove your hats for the singing of our National Anthem by the renowned Broadway and film actress, Miss Donna Paulsen."

Harvey's breath lodges in his throat as Donna's name echoes through the speakers and the fans scream and cheer in her honor. With unsteady legs and quivering hands, he steps out from the line of his teammates and lays his eyes on her. The sight of her nearly knocks him off balance. Maybe it's because he hasn't seen her in weeks, maybe it's the way her hair sparkles under all the overhead lighting, or maybe it's the just way she pulls off those navy pinstripes, but she had never, ever, looked more beautiful.

Her eyes meet his and a mischievous grin slowly spreads across her face. As the music starts, he has to force himself to turn away from her and face the flag. Her voice is rich and smooth as it permeates throughout Yankee Stadium. Nearly 55,000 fans look on in complete silence, hanging on every note.

And when the Blue Angels fly overhead in perfect formation, the entire stadium erupts into thunderous applause.

Harvey puts his cap back on his head and tugs firmly on the bill and he draws in a steadying breath and turns to face Donna once again. As the crowd continues to whistle and clap, he waits for her eyes to lock on his. And when they do, he begins to take slow, purposeful strides toward her. His finger twitching at his side, and his heart lodged firmly in his throat.

…

A wave of relief floods Donna's senses as the last notes of The Star Spangled Banner fade from the speakers. All that is left in its wake is resounding approval of the thousands of fans in attendance. But when her eyes find Harvey's, standing nearly 30 yards down the baseline, it's a wave of something else that washes over her.

Love.

She watches as he returns his hat to his head and begins walking in her direction. With each step he takes toward her, the noise and excitement surrounding them seem to wane.

And then… as Harvey closes the distance between them, a new set of notes begins to flow from the hundreds of speakers encompassing them. Notes that immediately transport her to a moment in Los Angeles weeks earlier.

…

"_Pull over there, by the park," Harvey said pointing to Donna's left as they were driving to her place after dinner at The Ranch. "Let's just sit and talk awhile."_

_Donna did as he asked even though she was a little perplexed by the suggestion._

"_You want to just sit here? In the car?"_

"_Yeah. Exactly." Harvey reached for Donna's hand after she shut off the ignition of the rental car the studio had provided. _

_The two sat and talked while Donna's 'Billy Joel Essentials' playlist hummed quietly through the car speakers. It had become her 'most played' list ever since their road trip back in June._

_Their conversation was relaxed and easy. Spanning from childhood friends, to most embarrassing moments, to the pregnancy scare, and panic attacks. They laughed a little, and cried a little, but more than anything they just enjoyed being together. If this distance had taught them anything, it was to take advantage of every moment they had with each other._

"_Hey," Harvey said suddenly, "turn that up, and get out of the car."_

"_What?" Donna asked confused by the request, but Harvey was already out of the car and standing under the glow of the lamppost on the sidewalk._

_Donna shook her head, laughed, and turned the dial on her car stereo so the piano notes could be heard clearly. And when she met Harvey in front of the car, his hand was extended toward her. He pulled her into a tight embrace and began to sway to the music. _

"_She's got a way about her," Harvey began to sing softly just above her ear. "I don't know what it is, but I know that I can't live without her."_

_Donna laid her head in the crook of his neck as he ran his fingers through her hair and gently caressed the back of her neck._

"_She's got a way of pleasin," he hums into her hair, "I don't know why it is, but there doesn't have to be a reason. Anyway..."_

…

_She's got a smile that heals me _

_I don't know why it is _

_but I have to laugh when she reveals me_

As the Billy Joel ballad bellows throughout the jam-packed stadium, Donna can't breathe. Harvey is just steps away from her now as the song continues to play. Everything about the moment is surreal and her mind is racing for an explanation that makes sense. Even though deep in her heart, she knows exactly what is happening.

_She comes to me when I'm feelin' down _

_Inspires me without a sound_

_She touches me _

_and I get turned around_

Harvey stands now, just inches from her, his eyes locked on her and filled with more emotion and tenderness than she ever thought possible. He removes his hat and puts it in his back pocket. And when his hand resurfaces, he's holding a small black box.

_She's got a way of showin'_

_how I make her feel_

_and I find the strength to keep on goin'_

A steady stream of tears flows from Donna's eyes as she watches the love of her life get down on one knee in front of her and a million others looking on. Softly, just loud enough for her to hear, he sings along...

_She's got a light around her_

_and everywhere she goes_

_a million dreams of love surround her_

_Everywhere_

"Oh my God." Is all she can manage when the music stops. Covering her mouth with both hands, she looks down at Harvey and tries to swallow back the sobs racking her body. She looks up for a moment and finds Mike and Rachel looking on. Mike grinning like a fool and Rachel crying right along with her. When she looks back to Harvey, he's holding the box open with the most glorious diamond ring she has ever seen.

"Donna Roberta Paulsen," his eyes glimmer with joy, "I love you." Harvey wipes a tear from his left cheek and reaches for her hand before continuing. "I knew I wanted to marry you from the moment I met you. And if there's one thing I've learned over the past few months, it's not to waste any more time." Swallowing thickly, he digs for his last bit of courage. "What do you say?" He smiles as his voice cracks. "Will you marry me?"

The thousands of people filling the stadium, and all those watching at home, seem to gasp in unison, collectively holding their breaths, awaiting Donna's reply.

"I say yes, Harvey." She laughs through her tears and nods. "Yes."

Harvey nods back at her with his signature smile and slides the ring on to her slender finger while every spectator, Yankee and Twin fans alike, rise into a standing ovation. Donna's hands slide around Harvey's neck and he lifts her in the air and spins her around. She can't be sure if her feet ever reach the ground after that, because the kiss Harvey plants on her lips, has her floating on air for the rest of the night.

"Congratulations!" Mike says taking Donna into his arms the minute Harvey lets her go.

"You knew!" Donna slaps his chest in mock annoyance.

"I did." Mike nods with a chuckle.

"You told him my secret." She pouts playfully.

"Guilty as charged." Mike places a soft kiss on her cheek. "But only because he told me his."

Next, it's Rachel who is wrapped around her and sobbing like a best friend should in a moment like this.

"I'm so happy for you Donna! No one deserves a proposal like this more than you do."

By the time the girls let each other go, Kristen is there quietly reminding them there is, in fact, a baseball game tonight, as she ushers them toward the tunnel.

Donna breaks away to give Harvey one more lingering kiss. "I love you, Harvey Specter. Now close the shit of out these guys!"

He chuckles softly as their extended hands slip apart and Donna leaves the field with the other two women.

…..

Harvey is still standing behind home plate staring in the direction Donna had gone when Tanner comes up from behind him.

"Congratulations, Romeo." He pats Harvey on the back. "That was one hell of a proposal, man. Scottie's going to be talking my ear off about it for weeks."

Harvey just laughs as he turns to shake his catcher's hand. "Thanks, Trav. For everything."

They exchange a firm shake and a nod and Harvey jogs off to take up his spot in the bullpen and Tanner crouches down behind home plate.

Throughout the game, Harvey can't shake the feeling that his entire life had changed tonight. Every twist and turn on his path to get here, every heartache, every victory, every choice, both good and bad, had brought him to this particular moment in time. And as the Yankees take a one-run lead in the fourth inning, and then increase the score to 2-0 in the seventh, he knows in his heart that they are going to win. Not just tonight, and not just this series, but the World Series. And even more important than that, he knows that the love of his life had just agreed to marry him. Donna Paulsen would be his wife and there was no trophy, no championship, that would ever mean more to him than that.

…

The storybook night has just the fairy tale ending it deserves. They win the game. Harvey closes and earns the save. And even the fans who leave disappointed with the outcome of the game had experienced a night they won't soon forget.

Harvey is bombarded with handshakes, back slaps, and one-armed man hugs as he leaves the field at the end of the night. He knows his buddies are stoked about the win, but they are also happy for the once wildly eligible bachelor finally finding a mate who could tame him.

The night had been so emotional for a guy who tries to keep his personal life out of the spotlight. And when he exits the clubhouse, there are hundreds of lights, cameras, and microphones to remind him that the entire world was watching.

He shields his eyes and squints to try and see beyond them.

"Donna?" he calls out. Mike had assured him that he'd find her and that she would be there to stand by his side.

"Harvey!"

He hears her voice through the crowd and he pushes through them to get to her. Reaching her, at last, he buries his face in her hair and squeezes her tight enough to cut off her air supply.

"You did it!" She smiles from ear to ear and her face glows with pride.

Harvey takes her hand and lifts it in between them, running his fingers over the engagement ring and kissing her palm lightly.

"We did it."

Harvey spends the next half hour or so answering questions and smiling for the flashing cameras. He may not be one for the limelight, but if ever there was a night that called for it, this was it.

They turn down several offers from their friends about going out to celebrate. They had been apart for weeks, and just got engaged. All they want tonight is to be alone.

They head to Donna's because she's the one who hasn't slept in her bed in two months. The moment they are in the back of Ray's Lexus, Harvey covers her mouth with his. There is nothing that feels more like home then sliding his tongue slowly through her parted lips. The taste of her, the scent of her, the _feel _of her will never stop taking his breath away.

"We're getting married," he mumbles against her lips.

"We are." Donna half laughs into his mouth.

Harvey slides his hand under the Yankee jersey she's wearing and groans at the feeling of her porcelain skin under his rough fingers.

"You're going to be my wife." He moans as she sucks on the skin just behind his ear lobe.

"I am," she says hoarsely, as her head falls back against the seat.

"Your voice tonight… incredible." Again, his words are muffled, coming between labored breaths as his lips and teeth scrape against her neck.

"It was supposed to be a surprise." She pushes against his chest, but to no avail. He's far too strong, and focused, to be denied.

"Sorry," he says before biting her lower lip and then slipping his tongue back into her mouth when she yelps.

They barely make it through her door before every article of clothing that separates them is shed and strewn across her apartment. They make love for hours upon hours. A whole new layer of intimacy and passion seem to be uncovered by the reality of spending the rest of their lives together. And when they finally give themselves over to the exhaustion, they fall into the deepest sleep either has had since Donna left for California. And tangled in sweaty sheets, they hold onto one another, and dream of their future.

…..

Harvey was right. About all of it. The Yankees swept the Twins in three games, then took down the Houston Astros in the American League Championship Series. And finally, won the World Series Title in game seven at home over the Milwaukee Brewers, where Harvey threw the final pitch and was dogpiled on national television. He and his teammates were on the cover of every newspaper and every sports magazine, there were parades, and talk show appearances, and even a visit to the White House. It had been everything Harvey had dreamed of since he first put on a glove at the age of four.

Yet, none of that held a candle to the day Donna became his wife and took his name in addition to her own. They were married in front of everyone they cared about and it was the best day of both of their lives. Well, the best day so far...

**AN: Thank you from the bottom of my heart to every single reader. Thank you for the endless support for this fic. Your kind tweets, hilarious gifs, and honest reviews literally changed my life for the better.I think it's only fair to give you a short peak into the future of these two lovebirds you've invested so much time in getting to know. Keep an eye out for the upcoming epilogue. **

**All my Love- Aimee**


	22. Epilogue

**_EPILOGUE:_**

**_Six Years Later…_**

"Come on J-Bug," Harvey calls into the back seat. "We're late."

He leans over and gives Donna a quick kiss and a light rub on the belly-bump.

"See you after the game."

Harvey grabs Jessie's giant bat bag from the back of the SUV and opens the back door to let her out.

"I'll carry it, Daddy." She looks up at him, lifting her chin extra high so she can see him under the bill of her ball cap.

"This huge thing?" He reaches down and taps his finger on the bill of her hat the way he often does. Noticing she already managed to get dirt on her face somehow. "It weighs more than you do."

Harvey chuckles as he walks past his little girl but he only gets a few paces in before he realizes she's not following. He turns back to her, already prepared for what's coming next.

"I can do anything a boy can do, Daddy." Her stance is wide and her lips are in full pout.

"Of course you can, J-Bug." Harvey helps her strap the giant bag onto her back and has to stifle a laugh when she nearly tips backward. "Like I said, we're late." He gives Jessie his signature wink as he clicks his tongue, telling her to get a move on. "Let's go."

Twenty minutes later, Harvey is busy coaching first base, which with kids at this age is more like herding cats than playing baseball. If he just manages to get the players to stay on the base during pitches and run the correct direction when the ball is hit, he's doing his job. Luckily he's just one of several dads helping out. It takes a village.

When Jessie had asked him, correction, begged him to help coach her Little League team he had several excuses at the ready. None of which would fly with his red-headed tomboy who had all her mother's fire and all of her father's stubbornness. And while his major league baseball career seemed a pretty valid reason he couldn't pull it off, she'd insisted he could _try_. And proceeded to remind him about the times he'd explained how trying your best was what really mattered.

So here he is, wearing a navy and gray raglan shirt with a Boston logo, no less. And reminding a bunch of four-year-olds where second base is, despite having a professional game of his own to play later tonight.

He looks over to see Donna, sitting in her sports chair donned in a big straw hat and covered by her large umbrella. He'd never met anyone who took more care with skin protection. When she sees him staring she gives a little wave and his heart flutters in his chest. Even after nearly 5 years of marriage, she still takes his breath away. And if ever the term _pregnancy glow_ had a spokeswoman, it was Donna Paulsen-Specter.

Donna gestures with a giggle for Harvey to look at the batter and he realizes who is stepping up to the plate. It was always a relief when Jessie batted last because the last batter could run all the way around the bases instead of having to stop and wait for the next hitter. Trying to get Jessie to stop running when she had hit the ball over everyone's head was like trying to put a muzzle on a shark. Pointless and dangerous.

But she wears the name _Specter_ on the back of her miniature uniform with so much pride, his heart can hardly stand it. And despite the coach of the other team backing up all the kids playing in the outfield, she manages to hit the ball over their heads and make it all the way around safely. As usual.

After the game, it was all about snack bar tickets and the snow cone truck. Jessie takes her sports very seriously, but the snack bar is still the best part.

On the way to the car, Harvey and Donna are walking hand in hand when he notices the pensive look on his daughter's face.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

It was a phrase his mom liked to use on him as a kid and he'd made it a tradition of sorts.

"Daddy," she says, dragging her bat behind her in the dirt. "Did you see that dinger I hit today?"

Harvey laughs out loud at her use of baseball jargon. Lord knows she spends enough time in the stands at Yankee Stadium, it's a wonder she hasn't picked up on some of the _other_ lingo.

"Of course I did. You think I'd miss a bomb like that?" He plays along.

"Cuz I think imma be the first girl to play in the big leagues. Don't cha think so, Daddy?

Harvey scoops up his little girl and tucks her under his arm while she giggles and squirms.

"I think that's the safest bet I'll ever make, J-Bug." He tickles her side as Donna shakes her head at the two of them. "Easy money!" Harvey adds, as his daughter's laughter becomes contagious.

…..

Donna watches Jessie with one eye closed and a grimace on her face as she bites into her hot dog covered in ketchup. She's wearing her Specter replica jersey, and Donna knows it's going to get a big splotch of red on it if she doesn't intervene. And quickly.

"Jessie, sweetie, let's take off your jersey until you finish that, ok?" Donna finally speaks up, unable to watch a minute longer. "You have a tank top on underneath and it's warm out anyway."

Donna reaches over and helps her daughter out of the jersey.

"I got it, Jess." She swipes the sticky hand away just in time. She should really have given up by now on keeping Jessie clean and put together. Since the moment she and Harvey found out they were having a girl, Donna had spent four months anticipating the arrival of a little princess. She spent a fortune on dresses and pretty hair bows that were quickly pulled out and stained. Jessie was a Daddy's girl in every sense of the word. And Donna adored her beyond reason.

She had just turned five and would be starting kindergarten in the fall, and she already knew the stats of every Yankee player as well as the current standings in the American League East. She was her daddy's biggest fan and he was hers. Donna had never doubted that Harvey would be an incredible father, but she never could have guessed how much witnessing him as one would make her love for him grow even more.

"You think Daddy will pitch tonight?" Jessie mumbles as she licks the last remnants of ketchup from her fingers.

"I don't know, Sweetie." Donna grabs a wet wipe from her bag and helps finish the job. "If the score stays the same, he will. You know how it works."

Donna smiles as her little girl nods and sits up on the edge of her seat. Laying her hand on the bump in her midsection she wonders what baby number two will be like. After getting pregnant with Jessie much quicker than either of them had anticipated, they had been trying for years to have another child. Donna was going to be 37 soon, and she had really started to worry that fate had a different plan in mind.

But then... it happened. She was late. The first day or two she didn't think much of it, but when two days stretched to five she started getting her hopes up.

…

_Donna stood in the pharmacy section of the CVS just down the block from Jessie's preschool. She had been staring at the pregnancy tests for at least ten minutes now._

"_Ma'am?" The voice came from a pimpled face boy who didn't look old enough to drive and the tone of his voice made her think he was wondering why an old lady like her was looking at pregnancy tests. "Can I help you find something?"_

"_What?" Donna looked at him with annoyance that was probably unmerited. "No, thank you. I've got what I need."_

_She pulled the pregnancy test from the shelf and scurried to the counter. She was relieved to find an elderly clerk behind the register that looked old enough to be her own grandmother._

_Donna went straight home to take the test but just couldn't bring herself to do it. She had already been through several false alarms in the past few years and she wasn't sure she could take another one. Not to mention the iron deficiency debacle from before they were married. Eventually chickening out, she opened a bathroom drawer and shoved the test inside. _

_When Harvey came home from his workout later that evening, he had two bouquets of roses in his hands. Two dozen red for his beautiful wife, and a dozen yellow (because Jessie hated pink) for his little girl._

"_Happy Valentine's Day." He wrapped Donna into a warm embrace and planted several warm kisses along her collarbone._

"_Gross! Daddy, stop." Jessie scrunched her face the way she always did when her parents got all 'mushy'._

"_Is somebody jealous?" Harvey teased. "Don't worry J-Bug, these flowers are for you, and I've got lots more kisses where those came from."_

_Jessie squealed and giggled and pushed her daddy away, but her eyes shone with so much love, Donna's heart nearly melted on the spot._

_By the time dinner, baths, and bedtime stories were done, the exhausted couple sat with a glass of wine in front of their newly renovated fireplace._

"_You feeling okay?" Harvey tucked a loose strand of hair behind Donna's ear. "You seem quiet. I know I cooked tonight, but I thought I had really gotten the hang of it."_

_Donna laughed softly and then leaned into the palm he was cradling her cheek with. She hadn't intended to tell him, not yet anyway, but something about those deep brown eyes and the slight tilt of his head just opened her up like a key in a lock._

"_I'm late." _

_She watched his expression morph from confusion, to understanding, to hopeful. It nearly broke her._

"_How late?" He tried to keep his expression neutral but the bob of his Adam's apple gave him away._

"_Five days." She looked down at her clasped hands that she couldn't seem to stop wringing. "I bought a test today."_

_Harvey sat up on the edge of the couch with his eyebrows raised. "You have a test? Here? In the house?"_

"_Yes, Harvey. Here in the house." She would laugh at his rambling if her stomach wasn't in knots._

"_Well… let's take it."_

_Donna lifted her chin to look back at her husband's wide-eyed expression. She tried to smile but it didn't reach her eyes._

"_You're scared." There was such tenderness in his tone that it almost washed away the fear. "Donna," he took her hands in his, "you know I love you and Jessie more than anything in the entire world, right? If this, the three of us, is what our family is meant to be, then so be it. I couldn't possibly be any happier than I already am."_

_A tear slowly made its way down Donna's cheek. Not because she was sad, but because she was happy. She had never felt more blessed. _

"_Well… let's take it." She laughed softly as she repeated her husband's words._

_The two of them headed to the bedroom and Harvey stood patiently just outside the bathroom door. When Donna returned with the test in hand, they sat on the edge of the bed and waited together._

_And when two lines slowly appeared on the small device in front of them, they both realized how wrong they'd been. They could, indeed, be even happier._

_Donna burst into joyful tears and buried her face in Harvey's chest. _

"_Happy Valentine's Day, my love," Harvey said softly as he kissed the top of his wife's head and felt his own eyes fill with tears._

…

Harvey did come in to pitch and his girls hooted and hollered for him the same way they always did. There was nothing better for a mom than to watch her child so happy, so in her element, it got Donna right in the feels every single time.

She and Harvey both knew that his baseball career was nearing its end. He had already been pitching in the major leagues for over a decade, which was well beyond the league average. And he had missed two months last season when his shoulder inflammation resurfaced. The rehab had been so trying in the off-season, he had considered retiring then.

They both knew that every game pitched, every save he recorded from here on out was just icing on the cake. But not his little girl. She expected her daddy to pitch forever. He was Superman, after all.

Since it was a Saturday and Harvey would be leaving on a road trip tomorrow night, Donna let Jessie wait for him after the game so they could ride home as a family. Getting to hang out in the Yankee locker room was her daughter's favorite pastime. Well, second favorite to playing baseball herself.

….

Donna's 20-week checkup had been rescheduled from last week when her OBGYN had been called out sick. Now she was in the waiting room alone because Harvey was in Miami.

"Mrs. Paulsen-Specter," the nurse called out from the doorway.

She followed her back to the small room that was all set for the ultrasound.

"Donna!" The young female doctor smiled as she came in a few minutes later. "I'm so sorry about last week. And now Harvey's on the road and couldn't make it." The doctor was a huge Yankee fan, so Donna knew she was stating a fact not asking a question. "I just feel terrible about it."

"Oh my goodness, Dr. Lee, please don't apologize. With the long and crazy hours you work, it's a miracle you stay healthy at all."

"You just may be the most understanding patient I've ever had." The doctor says as she turns the monitor to get a better look and squirts the warm gel onto Donna's abdomen. "Speaking of work, how much longer will you be performing?"

"Through the end of the month. Right now my wardrobe hides my belly well enough, but in a couple more weeks... not so much."

Dr. Lee nods but her attention is on the screen. "And after the baby? Do you plan to return to the stage?"

"You know, I'm not sure. I think I'll take two years off like I did with Jessie, and then just go from there."

"What a wonderful plan." Dr. Lee looks from the monitor back to Donna. "Are we looking to find out just what type of bun is in this oven? Or are you keeping that a surprise?"

"Oh, I promised Harvey we would wait. At least until he could be here with me."

"I completely understand." She smiles softly as the baby's heartbeat starts swooshing loudly on the monitor. "Let's just take some measurements then, shall we?"

Over the next few minutes, the doctor takes a series of pictures and uses them to take down all the needed data. They discuss how Donna's been feeling and what she can expect over the next couple of weeks.

"Okay, I think it's safe for you to take a look if you'd like. Your little peanut is being modest anyway, so I think we can sneak a picture for you to bring home."

Donna turns her head toward the screen and as if he'd been waiting for an audience, her peanut of a son spreads his legs wide and gives both women a show they weren't expecting.

Donna inhales sharply and covers her mouth with both hands.

"Oops!" Dr. Lee laughs out loud and then tries to smother it with a cough when she sees the look on Donna's face. "Not so modest after all, I guess. I'm sorry about that. Really."

There is no response from Donna who just continues to stare at the tiny image on the screen, her hands still over her mouth, and her eyes blinking rapidly.

"We're having a boy?" The question is hushed. Barely audible. "We're having a boy!" she repeats. This time her words are clear as day and there is no mistaking the joy in them.

…

When the plane finally touches down at JFK, Harvey arches his back and runs his hand through his hair. He's not sure if it's having a family at home whom he misses dearly or the fact that his muscles and joints are not those of a young man anymore, but these road trips just seem to feel longer and longer.

He loves the game of baseball, and his long career has been a blessing in many ways. But there is a part of him, a part that seems to grow every time he kisses his girls goodbye to board a plane, that is looking forward to _hanging it up_ and never sleeping alone in a hotel room again. As he rubs his tender shoulder, he admits to himself that that day may not be too far off.

Donna had texted him earlier to say that Jessie was running a low fever and had fallen asleep on the couch after arguing with Donna for a good thirty minutes about whether she was well enough to make the drive with her mom to pick him up at the airport. She apologized and explained that he'd need to call a car.

He doesn't mind of course, but it means another forty minutes or so before he'd be able to fix his eyes on his beautiful wife and tousle the hair of his fireball of a daughter. After 10 days on the road, forty minutes feels like forty hours.

The comforting click of the deadbolt sliding open sends a warmth through his veins like the first sip of coffee in the early morning. And as he pushes open the front door, he is overcome with a scent that has become his absolute favorite. Home.

"You made it." Donna's voice is hushed as she slips into his arms before the door is even fully closed. She burrows into his chest and he inhales deeply, her familiar shampoo filling his senses. The kiss they share is slow and deep. After all these years, she still takes his breath away.

"I made it." His quiet voice mimics hers as he looks over her head to the family room sofa where Jessie is sprawled out with a blanket haphazardly covering her. "How's my peanut?"

"Ornery as ever." Donna sighs. "But her fever broke. I think she'll be fine."

Harvey sets his bag by the stairs and kneels next to the couch, running his hand through Jessie's damp hair and placing a kiss on her cheek.

"J-Bug." He rubs her back lightly with his palm. "Daddy's home."

Jessie rolls onto her back and rubs her eyes. "Daddy?" She blinks repeatedly as her eyes slowly focus on his face. "Daddy!" She wraps her arms around his neck and he lifts her from the couch.

"It's off to bed with you missy." Harvey carries her upstairs to bed and gives the rundown on this afternoon's game until her eyelids grow too heavy to keep them open. With a soft kiss on the cheek and a promise of chicken noodle soup and day of binging Disney+ together, he turns off her light and heads back down the stairs to Donna.

As they head into their second summer in the new house, they often sit on the back patio after putting their little girl to bed. For Mother's Day, Harvey had surprised Donna with a beautiful porch swing that he knew would be perfect for watching Jessie play in the yard. Especially, when baby number two came along. And that is exactly where he finds Donna now.

"She's out. I may have promised soup and a day of watching TV with me tomorrow." The tilt of his head coupled with the shoulder shrug is playful and it makes his wife laugh. God, he's missed her.

He sits next to her on the swing and notices for the first time that she's holding what looks like a gift in her lap.

"I got you something." She smiles tentatively when she notices his eyes on the wrapped box.

"I'm the one who's supposed to bring you guys gifts when I come home, not the other way around." He smirks with genuine curiosity.

"Special occasion."

He reaches for the box his wife is offering with a suspicious glint in his eye.

"It is?" He sets the box on his lap and pretends to concentrate. "I know it's not our anniversary. Ever since I had the date tattooed on the inside of my eyelids, I haven't forgotten once!"

"You're an idiot." She giggles at his humor and elicits an ear to ear grin from him. "Go on." She nudges his thigh. "Open it."

Harvey feels a tingle down his spine as the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Something about the way Donna is looking at him has him uncharacteristically nervous.

He clears his throat in an attempt to mask the emotions coursing through him. He carefully slips his finger under the tape on the side of the box, careful not to tear the textured wrapping, a habit he'd picked up from his wife. Once the paper is off, he lifts the lid off the small box to reveal carefully folded blue tissue paper.

Harvey swallows the lump that is forming in his throat as an idea takes root in his mind. He takes a tentative glance at his wife and finds her eyes moist and glistening in the porch light, but neither of them says a word. Exhaling a shaky breath he lifts the tissue away to reveal a tiny onesie with the familiar Yankee pinstripes. He pulls the shirt from the box and reads the custom navy blue print above the number 42.

"Specter Jr."

Harvey's breath lodges in his throat as he makes another futile attempt to swallow. Still holding the onesie in the air, he tilts his head toward Donna who now has a steady stream of tears running down her face.

"There's something else," she says quietly pointing to the open box.

Harvey lays the shirt down on his lap and looks back into the box. There lying on the light blue paper, is a small picture. He knows what is but he still can't seem to wrap his mind around it. Finally, he picks up the photograph and holds it up to the light. Trying to make out the image through the tears in his eyes.

"Harvey," Donna says as she places her hand on his thigh and squeezes lightly. "Meet your son."

He stares at the picture in front of his eyes as the image he sees there, and the words from his wife, slowly take hold.

A son.

Harvey places the picture and the onesie back in the box and then sets it on the table in front of him. Turning to Donna, he uses one palm to cover the hand she placed on his thigh and reaches for her cheek with the other.

"It's a boy?" he croaks. "We are having a son?"

Donna nods vehemently as both of them smile through the tears streaming down their faces. Harvey slides off of the swing and kneels between Donna's legs, keeping the swing still. He lifts the blouse covering her round belly and begins to place soft kiss after soft kiss all over her.

"Hey there, little man." He whispers with his lips lightly caressing her stomach. "This is your dad." Harvey continues to kiss her stomach as he runs his warm hand up and over the mound in front of him. "I can't wait to meet you."

…

And meet him he did.

Harvey Reginald Specter Jr. was born 7lbs, 11 oz. at 8:16 pm on October 24. He was welcomed into the world with open arms by both his parents and his big sister. There was a temporary _adjustment_ period where Jessie had to learn to share the love and attention of her parents, but just as they both expected, she quickly fell in love with her little brother Reggie and was fiercely protective of him in every way.

Harvey sits on the porch swing with his son swaddled tightly in a warm blanket. It's some god awful hour in the middle of the night and he'd taken him straight from Donna's breast in the hope that she could finally get some sleep. Reggie is already showing signs of darker hair and an olive skin tone. According to Lily, he is a spitting image of him in every way. As Harvey uses his pinky as a pacifier of sorts, he looks out into the night sky and thinks about how much his life has changed.

Less than a decade ago he was alone. Estranged from his mother, lonely, angry and for all intents and purposes, lost. His skyline view was of the urban jungle of downtown Manhattan, not a backyard lawn and a wooden swing set he built with his bare hands.

And family? _Family _was a word that made him cringe and scramble to change the subject.

Harvey looks up when he hears the screen door slide open.

"J-Bug? It's the middle of the night. What are you doing up?"

"I had to pee, Daddy." She climbs onto the swing next to him and lays her head on Harvey's shoulder and a hand on her swaddled brother. "I went to check on Reggie, but he wasn't there."

"Just trying to give your mother some peace." He smiles warmly, touched by his daughter's concern.

But he's talking to himself because Jessie is already fast asleep against him. Adjusting his body slightly, he lowers her head to his lap and shifts Reggie to his left so he can see them both. The smile that spreads slowly across his face can be felt through his entire body. A warmth caused by an all-consuming love and an overwhelming sense of being blessed. Incredibly blessed.

He looks back up at the stars in the sky as his view glistens through unshed tears. He knows that his time as a closer, as a professional baseball player, is nearing its end. And while he accepts that that day will be difficult and that it will be tough to let go of the game that had been his life for so many years, he has a new life now.

And he couldn't be happier about it.

The End

**A/N: Thank you again to my wonderful betas and dear friends Heather, Stephanie, Natalie, and Sarah. And thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who stuck with me all the way through this story. Typing those last two words was rewarding and also painful. Bittersweet to say the least.**


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